Ridiculous corporate sales approaches!

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I was reading a manual last night for someone starting a business like Amway and they offer you a number of "tips" to get your business off the ground, including what they call a "Pick 3" sales approach (not actually what it's called but for the purposes of this thread it doesn't matter), they also RECOMMEND you go out and ask people the following question:

"Have you saved as much money as you would like to?"

and if they answer "no" your are then directed to try and rope them into selling what you sell, scoring a referral fee in the process.

(Also of note: The next page is titled "telephone marketing: boost sales without having to leave your home!" and starts out "utilizing the telephone is a great way to grow your sales because it allows you to communicate quickly and effectively without having to travel while at the same time saving your customers TIME and MONEY. Put your phone skills to work for you and watch your sales soar!")

I have worked at a lot of different stores and operations and it seems like everyone has some gimmick with regards to sales, such as:

- S.A.L.E.S system (every letter stood for something but I forget what)

- CHARM selling system (same deal as above)

- MAX-imize!

- The BIG Five method

And so forth. Each one to me seemed rather silly, with cheesy mandatory questions and comments like:

"and what has brought you to our lovely establishment today?"

"Are you interested in <whatever stupid promotion is running at the time>?"

"Most of customers LOVE to save money by signing up for our <store credit card>, would you?"

"Do you want me to show you how to save money today?"

"Are you an 'on-the-go' type of person?"

"What can I do to make you happy today?"

"Let me take care of you, the <company name> way!"

"I just want you to know that here at <company>, we are all about the customer!"

"It's my job to satisfy you in every way possible" (yeah that one is a tad creepy)

"Your satisfaction is MY satisfaction!"

And so on and so forth. Also DO NOT get me started on phone greetings. I agree that a standard phone greeting is nice to have, but I do NOT want a sales pitch every time I call your freaking business!

All these sales approaches are apparently designed by guys in suits in some building somewhere that have a marketing degree and claim these methods are effective in boosting sales.

I am sorry but to me for the most part these are annoying, unnatural (some of the phrasing and such) and in the worst cases, demeaning for the customer service reps forced to adhere to them.

As a sales rep I can't stand using a structured sales approach, I prefer doing my own thing and customizing to each customer rather than having to say the SAME DAMNED THING each and every time like some kind of robot.

I am sure I am not the only one who can't stand this type of stuff, especially on a site like this?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My company keeps telling us to present our crappy Extended Protection Plans as a "solution" , we're selling the customer "peace of mind", and "we owe it to our customers to make sure they can get their full use from the product, even if it breaks".

Yeah, okay whatever. We owe it to corporate to inflate their bonuses and get little to nothing in return. And the "solution" is nothing more than a worthless brochure with a phone number the customer probably will not need, and if they do the insurance company will just claim the damage isn't covered because it was intentional or due to misuse.

Plus there's a big sheet with common objections customers may have, and how you address them. For example, if the customer just says "NO!", you say "I understand you're hesitant, but (repeat your spiel here.)"

And then the customer tells you "NO!" again, and probably swears at you too.

I refuse to even bring up the EPP to my furniture customers. Let the cashiers do the selling and earn their 50 cents for each EPP they sell.

[Becks]

"What can I do to make you happy today?"

"Let me take care of you, the <company name> way!"

"It's my job to satisfy you in every way possible"

"Your satisfaction is MY satisfaction!"

Those can be taken so out of context.

[Emrld]

I have used the "What can I do to make you happy today" line . . .
But, that works with my honest personality.
I am a happy person and like others around me to also be happy. I am willing to do (within reason and legal issues) to do what I can to make someone happy.
And, yes I do use my own personal people monitor on it. If I think you are creepy I am not going to say it. If I think you are hot and I don't see any sign of a ring on the left hand and you don't have a companion with you . . .I might put a little implication in how I say it.
If you just seem like a grumpy person - I won't waste the energy.
A lot of the time people would say things like . . .can you get rid of the crowd in the stores . . .(sorry no control on that) - to I was looking for _____ item; if we carry it I would either take them to it . . .or get someone who could if I was on registar If it wasn't something we carry and I knew where they might find it I would tell them One store in particular I recommended a lot (upscale culinary delight) I started to carry their number, address, web site on me and would write it down for them.

Yes, it can be a cheesey line . . .but you can turn around and make someone happy. Plus if you are saying something different than the other 20 clerks that day it can make me harder to ignore and they are aware that someone is trying to help them.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Those can be taken so out of context.

Very true, but if the customer was an attractive female they could potentially double as (Very lame) pick up lines!

[Becks]

Very true, but if the customer was an attractive female they could potentially double as (Very lame) pick up lines!

And you know what? Every once in a great while, it might actually work.

[Big-box-retail-blues]

My company keeps telling us to present our crappy Extended Protection Plans as a "solution" , we're selling the customer "peace of mind", and "we owe it to our customers to make sure they can get their full use from the product, even if it breaks".

Yeah, okay whatever. We owe it to corporate to inflate their bonuses and get little to nothing in return. And the "solution" is nothing more than a worthless brochure with a phone number the customer probably will not need, and if they do the insurance company will just claim the damage isn't covered because it was intentional or due to misuse.

Plus there's a big sheet with common objections customers may have, and how you address them. For example, if the customer just says "NO!", you say "I understand you're hesitant, but (repeat your spiel here.)"

And then the customer tells you "NO!" again, and probably swears at you too.

I refuse to even bring up the EPP to my furniture customers. Let the cashiers do the selling and earn their 50 cents for each EPP they sell.

You work for them right?

[StanFlouride]

Those can be taken so out of context.

Choked on my mouthful of cashews!

[powerboy]

I do not like having to say my companies script. If they are calling for price checks, I just want to help them out. For the record, I hate getting a 5 minute script from a company, when I just want to find out what time they close.

[daleduke17]

I do not like having to say my companies script. If they are calling for price checks, I just want to help them out. For the record, I hate getting a 5 minute script from a company, when I just want to find out what time they close.

I had that the other day. I called an auto dealer to ask if their service department was opened.

Me: *dial*
Phone: ring, ring
Them: Good morning, thank you for calling **** Ford in *****, home of the (whatever, I kind of stopped paying attention). Would you also like to hear about our super big sale that is going on today?
Me: No thanks, is your service department open today?
Them: I'm sorry, no they aren't.
Me: Ok, thank you. Have a good day.
Them: Bye.

It took more time for them to spew their entire spiel than for me to ask my question, get an answer and end the call. I felt sorry for the lady. :-/

[SuperDan]

Whatever happened to the short and simple "Thank you for calling (store). This is (first name). How may I help you?"

Oh wait. If it would make things more simple and straightforward, it's not allowed.

[Rapscallion]

I've heard The Gatekeeper's spiel, one that she is forced to give. I pity her.

Rapscallion

[Becks]

Choked on my mouthful of cashews!

Sorry about that.

Was it worth it?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You work for them right?

Yeah, but I say "So what?" anyway. It's not like I'm in furniture so much than I am readily identified with it, and can be held responsible if we're not selling EPPs there.

Plus, as Peter Gibbons once said, there's no motivation.

When the managers were discussing the new EPPs during one of our re-education sessions team huddles, I asked if the 50-cent bonus was still being paid out for every EPP a person sells.

They said yes; in fact if you're working on the floor and you talk somebody into buying an EPP, you can leave the floor, take the customer to the registers, sign into an unmanned register, and ring out the transaction so that your ID is tied to that sale.

My follow-up question was then "But what if you are not register-trained?"

They told me I wouldn't be getting the 50-cent bonus then; it would go to the cashier ringing up the sale. Okay, so then what's my motivation for trying to sell something Joe Average tends to think is a rip-off?

"If we sell enough EPPs to meet a goal or win a sales contest, then you'll get pizza or bagels or ice cream in the break room one day." And that's if I'm working that day.

I'm not the only one who thinks this way, and it's not as if people are getting fired over crappy EPP sales rates. If our numbers are bad they'll just whine about at another re-education session team huddle.