Fun with the PA system :D

[fireheart]

Share your stories about funny things that have been said/done over the PA system. It can be mistakes in the closing announcements through to moments.

Mine are:

-Can I please someone from.......................................perisha bles to the service desk for..............................................( end)
-Groceries, can you please come to aisle 9? (pause) Groceries, can you please come to REGISTER 9?
-Produce can you please-sorry, GROCERIES can you please come to register (number)
-Attention customers, as the time is now 5 to 9 this store is closing etc. (said when it was on a weekend shift and at 5 to 5)
-Attention customers, as the time is now 10 to 5, this store will be closing in 5 minutes time-ten minutes time sorry.
-Me giggling repeatedly for no reason whatsoever when I'm calling for parcel pickup.
-Attention customers as the time is now five past the fifteen this store is closed.....could you please leave immediately?

and my personal favourites

-before the start of a store promotion, we had to blow up balloons. All of us. I come back down from taking up cash drawers and I hear these farting noises. Turns out two of the guys had rigged up the PA at the service desk and were inflating and deflating balloons.
-hear some unusual comment. I then hear a long drawn out f-bomb over the phone.

[Eric the Grey]

When I first started in IT as a night operator (which I'm still doing, almost 15 years later...) we had one guy who played an insturment and would practice after hours at his desk.

During one holiday season, while we had phone reps working late due to heavy seasonal calls, he decided to play "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" over the intercom for everybody to hear.

So there is was, 8:00 at night, with the above mentioned song being played on BAGPIPES throughout the company!


Eric the Grey

[lordlundar]

I was manning greeter and had a long string of answering phones, so when a time came to page, here was the result (remember I'm on the PA)

-<beeep> "thank you for calling <company>, LL spea.. Gaaaahhhh!" *click*

Now I did the Gahhh part while hanging up so I wasn't sure if it got caught up on the PA until the MoD came up laughing and told me the last part wasn't part of the script. I simply replied that is was either that or "oh s**t!" and I thought the one I chose was better. It took him a good minute to gain enough composure to walk away he was laughing so hard.

This is also the same MoD who, well wait. I have to tell the story.

The store is a few doors down from a Staples in the strip mall, so someone just had to pick up an "easy" button from there (when pressed, it says "that was easy" and it was in our warehouse. One particular day I needed a game out so I phoned for keys and the a fore mentioned MoD came in. I got the game and was heading out, but the MoD saw the button.

Uh-oh.

Sure enough, I'm not even half way to the customer when I hear <beep> "That was easy" *click* I'm the only one who got it, as staff and customers alike had a nice WTF look on their faces. I wrapped up with the customer and phoned the MoD phone. (at no point was I mad, I was having giggle fits at this point)

-MoD: Thank you for holding, <name> speaking.
-Me: You just couldn't help yourself, could you?
-MoD: <laughing> I figured you'd phone me about it. It was sitting right there! what was I supposed to do?
-Me: Have some composure?
-MoD: Where is the fun in that? *click*

[Department stores *sigh*]

- Holding a duck toy to the walkies and letting it go *quack quack quack quack quack* while the SM is on his weekly store walk

-Having 3 co-workers make chicken noises on the walkies since I didn't get the guts up to say hello to George LeRaque(spelling?) when he shopped in my store.

-If a walkie is dropped and someone says something like "Aww fuck !" or something and it hits the transmit button. That's happened a few times...

Just 3 off the top of my head

[Rapscallion]

"This is the voice of the Mysterons. Bring to us the body of Captain Beige. He clashes with nothing."

Rapscallion

[KhirasHY]

Before we opened the hotel a few years back, we had to do a lot of tests on our fire system, and the PA attached to it, to make sure the building was up to code. This meant that, every now and then, the line would key up and something ridiculous would echo throughout the building.

Some of my favorites:
"The hills are aliiiive...with the sound of chooookiiiing....my coworkers nooow....who are late todaaaaaaaaaaaay...!"

"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, I'm a bed wetter."

(The following is from a CD, the original Gwar anthem )
"We are GWAR! And we'll go far! We've got guitars! We'll eat your car! GWAR GWAR GWAR GWAR!"

Edit: Also, I forgot all the stuff we do over our radios Such as...

I have an app on my iPhone that gives me a button. When this button is pushed, it screams "WOOOOOOOOOO!" This is a good response to just about anything at 4am.

Our engineers used to play a game of "What sound does the _________ make?" Their answers were always wrong, as were ours:
Eng: "What sound does the duck make?"
Me: (In my deepest, booming voice) "ASIA!!!"

"Khiras, I think someone just came in who peed their pants."
"Daddy?"

There are thousands of these, but a lot of them are funnier when they happen than they are afterward

[lordlundar]

-Having 3 co-workers make chicken noises on the walkies since I didn't get the guts up to say hello to George LeRaque(spelling?) when he shopped in my store.

He's actually a nice guy if you make the effort to talk to him. Just treat him like you would treat any other person and you'll be fine.

And it's George LaRaque. You were close though.

[AirHostess]

We aren't allowed to differ our PA's on the plane anymore as apparently it's unprofessional...

[Emrld]

PrincessKatie reminded me of one.
I was on a flight back home on the airline that is the most casual, business oriented, based out of Love Field in Dallas.
Flight was 95% staff coming back to Dallas for the week.
This means that 5 of us were not company employees in any shape or form.
So the announcements were truly entertaining.
Especially the rousing rendition of Little Bo Peep. (I had purchased a foot stool that is a Ram. real fur, real horns on a wooden frame. It is rather realistic looking)

[bainsidhe]

I was in the middle of checking a customer out when suddenly a mournful voice came over the PA..."Helloooo. Is anybody theeeeerree? Can someone help me in layawaaaaaaay?"

So apparently this woman became impatient and instead of walking the short distance to electronics where we always have employees, she instead picks up the phone, pushes the button for the PA system, and calls for help that way. As horrible as this was, I laugh each time I think multiple managers probably sprinted back to layaway to take care of her.

[Nashida]

Ah, the PA system.

Let's see...most of these came from a painfully slow day at the pool store.

-playing "Marco Polo" (heck, even manager K got into that)
-ASM E: "Why so serious?"
- Me: "K, lane 2 please." K comes over to reg. 1 and picks up the phone. Me: "I said LANE, dear."

And the best story: K bought this little button similar to "the Easy Button" at Spencer's, called the Bullshit button. You press it, it makes some comment about something being bullshit.

Anyway, we had this woman come in and stop me while I was stocking and started yelling at me about how we wouldn't refund her for a ripped gazebo cover she had left out through the winter (and anyone from snowy places knows how bad it can get sometimes). She claims its our fault and that we didn't tell her to take it down. She "didn't know that would happen".

I hear the trademark "intercom phone off the hook" sound, and a loud pressing click, and finally "I could smell that bullshit a mile away!" Turns out K had done the bullshit button over the intercom.

Needless to say she left without a refund, and I'm still very thankful to this day there was a chaise lounge nearby because I about rofl-waffled on the floor.

[PizzaDrone]

When my friend first started working in a place that had a PA I insisted that (inspired by Hugh Dennis on Mock the Week) she pick it up and say, "Only you can hear me!" Not sure if she's done it yet.

As for the plane, when I came back from New York earlier this year, the man making the announcements was very giggly. I mean, seriously had a case of the giggles, over nothing seemingly. The giggling did catch on amongst passengers mind and actually brightened the spirits of everyone who was so tired and potentially cranky. His parting spiel was the best though:

"Please ensure that you do not leave any valuables on the aircraft. Check you have your mobiles, hand luggage and children. Any children left behind will be sold to Disney to work in the It's A Small World ride."

Great stuff.

[wraiths_crono]

When I was working at safe way, i remember two gems 1. "attention custom.....GAH don't do that while im trying to.l.... oh (CLICK!)
2. attention customers, this is the manager, there is a large dust storm outside, so im asking you all to GO HOME NOW!! FLEE!

[Ghengis51]

Two I've heard:

Coworker on closing announcements: "May I have your attention please, it is now 9 o'clock and the Friendship Center is now closed. Get out"

Over the PA on a cruise ship during disembarkation; "I have an announcment for the gentleman who lost his watch. It is now 8:15"

[Dave1982]

Most of the weird announcements at my store as simply people breaking down laughing in the middle of trying to make a page, but I have a few.

-Playing sounds from Simpsons and Family Guy talking pens over the PA "Thank you! Come again!" (one of the managers started that one).

-One girl who made chewing sounds to try and attract up someone who'd missed the fact that the manager had sprung for pizza for the staff, which sounded TOTALLY obscene (luckily, this was after hours).

-Me, telling a co-worker who'd just pegged me with a stress-ball that looked like a baseball, that warnings have been issued to both dugouts. (I later went over and gave him the "ejection" signal after he pegged someone else with one).

One of these days I'd like to make a fake closing announcement and include the phrase "LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL" in it.