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Tales from the Operating Department *NSFW*
I have a chum who works for one of the local hospitals, and he works in operating theaters, this should give you a nice big warning that what follows will be *VERY* squicky, as he's shared some of what has been removed from people under general anasthesia...
No, it's more squicky than you thought....
Foreplay would have helped
A man and wife go to the Christmas Party, and as is usual get rather inebriated. They get back to their hotel room and get it on, and have drunken sex, and promptly fall asleep after.
In the morning the wife wakes up and realises that she's having her period, gets out of bed and noticed the condom on the floor, she wakes the husband and asks him what happened, he can't remember so she toddles off to the bathroom. Shortly after she asks her husband if she went to the bathroom when she got back from the party last night, again the husband can't remember.
It then dawns on the woman that she was on her period *before* the start of the party and she didn't take her tampon out before they had sex...
Cue an emergency run into hospital as the husband had pushed the tampon all the way in during the sexual intercourse the night before!
Hmmm, tangtastic
The second tale refers to a man who inserted a spring onion into his penis.
That alone is his first problem.
Before he undertook this task he realised that the onion was too large to insert so he peeled some layers. What does this reveal? Fresh parts of the onion which are *acidic*.
That was his second problem.
He then couldn't remove it.
This was his third and final problem, at which point he gave up and admitted himself to hospital.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Imagine the scene, a man buys his first vibrator, he goes to the sex shop and purchases a suitable implment. He gets to the privacy of his home and begins to play, unfortunately he gets a little too carried away and during insertion it slips from his grasp and ends up inserted into his rectum, at which point he can't get it back.
The man does the sensible thing and goes to the hospital, it's not an emergency (and out of embarrasment won't tell the receptionist what's wrong) so he's sat in the waiting room, with the vibrator still going. All the while he's sat there the damn vibrator is still going strong...
No, it's more squicky than you thought....
Foreplay would have helped
A man and wife go to the Christmas Party, and as is usual get rather inebriated. They get back to their hotel room and get it on, and have drunken sex, and promptly fall asleep after.
In the morning the wife wakes up and realises that she's having her period, gets out of bed and noticed the condom on the floor, she wakes the husband and asks him what happened, he can't remember so she toddles off to the bathroom. Shortly after she asks her husband if she went to the bathroom when she got back from the party last night, again the husband can't remember.
It then dawns on the woman that she was on her period *before* the start of the party and she didn't take her tampon out before they had sex...
Cue an emergency run into hospital as the husband had pushed the tampon all the way in during the sexual intercourse the night before!
Hmmm, tangtastic
The second tale refers to a man who inserted a spring onion into his penis.
That alone is his first problem.
Before he undertook this task he realised that the onion was too large to insert so he peeled some layers. What does this reveal? Fresh parts of the onion which are *acidic*.
That was his second problem.
He then couldn't remove it.
This was his third and final problem, at which point he gave up and admitted himself to hospital.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Imagine the scene, a man buys his first vibrator, he goes to the sex shop and purchases a suitable implment. He gets to the privacy of his home and begins to play, unfortunately he gets a little too carried away and during insertion it slips from his grasp and ends up inserted into his rectum, at which point he can't get it back.
The man does the sensible thing and goes to the hospital, it's not an emergency (and out of embarrasment won't tell the receptionist what's wrong) so he's sat in the waiting room, with the vibrator still going. All the while he's sat there the damn vibrator is still going strong...
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