So, my boss may have cancer

[draftermatt]

But he isn't telling me about it...

My direct boss and I get along just fine. We have the normal boss/employee problems, but nothing severe.

Last month I overheard him on the phone (we share an office) talking to his wife about a biopsy. Didn't mention what kind, who it was for, etc.

A week or two later his cell phone rang and he answered it "hello honey" so, his wife again (share an office with someone for 8 years you know).

As he's telling her he has to go, he says "I'm fine, no really I'm ok. Don't worry I'm going to be around for a long time"

So that was odd to me, but he didn't say anything to me, or acknowledge my look of "what's wrong?" so I dropped it.

Today the owner of the company hands my boss a newspaper with an article (circled) about a new prostate cancer treatment.

Owner "Did you read this?"
Boss "No, did I tell you what they might freeze mine?"
Owner "No, but I think you should read this"
Boss "Ok, but seriously they are talking about freezing mine"

With that owner goes downstairs and boss sits at his desk reading the article. Till he got up 2 minutes ago to comment on an e-mail I printed for him to read.

How exactly to you approach your boss and say "Do you have cancer" or "Is everything alright?"

We have a good working relationship but I think it's because we rarely discuss our personal lives.

I'm thinking I'll just leave it be unless he brings it up, but I'm a little torn about what to do.

[wagegoth]

I'd leave it alone, unless he brings it up to you.

[Erin]

I wouldnt mention anything. It's his own personal business. I dont fault you for figuring it out, but until he comes out and tells you what's wrong, you should probably keep quiet about it.

I was diagnosed with a chronic (not deadly) condition about two years ago, and I figure it's my own personal business and dont tell people about it until I'm ready to. Unfortunately my mother has taken it upon herself (even after being told to not tell people unless I give her permission) to tell everyone she knows about my health problems. (I heard her telling that to someone over the phone awhile back...I was ticked...)

So, I understand about people wanting to keep their health problems private. He'll probably tell you about it eventually. Just wait till he's ready to.

[Naaman]

I'd also point out that if it's been detected early enough there's a very good to awesome chance that he'll be right as rain according to the American Cancer Society

[tropicsgoddess]

I wouldn't mention it unless he brought it up considering this is something very personal.

[draftermatt]

Update of sorts:

We're renewing insurance and the big boss was discussing how my boss would have to discuss his "pre-existing condition"

He had a note on his desk (he asked me to come over to look at a drawing and it was sitting right out on top of the desk) saying he was going to be leaving early today to discuss cyrotherapy.

He did leave early, but still no direct mention.

I haven't said anything and I won't, but I have to admit it's frustrating when we work right next to each other 4 days a week.

[Yfandes]

As a (5 year cancer free) former cancer patient - sometimes you just want to have SOME people around you who dont know about the cancer, dont talk about the cancer, just want to be NORMAL with them. Maybe thats what he wants you to be? I'd just leave it and let him tell you if he wants, and let him not tell you if he wants, KWIM?

[draftermatt]

Well it's official.

He goes under the knife next month, and we're all hopeful for a quick and full recovery.

Though the owner of the company told him he better be back to work in a week, because he's liable to fire me without a buffer between us for 2-3 weeks. Da well.

[Rapscallion]

Dare I hope it's one of the cancers that you can recover from easily?

Rapscallion

[draftermatt]

Yes and no. It's prostate cancer, so he has to have surgery, but they caught it early so he shouldn't need chemo or radiation.

[PepperElf]

I'd leave it alone, unless he brings it up to you.

that's what i'm thinking.
and on top of that just be polite and kind to him.

he'll let you know when he's ready & if he wants to.

[draftermatt]

If anyone cares, surgery was April 9 and all went well. He's planning on being at work Monday (4/27)

[Luna Baby]

Update of sorts:

We're renewing insurance and the big boss was discussing how my boss would have to discuss his "pre-existing condition"

Not sure how it works where you are located, but in Kentucky, as long as you have had continuous coverage (no gap in coverage greater than 30 days-may have been raised to 62 days) the new insurer cannot hold a condition to the pre-existing clause. HTH