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Hey all 
So I was looking through my email archives for sh*ts 'n giggles, and I happened upon a bunch of work-related stories I'd collected when I was part of a social/political board. I thought they would be perfect for this site. So it is with great pride (and a little queasiness), I present to you...
Dr. Suckycustomer, or How I Learned To Stop Caring And Hate Humanity
-BigDan
"I worked at a Wal-Mart a few years ago, in the electronics section. The toy section was next to it. In said toy section were several large bean bags. One day this homeless guy walks into the toy section, and crawls under the bean bags. I get a manager to tell him to leave, and when we walk over, we hear him grunt loudly. When we get over to him, he's crawling out from the bean bag, and we realize something smells off (besides him). We lift up the beanbag, only to find that he had shit on the floor under the bean bag.
I wasn't at that job for long."
-Hyena20
"I was at a grocery store last year, and part of our job is 'sweeps'. Anyone who has worked in a store knows what that is. Basically, we get to walk the store every half hour and sweep up trash, check the bathrooms, etc.
I was doing sweeps around noon, and when I opened up the women's bathroom, I am almost knocked on my ass by the most horrible smell of my life. One of the stalls was wide open, and I shit you not, the entire stall was covered in crap. Not just, like, a spot. No. Someone had apparently smeared shit all over the toilet, the walls, the sink...and as if that wasn't bad enough, there were fucking USED TAMPONS in the sink. Oh. My. God.
And if you're wondering...yes, I was forced to clean it up. I hate humanity."
-ColonelDrego
"Was working in Produce last week, and we had some guy come in and start licking the peaches.
Let me repeat that: He started licking all of the peaches. Seriously. He would pick one up, lick it, and set it down again in the pile. Ended up getting the cops called on him for that. I hope they make him pay, because we had to throw out at least twenty pounds of peaches for that. Psycho."
-FlamingSchoolBus
"Here's one for you. This old lady, probably like 80 years old, had been walking around the store for almost an hour. She had no cart, and the only thing she had in her arms was a large jar of mayonnaise. I don't mean some 20oz jar. This was the biggest size we sell. She carried this jar of mayo around for the better part of an hour, and finally came up to the register. Only she didn't put it on the belt or ask for help or anything like that. No, that would make sense. Instead, she stands at the end of the belt, points a finger at me, and goes "HURUMFFF!!!" in this crazy, deep smoker's voice. Scared the crap outta me.
Then she walks away, puts the jar of mayo in a soda display, and leaves.
I think she put a hex on me or something..."
-Spy2007
"I used to work for an telemarketing company...yes, I was one of the annoying bastards who calls you at all hours and wants you to buy our crap. I didn't have to like it, I just had to do it. 99% of the phone calls ended with them hanging up on me or yelling at me and THEN hanging up on me.
This one, call, though...some guy picked up, completely irate. Had to give him the line anyway. In mid-sentence, I'm cut off and he says "hold on", and puts the phone down. I then spend the next 8 minutes listening to him swearing at his wife, his wife swearing back. I won't go into the details of the fight, as doing so would make me want to kill someone (again), but needless to say, he lost that argument. He must have forgot the phone was off the hook, because I heard him say "OH SHIT" and hang up after this happened."
-Golson
"Merc, you were in Basic, so you know what I'm talking about here. For the rest of you, follow along and I'll try to explain as best I can. Technically this isn't about a crappy job, but the Army IS a job, so I'm putting this here.
We were in, oh, the 3rd week of training. For some fun, the SDS (Senior Drill Sergeant) decided he was gonna take us to the beach. I can still hear his voice shouting "THE BEACH! THE BEACH! WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH! WOOHOO!" and the other Drill Sergeants laughing.
That right there shoulda told me it was gonna suck.
You see, The Beach is their name for this large pit that's filled with "sawdust". I put that in quotes because it was also filled with 1 inch pieces of wood, usually with old screws and shit still attached. When you were low crawling through it, the guy in front of you would be kicking sawdust in your face. The sawdust got everywhere, it made a choking dust that caked your nose, mouth, throat, and lungs. It was miserable.
Only this time, we didn't just go to The Beach. Oh, no. We first had to run through thick, sucking mud. And we were dropped every 20 feet or so to do push-ups in it. Then, covered in mud, we were taken to The Beach. After that, caked in sawdust and mud, we went to The Pit, which was filled with wet sand. We got to "play" in that one too.
I spent the next two weeks hacking up black shit from my lungs. Every time I blew my nose, it was black, and sometimes bloody. I had bronchitis at the time...do you think the Army gave a shit? Hell no. I ended up getting a lung infection.
And to top it all off, the DS made us jump up and down in the platoon hallway, so all this caked-on stuff got all over the walls and floor, and we were then told we had 15 minutes to clean the entire barracks, "and it better be fucking spotless, or we're going out again!"
Needless to say, we went out again. Ugh. Basic Training was bullshit, Merc."
More to come when I have the time and/or if I'm not feeling lazy
I still haven't posted the worst ones...oh no, not by a long shot...
So I was looking through my email archives for sh*ts 'n giggles, and I happened upon a bunch of work-related stories I'd collected when I was part of a social/political board. I thought they would be perfect for this site. So it is with great pride (and a little queasiness), I present to you...
Dr. Suckycustomer, or How I Learned To Stop Caring And Hate Humanity
-BigDan
"I worked at a Wal-Mart a few years ago, in the electronics section. The toy section was next to it. In said toy section were several large bean bags. One day this homeless guy walks into the toy section, and crawls under the bean bags. I get a manager to tell him to leave, and when we walk over, we hear him grunt loudly. When we get over to him, he's crawling out from the bean bag, and we realize something smells off (besides him). We lift up the beanbag, only to find that he had shit on the floor under the bean bag.
I wasn't at that job for long."
-Hyena20
"I was at a grocery store last year, and part of our job is 'sweeps'. Anyone who has worked in a store knows what that is. Basically, we get to walk the store every half hour and sweep up trash, check the bathrooms, etc.
I was doing sweeps around noon, and when I opened up the women's bathroom, I am almost knocked on my ass by the most horrible smell of my life. One of the stalls was wide open, and I shit you not, the entire stall was covered in crap. Not just, like, a spot. No. Someone had apparently smeared shit all over the toilet, the walls, the sink...and as if that wasn't bad enough, there were fucking USED TAMPONS in the sink. Oh. My. God.
And if you're wondering...yes, I was forced to clean it up. I hate humanity."
-ColonelDrego
"Was working in Produce last week, and we had some guy come in and start licking the peaches.
Let me repeat that: He started licking all of the peaches. Seriously. He would pick one up, lick it, and set it down again in the pile. Ended up getting the cops called on him for that. I hope they make him pay, because we had to throw out at least twenty pounds of peaches for that. Psycho."
-FlamingSchoolBus
"Here's one for you. This old lady, probably like 80 years old, had been walking around the store for almost an hour. She had no cart, and the only thing she had in her arms was a large jar of mayonnaise. I don't mean some 20oz jar. This was the biggest size we sell. She carried this jar of mayo around for the better part of an hour, and finally came up to the register. Only she didn't put it on the belt or ask for help or anything like that. No, that would make sense. Instead, she stands at the end of the belt, points a finger at me, and goes "HURUMFFF!!!" in this crazy, deep smoker's voice. Scared the crap outta me.
Then she walks away, puts the jar of mayo in a soda display, and leaves.
I think she put a hex on me or something..."
-Spy2007
"I used to work for an telemarketing company...yes, I was one of the annoying bastards who calls you at all hours and wants you to buy our crap. I didn't have to like it, I just had to do it. 99% of the phone calls ended with them hanging up on me or yelling at me and THEN hanging up on me.
This one, call, though...some guy picked up, completely irate. Had to give him the line anyway. In mid-sentence, I'm cut off and he says "hold on", and puts the phone down. I then spend the next 8 minutes listening to him swearing at his wife, his wife swearing back. I won't go into the details of the fight, as doing so would make me want to kill someone (again), but needless to say, he lost that argument. He must have forgot the phone was off the hook, because I heard him say "OH SHIT" and hang up after this happened."
-Golson
"Merc, you were in Basic, so you know what I'm talking about here. For the rest of you, follow along and I'll try to explain as best I can. Technically this isn't about a crappy job, but the Army IS a job, so I'm putting this here.
We were in, oh, the 3rd week of training. For some fun, the SDS (Senior Drill Sergeant) decided he was gonna take us to the beach. I can still hear his voice shouting "THE BEACH! THE BEACH! WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH! WOOHOO!" and the other Drill Sergeants laughing.
That right there shoulda told me it was gonna suck.
You see, The Beach is their name for this large pit that's filled with "sawdust". I put that in quotes because it was also filled with 1 inch pieces of wood, usually with old screws and shit still attached. When you were low crawling through it, the guy in front of you would be kicking sawdust in your face. The sawdust got everywhere, it made a choking dust that caked your nose, mouth, throat, and lungs. It was miserable.
Only this time, we didn't just go to The Beach. Oh, no. We first had to run through thick, sucking mud. And we were dropped every 20 feet or so to do push-ups in it. Then, covered in mud, we were taken to The Beach. After that, caked in sawdust and mud, we went to The Pit, which was filled with wet sand. We got to "play" in that one too.
I spent the next two weeks hacking up black shit from my lungs. Every time I blew my nose, it was black, and sometimes bloody. I had bronchitis at the time...do you think the Army gave a shit? Hell no. I ended up getting a lung infection.
And to top it all off, the DS made us jump up and down in the platoon hallway, so all this caked-on stuff got all over the walls and floor, and we were then told we had 15 minutes to clean the entire barracks, "and it better be fucking spotless, or we're going out again!"
Needless to say, we went out again. Ugh. Basic Training was bullshit, Merc."
More to come when I have the time and/or if I'm not feeling lazy
I still haven't posted the worst ones...oh no, not by a long shot...
) quit after discovering 3 dead bodies in one month. One was a drug OD, one was a suicide, and one was a murder. Though I supposed in that last case he couldn't have been the first person to see the deceased, (crackho stabbed her bf/babydaddy, then barricaded herself in bathroom until the cops tore off the door to get to her.)
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