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How Not to Get Hired 101

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  • Quoth Rosco the Iroc View Post
    Be me I guess. 20 years in the Navy fixing electronics 4 years working and manager of a parts dept. I get let go in June and now still nothing.
    Hang in there. I know what it's like to be unemployed for a long time.

    My dad was let go when the plant he was running closed a month he was planning to retire. It meant that he would have six months of unemployment under the condition that he look for a job. He made it obvious how old he was in his resume. He still got a job offer.

    If a man who intentionally tried to avoid getting a job can get a job offer, one should be coming your way, too.
    This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

    I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

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    • Show up for an interview, be prepared in every single way, except when they get to the question that every candidate knows they will be asked is asked, "tell us, what do you know about the organization." Stammer because you've somehow been caught off guard and then proceed to describe a completely different organization.
      Yeah, that was me
      If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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      • I'm dealing with this right now with a guy who wants a job at my site. I understand that I opened myself to being contacted by putting an ad on a local job finding page on FB, but after I have repeatedly told you to go through the provided link, that I *CANNOT* accept resumes directly and have sent you the link at least four times (not including the link that is directly in the ad) and you still try to go directly through me, well, you can kiss any chance of a job goodbye.

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        • While the day job has very much loosened the tattooed employees policy, it hasn't extended as far as facial tattoos.
          Unseen but seeing
          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
          3rd shift needs love, too
          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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          • Quoth Becks View Post
            While the day job has very much loosened the tattooed employees policy, it hasn't extended as far as facial tattoos.
            This could lead to charges of discrimination on the grounds of gender. How? Guy with facial tattoo doesn't get hired, gal with "permanent makeup" (specific form of facial tattoo) does.
            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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            • I don't make the rules.
              Hell, I've given up on enforcing them there.
              Unseen but seeing
              oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
              There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
              3rd shift needs love, too
              RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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              • Back when I was a convenience store manager a couple came into the store. The wife asked for an application; the husband took me aside, and more or less told me I was going to hire his wife. You know how some people just bother you to the point where you don't want them within a mile of you? That was this guy. Since his wife barely spoke English, had never worked outside the home, and also didn't drive, I got the very distinct impression (in fact he said as much) that he would come to work with her every day. No.

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                • Someone emailed in an application today. The entire email reads: I'm looking for a new job to do better than where I am. Name

                  I opened the attachment expecting to see a resume or cover letter. It's his pay stub from last week.

                  Wow.
                  Pain and suffering are inevitable...misery is optional.

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                  • Obviously his intention was to demonstrate that he's too poor to afford a resume.
                    This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                    I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                    • A man in his early thirties came in and spoke to the boss. A few minutes later, the boss approaches me.

                      The young man used to work for [local branch of specialty retailer]

                      Applicant mentioned he was the nephew of my other, former boss. Current Boss asks if there's any reason he shouldn't hire him.

                      Well, I said, there is the fact that his uncle offered to sell him his business really cheap, because he just wanted it to stay in the family, and the applicant turned the opportunity down. That would seem to indicate a lack of interest in our particular industry.

                      There was the fact that he got bored waiting to speak to Uncle, and started looking at videos on his iPhone. He announced to his father (with me, a middle-aged woman standing six feet away,) "Hey look. There's a video of a woman who can make her tits dance in time to the music."

                      And we couldn't figure out what "freelancing" a retail employee might be doing. I know what it sounds like: It sounds like "I'll work until I make enough money for the next accessory on my car, or until I get bored."

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                      • Enrol in a college course for public relations.

                        The college often calls in people in the industry -- or even people not in the industry who might want to hire somebody with a PR degree -- to talk to classes.

                        During one such talk, fold your arms on your desk, put your head on your arms, and doze off.

                        Go to an interview for a job you really REALLY want ... aaaand ... guess who the interviewer is?

                        Yes, he had noticed her little nap, even though she wasn't anywhere near the front of the classroom. He let her know that, in no uncertain terms.

                        And no, she didn't get the job.
                        Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
                        ~ Mr Hero

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                        • Quoth workerbee222 View Post

                          There was the fact that he got bored waiting to speak to Uncle, and started looking at videos on his iPhone. He announced to his father (with me, a middle-aged woman standing six feet away,) "Hey look. There's a video of a woman who can make her tits dance in time to the music."
                          But what was the music? Hell,if it was the Flight of the Bumblebee,that's a talent worthy of demonstration!
                          The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.

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                          • Again I have to repeat to people that I nor anyone in the bakery/meat/deli departments have any say in who gets hired and where new hires are placed at. Because nothing gets us more pissed off and more willing to tell a manager to not hire someone, then that someone ringing one of the three bells [one for each department] and wasting our time by asking about getting hired.

                            Had at least three people try this last week alone.
                            Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

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                            • Quoth Android Kaeli View Post
                              Again I have to repeat to people that I nor anyone in the bakery/meat/deli departments have any say in who gets hired and where new hires are placed at. Because nothing gets us more pissed off and more willing to tell a manager to not hire someone,
                              Looks like you DO have a say in who gets hired - or at least who DOESN"T get hired.
                              Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                              Comment


                              • Quoth wolfie View Post
                                Looks like you DO have a say in who gets hired - or at least who DOESN"T get hired.
                                In a way yes but also no, because unless a customer puts down that they talked to someone in one of these departments then we can't exactly say anything. Granted this happened maybe six times since I've been in the bakery and the personal manger is a nice person, so I'm not going to waste her time in hiring someone that I can tell from just a short interaction won't work out.

                                I guess its something I picked up from working at Random Craft Store, 8 out of 10 times I [and a few other long-term people] called it correctly when someone wouldn't work out.
                                Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

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