The choosy beggar

[Antisocial_Worker]

The other morning my partner and I were having breakfast before I had to go to work, and we went to a local outpost of a regional fast food chain known for its chicken and biscuits. They serve amazing breakfast biscuits and the most awesome fries, and we'd gotten our meals and had sat down when a guy approached with a sob story.

He and his sister were trying to get back to the state capital about six hours away, and their car had been giving them trouble ever since they'd crossed into this state from a neighboring state. He wanted to know if we could help.

He wanted food, not money, which is why I agreed to help in the first place. My partner refuses to help at all in these sorts of situations ever since he offered to buy a beggar and his son whatever meals they wanted from the menu at the restaurant where they approached him -- and they ordered and got their food, looked him dead in the eye and spat in the food and threw it in the trash. Ever since then, panhandlers can eat shit as far as he is concerned.

But not me. I offered to buy the man two butter biscuits, the cheapest items on the menu, on the thinking that food's food, if that's what you're really after, and I'm a college student living on borrowed money. I don't have a lot to throw around.

The man asked if he could get something with meat instead, which would be considerably more expensive.

"No," I said flatly. "Butter biscuits. Take it or leave it."

"Well, something's better than nothing," he said, then added, "Can I get two cups of water?"

I got him his biscuits and water and saw him off, and spent the rest of the day wondering if perhaps I should have gotten him something more expensive.

What say you?

[eltf177]

You did the right thing. You have a limited income, and when asking for help you get what you get, not necessarily what you want.

Your partner was badly abused, and I can easily understand why they refuse to help now. My father and I had a similar experience...

[rvdammit]

When you're flush you do what you can. The general advice is buy people a thing rather than give cash, you then know where your money's gone.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

If I have the cash, I would've let them pick what they wanted no problem (as long as they didn't try to order half the menu!) But if you don't, then giving up some of what you have is more than good enough.

There was a time I girl came over to me, she and her buddies had been road tripping and were trying to get home and had underestimated how much gas their van consumes. It was also right after I got my tax return, and I had paid off all my credit cards so I had cash to burn. I only had twenties in my wallet, and I saw the van over at the gas station across the street (and three guys trying to pool coins and small bills together.)

So I just handed off a twenty, smiled at her gratitude and went on with my day. (Btw I saw her run right into the gas station with it and they started to fill the van.)

At that time I could do that, I had the extra money burning a hole in my pocket. Again, if you're on a tight budget, and still willing to share what tight budget you have, you did good. And at least he accepted the butter biscuits (imho it doesn't hurt to ask, as long as they accepted the answer was a no.)

[Monterey Jack]

My partner refuses to help at all in these sorts of situations ever since he offered to buy a beggar and his son whatever meals they wanted from the menu at the restaurant where they approached him -- and they ordered and got their food, looked him dead in the eye and spat in the food and threw it in the trash.

What the shit? I could understand a beggar refusing someone buying actual food for them (because they wanted money instead to buy booze/drugs/cigarettes), but to use someone's money to buy food, just to spit in it and throw it out right in front of them? What an asshole....not only disrespectful to your partner, but also wasteful of good food.

[eltf177]

What the shit? I could understand a beggar refusing someone buying actual food for them (because they wanted money instead to buy booze/drugs/cigarettes), but to use someone's money to buy food, just to spit in it and throw it out right in front of them? What an asshole....not only disrespectful to your partner, but also wasteful of good food.

Not to mention an excellent way to insure that particular person will NEVER offer help again...

[notalwaysright]

I guess something with meat would be more filling, that could be the reasoning. But lets be realistic. Someone actually says they'll buy a complete stranger food, you pretty much take what they offer. Unfortunately, I've heard the "I'm trying to get someplace and things happened and now I'm stuck" story so many times. I'm sure sometimes it's true, there's a whole bit on an episode of The IT Crowd about it.

I've never, ever, been asked for food though, always money. Maybe I'd spring for some chicken nuggets, I don't know. It would depend.

[MoonCat]

You do what you can afford. He could always have asked someone else.

[Ashaela]

I figure you do what you can, when you can. It's a way of paying back things that strangers have done for me (like when my car broke down off the highway, and a lady stopped to give me bottled water - Texas summers FTW) and also of throwing more good karma out into the universe to bounce around, and hopefully if I'm ever in dire straights a little will bounce back to me.

I try not to carry cash in general and don't like giving money for several safety reasons, but I hate anyone to be hungry and will always offer to buy food. Last few times it's actually been outside a fast food place, where there were other people around and we could go right in to order, which makes me more comfortable too. Very different from being approached out on the street or in a sparsely populated parking lot.

[CyberLurch]

What the shit? I could understand a beggar refusing someone buying actual food for them (because they wanted money instead to buy booze/drugs/cigarettes), but to use someone's money to buy food, just to spit in it and throw it out right in front of them? What an asshole....not only disrespectful to your partner, but also wasteful of good food.

I'd have reached into the trash can, retrieved the food, and made the bastard wear it. But then, I'm pretty much done with the whole 'be civil' concept anyway, especially since the whole world seems intent on exploiting my usual good nature and repaying my civility with contempt.

Where I live there are bums and professional beggars on just about every other street corner. I'm sure that there are people in need (this city is pretty much ruined economically - not quite as bad as Detroit, but definitely headed that direction), but the odds are very high that the guy at the street corner, gas station, or highway off-ramp is just a con artist.

[KuariKaydrith]

Where I live we have an assortment of beggars and street people. It pretty much comes with the territory. I know which ones haul in a heck of a lot of money panhandling and are just too lazy to get a job. It's the ones I know are having a shit time of it that I tend to help when I can. A couple of weeks ago I was on my way into a Subway after a long meeting and a guy outside, huddled under a tattered blanket, asked for change - I didn't have any so he asked if I could get him a bowl of chili as he was cold and starving, and the restaurant wouldn't let him in if he didn't have any money despite how cold it was. I did one better - I got him a $20 gift card and handed it to him. The guy started bawling and thanking me over and over. If I'd had more money I would have given more, of course, and it was so nice to see how truly thankful this guy was.

There's at least one that swears at me every time I pass him because I won't give him any money. I offered him a gift card for Subway or Tim Horton's figuring that if he was truly hard up that a gift card for food and a place to warm up a bit would be happily accepted. Obviously that wasn't what he wanted so I told him that I wasn't going to finance his addiction...he has sworn at me ever since because I saw through his bullshit.

Buskers will generally get change off of me if I've got it - they're trying to earn something at least. And the guy with the funny signs usually gets a fiver when I see him for the entertainment value of his sign. But the assholes get nadda.

[An Haddock]

I can't remember if I posted this before:

I was at a light in a run-down section of town, maybe 2 - 3 cars back from the intersection. It's a slow light, so I had a few cars behind me as well.


A guy with a spray bottle and a dirty rag comes walking along, trying to wash people's windshields. I had no money to spare (I live paycheck to paycheck) so when he got to my car I let it roll back a few feet. When he got to the window again I gave it a little gas and moved forward a few feet.

Now, instead of continuing on to the dozen or so cars behind me, this guy decides that I must be Daddy Warbucks (despite my driving a 17 year old Geo Tracker - obviously the status symbol of the rich and famous) so he turns and walks up to my window again. So I roll back again. And when he gets to my car I give it some gas and pull up a few feet.

I think he was going to continue trying to get my business but finally the light changed.



We don't get "beggars" per se, but on occasion I have people asking me to borrow a couple of dollars since I do live on the edge of seedier side of town. So I try to beat them to the punch:

"Hey, can I borrow..."
"Dude - can I borrow five bucks for gas? I'm almost out. I can pay you back Monday."

They never have a response for that.

[Slave to the Phone]

I carry bottled water and breakfast bars in my car. I also carry bags of dog food. Most beggers thank me for what I give them and if they have a dog, they REALLY thank me for the dog food.

I said most. One woman told me that the dog food I tried to give her for her dog would upset its tummy and that she needed cash to buy the right food. Sorry doggy, I don't carry cash.

Now that I'm in the business of giving people food stamps, the professional beggers I see get copies of a handout we have that shows phone numbers of food banks, shelters, places to get free bus passes, free hair cuts, free clothes, showers, phones AND offices to apply for food stamps and health insurance. Folks who come to the office always seem to appreciate that handout and carefully fold it up and put it away. The professional ones don't even wait for me to drive away before they crumple them up and throw them on the ground.

[Seshat]

Heck, even though I'm not homeless, I would be so grateful for that handout. Some weeks, the food bank would be SO useful. And somewhere to get free hair cuts would be awesome!
Even if we don't qualify for free, reduced price/inexpensive would be helpful.

Anyway; I was going to say that if the people asking for food have some sort of digestion issue, asking for a specific category of food makes sense. But charity is charity, and you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Bast and Toth and I operate on the Sprat family rule: Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. And so it came betwixt them both they ate the platter clean.
Given charity food, we each eat what can of it.

[Slave to the Phone]

I do understand why people with food allergies would ask for something else. The lady with the dog just wanted cash because I was offering her high quality grain free dog food samples that I got from the feed store. It was good stuff, I wasn't just offering her a baggie filled with Kibbles and Bits.

As to the handouts...all of the people I see in my cube always seem to love them. Our job is to get people back on their feet, or at least make the bad times easier. Some people will never be able to get a job. If I can point them to places to get a shower and bed and new clothes, I feel like I've done a good thing. I wish I could do more.