Telemarketers failing the Turing test

[Hyndis]

So I have a land line with an answering machine/phone attached. Old fashioned, I know, but I'm a luddite when it comes to cell phones.

Normally the answering machine scares off telemarketers. After all, if you get a message in the generic default robo-voice "leave a message after the beep" then hear a beep, one normally would assume that no one is home to take the message.

Not so for this group of telemarketers!

I keep finding these recorded messages of a confused person either attempting to ask if MyLastName is there (and mispronouncing it horribly, thus proving they don't actually know me) or asking "hello? hello? hello? hello?" for a good 30 seconds or so.

Its not really sucky per se, but I do feel bad for them. Telemarketers have a really bad job to begin with, but apparently this particular group has been gifted with software that makes them bypass the answering machine's greeting...only to try to hold a conversation with the recording part of the answering machine. Either that, or they just ignore the greeting. I find it quite odd that they pick up right after the beep and begin talking like anyone else leaving a message would talk, except they're talking to dead air.

No one here but us machines.

Poor telemarketers.

[Danno]

The pause between the time the software determines that the line has been answered and the time it takes for a call center rep to pick up the line is usually about five to six seconds (and I usually hang up in that time).

It never occurred to me that if your machine/voicemail message is short enough, the CCR will miss it and be left with dead air. It's almost karmic; when you answer these calls you get greeted with several seconds of silence, and now you get to return the favor to the telemarketers.

Heh, you could get really evil and leave a longer recording that says, "Hello?" or "Wha? Speak up!" every ten seconds or so.

[Hyndis]

Someone compared it to a person walking into a sliding glass door.

Its hilarious the first few times but when they fail to learn eventually its just sad.

With these telemarketers, it was hilarious the first week or so, now its just sad.

[Heksubah]

A few years back when I worked as a telemarketer (gods, I hated that job) the system would auto dial for us. We'd just hear a beep and that meant we were connected. We'd listen for a moment to make sure it was no longer ringing and then start our spiel asking if so and so was there. I imagine we might have gotten answering machines and not realized it, just thinking the line was dead air. That system seems a bit... meh, stupid to me. I'm glad I no longer work there.

[Broomjockey]

Someone compared it to a person walking into a sliding glass door.

Its hilarious the first few times but when they fail to learn eventually its just sad.

My first job, that happened on a regular basis, only it was glass between two sets of push doors.

My current job, that happens more often, only it's people attempting to push open the sliding doors.

At the first job, it was funny, no matter how many times it happened. Now, I think it was funny the first time. Sometimes I'll just sit and watch in morbid fasination to see if they'll notice the panel that says "wave hand here to open". I only do that because either they'll be trapped long enough that I have to go let them out, they'll push the door open, meaning I have to go reset it, or they'll figure it out and get out on their own, or someone else needing to get them lets them out on their way in. 50/50 chance I don't have to get up.

[Lingering Grin]

The pause between the time the software determines that the line has been answered and the time it takes for a call center rep to pick up the line is usually about five to six seconds (and I usually hang up in that time).

I do too. I answer:

"Hello?"
*no response*
"Hello?"
*no response*
"Goodbye"
*click*

What's funny is, there are time I hear someone come on the line just as I say Goodbye, or hang up... but I don't care, if you weren't there when I first answered the phone, I probably don't want to talk to you anyway.

[prb]

I'm sad, I hung up on a telemarketer last week. Not usually upsetting for me, but she sounded inexperienced and I could tell she wasn't sure about what to do. I know what it's like to be unsure of what you're doing and have people hang up (but mine are less hangups and more trying to debate about party policy, yay to political phone canvassing)

[MadMike]

It never occurred to me that if your machine/voicemail message is short enough, the CCR will miss it and be left with dead air.

At one time, my message was simply "Leave a message", which isn't much longer than "Hello" when you think of it. Now I know why my answering machine would have so many recordings of hangups and "Hello? Hello?"

[otakuneko]

In my house we've used our answering machine as caller ID for over a decade. We don't pick up the phone at all until whoever it is talks to the machine. I guess our announcement is long enough that telemarketers catch at least part of it, since we don't get any "Hello? Hello?" or human marketing spiels. Telemarketing machines are another matter, they'll happily try to sell crap to my answering machine.

What I do get is those damned predictive autodialers. They call a number before a rep is even available, then wait a bit (resulting in silence on the line) and then hang up. If the timing's "right" my answering machine might actually record silence and dialtone as a message, though usually it's fairly smart and discards silent calls or dialtones.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I love the ones that say "please stay on the line for an important message."

Seriously? Who does that? Does ANYONE actually stay on the line?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I love the ones that say "please stay on the line for an important message."

Seriously? Who does that? Does ANYONE actually stay on the line?

We get those from time to time.

Funny thing is: they never say the name of the person they want to speak to. They'll usually start after a few seconds of some ramble about either mortgage rates or a credit card offer.

Sorry, we rent our house and the only card I use is my check card which comes out of my checking account. IOW, you have nothing I need or want.

Or if I happen to pick up and hear that spiel, I'll simply hang up the phone. I don't have the patience for these automated dialers and such.

[Hyndis]

I love the ones that say "please stay on the line for an important message."

Seriously? Who does that? Does ANYONE actually stay on the line?

That only ever works if you're someone extremely important who's calling...like a CEO, a general, or a president.

But a telemarketer?

[JLRodgers]

I sometimes wonder if the computer systems don't recognize the "answering machine" that's on a phone line (the built-in thing at the phone company).... Ours has about a 10 second or so thing said -- and we STILL have telemarketers leaving messages being confused and all that.

That's gotta be bad software or something - for it to wait ten+ seconds before actually connecting someone to the line. Normally I wait on the line until the computer at the telemarketer end hangs up -- it's funny. One day it took like 30-45 seconds. One place was so bad at calling* that I'd see their number and turn the phone on and immediately put it by a speaker that was playing music - and hang up about a minute later.



* They'd call. I'd pick up and hear like "ing, a representative will be with you shortly" (you were on hold when you picked up the phone -- music and everything. You'd wait, and wait, and wait (one day about five minutes of waiting) just to see who they were! And there never was anyone there. Apparently the computer would call you up and play on-hold music because it was lonely.

[JustADude]

I love the ones that say "please stay on the line for an important message."

Seriously? Who does that? Does ANYONE actually stay on the line?

Apparently enough for them to keep doing it. A huge percentage of the population are total sheep. They think that if they say it's important than it MUST be important. After all, they wouldn't get lied to, surely?

Hell, I even had an otherwise intelligent friend nearly fall for the 'Lottery' variant of the 419 (Nigerian) Scam, thinking one of those spammer-invitations (... excuse me, 'online contests') he's constantly entering actually paid off. Took me forever to convince him that no legitimate group would require him to pay international taxes and fees' in advance to get his money, too.

[tigerlily0]

I also have an old-fashioned land line with an answering machine. I frequently get hang ups and such. I also get messages that have the beginning cut off. Like the automatic recording gets played as soon as the answering machine picks up, without waiting for the beep. And of course, they usually say who they are at the beginning, so most of them I get just the end of the message saying like "if you are interested, call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx" and I have no idea who they are, since they don't say their name/business again at the end.