My encounter with the Loach

[Mr Hero]

GK describes the Loach here.
I had an encounter with a Loach today and despite having known the signs of one, I still got sucked in.

L: Loach
W: Woman
Me: Me
Thoughts and commentary in parentheses

It started out innocently enough, as do most Loach conversations do.
L: Can you tell me where Somestreetindenver is?
Me: I'm afraid I don't.

5 minutes later
L: What do you do?
Me: I work down the street.
L: But what do you do?
Me: I'm a hotel clerk.
L: Where?
Me: ....
L: Where do you work?
Me: (My first mistake) At the Awesome Inn
L: What's your boss's last name?
Me: (I start to wise up) I don't know how to pronounce his nname.
L: Just try.
Me: I don't know how to pronounce his name.
L: JUST TRY
Me: I don't know how to pronounce his name. (This is somewhat true since his isn't a Western nationality.)
L: Why are you so nervous?
Me: I was robbed last month. (Probably another mistake to mention this) and so I'm still a little jittery. (Lie, I just don't like Loaches)
L: What race were they?
Me: *race* (I'm avoiding mentioning any specific races as to avoid fratching)
L: I'm *race* and the same race as you. I'm not going to shoot you or anything.
Me: (That's very unnerving that you would even suggest that) ...

A lady comes up and he starts talking with her and starts talking about me and how I was robbed by a *race* guyThanks asshole

W: There are bad people in all races.
L: Agrees.
(OBJECTION!)

Bus finally comes and I let them on before I do. W gets on first followed by L. L moves to a seat next to W. I take a seat in the front. After I got off the bus, I felt like a needed a long shower.

[Stormraven]

One of the benefits of being somewhat asocial and initially shy around people is that I generally don't respond to anyone talking to me out of the blue unless it's expected, due to the situation. I either don't attract loaches, or I just never respond to them.

[Kitten in the box]

I hate it when people do that. I have nothing against people in general if they want to talk....fine I'll talk to you. But I can also tell if they are kind of "weird"....not a good weird but a kind of Pedophile sexual offender, unusual fetish weird. Those kind I will barely speak to and generally walk away from them saying that "I gotta meet my friend and get him to his parole hearing."or whatnot. When they ask why I turn around and say with a grin "He beat the shit out of this one guy for wanting to talk creepy weird shit with him." That usually gets them to back off real fast. (even though its a lie)

[RetailWorkhorse]

5 minutes later
L: What do you do?

RW: *SNARLS*
L: *Scoots away*
RW:

[RootedPhoenix]

RW: *SNARLS*
L: *Scoots away*
RW:

Wow. I'll have to remember that.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Okay, yeah, after reading GK's post, I understand. I've encountered those, too. And to be considered a "loach" in the south here is saying something. It's considered perfectly normal behavior to strike up conversations with strangers down here. However, I have encountered people who were disturbingly weird and latched onto you like Grim Death.

We had one or two locally famous ones down in the party district that if you went down there and made eye contact with them, you'd have company like it or not.

I had one guy I didn't know latch onto me at the post office. He was not a well-known loach, just an irritating and creepy weirdo. I'm trying to do a transaction with the clerk, and this asshole wants to play twenty questions.

I don't do this sort of multitasking well.

Loach: Hi.
Me: Uh...hi.
L: You look like you are dressed for work, you on your way to work?
Me: ...uh...yeah, I'm on my way to work.
L: Oh, that's nice, where do you work?
Me: (not thinking clearly, really, as I'm distracted. And anyways, my company had four buildings in town. ) (absently) Blue Cross...
L: Oh, okay.(asshole starts actually chasing me as I'm walking away) So, what time do you get off?
Me: (head clearing because my transaction is over and I'm starting to notice what's going on) What? Look, beat it.
L: where is your building?
Me: Fuck off, now, man. Get away from me.

He did. Geeze.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

I can't talk to them because I don't do smalltalk. And usually I can think of a LOT weirder shit than they can think of.

Yeah. I make Loaches mad.

[PepperElf]

5 minutes later
L: What do you do?

Or just pull a move from Grosse Point Blank...
GPB: Professional assassin.
L: A what?
GPB: I freaked out, joined the army, went into business for myself, I'm a professional killer.
L: *runaway*

and now i'm getting hungry for a not-an-omelet (yes i like those )

[Pezzle]

Or just pull a move from Grosse Point Blank...
GPB: Professional assassin.
L: A what?
GPB: I freaked out, joined the army, went into business for myself, I'm a professional killer.
L: *runaway*

and now i'm getting hungry for a not-an-omelet (yes i like those )

TEN YEEEEEEARS MAAAAAN! TEN YEARS! TEEEN YEEAARS!

[Damien]

L: So what do you do
Damo: We are Borg, you will be assimilated
L: What the...?
Damo: Resistance is futile...
L:...
Damo: on second thoughts... we don't assimilate morons

[PepperElf]

Then how do you explain Locutus?
(just kidding!)

(am making a not-an-omelet right now lol)


oh but ... im reminded of the kinda-loach we had in hawaii. she didn't really latch on to specific people... she just road the bus yelling out that she was looking for a marine to take her home, or whatever else was running through her head at the moment

[Primer]

erm...OT, but what is a "not-an-omelet"?

[valhar2000]

I had a loach once. It started innocently enough. We were at the headquaerters for the Social Security (in Spain, which is nto the same thing as the Social Secuirty in the US), and we were waiting in line. Then he said:

Loach: Man, these damn government workers, never doing a lick of work; since they get paid no matter what, they have no incentive.

Me: [Annoyed by having to wait so long] Yeah! You got that right!

Which was enoguh to get him going, giving such choice tidbits as:

L: And then I said to him... wait a minute, do I have something on my teeth? [He shows me his teeth]
Me: Um, no.
L: Oh, good, 'cause I was just eating my sandwich before, you know, and I was wondering. [He takes out a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil] See?
Me: Aha.

Or:

L: That reminds of last satruday, when I we where at the meeting... You knwo what Machu Picchu is, right?
Me: Yeah. [I thought he meant the Inca city; little did I know]
L: Yeah, so were were at the meeting, you know, we did the ritual, and then, you know, you feel the spirits going into you, and it's totally awesome.
Me: Hmm, hmm.

Eventually he got called, and after bidding farewell left to give another weird speech to the clerk.

Nonetheless, I thank this loach. I was able to borrow some of his lines to use in a prank a friend and I played on another friend of his, in which I pretended to be a loach myself.

[PepperElf]

Not-an-omelette

If you ever watch Grosse Point Blank, he orders an omelette with nothing, just the eggs. The waitress tries telling him it's technically not an omelette but he says, "I don't care, I just want the protein."

And when she brings the food out she refers to his meal as a not-an-omelette.


personally I rather like them.