How to NOT help your family member recover.....OR LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE

[Amina516]

*some language. At no time am I bashing the patient.Just stating the facts*



So, I had a crappy day. Actually 2 crappy days. I could seriously write a frickin novel about the last 2 days, but I will save all of your sanities (is that a word? lol) and give you the bullet points:

*I had a patient that was been in the hospital since 1/7/09 (it is now 3/02/09), so needless to say, shes freakin sick.

*she has a family member in the room 24 hours a day, which isnt so bad except that they also refuse to help care for the patient, so if she needs a pillow or
a blanket moved, the call bell is rung. Shes needs the chapstick that your holding your hand. Oh you cant put it on b/c youre not a nurse? Do you realise
that its CHAPSTICK..they sell it to the general public? No? Of COURSE, id be happy to come in here and put chapstick on your wife/mom/aunt while you stand
and watch me..I have NOTHING better to do.

*this patient cannot talk, has a tracheostomy in her throat, a bed sore on her ass and is uncomfortable ALLLL OF THE TIME (not her fault, i know..it just didnt make my day easier). the family was convinced when she wiggled her foot, it meant she poo'ed herself (and she poo'ed almost everytime she was moved). Mind you, her foot is one of the ony parts of her body that she COULD move, so it really couldve meant anything.

*No, I cant give her percocets because shes wiggling her foot. Yes, I realize shes probably uncomforable, but I can not overdose her b/c you tell me too.

*You think she shit herself again? Why? Oh, b/c shes wiggling her foot again? Her foot apparently has a lanugauge that you can understand and I can not.

*This patient has orders to sit in a chair for as long as possible every day. Guess how sitting on a bed sore feels? IT FUCKIN HURTS!! It also makes it
impossible to clean her as often as needed. We realize that, but its a necessary evil. Please dont tell me its been 13 minutes since she was last checked.
She lucky that shes getting checked on every half hour (which is only because I was there as a student, the nursing staff doesnt have time to make checks
that often, nor are they mandated to.)

*Yes, I just cleaned her about 20 minutes ago. Her foot is wiggling again? Oh, well, guess what? I CAN NOT lift her by myself. Telling me I "Shoudve eaten my
wheaties" doesnt change the fact that I CAN NOT LIFT HER BY MYSELF. It took four of us last time, & dont sound offended when I tell you this as if you dont
know that your wife/mom/aunt weighs over 300 pounds.

My heart felt for this woman. Her eyes spoke a 1000 words, and it looked like she just wanted to be left alone. When asked yes or no questions about her family, she told us her husband made her uncomfortable, and she didnt want the tracheostomy, she wanted to die. She will probably never recover. I think if the family WASNT there, she wouldve gotten better, more attentive care, since most people tried avoiding that room so that they wouldnt be met with the glares of the family who didnt want to help.

[PepperElf]

refuse to help care for the patient

wtf?

hell mom was just in the hospital, granted it was scheduled surgery but... hell i even made a point of taking her "going home" clothing and hanging it up for her so she didn't have to bend down to get it. (stitches are in her stomach area).

what does the family do? just sit on their asses and stare at her? hell... they could at least do something productive, read the newspaper to her... get her an audio book... make her happier (as happy as you can be in the given situation)


and um... "wiggle the foot = poop"... apparently they have no sense of smell?

hell they sound like idiots...
if anything if they're there 247, why not help her with range of motion, or shifting to take the pressure off the bedsore? even prop her on her side (if allowed by the docs).

sigh

[Bright_Star]

Why go to the hospital at all to visit someone if all you're going to do is just sit there like a lump on a log & not lift a damn finger to help out with their comfort? Doesn't it make sense to call them & ask if they need anything or if it's ok to visit before traipsing in to the hospital uninvited?
Being stared at by family members while in the hospital isn't going to help anybody heal up. They don't want pity. They just want time to rest.

[mariamousie1]

That's so sad. Why are they even there if they aren't going to help her?

[Amina516]

Families are allowed to help the patients as MUCH as they want. I can kinda understand the husband (who was older than father time) not really trying to turn and prop up the patient, but her daughters and nieces had no excuse to not involve themselves in her care, expecially when all they did was bitch.

Does anyone know how much an ICU bed/room costs per day? ABOUT 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS a day (at my hospital anyways)!! They actually REFUSED her transfer, since the rehab places that could take her, didnt have a private room for one of them to sleep in. She is at the hospital probably a good two weeks after she was well enough to get transfered to a rehab/acute care place.

Yeah, I wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of that bill.

[Nurian]

Families are allowed to help the patients as MUCH as they want. I can kinda understand the husband (who was older than father time) not really trying to turn and prop up the patient, but her daughters and nieces had no excuse to not involve themselves in her care, expecially when all they did was bitch.

Does anyone know how much an ICU bed/room costs per day? ABOUT 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS a day (at my hospital anyways)!! They actually REFUSED her transfer, since the rehab places that could take her, didnt have a private room for one of them to sleep in. She is at the hospital probably a good two weeks after she was well enough to get transfered to a rehab/acute care place.

Yeah, I wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of that bill.

And they will bitch about it. They will yell/scream/rage/threaten to sue when they get it. Even if this woman has insurance, it will pay to a certain point. From that point, it may pay less until another point. Then it may drop all together. This is modeled after the insurance my grandparents had. A rehab center or skilled nursing facility would be better for her (not anything against your hospital, Amina) and cheaper, but that's logic. And apparently, that happens to other people.

[Seshat]

Hell. I'd prefer to be in a rehab centre than an intensive care ward. Why? Because it would mean I was probably getting better!


Not to knock intensive care staff! If I need an ICU, I damn well want one! But I'd rather need one for the shortest possible time, y'know?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My heart felt for this woman. Her eyes spoke a 1000 words, and it looked like she just wanted to be left alone. When asked yes or no questions about her family, she told us her husband made her uncomfortable, and she didnt want the tracheostomy, she wanted to die. She will probably never recover. I think if the family WASNT there, she wouldve gotten better, more attentive care, since most people tried avoiding that room so that they wouldnt be met with the glares of the family who didnt want to help.

I hate to say it, but she's got the right idea.

If I wind up so sick and in the hospital, and my loved ones are doing nothing more than ordering the hospital staff around so they don't have to lift a finger, I'd just as soon kick off.

[ArcticChicken]

They will yell/scream/rage/threaten to sue when they get it. Even if this woman has insurance, it will pay to a certain point.

Anyone want to bet the insurance won't cover the extra two weeks because she could have been in a rehab facility?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Why go to the hospital at all to visit someone if all you're going to do is just sit there like a lump on a log & not lift a damn finger to help out with their comfort? Doesn't it make sense to call them & ask if they need anything or if it's ok to visit before traipsing in to the hospital uninvited?
Being stared at by family members while in the hospital isn't going to help anybody heal up. They don't want pity. They just want time to rest.

That's exactly how my Mom is. When she was last in the hospital (3 years ago last month) she didn't want ANY visitors at all. But then she was actually in worse shape than we originally though, too (threw a blood clot in her neck that wasn't discovered until 2 days after she was admitted/severe upper respiratory infection/bladder infection/blood sugar too high) She needed rest and recuperation - not people coming in and out all the time.

She didn't even want ME - her only daughter - coming up to the hospital. I'd have went, even though I was working and taking care of the house and my brother. But she wanted me there at home and we'd talk on the phone every morning before I went to work and after I'd get home - sometimes twice during the evening.

Only time I went up there (other than the day she was admitted after we sat in the ER for over 8 hours before they'd even admit her) was the day she came home, armed with a set of clean clothes and whatever else she'd asked for.

My mom is a terrible patient and just doesn't like being bothered when she's sick.

[Amina516]

Anyone want to bet the insurance won't cover the extra two weeks because she could have been in a rehab facility?

Bingo. LOL. She couldve been transferred weeks ago..and the family refused. They just had to HAVE her in a private room so one of them could be able to sleep over at ALL times. Id hate to be the insurance agent on the other end of the phone when they finally figure that out.

They hospital was just getting ready to transfer her, with or without consent (apparently they can do that) when a place with private room opened up..

[Amina516]

That's exactly how my Mom is. When she was last in the hospital (3 years ago last month) she didn't want ANY visitors at all. But then she was actually in worse shape than we originally though, too (threw a blood clot in her neck that wasn't discovered until 2 days after she was admitted/severe upper respiratory infection/bladder infection/blood sugar too high) She needed rest and recuperation - not people coming in and out all the time.

She didn't even want ME - her only daughter - coming up to the hospital. I'd have went, even though I was working and taking care of the house and my brother. But she wanted me there at home and we'd talk on the phone every morning before I went to work and after I'd get home - sometimes twice during the evening.

Only time I went up there (other than the day she was admitted after we sat in the ER for over 8 hours before they'd even admit her) was the day she came home, armed with a set of clean clothes and whatever else she'd asked for.

My mom is a terrible patient and just doesn't like being bothered when she's sick.

Your mom actually makes sense to me. And Im sure, even if u did go, you'd have helped her put on her own chapstick.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Your mom actually makes sense to me. And Im sure, even if u did go, you'd have helped her put on her own chapstick.

I'd have run the nurses out of the room and done as much as I could by myself. But then that's just me.

Seriously though, I think the real reason is that I don't have much patience for stupidity and our area hospital is full of it, so needless to say somebody could show their ass.

And my ass ain't pretty when I have to show it, either.

[Seshat]

I'd have run the nurses out of the room and done as much as I could by myself. But then that's just me.

Not just you.


When my Nan was dying, I had to be shown how to help her with some things. She got the personal attention of her family for most things, whenever we were present. (Some things she wanted done by the nurses.)


I know some people feel awkward or have trouble helping sick family, but if you're not there to hold their hand or read to them or talk with them or even sit in comfortable silence, why are you there?

[Princess-Snake]

When I was in the hospital, my mom would make my bed, help prop me up on the chair, gave me a shower whenever she could, and walked around the hallway with me. My dad wouldn't do much, but even he helped me walk around the hallway. If family is going to be there, they should help the patient get better. Not just sit there and twiddle their thumbs or their PDA.