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I was up rather early this morning, and decided to hit a grocery store. This required a bus ride, naturally. METRO on the weekends. Fun times y'all, seriously. So, I'm on the bus, and things are going swimmingly. I'm sitting fairly close to the front, but not in the reserved for seniors/handicapped section, since I don't need it. The bus is pretty empty, only me, the driver, and about 6 other passengers. We pass a stop where a woman is sitting on a bench. She doesn't get up or in anyway indicate she wants to board this bus. So, the driver goes past, and apparently she signaled as he's passing her.
so, he's being nice. it's an empty bus, and he stops at the next stop, and tells us he's going to make a detour, and no worries, he's still on time. The 7 or so of us shrug, and go along with it. he's being nice, and that's kind of sweet. So, he finds a turnaround, and goes back, turns around again and comes up to the woman waiting at the stop. She clambers aboard, and grouses at the driver for not stopping when she was obviously sitting there waiting for him. The following conversation ensues, and I got dragged into it. What fun!
Driver (D): Well, ma'am if you had stood or waved, signaling you wanted this bus, I would have stopped. You did neither, and three buses serve that stop, so I thought you were waiting for one of the other two.
Cranky old woman (COW): I wasn't! You have to stop anyways if someone is sitting there!
D: Actually, no I don't.
COW: You're breaking the rules, dumbass! I have every right to report you!
D: Ma'am, I'm doing my job. You didn't signal, you didn't do anything. You just sat there and watched me drive by.
COW: You SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!! <She turns to face me, as I'm stuck in the seat behind her. Yay...> Shouldn't he have stopped! I should call and report his dumb ass!
Me: Ma'am, he turned around, and went back for you, when he was in no way obligated to do so.
COW: He should have stopped! I'm going to call and report him for dereliction of duty! (Yes, that was the exact phrase she used!)
Me: So...let me get this straight. You're going to call. To complain. That even though you made no indication you wanted to board THIS bus on a stop that serves THREE routes, despite the signs at said stop telling you to do so, the driver was kind enough to turn back and come and get you?
COW: HE NEEDS TO BE FIRED!!
Me: And you need a xanax, lady! He didn't have to go back for you. HE was being polite!
COW: HE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!
D: Ma'am! You need to stop yelling or get off my bus!
COW: STOP THREATENING ME!! I'm going to call!! I'm going to report that you threatened me! <She turns to me again> Did you see!?!!? HE THREATENED ME!
Me: No, he asked you to stop making an ass of yourself!
COW: YOU'RE A WITNESS!! He THREATENED ME!!
Me: All right, fine. Go ahead! Call METRO!! I dare you!
COW: I will! Give me the number!
Me: Gee, darn, completely slips my mind, don't have it! (Actually, I do, but I'm a bitch that way...) But you go ahead and call, because in about 10 seconds, I'm going to call METRO, too, and explain that an over-entitled hosebeast is going to call to make a frivolous complaint about an outstanding driver who went out of his way to be kind and polite and help her ungrateful, scum-sucking, deluded and self-important ASS!
COW: <Reaching for me> You can't talk about me that way!! I'll have you thrown in jail! I'll report you!! <She jabs her finger at the other 6spectators passengers) I have witnesses!!!
Me: Lady, you lay one finger on me, I'll rip your arm off and beat you with it. Back. OFF! <all said with the Smile I'm known for.> Like I said. Go ahead. Call. I could use the extra entertainment.
So, COW sits down, shuts up, and sends me nasty looks the entire time. Mind you, this all took place while we're sitting at a red light, and the poor driver has his phone out, wondering if he needs to call METRO police. I continue smiling at the COW. She pulls the cord. Apparently, she only needed to go one stop.
That's right, folks. She rode the bus for 20 feet. She clambers off the bus, still shouting about calling in and reporting everyone because we were threatening to kill her, etc, etc. I couldn't help it. I had to throw out a parting shot.
Me: And when I call in, I'll add lazy to the list of descriptives for you, since you couldn't be bothered to walk 20 feet, and decided to pay for a 30 second bus ride!
COW: Bitch!!
Me: Damn straight!
As the doors closed and the bus pulled away the other 6 passengers started applauding, and I realized what I'd done. Bit embarrassed.
I got off on my stop and made sure to wish the driver a wonderful day.
D: It's been great already! You have a nice day now!
Icing on the cake? My return trip, I had the same driver!
He wouldn't let me pay the fare for the ride home, which amused me.
So, sighting on the COW, small self sighting on me, because I could've kept my mouth shut (Though, in all fairness, and to quote myriads of 10 year olds everywhere - She started it). all in all, a bit of morning entertainment.
Only on METRO...
ETA: And yes, I DID call the METRO main line and left details about what had happened, my role in it, and how the driver went above and beyond and was excellent in his job. Effusive compliments, just in case the old sow makes good on calling in to whine.
so, he's being nice. it's an empty bus, and he stops at the next stop, and tells us he's going to make a detour, and no worries, he's still on time. The 7 or so of us shrug, and go along with it. he's being nice, and that's kind of sweet. So, he finds a turnaround, and goes back, turns around again and comes up to the woman waiting at the stop. She clambers aboard, and grouses at the driver for not stopping when she was obviously sitting there waiting for him. The following conversation ensues, and I got dragged into it. What fun!
Driver (D): Well, ma'am if you had stood or waved, signaling you wanted this bus, I would have stopped. You did neither, and three buses serve that stop, so I thought you were waiting for one of the other two.
Cranky old woman (COW): I wasn't! You have to stop anyways if someone is sitting there!
D: Actually, no I don't.
COW: You're breaking the rules, dumbass! I have every right to report you!
D: Ma'am, I'm doing my job. You didn't signal, you didn't do anything. You just sat there and watched me drive by.
COW: You SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!! <She turns to face me, as I'm stuck in the seat behind her. Yay...> Shouldn't he have stopped! I should call and report his dumb ass!
Me: Ma'am, he turned around, and went back for you, when he was in no way obligated to do so.
COW: He should have stopped! I'm going to call and report him for dereliction of duty! (Yes, that was the exact phrase she used!)
Me: So...let me get this straight. You're going to call. To complain. That even though you made no indication you wanted to board THIS bus on a stop that serves THREE routes, despite the signs at said stop telling you to do so, the driver was kind enough to turn back and come and get you?
COW: HE NEEDS TO BE FIRED!!
Me: And you need a xanax, lady! He didn't have to go back for you. HE was being polite!
COW: HE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED!
D: Ma'am! You need to stop yelling or get off my bus!
COW: STOP THREATENING ME!! I'm going to call!! I'm going to report that you threatened me! <She turns to me again> Did you see!?!!? HE THREATENED ME!
Me: No, he asked you to stop making an ass of yourself!
COW: YOU'RE A WITNESS!! He THREATENED ME!!
Me: All right, fine. Go ahead! Call METRO!! I dare you!
COW: I will! Give me the number!
Me: Gee, darn, completely slips my mind, don't have it! (Actually, I do, but I'm a bitch that way...) But you go ahead and call, because in about 10 seconds, I'm going to call METRO, too, and explain that an over-entitled hosebeast is going to call to make a frivolous complaint about an outstanding driver who went out of his way to be kind and polite and help her ungrateful, scum-sucking, deluded and self-important ASS!
COW: <Reaching for me> You can't talk about me that way!! I'll have you thrown in jail! I'll report you!! <She jabs her finger at the other 6
Me: Lady, you lay one finger on me, I'll rip your arm off and beat you with it. Back. OFF! <all said with the Smile I'm known for.> Like I said. Go ahead. Call. I could use the extra entertainment.
So, COW sits down, shuts up, and sends me nasty looks the entire time. Mind you, this all took place while we're sitting at a red light, and the poor driver has his phone out, wondering if he needs to call METRO police. I continue smiling at the COW. She pulls the cord. Apparently, she only needed to go one stop.
That's right, folks. She rode the bus for 20 feet. She clambers off the bus, still shouting about calling in and reporting everyone because we were threatening to kill her, etc, etc. I couldn't help it. I had to throw out a parting shot.
Me: And when I call in, I'll add lazy to the list of descriptives for you, since you couldn't be bothered to walk 20 feet, and decided to pay for a 30 second bus ride!
COW: Bitch!!
Me: Damn straight!
As the doors closed and the bus pulled away the other 6 passengers started applauding, and I realized what I'd done. Bit embarrassed.
I got off on my stop and made sure to wish the driver a wonderful day.D: It's been great already! You have a nice day now!
Icing on the cake? My return trip, I had the same driver!
He wouldn't let me pay the fare for the ride home, which amused me. So, sighting on the COW, small self sighting on me, because I could've kept my mouth shut (Though, in all fairness, and to quote myriads of 10 year olds everywhere - She started it). all in all, a bit of morning entertainment.
Only on METRO...
ETA: And yes, I DID call the METRO main line and left details about what had happened, my role in it, and how the driver went above and beyond and was excellent in his job. Effusive compliments, just in case the old sow makes good on calling in to whine.
Go me!!
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