Bullies (Long and a bit ranty)

[Phantasmagoria]

I am so fed up of being bullied on the road!

I have a small car, which isn't very powerful, and is one of the makes you might associate with being driven by a young woman. I am indeed a young woman. This does not excuse you if you choose to:
(a) drive as close as you can behind me when I'm driving at the speed limit.
(b) force me to squeeze myself out of your way on a narrow stretch of road because you can't bear to wait 5 seconds for me to reach the passing place.
(c) overtake me so close you clip my wing mirror, again when I was already doing the speed limit
(d) overtake someone coming towards me, forcing me onto the verge to avoid a head-on collision
(e) pull out directly in front of me, so I have to slam on the brakes.
(f) force me into the gutter so you can continue to drive your spotless white range rover in the middle of the road.

Well done, you almost caused an accident, and you have gained approximately 3 seconds, which will be wiped out at the next set of traffic lights, where I will be right behind you.

Also, screaming and swearing at me from the window of your BMW because YOU pulled out without looking makes you look like a massive prat.

Today I parked in a row of empty spaces in a car park, FIVE (make a note of that, it's significant) spaces away from the nearest car. As I was getting my stuff together to get out, the owner of that car decided to leave... by reversing all of about a foot, then driving forwards across the empty spaces until he came up to the side of my car. Where he stopped. He sat there glaring at me for a good minute, while I stared back thinking, "Surely he doesn't expect me to take the steering wheel lock off, start my car, and move for him?!" and "Maybe you shouldn't have such a large car if you can't manoeuvre it out of five parking spaces?"
Eventually he reversed slightly, and drove within inches of the front of my car, very slowly, glaring at me.
I get quite upset by things I perceive as unjust, and, to me, this was really quite unjust. You cannot expect to have an entire row of parking spaces kept clear just so you don't have to reverse to get out of the car park.

I know this sort of bullying and threatening behaviour is because these idiots see a young woman in a small (and admittedly feeble) car. I know it because I am insured to drive my Dad's Land Rover, which is particularly scruffy and manly looking. I notice that even when it's heavily loaded and going even slower than my little car, no one has ever attempted to intimidate me, push me out of the way, or anything like it.

Sorry this was a bit ranty. I'm so fed up with it, and I hate the feeling that every time I set off to drive I'm just waiting for an idiot to push to bully me a bit beyond their capabilities and cause a horrible accident. I've come home more than once and declared that I'm never going to drive again because someone has made me so frightened I've had to pull over to calm my nerves, or been so abusive for something that was their fault that I've been scrambling to lock my doors.

For the record, I don't think I'm a perfect driver myself, I'm probably not very experienced. However, I don't speed, I don't pull out if I don't think I can make it without making someone else brake, and I don't try to pressure other drivers.

I'm saving up for advanced driving lessons, when I can afford them, in the hope that it will make me more confident and better able to deal with this kind of thing. Has anyone else done this?

[XCashier]

Don't be sorry about the rant; you deserve to vent. They're the ones who should be sorry, using their penis replacements big macho cars to bully and harass another driver, a fellow human being just so they can feel like Big Shots.

Pity there's never a cop around when you need one. Serve the bastards right to get ticketed for reckless driving and endangerment.

[mjr]

(a) drive as close as you can behind me when I'm driving at the speed limit.

It might take you a little practice, but the next time some moron tries this, tap your brake with your left foot just enough to trigger the brake lights. I know. That's probably terrible advice, and you probably really shouldn't try it, but I did that once, and the guy who was behind me backed off about 3 or 4 car lengths.

Though it helps if you know that there's no one behind him. In this case, I knew that, which is why I did it.

Re: The guy in the parking lot. That guy was just being a douche. I wonder what he would have done had there been several cars in the lot.

[sms001]

I don't know if you really need those advance lessons Phanta - seems like you have the basics down in that last paragraph. And I don't want to be too cynical, but while your age/gender/car situation may draw slightly more suck toward you, I think it's kind of a fluke that you don't experience it occasionally in dad's Land Rover ---crappy drivers with bad attitudes are literally everywhere, and they generally don't distinguish between victims; we're all fair game.
And please don't apologize for being "ranty." Just the fact that there is a 'Roadkill' section should make it pretty clear that a lot of us go through this too.

[Ophbalance]

Tapping your brakes is... bad. Not a good idea. It's far safer to slow down gradually. Eventually their impatience gets the best of them and they'll zoom on by.

[wolfie]

And I don't want to be too cynical, but while your age/gender/car situation may draw slightly more suck toward you, I think it's kind of a fluke that you don't experience it occasionally in dad's Land Rover ---crappy drivers with bad attitudes are literally everywhere, and they generally don't distinguish between victims; we're all fair game.

You can say that again - some of them even try to push *ME* around, even though if they made contact, they'd be the forum's title. After all, a 379 Peterbilt with 40,000 pounds in the trailer is *NOT* the sort of vehicle you want to "trade paint" with.

[mikoyan29]

People are just careless assholes. My new Focus now has a dent on the door that is about the height of the bottom of an SUV door. The other day, I noticed yellow scraped just over the tire well. Yes...It's a Focus but that doesn't give jackasses the right to treat it like shit.

[Teskeria]

get 2 cameras. they don't have to work. put one mounted on your dash where it is obvious. the other when you have someone like the suv guy, pull out and act like you are taking pictures as he comes near. works for my niece...

[catcul]

When I was driving the little station wagon, I was approaching the US 301 toll bridge that spanned the Potomac River. Going from Virginia to Maryland is free, but going from MD to VA is $3. The speed limit approaching the toll bridge dropped from 45 mph to 25 mph. I was going 45 in a 25 when a police man caught me. However, I couldn't slow down because a huge SUV was tailgating me. The police man pulled over the SUV, while I paid the toll and entered VA.

[Seshat]

My parents ran a driving school for about twenty years.

Advanced lessons have two parts: one is car handling, the other is road courtesy. (Different instructors may call them different names, may mix the two into combined lessons, and so on - but however it's done, those are the two main aspects of good driving.)

Advanced car handling will make you more capable of avoiding the idiots without getting yourself or your car into trouble. (Edit to add: advanced car handling should also include handling skids, manouvering in tight places, and suchlike. So that you can drive in the worst weather or conditions short of 'state of emergency' and be safe.)

Road courtesy techniques will make you a more predictable driver, thus enabling other non-bully drivers to plan their own driving around you. These techniques also include observation - which includes spotting which cars are likely to be driven by bullies. And, if possible, planning your own driving to avoid them.

Regarding tailgaters: slow down, slowly if you need to.
Ensure there is ample braking distance between you and any vehicle/s in front of you; because you need the braking distance for both your reaction time and that of the driver behind you. If his vehicle is heavier than yours, you also need to give him the extra braking distance for his extra mass.
This extra space in front of you will almost always cause the tailgater to decide to overtake you at the earliest possible opportunity. YAY!
Also, it will reduce the risk of you being the middle car in a three-car concertina. A very good thing.

[Indigo]

And I don't want to be too cynical, but while your age/gender/car situation may draw slightly more suck toward you, I think it's kind of a fluke that you don't experience it occasionally in dad's Land Rover ---crappy drivers with bad attitudes are literally everywhere, and they generally don't distinguish between victims; we're all fair game.

THIS - so much! I am female, of the sturdy country variety (aka my mom's 300lb walk behind tiller is a small toy in my eyes). I occasionally borrow my mom's truck - a Dodge 1500, v8, 8ft bed, you have to get a running start to swing yourself into truck. I still get tailgated - by vehicles half my size. Bullies are going to bully no matter what kind of vehicle you're in. Only thing you can do is learn to identify the bullies and how to avoid them if at all possible.

The only benefit I have is that when I brake hard for a deer, my trailer hitch does more damage to the tailgater than they do to me.

[Chromatix]

The only benefit I have is that when I brake hard for a deer, my trailer hitch does more damage to the tailgater than they do to me.

Sign seen on the back of a Volvo 740: "Your skid stops HERE. =>" Arrow points to the towball.

[wolfie]

Sign seen on the back of a Volvo 740: "Your skid stops HERE. =>" Arrow points to the towball.

Would be more appropriate on the back of a Volvo 780 - unfortunately, not very many of them have ball-type hitches.

[dbuzman]

Tapping your brakes is... bad. Not a good idea. It's far safer to slow down gradually. Eventually their impatience gets the best of them and they'll zoom on by.

mjr said activate the brake lights to make the tail gator think you are slowing down, not to actually slow down.

[Ophbalance]

mjr said activate the brake lights to make the tail gator think you are slowing down, not to actually slow down.

It's still an act of aggression. When dealing with someone that is showing they are willing to compromise the safety of their own 3k pound vehicle, acting with aggression is never going to be the correct path. It's a way to trigger even more aggressive behavior. This is, of course, mostly my opinion.

There are other ways of forcing a tailgater to choose to go around, but tapping your brakes is just bad advice. Especially to someone who is admittedly a novice driver that feels intimidated. The best generally accepted advice is to gradually slow down, a few MPH/KPH at a time. Another is to change lanes, if available. Even if you're already in the through lane, the tailgaters that aren't willing to go around will pass if there's no obstruction. If this fails, a last ditch effort is to leave the current roadway and let the road rager bother another vehicle. None of these things should produce even more aggression from the vehicle behind you. And more importantly, it should put them in FRONT of you, which leaves one with more options for dealing with a road rager.