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That's me alright, the car way at the front of the line that is leading the pack and keeping everyone from going faster. Obviously for the simple reason that I'm an incompetent jerk!
How it starts: We've got a gray, rainy day here. The roads are wet and puddles have built up in our many dips & potholes. Then I come up on the last few miles before work, which is a windy road that goes around, rather than over, the mountain. It's also the stretch of the road where the local police have been setting up a bunch of speed traps.
My crimes against humanity: Given the driving conditions & the increased chances of a speed trap (roughly 3 out of every 5 working days, for the past month) I studiously drive the speed limit. This is a despicable, terrible thing to do. I AM AN ABOMINATION!!!
The joys of being the parade leader: The SUV directly behind me chooses to tailgate - to the point that I can rarely see their headlights. They do not, of course, take advantage of either of the mile long passing zones to go around me. Nope, they just keep crammed right up on my tail. Until we hit the speed trap, when suddenly they drop back to a safe distance while the cop is in sight.
Then the jerk is right back on my rear end again. This time with occasionally flashing headlights. From further behind, I can hear the next guy in line tooting his horn. Good for him!
This kept up for 4 1/2 miles. At which point I slowed down to 20 MPH at the 'Slow School Zone' warning sign, where I drive directly in front of a school with a bunch of kids being dropped off and playing on both sides of the road.
This is the final straw for several people behind me, whom I had driven into a frothing rage with my ridiculous behavior of obeying the law and trying not to get a ticket and/or car wreck. At this point, the 3 vehicles immediately behind me decide to pass me - in a school zone, on a double yellow line, through a crosswalk, in front of a school with children on both sides of the road.
I assume if anyone had an accident and/or killed a child in the road it would be entirely my fault for, y'know, obeying the rules when they wanted to go faster. Ironically, the property next to the school is where I work, so there's only a about 1/4 mile between the school drive and where I was going to turn off. Just a hair more patience and I'd have been gone, anyway.
On a clear day I often do 5 over the speed limit, and even then, this is pretty much what happens on my normal daily commute. Because I'm an asshole who pretty closely obeys the speed limit and safety rules, especially on the stretch of road surrounded by children.
Maybe one day, I will be hauled before the UN to face the well deserved punishment for my egregious behavior.
On a different note: Sometimes, the person leading the pack is really just a jerk. For example, the lovely specimen of bicyclist who I was stuck behind traveling at 1/3 the posted speed limit. 1/3 might be the limit, you say, for a reasonable person to be able to pedal a bike in that area. Why are they a jerk?
I deem them a jerk because it was a flat road with a speed limit of 15 MPH. And the specimen I was stuck behind could not go faster than 5 MPH. If you can't ride your bike faster than that on a flat road, you are no longer traffic - you are a road hazard. For everyone's safety, just get off the asphalt.
How it starts: We've got a gray, rainy day here. The roads are wet and puddles have built up in our many dips & potholes. Then I come up on the last few miles before work, which is a windy road that goes around, rather than over, the mountain. It's also the stretch of the road where the local police have been setting up a bunch of speed traps.
My crimes against humanity: Given the driving conditions & the increased chances of a speed trap (roughly 3 out of every 5 working days, for the past month) I studiously drive the speed limit. This is a despicable, terrible thing to do. I AM AN ABOMINATION!!!
The joys of being the parade leader: The SUV directly behind me chooses to tailgate - to the point that I can rarely see their headlights. They do not, of course, take advantage of either of the mile long passing zones to go around me. Nope, they just keep crammed right up on my tail. Until we hit the speed trap, when suddenly they drop back to a safe distance while the cop is in sight.
Then the jerk is right back on my rear end again. This time with occasionally flashing headlights. From further behind, I can hear the next guy in line tooting his horn. Good for him!
This kept up for 4 1/2 miles. At which point I slowed down to 20 MPH at the 'Slow School Zone' warning sign, where I drive directly in front of a school with a bunch of kids being dropped off and playing on both sides of the road.
This is the final straw for several people behind me, whom I had driven into a frothing rage with my ridiculous behavior of obeying the law and trying not to get a ticket and/or car wreck. At this point, the 3 vehicles immediately behind me decide to pass me - in a school zone, on a double yellow line, through a crosswalk, in front of a school with children on both sides of the road.
I assume if anyone had an accident and/or killed a child in the road it would be entirely my fault for, y'know, obeying the rules when they wanted to go faster. Ironically, the property next to the school is where I work, so there's only a about 1/4 mile between the school drive and where I was going to turn off. Just a hair more patience and I'd have been gone, anyway.
On a clear day I often do 5 over the speed limit, and even then, this is pretty much what happens on my normal daily commute. Because I'm an asshole who pretty closely obeys the speed limit and safety rules, especially on the stretch of road surrounded by children.
Maybe one day, I will be hauled before the UN to face the well deserved punishment for my egregious behavior.
On a different note: Sometimes, the person leading the pack is really just a jerk. For example, the lovely specimen of bicyclist who I was stuck behind traveling at 1/3 the posted speed limit. 1/3 might be the limit, you say, for a reasonable person to be able to pedal a bike in that area. Why are they a jerk?
I deem them a jerk because it was a flat road with a speed limit of 15 MPH. And the specimen I was stuck behind could not go faster than 5 MPH. If you can't ride your bike faster than that on a flat road, you are no longer traffic - you are a road hazard. For everyone's safety, just get off the asphalt.
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