More Erectile Dysfunction....

[blas]

When will men who constantly do this realize that driving like a total asshole does not make you look manly, rough, tough, or powerful? It only makes it a public service announcement that your little 2 inch penis is incapable of becoming or staying erect!

GAH!

So I'm on my way home this morning. La la la la.....no one has tried to kill me yet today.....oh shit, I thought aloud too quickly....

The left lane is full, because naturally, like every day, everyone is late for work and trying to go 80+ to get there before 8 am (good luck, you have 5 minutes).

Then I get to an entrance where traffic merges from the other highway onto this highway. Another big pet peeve of my morning commute (it's not nearly as bad when I go TO work at night because hardly anyone is on the road then) is that there are freaking FOUR entrances to this freeway, all only miles apart.....in the morning it's a royal PITA having to deal with parades of vehicles trying to merge onto the freeway when there's no chance I'd be able to get into the left lane without being killed by a "late" morning commuter, and the right lane is just as plugged with crawling traffic.

So everyone in the left lane is zoom zooom zooma zooming by, and I notice a car just got on to the on ramp. An Impala.

I'm a pretty good judge of time and space on this freeway, as I've been doing this for quite some time. I'm usually only wrong when people do asshatted things like what this Driving Advertisement For Viagra did.

It looked like I could just stay in the right lane and keep my speed, no need to ram the gas and no need to let off the gas, and he would be able to merge in, then do whatever.

Nope.

As we get towards the point where it's close to the merging lane closing....I look in my mirror.....the fucking asshat is just a few car lengths behind me! Now these aren't the longest on-ramps in the world, but they aren't the shortest, either. He had to have been attempting to merge at well over 80 mph, then realized I was in "his" way.

I start to panic a bit, but stand my ground, and we are neck and neck where the merging lane closes and becomes part of the right lane. That's right....he's in the last bit of free space....oohh...now he's on the fart strips (things on the side of the road that sound like violent diahrrea that help you realize you're going off the road).............ooh dear......he's on the fucking shoulder, and riding it!!

Is he really going to.....?

Yep, he is.

He nearly sent his Impala so far into the ditch that he probably could have rolled it multiple times and killed himself, as there really isn't THAT much of a shoulder. But I guess this crotch zit must have some real experience at driving like such a dick, because he managed to get himself back onto the road and rocket past me within a matter of seconds. He was going so fast, I saw him weave in and out of the lanes two or three times and then off into the clouds he went.

Fucking dick.

Maybe I was somewhat in the wrong.....maybe as soon as I realized he was getting too close, I should have let off the gas.....maybe I should have tried for the left lane....but then again, nah. Nope. The idea of merging is to be at the posted speed limit once you get in to traffic with everyone else....NOT to try to merge at 90 mph and blow past everyone or nearly kill everyone toodling along.

Sometimes I swear people like him purposely merge as fast as possible just to make people get out of their way.

[Bramble]

I see that happen ALL the time. But today when the guy did he he wiped out and went nose first into the ditch. Ahhhhh sweet karma.

[jedimaster91]

I call them rumble strips, but I like fart strips so much better.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Yup, Wisconsin is such a delightful place to drive in.

In addition to merging morons like the one blas ran into today, we've got the FIBs who drive like they've got bombs on their vehicles that will detonate if their speed ever drops below 80 mph, even in school zones, we've got the (probably) legally deceased people doing 3 hours per mile en route to All You Can Gum night at the supper club, we've got the people who'll drive ten miles below the speed limit just Because They Can, and we've also got the drunk drivers out at all times of the day or night because here in Cheeselandialand, we start our alcohol consumption early and never really stop it.

Some days my daily commute is like cheating death, and I only live about a mile away from work.

[derangedperson]

I can vouch for sucky Wisconsin drivers too (I'm also a Wisconsinite). Usually it's some jerkoff in a convertible riding my ass on the freeway. When that happens I usually move to the other lane, but if I'm feeling especially assholish, I slow down just to piss 'em off. It's hilarious seeing them rage behind their steering wheels.

[LingualMonkey]

we've got the FIBs who drive like they've got bombs on their vehicles that will detonate if their speed ever drops below 80 mph, even in school zones

Not all of us who live here are FIBs, but based on my daily commute, quite a number of us are.

[blas]

Irv, you say FIBs too? Good lord you would think we are neighbors and work together or are even freakin related! Or maybe Wisconsin is just the same no matter which part you're in.

I agree with everything Irv said about Wisconsin drivers. EVERYthing. And I'll add a few more. Around here, we have farmers who attempt to take their tractors on the freeways and highways (of course attempting to ride on the shoulder but are always taking up a lane) at a whole 10 mph.....then you have farmers who don't drive in the city often and are going about half of the speed limit and can't figure out which lane they need to be in. Then we have the legally deceased who absolutely refuse to quit driving and have plowed into buildings and other large fixtures....or they just do like in my other thread and keep backing up even though people are coming......fall asleep at green lights.....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Why yes, yes I do say that.

That's shorthand for "Friendly Illinois Brethren" of course.

I deal with quite a few of them. They must have vacation property up in Door County and one of the main routes up there goes right through my city.

And yes, the farmers annoy the living shit out of me too. Especially since I am very, very hesitant to pass anybody on a two-lane road.

[blas]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I just wonder why the hell is a huge tractor on the freeway? Those things can't even go 65 mph. But that's a whole other rant. If your vehicle is not even capable of going 65 mph, or cannot accelerate to 65 mph (in dry, good road conditions of course) by the end of the on ramp, WHY even use a freeway? Use a back road or the highways with speed limits of 45-50 mph. You don't do us any favors by clogging up traffic going 50 mph, or if you're that tractor, going 25 mph.

And I wasn't making that up about the old people smashing into things. I thought the farmer's market event that made national news was crazy...then it happened right in my neck of the woods. Fortunately, no one was hurt and it wasn't a big farmer's market or big gathering place. An old lady ran into a building with her enormous car. Didn't even realize she'd done it!

[AccountingDrone]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I just wonder why the hell is a huge tractor on the freeway? Those things can't even go 65 mph. But that's a whole other rant. If your vehicle is not even capable of going 65 mph, or cannot accelerate to 65 mph (in dry, good road conditions of course) by the end of the on ramp, WHY even use a freeway? Use a back road or the highways with speed limits of 45-50 mph. You don't do us any favors by clogging up traffic going 50 mph, or if you're that tractor, going 25 mph.

Because that is the top limit of the speed, not the required speed for that road. Legally one can go up to 15 MPH under the posted speed without having to put on ones hazard lights. Deal with it. Move to the left and pass them.

And frequently the freeway is the most direct route to go from one place to another. If I had to go on the back roads, with the required 35 mph speed limit back when I was still working in a callcenter in Hartford CT from where I live, it would have turned the 50 mile one way 70 minute drive into an almost 70 mile, almost 2 hour one way commute.

[Red Hand of Ulster]

Because that is the top limit of the speed, not the required speed for that road. Legally one can go up to 15 MPH under the posted speed without having to put on ones hazard lights. Deal with it. Move to the left and pass them.

You don't do us any favors by clogging up traffic going 50 mph, or if you're that tractor, going 25 mph.

Maybe that is the top limit, but, like Blas, I have yet to see a tractor get anywhere close to even 50mph. 25mph is generous. and when they decide to do it during the morning (or afternoon) rushes, many times it's impossible to get around them.

[tphillip]

Because that is the top limit of the speed, not the required speed for that road. Legally one can go up to 15 MPH under the posted speed without having to put on ones hazard lights. Deal with it. Move to the left and pass them.

Impeding the flow of traffic is a traffic infraction, and can earn you a nasty ticket in many states. It also makes you a traffic hazard and will cost you dearly in civil court should an accident occur. Juries of your peers tend to take a dim view of people messing with traffic because "It's not against the law". Sitting in court watching this stuff play out is a real eye opener.

For example: On I79 and I279 near Pittsburgh, PA the speed limit is 55. If you do less than 70 all (And I do mean all) will run you over and grind you into the crappy asphalt. I doubt the PA state police would be happy to see someone legally doing 45 on that road. Much like NY, I'm guessing you'd be pulled over and issued at least one ticket.

If someone wants to play on a highway, they need to understand both the written laws and how traffic actually operates on the same piece of concrete. Being legally right doesn't mean you're actually right. And going anything less than the actual legal limit on any highway (Like an Interstate) is asking for a reality check on some unwritten laws, like the one on gross tonnage and how the vehicle with more wheels always has the right of way.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I have yet to see a farm tractor on a freeway, and I hope I never do.

It isn't so easy to pass a tractor on a two-lane road, unless you want to risk a head-on collision. But fortunately most tractor drivers will leave part of the lane open so you aren't hanging out in the oncoming lane so much.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Usually it's some jerkoff in a convertible riding my ass on the freeway.

People who tailgate make me inclined to go exactly the speed limit.

[blas]

More often than not, it's a caterpillar or whatever you call those things, crawling along the side of the freeway, and once everyone realizes it's there, everyone has to panic and rush to the left lane to get around it. That just creates a hazard, when someone is going so slow that all the oncoming traffic has to slow down themselves or take chances and scatter to the other lane as quick as possible to get around it.

I'm not one of those idiots who tries to fly down the freeway at 80 mph screaming at everyone doing the limit. I just see red when the roads are clear and dry and people are on the 65 mph limit freeway toodling along at 50 mph or less. That is slow enough around here to cause everyone to go nuts and scramble to get around the slow person. And if it's a tractor/caterpillar going 25-30 mph.....even worse.