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... that when I got my drivers license back in October of last year, things would not go well. And for a while there, I was completely wrong about that. However, with the new job I'm driving the opposite direction that I used to. And apparently, that's the way the idiots go.
Two stories from the last couple of weeks (not even the months I've been working here) come to mind.
No, you're not that important
Driving along in the leftmost lane of this particular piece of highway, because the right lane is backed up from an exit I don't take. Everyone is going around the same speed, no problems.
Except for The Goddamn Dingbat, who has decided for whatever reason that her and her shiny black Saturn are, by gum, the most important thing on the road, and where she has to be is the most important.
Now, I'll pause here to giver her the benefit of the doubt, little Devils Advocate action (loooook, but don't toooouch). Maybe there was some actual emergency she had to attend. Maybe something had happened to a family member and she had to be there. Maybe. I'd like to think not because that makes it easier to hate her, but hey, maybe.
Even if that's the case? You still go with the flow of traffic. You wait for a space to open up in the left lane, if you want to get over there, then do. Hell, if you must, though I hate this, you can even weave in and out of traffic from there going an incredibly stupid speed, as long as you're changing lanes safely.
What you don't do is pull into the left lane almost running the entire left side of your car into mine. You then don't pull forward a bit more and attempt the same thing with the back half of your car. If I was the type to not pay attention - and there are plenty out there - then this would have been an accident. Whatever emergency, real or imagined you were headed to? Yeah, that would have been a here and now sort of deal.
So I follow her for a while, until I get close enough to "snap" photos with my cellphone (just hold the thing up, really), and grin at her in my terribly humorless way. This ensures two things. One is that they worry for a while that someone's going to come knocking because they did something stupid. The other is that my grin will be embedded into their nightmares in a couple of weeks time.
(Okay, maybe not. Let a man dream a little, yeah?)
Wait, Cthulu damn your eyes, WAIT
So, one portion of my journey requires me to take a right, going from a regular road onto the highway I spend most of my time on. There's no light here, it's right of way. The other side, across from me turning the same way, has to wait for an opening.
[I]I know/I] this can be annoying. I've done it a couple of times, and there's a pretty steady stream of traffic until a light further back turns red. I know that everyone is in something of a hurry in the morning to get to work.
I also know that this next guy is a dick who would be best served on fire and with an apple stuck up his ass.
Because, you see, he couldn't wait. So, as I'm turning, you does he. If I didn't brake, he would have gone ahead and slammed into the side of my car, or me into his. Whatever, I'm pissed, but he's on the on ramp. Just want him out of my way so I can commence listening to my music again and not paying attention to him.
No, instead he goes down the on ramp at 30 - 30! - miles an hour, rather than getting up to speed in order to merge with traffic. I'm cursing up a damn storm, and I know he can see me as it's a nice sunny day.
Then the son of a bitch brake checks me. He's done every damn thing wrong, but figures he's enough in the right to brake check me. After doing that, he floors it.
Too bad for him, as my foot can be a lot heavier than his, and I know how to keep up with him. Same as above, "snap" pics and grin.
They ruin my damn mornings, the others folks on the road do. Then they ruin my afternoons on the way home. The least I can do is ruin the rest of their days, and I only hope I do just that.
ETA: The above makes me sound a little like a mad person, chasing these folks and breaking all kindsa rules. So, to clarify, I do chase them - and catch them - because they get "stuck" behind other traffic and apparently aren't willing to risk killing anyone but me.
Two stories from the last couple of weeks (not even the months I've been working here) come to mind.
No, you're not that important
Driving along in the leftmost lane of this particular piece of highway, because the right lane is backed up from an exit I don't take. Everyone is going around the same speed, no problems.
Except for The Goddamn Dingbat, who has decided for whatever reason that her and her shiny black Saturn are, by gum, the most important thing on the road, and where she has to be is the most important.
Now, I'll pause here to giver her the benefit of the doubt, little Devils Advocate action (loooook, but don't toooouch). Maybe there was some actual emergency she had to attend. Maybe something had happened to a family member and she had to be there. Maybe. I'd like to think not because that makes it easier to hate her, but hey, maybe.
Even if that's the case? You still go with the flow of traffic. You wait for a space to open up in the left lane, if you want to get over there, then do. Hell, if you must, though I hate this, you can even weave in and out of traffic from there going an incredibly stupid speed, as long as you're changing lanes safely.
What you don't do is pull into the left lane almost running the entire left side of your car into mine. You then don't pull forward a bit more and attempt the same thing with the back half of your car. If I was the type to not pay attention - and there are plenty out there - then this would have been an accident. Whatever emergency, real or imagined you were headed to? Yeah, that would have been a here and now sort of deal.
So I follow her for a while, until I get close enough to "snap" photos with my cellphone (just hold the thing up, really), and grin at her in my terribly humorless way. This ensures two things. One is that they worry for a while that someone's going to come knocking because they did something stupid. The other is that my grin will be embedded into their nightmares in a couple of weeks time.
(Okay, maybe not. Let a man dream a little, yeah?)
Wait, Cthulu damn your eyes, WAIT
So, one portion of my journey requires me to take a right, going from a regular road onto the highway I spend most of my time on. There's no light here, it's right of way. The other side, across from me turning the same way, has to wait for an opening.
[I]I know/I] this can be annoying. I've done it a couple of times, and there's a pretty steady stream of traffic until a light further back turns red. I know that everyone is in something of a hurry in the morning to get to work.
I also know that this next guy is a dick who would be best served on fire and with an apple stuck up his ass.
Because, you see, he couldn't wait. So, as I'm turning, you does he. If I didn't brake, he would have gone ahead and slammed into the side of my car, or me into his. Whatever, I'm pissed, but he's on the on ramp. Just want him out of my way so I can commence listening to my music again and not paying attention to him.
No, instead he goes down the on ramp at 30 - 30! - miles an hour, rather than getting up to speed in order to merge with traffic. I'm cursing up a damn storm, and I know he can see me as it's a nice sunny day.
Then the son of a bitch brake checks me. He's done every damn thing wrong, but figures he's enough in the right to brake check me. After doing that, he floors it.
Too bad for him, as my foot can be a lot heavier than his, and I know how to keep up with him. Same as above, "snap" pics and grin.
They ruin my damn mornings, the others folks on the road do. Then they ruin my afternoons on the way home. The least I can do is ruin the rest of their days, and I only hope I do just that.
ETA: The above makes me sound a little like a mad person, chasing these folks and breaking all kindsa rules. So, to clarify, I do chase them - and catch them - because they get "stuck" behind other traffic and apparently aren't willing to risk killing anyone but me.
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