Two Assholes, Both Alike In Dignity...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Asshole the first:

Capitol City Cab, tailgating everyone on the road yesterday. In a known speed trap. I know who I WON'T be calling next time I'm drinking downtown. Anyways, guy's all up everyone's ass and eventually he ends up behind me. It was almost rush hour, and heavier than normal traffic. Guys's basically rimming my van, which considering there were cars in front of me, pretty pointless and obviously so. I slow down to make my turn (no, I did not slam on brakes, I was only going about thirty in a thirty five zone, and slowing down like everyone else was to turn) and this dim bulb drives his taxicab off the road trying to avoid hitting me.

Seriously, he was so close that just a very minor slowdown was enough to send him off the road in a brake-locked panic.

Is it wrong of me that I laughed?

Asshole the Second:
Last week, I had a tailgater (imagine that), also in same known speed trap. I saw something white, square, and the size of a shoebox in the road and I saddled it. See, I could see the road in front of me and could react. I didn't know what it was, and didn't want to hit it.

The guy behind me didn't have that luxury. Suddenly, he found himself helplessly driving into this thing that came blasting out from under my van in front of him. No time to react, he swerved clumsily and the thing exploded all over the his front bumper, scaring the hell out of him. It was a piece of white styrefoam packing. The wind from my van had sent it blowing out from underneath my back bumper.

Awesome. Bet he had to have his upholstery cleaned after that.

[BrenDAnn]

First--Love the Shakespeare reference. Wherefore art thou assholes?
Second--I. HATE. TAILGATERS! Hate them! I've seen them so much on my ass that i couldn't see their headlights, and somehow they think that's safe? Um...No. Bravo to you for teaching these two a lesson, and let's hope they remember it in the future!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I do love me some Bard.

Well, it really wasn't me who taught them anything. I didn't do anything making my turn I would not have done anyways. I didn't brake check him. I even put my signal on. He simply had absolutely no room to react at all to anything. Which was dumb, because there was no way he could have failed to notice there was a side street and that many people were turning.

The second guy, there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of that little exchange.

The universe dealt out these bits of schooling, I can't take credit for them.

[mikoyan29]

Fortunately, I only have to deal with the Freeways one day a week but that makes up for the rest of my week. I hate tailgaters with a passion. There are parts of my commute where there is really no point because traffic is ALWAYS backed up. My favorite is watching them up ahead having to swerve to the side because they are too close...and they do this repeatedly....Um...get a clue.

[EricKei]

Second--I. HATE. TAILGATERS! Hate them!

Yessss, Precioussses, we hatessss them asss well....Nassssty little tailgatesssesss, hissssss~~~

MORE BARD! MORE BARD!

[Geek King]

MORE BARD! MORE BARD!

Well, for the OP's taxi driver, post pant-soiling:

"[Thou] appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours." --Hamlet

"Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!" --Timon of Athens

"Your face is as a book, where men may read strange matters." -Macbeth

[mattm04]

Asshole the first:



Seriously, he was so close that just a very minor slowdown was enough to send him off the road in a brake-locked panic.

Is it wrong of me that I laughed?

If he hit a pole or the curb hard enough and totaled his cab, it would have been worth it. (assuming no one else besides the driver of the cab was involved)

[protege]

If he hit a pole or the curb hard enough and totaled his cab, it would have been worth it. (assuming no one else besides the driver of the cab was involved)

I have seen people do that. Several years back, I was driving my grandmother's Olds. Whenever I'd take her shopping, we'd take her car, since it was easier for her to get into. Now, a '95 Cutlass Ciera isn't a big car, but it was bigger than my Corolla...but I'd joke that it had a larger turning circle than the Titanic For whatever reason, people just *loved* to tailgate me when I'd take that car out. I always treat someone else's car with care...especially my grandmother's car. She was in her 90s then, but could still kick my ass!

Not all drivers are as respectful. One trip to Uniontown (PA), I had some idiot in a Dodge hatchback right on my ass. Keep in mind that traffic is moving at a pretty good clip on Route 21. 21 is one of those roads which is mostly two-lane, but does have some four-lane stretches. Not many, but enough so you can pass slower traffic. Anyhoo, we're moving along pretty good, and a car ahead of me decides to slam on the brakes I did the same, nearly standing the Olds (with its powerful ABS brakes) on its nose!

The Dodge behind me...locked up his brakes, and started sliding towards me I'm watching this unfold in the rearview mirror, bracing myself, because I think I'm going to get hit. Dodge swerved at the last minute, nailing the curb. He hit the curb hard enough, to not only stall the car, but he blew out his tire as well Serves him right for being a dumbass.