Aggervated driver!

[ShadowBall]

Just thought I'd share another one of my driving follies. As some may know, I have to share a car with my mother, and she is a horrible backseat driver and basically forces me to be a bad driver myself (as in OMG slam on the brakes five car lengths behind the car in front of you!) Note all typos are not accidental - it's how my mother talks.

One particular stretch of road that we travel every week has a sign posted that says "Aggressive driver area" - why, I don't know. I guess people drive like assholes there. And every single time I get on this road, my mother will say in her usual "I'm smarter than you" tone, "Now remember, this is a agg-err-vated driver thing!"

First of all, there is no such word as "agg-err-vated." It's "ag-GRA-vated." Second of all, the sign said, "aggressive." So my mother cannot read, it seems.

Anyway, as we pass a gas station where people tend to pull into traffic on rather short notice, someone did so in front of me. Bear in mind I had more than enough time to react, slow down and leave several car lengths between myself and that other car. Meanwhile, my mother is having a fit in the passenger seat and yelling, "Aggervated driver! Aggervated driver!"

Basically, I go through this every week. It's minor...it just kind of amuses me. I also get yelled at for driving the speed limit (which is 35). Due to the 'aggervated' drivers, I'm allowed to go maybe 30 on that particular road. And I've also learned that if I drive over anything - even a pine cone - the car's alignment will be completely thrown off. I actually got screamed at about the car's alignment being ruined because I ran over one of those little square reflector things in the middle of the road.

There's loads more stories, but I just wanted to tell this one for now.

[Kogarashi]

So tell me, how close are you to saving up for your own car, even a cheapo used one, just so you can get away from your mom when you need to go places? And can you get away with ignoring her while you drive, or will that result in your driving priviledges being revoked? Just curious, because were she my mom, I'd be leaving her at the next bus stop to get home on her own.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You know, just because someone is running their mouth at you, that does not mean you have to listen to them or do what they say.

[ShadowBall]

Uhhh...not close. In fact, school will leave me completely broke in November since I need to give up my last few hundred bucks for the hostel I need to stay at while in class. I haven't even booked my room yet since I still need about $200 more and I don't think I'll be getting any loans from the school to cover travel and lodging expenses.

And since it's her car I drive, I can't just leave her off somewhere because then I would most likely lose what precious few privileges I have to drive.

And believe me, I wish it was just as easy as ignoring a backseat driver. But my mother is the kind who will get louder and angrier when I don't listen and I really don't need such stress when I'm driving. Her screaming at me has caused me to run stop signs and piss off other drivers (like when I had to argue with her over a stop sign I could see and she could not with a whole slew of cars behind me).

So the best solution when the car is in motion is to just listen to the dumb bitch because she'll verbally abuse me and make me even more nervous.

[Kogarashi]

And since it's her car I drive, I can't just leave her off somewhere because then I would most likely lose what precious few privileges I have to drive.

Oh, I wasn't suggesting you dump her off somewhere. Just saying that's what I would do. Don't you do it, especially if it's her car.

I do recommend working on not letting her get to you if you can, though. Practice ignoring her, until she doesn't make you quite so nervous. I'd hate to see you get pulled over and ticketed or get in an accident because of her moronic advice.

[telecom_goddess]

I do recommend working on not letting her get to you if you can, though. Practice ignoring her, until she doesn't make you quite so nervous. I'd hate to see you get pulled over and ticketed or get in an accident because of her moronic advice.

I know exactly how this woman works cause MY mother was the same way and there is NO ignoring it. It just causes anxiety.

[ShadowBall]

Thought of another real fun story. I was driving around with her downtown one weekend and was going pretty slow...only about 25 mph. All of a sudden, two girls about 10ish years old ran in front of the car and didn't even look our way. I stopped in time - I was startled and irritated since these two were old enough to know better and I did not feel like getting sued by someone's angry mommy because her idiot kids were too ignorant to look before running into traffic. But I was overall okay and brushed it off as just one of those things you deal with when driving and was glad no one got hurt.

My mother, on the other hand, was very vocal about what happened. She was beating her fists on the horn and leaning over me to scream out my window at these girls, "Dumb bitches! Dumb fuckin' bitches!" as loud as she could. Keep in mind I was the one driving, not her. She was doing this from the passenger seat while the car was in motion.

Basically, my mother wants to control me and the car while I'm driving. And telecom_goddess is right - ignoring a person like my mother will only make things worse for me. It's not like ignoring a normal person who gets the hint and gives up - my mother will scream and whine and kick and fight and be abusive until she gets her way, damned be anyone else.

Driving alone is such a fabulous treat - I find it relaxing, I can listen to music, I can drive like a sane person. It's heaven compared to driving with my mother, and then I drive with her and I have to remind myself to enter "dumbass driver" mode for her. This involves driving under the speed limit, fluttering the brakes for two blocks before reaching a stop sign, stomping the brakes when someone approaches from a side road where there is a stop sign, driving as close to the center line as possible, and just overall being a horrible driver.

I almost am tempted to get a sticker that says "Student Driver" and put it on her car, in hopes that maybe other drivers will not be so pissed if they think there's a newb behind the wheel.

[blas]

Not on the road or anything, thankfully, since my mom finally got her license a few years ago, but she is the same way at home and in public if you try to ignore her.

Unfortunately, once she gets started on something, she won't stop. And you can try to ignore her all you want, she somehow still has the energy to keep yelling and flipping out, on and on and on.

Thankfully, she hasn't done that in a long time, but there were so many times when I was growing up that she'd cause scenes at the grocery store, just randomly get upset over something, and once that mouth opened, it was screaming and shouting and just unbearable.

[Raveni]

Hi there. Distracted driving is a major cause of accidents and death in the US.

If you can't drive without your passenger screaming at you, leaning over you, encouraging illegal behavior, or pounding on the controls, just stop. If she refuses to behave safely, refuse to drive her. If she takes away driving privileges for refusing to let her abuse you, then she is just using that privilege as another form of abuse.

[PepperElf]

You know, just because someone is running their mouth at you, that does not mean you have to listen to them or do what they say.

True but it's hard sometimes when the person talking is your parent.


I ran a red light once as a new driver (may have been on my learner's permit) cos dad was yelling "GO! GO! GO!" at me from the passenger seat. I had to learn to trust my own eyes first and Dad's orders second.

Which I ended doing within a year or so when I took a left turn. As I was making my turn he started yelling, "STOP!!!!" After I made my turn I said, "... I had the arrow..." and he calmed down after that.

[nuthing12]

You know, just because someone is running their mouth at you, that does not mean you have to listen to them or do what they say.

...or even drive them anywhere anymore, you can choose to make them walk.

[ShadowBall]

Oh it's not that my mother can't drive - it's just she lets me sometimes since I have a license. I don't even know how she got her license with how horribly she drives and I'm gobsmacked she has not been in an accident yet (well...someone backed into her car and drove off, but that wasn't her fault).

There are so many things I get screamed at about when I drive that there's just too many to list here. It sucks because if I don't listen, I can't drive and driving is one of those things I'd really rather not forget how to do. So as much as I hate the verbal abuse and forced shitty driving, I find it's a necessary evil in order to be able to drive at all.

I think the best day was when my mother and her moron were both in the car while I was driving, and it was on a 55-65 mph road. Mom was screaming to go slower (I was going about 55) and her moron was screaming to go faster, and then they'd argue with one another over who was right (since he's another "I know everything" type). I was on my way to take my road test the first time and I was so tense by the time I got to the exam center that I wasn't the least bit surprised I failed.

This is why when I can drive alone, I savor it. I really do like to drive in general. Just not with my mother in the car.

[greek_jester]

It's a pity you can't drop a quiet word to the local cops when you know she's out & driving on her own. Maybe if she gets pulled over a few times & warned for poor driving it'll sink in that she's wrong & she'll keep her mouth shut. Or maybe she'll get a ban if she mouths off enough to the poor cop

I don't know how it is in the States, but in the UK you often have to complete a driving course if you get charged for driving without due care & attention or dangerous driving, or if the offence is bad enough you have to pass your test again before you're allowed to drive after a ban.

[Kogarashi]

If your mother is any evidence of what can happen if you continue to drive...I'd gladly NOT drive for a while, or until you can get your own vehicle, and take a remedial class to bone up on road safety. I know that it's true that over time you can develop some bad driving habits but your mother's driving is damn scary - how long before how she makes you drive becomes engrained? Frankly, I'd rather not take the chance and simply stop driving at all when she is in the vehicle. For me, driving gives me a sense of freedom - if I can't drive comfortably I simply won't drive at all. Having somebody in the passenger seat screaming at me is NOT conducive to a comfortable (or SAFE!) driving experience.

This. And I'd quote that last line at her if she groused about it.

As for forgetting how to drive...usually it comes back to you, and as patiokitty said, you can often take a refresher course (or have a friend help refresh your memory) to brush up on your skills. During my four years of undergrad before I got married, I only drove during the three months I was home from college in the summer, but it still came back to me. "Like riding a bicycle" and all that.

[ShadowBall]

Much like how I know my mother's general behavior is abnormal, I also understand the way she drives is abnormal and probably illegal at times and I can separate doing things my way (which is most often safer) and doing things her way to shut her up. I think the thing I need to train out of myself is driving a little too slow at times, but I'm getting better doing that on my own.

And trust me, if I had any other means of transportation, I would use it. Thing is I live out in the middle of nowhere and it's a good 10 miles to civilization. There's also no bus service where I live and I'm not "allowed" to have a bicycle because my mother feels people driving will intentionally hit me. I used to have a bike I found on someone's curb, but it vanished one day. Methinks it was my mother throwing it away because she didn't want me to ride it. So it's drive or go nowhere for me.

As far as the local police...I don't think they'd care enough to stop her if I called them. I could see her getting belligerent with an officer because she's one of those people who hates the police for doing their jobs. She got pulled over once because she was a couple days overdue for a car inspection and an officer told her about her expired stickers and that's it. For about two weeks following that incident, all I heard at home was, "I hate them fuckin' cops. Dumb fuckers, blah blah blah."

But I found out I'll have some driving freedom Wednesday as there's a big sale going on that I intend to check out during the day.

The thing is I don't even know if safety is her main priority in the car. I think her biggest concern is driving in the way SHE feels is safe, which is just an offshoot of her need to always be right. She hasn't been pulled over yet, so either she's behaving herself just enough to evade tickets, or the police aren't bored enough yet to notice her.