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Merging Hell
So, I'm doing a few errands, which includes going to the other side of town for a few things. Now, instead of slogging through all of the downtown, lunch hour traffic, I decided to just take 75 across like I used to for school before I found a back way. Now, I'm on the ramp, trying to make my little turd of a car get up to speed. I make towards the end of the ramp and immediately have to slow down. Why you may ask? Because a whole line of assholes decide they aren't going to move over for me to merge. Now, i would be fine with this if the left lane had cars in it and they physically couldn't move over, but the the left lane was empty the entire time. Nope, everyone, including trucks and soccer moms on cell phones wanted to be assholes. I'm am stopped dead waiting for an opening.
Now, there is a highway patrol car sitting not even a few feet from me on the side of the road, clocking people and he's sitting there shaking his head at how asshit everyone is being all of a sudden. I'm sitting there with my head in my hand, waiting when he pokes his head out, signals me to follow him and flips his lights on. By pure power of those lights, EVERYONE suddenly jumps in the left lane and slows down to the speed limit. Of course, I'm getting weird looks cause I'm speeding up right behind the cop car, but fuck you, I'm outta here! He takes me all the way to my exit, where I indicate I'm getting off. I wave a huge thank you, he honks in response and promptly shuts his lights off and continues on down the road. Thanks highway patrol guy. You I will not call a state dick lol.
Turns are not hard
I'm in the left turn lane. You are turning into my road. I am the only car at the light and yet you continue on your wonky ass turn as if I am not there. You nearly clip the whole front end of my car before you suddenly swerve and flip me off as if I just magiced my car in your way all of a sudden. Maybe if you got off the flippin phone to make your turn correctly, you wouldn't be having a problem right now.
OMG!
For the love of all things pretty and shinny, GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE! You are weaving all over the place, barely stopping before hitting the backend of someone at lights, and you nearly turned into me several times while changing lanes. You and the 10 other people on phones on this road. This is a busy fracking road. GET OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONES AND DRIVE!!! Or else I'm going to commit some vehicular homicide and not care. Same thing with texting. If it is that important, pull into one of the hundreds of a friggin parking lots around here, call them, figure out what you need to do, and then drive. Or do what I do, wait until you are at a red light to text them back. Soon as the light turns green, whether your text is done or not, put the phone down and drive until the next stop light or stop sign. If you can't drive without sending one text at least every few feet on the road, you do not deserve the phone or the car for that matter.
Congrats, now move
At the gas station. I am parked up against the building, there is a car behind me. Not at the pumps, just sitting directly behind me for no apparent reason. It is what we call a "hoopty", which in ghetto terms means a piece of shit that they put cheap spinners, a lift kit that is no where close to being for that type of car (truck lift kit on a chrysler new yorker, I'm not kidding), and is rattling every window in a 5 block radius. I'm trying to get out, because I would like to go home. Please move.
Sir, please move.
Sir?
Oh for the love of.....MOVE YOUR PIECE OF SHIT NOW!
Course this brings the guy to my window, yelling how I'm racist and how he's going to kick my ass, and blah blah blah blah. I've heard before. I've lived here so long, some big black guy threatening me is really not going to scare me anymore. They never do anything about it. Cept, this guy.
I calmly say, "Look, I don't care. Either move your car so I can leave or I'm going in to talk to the owner of the place (who loves me and my roommates btw) and have you car towed out of my way. Either way, I'm leaving. It's up to you what you want to do."
He then flicks out the smallest knife I have ever seen, blunt as hell mind you, and says, "Or how bout I cut you?"
In one fluid motion, I have my much larger and sharper knife out, right against his wrist which is sitting on my window and calmly reply "I can play that game too, bro." And smile really big. Now, my knife is sharp to the point where I am not even putting pressure on the blade and it is already drawing a line of blood on his wrist. His eyes got REAL big, he drops his knife and starts backing away.
"Nah man, we coo, we coo." And moves his car. if you want to survive in this town, sadly you have to act like the asses who populate it. I don't like threatening people, because actually harming them go against everything I believe, but if someone is going to threaten me like that, with poor tools for the job, I'm gonna show 'em up and not care. This is one small town, farming girl who don't take shit from guys who think they are "big city thugs", when in reality, they're puny little assholes who try to use "the white man's fear of the black man" to get their way. I'm not scared of you, fuck off you little cowardly bastard.
So, I'm doing a few errands, which includes going to the other side of town for a few things. Now, instead of slogging through all of the downtown, lunch hour traffic, I decided to just take 75 across like I used to for school before I found a back way. Now, I'm on the ramp, trying to make my little turd of a car get up to speed. I make towards the end of the ramp and immediately have to slow down. Why you may ask? Because a whole line of assholes decide they aren't going to move over for me to merge. Now, i would be fine with this if the left lane had cars in it and they physically couldn't move over, but the the left lane was empty the entire time. Nope, everyone, including trucks and soccer moms on cell phones wanted to be assholes. I'm am stopped dead waiting for an opening.
Now, there is a highway patrol car sitting not even a few feet from me on the side of the road, clocking people and he's sitting there shaking his head at how asshit everyone is being all of a sudden. I'm sitting there with my head in my hand, waiting when he pokes his head out, signals me to follow him and flips his lights on. By pure power of those lights, EVERYONE suddenly jumps in the left lane and slows down to the speed limit. Of course, I'm getting weird looks cause I'm speeding up right behind the cop car, but fuck you, I'm outta here! He takes me all the way to my exit, where I indicate I'm getting off. I wave a huge thank you, he honks in response and promptly shuts his lights off and continues on down the road. Thanks highway patrol guy. You I will not call a state dick lol.
Turns are not hard
I'm in the left turn lane. You are turning into my road. I am the only car at the light and yet you continue on your wonky ass turn as if I am not there. You nearly clip the whole front end of my car before you suddenly swerve and flip me off as if I just magiced my car in your way all of a sudden. Maybe if you got off the flippin phone to make your turn correctly, you wouldn't be having a problem right now.
OMG!
For the love of all things pretty and shinny, GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE! You are weaving all over the place, barely stopping before hitting the backend of someone at lights, and you nearly turned into me several times while changing lanes. You and the 10 other people on phones on this road. This is a busy fracking road. GET OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONES AND DRIVE!!! Or else I'm going to commit some vehicular homicide and not care. Same thing with texting. If it is that important, pull into one of the hundreds of a friggin parking lots around here, call them, figure out what you need to do, and then drive. Or do what I do, wait until you are at a red light to text them back. Soon as the light turns green, whether your text is done or not, put the phone down and drive until the next stop light or stop sign. If you can't drive without sending one text at least every few feet on the road, you do not deserve the phone or the car for that matter.
Congrats, now move
At the gas station. I am parked up against the building, there is a car behind me. Not at the pumps, just sitting directly behind me for no apparent reason. It is what we call a "hoopty", which in ghetto terms means a piece of shit that they put cheap spinners, a lift kit that is no where close to being for that type of car (truck lift kit on a chrysler new yorker, I'm not kidding), and is rattling every window in a 5 block radius. I'm trying to get out, because I would like to go home. Please move.
Sir, please move.
Sir?
Oh for the love of.....MOVE YOUR PIECE OF SHIT NOW!
Course this brings the guy to my window, yelling how I'm racist and how he's going to kick my ass, and blah blah blah blah. I've heard before. I've lived here so long, some big black guy threatening me is really not going to scare me anymore. They never do anything about it. Cept, this guy.
I calmly say, "Look, I don't care. Either move your car so I can leave or I'm going in to talk to the owner of the place (who loves me and my roommates btw) and have you car towed out of my way. Either way, I'm leaving. It's up to you what you want to do."
He then flicks out the smallest knife I have ever seen, blunt as hell mind you, and says, "Or how bout I cut you?"
In one fluid motion, I have my much larger and sharper knife out, right against his wrist which is sitting on my window and calmly reply "I can play that game too, bro." And smile really big. Now, my knife is sharp to the point where I am not even putting pressure on the blade and it is already drawing a line of blood on his wrist. His eyes got REAL big, he drops his knife and starts backing away.
"Nah man, we coo, we coo." And moves his car. if you want to survive in this town, sadly you have to act like the asses who populate it. I don't like threatening people, because actually harming them go against everything I believe, but if someone is going to threaten me like that, with poor tools for the job, I'm gonna show 'em up and not care. This is one small town, farming girl who don't take shit from guys who think they are "big city thugs", when in reality, they're puny little assholes who try to use "the white man's fear of the black man" to get their way. I'm not scared of you, fuck off you little cowardly bastard.
I'm a small woman and have to drive to work through a not-so-nice neighborhood. It's funny how the guys on the corners stare at you and step off the curb at the stop light until Mr. Hunting Knife comes out of the side pocket of the console. When I've been pulled over and the officer notices, they understand why I have it there when I tell them the cross-streets that I have to stop at on my way to work.
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