Sucky Johns. VERY NSFW. 18+ ONLY.

[Seshat]

This is a thread for me to retell tales from the various prostitutes I know. IT IS NOT WORK SAFE IN THE LEAST.

It will also be squicky. Especially when I go to the category of strange fetishes.

YOU ARE WARNED.
Also, if you're under the age of consent in your country, please don't read this thread.












How I ended up knowing several whores ... uh, I honestly don't know. I ended up with one as a friend, then met friends-of-the-friend, and ... meh. They're all nice girls, guys, and genderqueers.
Some of them specialise in sex assistance for the disabled, actually - and as a general rule, those ones seem to have fewer sucky customers.

ANNNYWAY....

Background:
In my state, the rules are that you have to work out of a licenced brothel, or get a licence to work from your own place, or go to the customer's place. If the customer rents a hotel room, thats fine - but it has to be in the customer's name.
The licence fees for brothels or for working out of your own place are extortionate. None of the ones I know work out of their own place; and the brothels try to ensure that they're fully staffed all hours of the day and night to get as much custom as possible.

So.
Category 1 of sucky Johns: where they want to fuck.

You'd think that being told 'by law, I can only use your premises or a hotel room that you rent' would be enough. But hey, wouldn't be here if it was....

The most obvious are the ones who want the whore to provide the premises; and are persistent about it.
Excuses:
"But I live with my parents."
"But I can't do it at home." (No actual reason given, but what's the betting that there's a spouse who doesn't know?)
"But your place would give us more privacy."
"But I live in dorms."

And? None of that makes it legal for her (or him) to provide premises. Several thousands of dollars up front, plus annual fees, makes it legal. Got that cash? No? Then no, it's your place or a hotel room.


Then there's "I have a kink" folks.
- In his car.
Sorry, no. The girl can't afford to lose her licence and spend jail time for public indency.
This guy's kept calling back for THREE MONTHS. Calling the same girl, after having been rejected and had the rejection explained. She's repeatedly told him that a hotel room is fine; as is his own place. But no, he wants the car.

- In an alley, with him holding her against the wall.
See above. Plus ... ewwwww.



Category 2: How the john wants to meet the whore.

For safety/security reasons, the whores bring a driver. They're going to a stranger's house (or hotel room), and are almost always wearing fuck-me shoes: it's hard to run or fight in shoes like that.
The procedure is: the driver meets the customer and takes the money, then the whore goes inside, the door is closed, and then AND ONLY THEN does the session start. If the session continues beyond the planned time, the whore texts the driver using a keyword that indicates that all is well, in addition to the expected new alert time.
Also, the session inevitably starts with an std check, and the john showering (most whores will shower with him/her if asked). Condoms are mandatory.

Again, these cases are not about customers who accept a polite 'no' and move on. These are cases of people who persist ... and persist ... and persist ....


- I want to put the money in the mailbox, and open the door naked.
No. Just no. The driver will be meeting you. Not open to negotiation. And since you seem to be hetero, you probably don't want to be meeting him naked.

- I want you to come up to my door in the nude.
See above about public indecency....

- I don't want to meet your driver, I want to meet you.
And I want a pony. Your point?

- Can I pay afterwards?
Can I taser you? Oh, never mind. You might just get off on it.

- I'm clean, you don't have to check me.


- Why do I need to shower?
It's always the stinky ones who ask that.
Some of the whores don't bother with certain of their regulars: but the whore gets to decide. (And yes, she/he showers between clients too.)


Okay. Tired now. Also, starting to tell these stories in first person. Also, in a weird mix of second and third person even at the start of this thread. More later.

[PepperElf]

"But your place would give us more privacy."

To be honest I can fully understand why they don't want to work out of home and not just because of the license fees. First, without a separation of home & work, the bedroom would no longer be a place of rest (unless another room was used). Second, it can be a security/safety issue too.

Kinks: frankly isn't that what craigslist is for? But seriously I understand some people have kinks, but I doubt they're offering enough to cover for the loss of employment. Perhaps they should look for some kink-friendly sites instead.

Category 2: ... that pretty much makes sense. And goes with what I thought about the "home office" scenario.

[Seshat]

The ideal work-from-"home" scenario for a prostitute is to take a small, single-bedroom apartment near the inner city and get that licenced. They live somewhere else.

It's not as if prostitutes don't have families too! What do these people think the girls/guys do in their off time? Go into a Borg Tube and plug themselves in to wait till they're wanted again?

[fireheart]

You know, I'm thinking...how does one receive training in checking for stds?

[Alpha Strike]

They're all nice girls, guys, and genderqueers.

What is a genderqueer?

[fireheart]

What is a genderqueer?

Someone who doesn't view themselves as male or female, or someone who is unsure of whether they were born in the wrong body.

[Seshat]

You know, I'm thinking...how does one receive training in checking for stds?

To become licenced, one must have a thorough STD check oneself. And maintain regular checks.
There are several doctors who are prostitute-friendly (as you can imagine, not all are). These doctors are more than happy to teach the girls how to check for STDs, and have a gallery of not-so-pretty pictures in a booklet for them to take home.

What is a genderqueer?

Fireheart nailed it.
Some are people who were born intersex (ie, had both male and female external genitalia, or had an ambiguous clitoris/penis and ambiguous or nonexistent vulva/scrotum, or ... any of many other abnormalities).
Some are trans (male-to-female or female-to-male) who choose not to have the surgery, or for whom the surgery would be medically unwise.
Many are people who, for some reason or another, don't feel either 'male' or 'female'.

[Seshat]

Category 3: Time-wasters.

If you call a brothel, you'll sometimes get a male on the phone. Many men enjoy the sound of a female voice. Sometimes .. too much. :P

It's far, far too common for a guy (presumably also a woman) to call with no intention of ever booking. They just want a free erotic phone call.

[fireheart]

Fireheart nailed it.
Some are people who were born intersex (ie, had both male and female external genitalia, or had an ambiguous clitoris/penis and ambiguous or nonexistent vulva/scrotum, or ... any of many other abnormalities).
Some are trans (male-to-female or female-to-male) who choose not to have the surgery, or for whom the surgery would be medically unwise.
Many are people who, for some reason or another, don't feel either 'male' or 'female'.

Actually I was thinking more of the latter two. I didn't think of the first one, especially because I've heard of those folks generally having corrective surgery since there are other health issues relating to the genitalia.

[PepperElf]

The ideal work-from-"home" scenario for a prostitute is to take a small, single-bedroom apartment near the inner city and get that licenced. They live somewhere else.

That's a good point. And that can also be another reason why the "work from home" isn't always done. If they're freelancing that second apartment is not going to be cheap.

To become licenced, one must have a thorough STD check oneself. And maintain regular checks.

I've also been told that some porn stars sometimes do a brothel stint - especially since they're already going through regular STD checks. Although I'm not sure how common it is.


Is it bad that I keep wanting to say "Companion" vs prostitute? I mean since they are registered and all.

[fireheart]

Is it bad that I keep wanting to say "Companion" vs prostitute? I mean since they are registered and all.

Without getting too much into a debate over the legalities of prostitution, my state has a very weird grey area. Basically, brothels, pimping and soliciting in public are illegal (as is procuring) but the actual act of prostitution in itself is not.

Thus, many folks get around this by saying that they are "escorts", providing "adult relaxation services" or similar in the paper.

I remember a former CW of mine was looking at the paper in the lunchroom and going through the column advertising those services going "prostitute, prostitute, prostitute, not a prostitute, prostitute, definitely a prostitute" just all down the page....

ETA: before anyone asks, Seshat and I live in different states. Prostitution in Australia basically differs between states as to the legality of brothels, legality of sex workers and legality of services. Generally speaking though, there are laws that apply to what they can and can't do.

[Rhania506]

Fireheart, I think PepperElf was going for the Firefly reference.

[PepperElf]

Yep. Seeing as how they're "registered with the guild" so to speak.


Or there's the Kushiel's Dart version - "Servants of Naamah"

[Aethian]

That and it sounds classier in any way you look at it.

[smalltownclerk]

You're amazing. Truly, you are! I'd love to sit down and have a coffee or frappe with you and hear your story.