Please don't call me if you are not prepared!

[greensinestro]

A pet peeve of mine are customers who call in to our call center, yet are not prepared. An example is the lady I had once who called me up, wanted to discuss her bill, yet she had not even opened the bill yet! "Hold on, I'm just pulling it out of the envelope now."

The recording on our menu always tells a customer "Please have pen and paper ready for any information you may wish to write down". At Bellsouth, this was a requirement for us on every call. Yet, ten, fifteen minutes into the call, as you are giving the customer very important information you know will not be imprinted in their brain, "Oh, hold on! I'm looking for a pen right now! I wish you had told me that before you spoke to me." OK, let me see. Our automated service told you this, then I told you this when I answered the call. I guess I should have said it a third time since that is the charm.

Working in technical support, I get tons of people with "I need help connecting to the internet" yet they don't have the computer on and ready to go. One person the other day thought he could just remember everything. If that was the case, he would not be calling me.

And, my personal all-time pet peeve: Those that are obviously in the middle of something, don't really have time to talk, but have called in anyhow for God knows what reason. Please!

[auntiem]

I feel your pain- I get the same thing which just baffles me. Why would someone call to arrange travel and not have the basic equipment and time to accomplish the task? You called me buddy. You would think people would have at least a pen, paper and calendar.

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

"Please have pen and paper ready for any information you may wish to write down". At Bellsouth, this was a requirement for us on every call. Yet, ten, fifteen minutes into the call, as you are giving the customer very important information you know will not be imprinted in their brain, "Oh, hold on! I'm looking for a pen right now! I wish you had told me that before you spoke to me."

Arggh, this drives me mad! I can't even tell you how many times I get this. Broker calls to get a LO for their area. I say these exact words "Let me give you the name and number of the LO that covers your area." I know this is the exact schpeal because I say it all the effin time!! I give them the name, then begin to ramble off the number and I always get:

"... oh wait wait, I need to get a pen and paper.. (cue 3 minutes while they look for a piece of paper and a frikkin pen that 'actually works')."

Now I ask you, if I just said I'm giving you the name and number of the LO, wouldn't that signal you that you probably need a writing instrument and something to write on? Or are you planning on biting off a bit of that fruit you seem to be slurping on and schmearing it on your desk for reference?

[NightAngel]

Now, I always try and have everything together and ready when I have to call somewhere.

But here's what happens:

I'm on hold, listening to the music and the, "Please stay on the line- an associate will be with you soon," message. I get thirsty and take everything to the kitchen. Then, the kid needs something- I take everything with me. Maybe I do 5-6 different things while I'm on hold.

At some point I lay everything down somewhere and don't even realize it until the call is answered. Then have to retrace my steps to figure out where. I apologize to the person on the other end and try to explain that when I dialed I was ready- I swear!

Okay, obviously this doesn't happen every time- just when there is a longer hold time. This may be kind of sucky of me but I just can't sit and do nothing while I'm on hold.

[auntiem]

That isn't sucky- at least when you do find the items they will actually be all there. Not "oh, here is a calendar" *gives dates* then at the end of the call after re-capping everything "oh, wait this is a 2005 calendar" get that straightened out and then "oh, wait I'll get my Visa" (distant sounds of clomping and door slamming) when they finally get back from their arduous trek to the mystery spot where they store their Visa "it was out in the truck".

[Andara Bledin]

I still do backup receptionist duty at work, so I still get to play with the idiots.

As a note, I tend to have a chipper yet brisk phone manner. I try to let the caller know that the only help I can give them is to pass them on to the right individual.

Here are some highlights...

Me: <Company Name>
SC: Uh, yeah... um....
Me: How may I direct your call?
SC: I'll call you back. *click*

... yeah, sure you will.

Me: <company name>
SC: Hi ... This ... is ... <Sucky ... Customer> ... with ... <Sucky ... Company> ........
Me: *resisting the urge to finish his words or gnash my teeth* How may I direct your call?
SC: I'd ... like ... to ... talk ... to ... some .. one ... about ... some ... parts ........
Me: *praising various deities that I could unload molasses man* One moment.
Me: *to my unfortunate coworker* You've ... got ... a ... call ... line ... 1 ... Have fun!
CW: *glares at me* Oh, thanks alot.

That one exchange took nearly 5 minutes! The coworker in question works on the other side of the main room, and she knows that when my voice gets syrupy sweet or I am suddenly talking strangely that she's getting a call she's going to hate.

The worst part about that whole saga is that the callers who reach her are either new customers that got the company name and fax number from a parts listing directory and then had to hunt up the phone number, completely ignoring the instruction of "fax only" where the phone number would have been or regular customers who already know that to get a quote they have to send a fax or email or give their information and wait until all of the faxes and emails have been dealt with before they'll get a response.

^-.-^

[iradney]

*sigh*
I had one today that just made my logic run away screaming like teenage girls at a Timberlake concert and he'd JUST whipped his shirt off and started grinding a dancer...

A customer calls in. Wants to use his smartphone as a usb modem on windows vista.
ONLY PROBLEM: He's NOT in front of the pc, he...is...DRIVING.

Yes, that makes perfect sense. Everyone wants to do modem setups while they're driving, don't they? Actually BEING in front of the computer is not necessary, since we can project ourselves over to your house and our corporeal spirit will set it up for you.

[greensinestro]

"... oh wait wait, I need to get a pen and paper.. (cue 3 minutes while they look for a piece of paper and a frikkin pen that 'actually works')."

Now I ask you, if I just said I'm giving you the name and number of the LO, wouldn't that signal you that you probably need a writing instrument and something to write on?

Yeah, that's how I feel about it. To this day, I get those who set up their internet service and after we have negotiated the username and password, it's obvious they did not write it down because later, when you help them set it up on their computer, they'll say, "Oh, wait! I need to write this down!" Yet, I tell customers this because you know they aren't going to remember this on the first connection to the internet.

[Best Made Tacos]

Erghh....I cannot understand the customers I would get who wanted an insurance quote for the first time from us and knew nothing about the vehicle!

I need the model year! And the type! Just saying a 'blue ford' does not help me! How can someone not know whether they are driving a manual or auto? OK, I can understand they might not know the engine size or whether it is a 'KB' Laser or an 'X' model Laser (altho giving the car a good lookover would tell anyone not legally blind), but surely someone who regularly drives the car would know how many gears it has? And the petrol tank size?

And if the caller doesn't drive the car and knows nothing about automobiles anyway, why did their husband (and it is nearly always the hubby/boyfriend) insist they make this call?

Grrrr.

[Best Made Tacos]

Yeah, that's how I feel about it. To this day, I get those who set up their internet service and after we have negotiated the username and password, it's obvious they did not write it down because later, when you help them set it up on their computer, they'll say, "Oh, wait! I need to write this down!" Yet, I tell customers this because you know they aren't going to remember this on the first connection to the internet.

Oh ye gods, I once had a woman who took 10 minutes to understand she needed to enter a 6 digit PIN into her phone keypad at the prompt, and when I asked her to enter it again, 5 minutes later, said "I forgot it".

This WAS after I specifically told her she would need it in the near future to establish an internet banking password. Holy hell, I must have said "Think of a number you will remember" about 5 times before she even got started, and even that didn't sink in.

The same woman had the nerve to whine "Why do you make it so HAARRRDD?" when I told her we had to repeat the whole process again.

[Byronthebanker]

If you call me with a question on your account, what do you think will be the first question that I ask you? ding ding ding . .. ring the bell for the right answer if you said your "name of my bank" account number . .. and I am always specific to say "name of my bank" account number because you would be amazed (or maybe not) at people that give me the numbers from old banks that we've bought years ago, or numbers that I have no idea where they are pulling them out of . . .

I think I will count next social security day of how many people call to check if their social security is in (the same people call every month, and I know they've been on social security for years) . . . and don't have their "name of my bank" account number.

shhh . .. sometimes if it's one I know know calls every single month "just to check" I just say, "yes."

[Daphne]

This makes me want to pull my hair out. People will call my library without their cards ready; we will not access their account without the library card number. This means I have to wait on the phone while the moron on the other end finds his or her card. As the idiot searches for the card, I have an ever growing line of more idiot patrons in front of me. It is so frustrating.