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Excuse the misspellings, typing on an ipad is harder than it looks. 
I don't know whether to blame myself or blame him or something but...I seem to have picked up an unofficial "tutoring" gig. For some odd reason,vwhenever people hear that I've gotten an English degree, it somehow equates to "why yes I would looooooovvvvveeeee to become a teacher even though I have no patience for teaching!"
For those of you not in the know: I've left Aid of Rite. Best decision I ever made, blahblah. I had a second, part time work from home job that I -adore- but it has its own problems (thread for a different forum). Anyway. From Aid of Rite, there was this guy that used to come in every couple weeks or so to use the photo machine. Nice guy but had a bit of an "I know everything therefore I'm smarter than youuuu" attitude. I shall call him Monsieur. Manager J did not like him because of previous experience with helping him with items for Monsieur's photography class. How I wish I had listened.
So I was in the hospital a couple weeks ago waiting for my father to be released when Monsieur walked down the hallway and stopped me. "you're an English major, right? Great! So I have this paper I want you to look at."
"Uhm..."
"I can give you cash."
Well, circumstances being how they are, cash is welcome. So we agreed to meet at the library.
Ohhh boy.
First problem was that he called my cell 5 times while I waited for him at the library, snarling "where are you?!?" He Talked over me, did not know what he wanted me to do at first and had a strange obsession with me printing -everything- because I might not "get it". Bitch please. The first problem came when he could not remember how to get into his own online classroom discussion board using his password and account. I attended that same university he went to and even after -3- years I still remember how to get into their computers
"WHY IS ThIS NOT WORKING?!? If the library's internet worked on my computer we wouldn't have this problem of having to use their computers! I can't figure this Shit out! On my computer it's all automatic!"
"Uhm, Monsieur? It's Monsieur.Lekunte@blahblah.edu"
What does he do? "MonsieurLeKunte", enters in password and go. Over and over, wasting 15 minutes of the time limit on the library computer. Finally, he decided to listen to me and did it as I said. Whaddya know? It worked. Cue me fuming in silence.
He had no idea how MLA format worked (and ignored the helpful module that his professor provided, expecting me to pick up the work), did not know how to look up sources in a book (wanted to use the internet exclusively-all well and good but this paper was about driving laws, which, y'know, don't exactly change very rapidly so could be in a book), and did not have MSword or OpenOffice installed on his computer and didn't know how to use GoogleDocs. So his papers were written in...oh god what is it, not textedit but another program I guess comes default with Windows. Rich text editor? Help me out?
I wanted to cry when I read the paper. Long, convuluted, loopy setences all starting with I or Me or We, too many commas, too many mispellings, on and on.
"Well my professor likes it when I use my personality in that paper!"
I'm...sure he does but holy Jesus. I don't expect perfection, but if you're in a college English class, one of the first things they drill into you is use facts, avoid I belive or Me or We think and use facts. Did I say use facts? Yes, I meant it. Most of the paper was about his opinion on driving laws. I cleaned up that paper as best as I could with him hissing about "keep my PERSONALITY" and tried to make it readable. I think I succeeded, but I made him happy. I think. He was amazed I knew how to copy and paste. He was "ohhhhhh my gawd where did the discussion board go?!?" when I opened up a new tab in the same window. He seemed surprised that I knew how to do research on the internet.
At the end of the session, I had to wait while monsieur got money out of the ATM. Grand otal for nearly 4 hours of work was around $20. Meh...
Oh it gets better.
Met with Monsieur last week about another paper he wanted me to "help him write". This time it was a persuasion essay which had to use facts and stuff. He wanted me to write about the benefits of vitamin D. Ok. Well and good. Same thing. Talked over me, didn't seem to know what he wanted. He wanted me to write up a discussion board post about his thesis. "well what is your thesis?"
*blank stare*
"Why is vitamin D so important?"
"Well you see this girl on this post said this and that and do you see what she did? Can you print that?"
"*sigh* Yes I see what she did. But I want to know why you think vitamin D is so important."
"Uhm...oh! It prevents diseases! You know, the FDA *insert conspiracy theory here* and that's why we're so tired and sick. Ohhh this natural health foods doctor, he's a real genius, look, can you print this article too? It's sooo awesome *blahblah about natural foods and such*" Note: While I personally believe that supplements are a good thing and some of the food on our shelves is not good for us, I do not appreciate being treated to a rant about natural food and stuff when I am trying to frigging help him with his frigging paper. Ergo, I do not want this thread to go into fratching regarding natural medicines and foods and so on. Got it? Good. Debate on your own time, this is my sucky customer not yours.
)
Anyway. I finally come up with a thesis statement. I see that the professor has said "oh this paper needs to have an opposing viewpoint." I try to help Monsieur come up with some sort of opposing viewpoint. "THERE IS NOTHING WRONg WITH ViTAMIN D!" Ok. "It's toxic in high doses, right? And the FDA's guidelines are outdated, right?" i wanted more than anything to go back home and eat my delicious pizza at that point. So, grudgingly, he agrees. We break, I have his paper that I promise to make improvements to, we agree that I would have it by Thursday, etc, etc.
Monday he calls me and goes on about how wants this paper to include no opposing viewpoints. Oh, and that I should go and rewrite the entire thing. Caphice? My cellphone is a crappy pos pay-as-you go from 2006 that was running low on minutes. I tell him upfront, "Monsieur, my cellphone is low on minutes."
"Ok, but...blahblahblah" 10 minutes later, to rant at me about WHAT HE ALREADY REAPEATED the pips (beeps) start.
"gotta go bye!" *click*
Yesterday he emailed me some stuff his professor posted on the discussion board, using the newfangled copy and paste that I taught him. I wasn't able to get to it until this afternoon after I had rewritten the paper (chopped it down by one full page).
"here is a list of guidelines. Oh, guys, remember, your persuasive paper is about higher education."
So Monsieur wanted me to write him up a discussion board post on his new thesis for higher education. Uhhhhh, no. I sent him a politely worded email "what interests you about higher education?" Haven't heard anything back from him yet.
I mY seem like I have the patience of a saint, but I don't. On the second library visit, Monsieur kept commenting on how quiet I was and that I looked upset. I wanted to strangle him. I really did. But the library was busy and there were too many witnesses.
Jokes aside, yes, I was angry, but I kept my cool, even through the consoiracy theories, the fact that he wouldn't know a scholarly source if it bit him on the ass and the ugly writing.
*sighhhhhh* What the fuck have I gotten myself into...
I don't know whether to blame myself or blame him or something but...I seem to have picked up an unofficial "tutoring" gig. For some odd reason,vwhenever people hear that I've gotten an English degree, it somehow equates to "why yes I would looooooovvvvveeeee to become a teacher even though I have no patience for teaching!"
For those of you not in the know: I've left Aid of Rite. Best decision I ever made, blahblah. I had a second, part time work from home job that I -adore- but it has its own problems (thread for a different forum). Anyway. From Aid of Rite, there was this guy that used to come in every couple weeks or so to use the photo machine. Nice guy but had a bit of an "I know everything therefore I'm smarter than youuuu" attitude. I shall call him Monsieur. Manager J did not like him because of previous experience with helping him with items for Monsieur's photography class. How I wish I had listened.
So I was in the hospital a couple weeks ago waiting for my father to be released when Monsieur walked down the hallway and stopped me. "you're an English major, right? Great! So I have this paper I want you to look at."
"Uhm..."
"I can give you cash."
Well, circumstances being how they are, cash is welcome. So we agreed to meet at the library.
Ohhh boy.
First problem was that he called my cell 5 times while I waited for him at the library, snarling "where are you?!?" He Talked over me, did not know what he wanted me to do at first and had a strange obsession with me printing -everything- because I might not "get it". Bitch please. The first problem came when he could not remember how to get into his own online classroom discussion board using his password and account. I attended that same university he went to and even after -3- years I still remember how to get into their computers
"WHY IS ThIS NOT WORKING?!? If the library's internet worked on my computer we wouldn't have this problem of having to use their computers! I can't figure this Shit out! On my computer it's all automatic!"
"Uhm, Monsieur? It's Monsieur.Lekunte@blahblah.edu"
What does he do? "MonsieurLeKunte", enters in password and go. Over and over, wasting 15 minutes of the time limit on the library computer. Finally, he decided to listen to me and did it as I said. Whaddya know? It worked. Cue me fuming in silence.
He had no idea how MLA format worked (and ignored the helpful module that his professor provided, expecting me to pick up the work), did not know how to look up sources in a book (wanted to use the internet exclusively-all well and good but this paper was about driving laws, which, y'know, don't exactly change very rapidly so could be in a book), and did not have MSword or OpenOffice installed on his computer and didn't know how to use GoogleDocs. So his papers were written in...oh god what is it, not textedit but another program I guess comes default with Windows. Rich text editor? Help me out?
I wanted to cry when I read the paper. Long, convuluted, loopy setences all starting with I or Me or We, too many commas, too many mispellings, on and on.
"Well my professor likes it when I use my personality in that paper!"
I'm...sure he does but holy Jesus. I don't expect perfection, but if you're in a college English class, one of the first things they drill into you is use facts, avoid I belive or Me or We think and use facts. Did I say use facts? Yes, I meant it. Most of the paper was about his opinion on driving laws. I cleaned up that paper as best as I could with him hissing about "keep my PERSONALITY" and tried to make it readable. I think I succeeded, but I made him happy. I think. He was amazed I knew how to copy and paste. He was "ohhhhhh my gawd where did the discussion board go?!?" when I opened up a new tab in the same window. He seemed surprised that I knew how to do research on the internet.
At the end of the session, I had to wait while monsieur got money out of the ATM. Grand otal for nearly 4 hours of work was around $20. Meh...
Oh it gets better.
Met with Monsieur last week about another paper he wanted me to "help him write". This time it was a persuasion essay which had to use facts and stuff. He wanted me to write about the benefits of vitamin D. Ok. Well and good. Same thing. Talked over me, didn't seem to know what he wanted. He wanted me to write up a discussion board post about his thesis. "well what is your thesis?"
*blank stare*
"Why is vitamin D so important?"
"Well you see this girl on this post said this and that and do you see what she did? Can you print that?"
"*sigh* Yes I see what she did. But I want to know why you think vitamin D is so important."
"Uhm...oh! It prevents diseases! You know, the FDA *insert conspiracy theory here* and that's why we're so tired and sick. Ohhh this natural health foods doctor, he's a real genius, look, can you print this article too? It's sooo awesome *blahblah about natural foods and such*" Note: While I personally believe that supplements are a good thing and some of the food on our shelves is not good for us, I do not appreciate being treated to a rant about natural food and stuff when I am trying to frigging help him with his frigging paper. Ergo, I do not want this thread to go into fratching regarding natural medicines and foods and so on. Got it? Good. Debate on your own time, this is my sucky customer not yours.
)Anyway. I finally come up with a thesis statement. I see that the professor has said "oh this paper needs to have an opposing viewpoint." I try to help Monsieur come up with some sort of opposing viewpoint. "THERE IS NOTHING WRONg WITH ViTAMIN D!" Ok. "It's toxic in high doses, right? And the FDA's guidelines are outdated, right?" i wanted more than anything to go back home and eat my delicious pizza at that point. So, grudgingly, he agrees. We break, I have his paper that I promise to make improvements to, we agree that I would have it by Thursday, etc, etc.
Monday he calls me and goes on about how wants this paper to include no opposing viewpoints. Oh, and that I should go and rewrite the entire thing. Caphice? My cellphone is a crappy pos pay-as-you go from 2006 that was running low on minutes. I tell him upfront, "Monsieur, my cellphone is low on minutes."
"Ok, but...blahblahblah" 10 minutes later, to rant at me about WHAT HE ALREADY REAPEATED the pips (beeps) start.
"gotta go bye!" *click*
Yesterday he emailed me some stuff his professor posted on the discussion board, using the newfangled copy and paste that I taught him. I wasn't able to get to it until this afternoon after I had rewritten the paper (chopped it down by one full page).
"here is a list of guidelines. Oh, guys, remember, your persuasive paper is about higher education."
So Monsieur wanted me to write him up a discussion board post on his new thesis for higher education. Uhhhhh, no. I sent him a politely worded email "what interests you about higher education?" Haven't heard anything back from him yet.
I mY seem like I have the patience of a saint, but I don't. On the second library visit, Monsieur kept commenting on how quiet I was and that I looked upset. I wanted to strangle him. I really did. But the library was busy and there were too many witnesses.
Jokes aside, yes, I was angry, but I kept my cool, even through the consoiracy theories, the fact that he wouldn't know a scholarly source if it bit him on the ass and the ugly writing.*sighhhhhh* What the fuck have I gotten myself into...
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