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File Under: "Repeat Offender, Inexplicable"
I wonder about people who continue to illegally park even when they know what will happen to them.
The Jeep I towed out of the lot at 404 E Parsons St today? That was the FIFTH time he's been towed from that lot*.
*It's not even much of a lot. It was a paved lot, once upon a time, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, politicians could casually decry "The Threat of Communism" and still be taken seriously, and your TV tube still had a tube in it..... since those halcyon days, it's degrade to the point where it's become the urban equivalent of scar tissue, a lumpy pock-marked and mottled mess that only hints at what used to be there.... don't pick at it, you'll only make it worse.
It's a marked PRIVATE lot, open only for the 7 or 8 cars that belong to the company that owns the lot. It's overflow for their employees/work truck parking, their office is like three blocks away from there. Furthermore, there's nothing near there that could possibly interest you! There's no pizza place, post office, classroom or bottle shop nearby. No place where it's obvious you have mosey'd yerself off to for "just a minute" to grab a latte' and cinnamon bun and then perform the Two-fisted-100-meter latte-and-cinnamon-bun-dash when you exit and see that purchasing those items took longer than it did to hook your car up. (Incidentally, if that ever becomes an Olympic sport, the gold-medal winner will certainly hail from this town).
Seriously, on one side is a residential neighborhood with free street-level parking until 2am, on another, a church, with FREE parking on a much NICER lot with REAL asphalt, another side has an apartment complex, again, with it's OWN lot and the last side is storefront that's been vacant for years with no parking of it's own...
Why are you parking here?
Where do you wander off to after you do?
A mere block away is FREE parking
A mere two blocks away is a PUBLIC PARKING LOT
A mere three is a PUBLIC GARAGE
Yes those cost money, but NOT $115 a sitting!
Why haven't you got the message that you can't do this after FIVE separate tows?
I'd call Robert Stack, if he were alive still, cuz' I just want to know that bad....
File Under: "Repeat Offender, Explicable"
You on the other hand, I know EXACTLY why we towed you twice from that private lot over at 600 Dome St. , and why after the first tow, you went right back there again. Because when you finally got the hint and moved out into the street, the Borough promptly put the clamp-o-shame on your truck's right rear wheel. I'm no expert on finance. In fact, I'm no expert at anything outside of getting my left hand repeatedly traumatized in embarrassing accidents involving power tools. But, if you knew you had delinquent parking tickets to settle with them, wouldn't it have been smarter to have given them $230 instead instead of giving it to us? It would have at least been a start and would've made the de-booting fee a little easier to digest? Wouldn't it?
File Under: "Humanity, Despair for Future of"
And now, the dumbest question I get asked.
I get asked it ALL the time by ALL manner of people. Young, old, male, female, truck drivers, car drivers, the soon-to-annoy me and already-have-annoyed me.
It's happened so many times that the reason I've failed to make a canonical entry about it is due to it's own brain-melting inanity. I'd hoped that over the years, as I encountered it more and more, there'd be some pattern emerge that would explain it, some common denominator I could latch onto to justify it, yet, like the Bermuda Triangle, it remains an unsolvable enigma.
And it goes like this:
I'll pull into a lot for an illegal car, and as I'm loading, another car will pull in behind me. The driver will see what I'm doing, get a very confused and/or stressed out look on their face, exit their vehicle and ask me, with a tinge of panic in their voice, "So, I can't park here?"
And yes, half the time or better, they HAVE A PERMIT FOR THE FRIGGIN LOT!!!
They have a permit, they presumably know the rules of the lot, if not, they could read the signs, and yet, they're concerned that they'd just get summarily and arbitrarily towed.... for what reason? Who knows.... it a mystery.
No, wait, that other thing that starts with "M" and ends with "Y", a MISERY!
And like I said, it happens ALL THE TIME!
Sometimes, when I'm bored, I'll go to Google Earth, scan the multitude of satellite images on file, and try, in vain, sadly, to find out where that huge pile of discarded human intelligence is.... it's GOT to be out there somewhere! That's the only explanation for these questions!!! It's GOT TO BE HERE!!!!!
Montpelier? *click* Nope....
Des Moines? *click* Nope....
Anchorage? *click* Nope..... *Sigh* someday.... someday........
I wonder about people who continue to illegally park even when they know what will happen to them.
The Jeep I towed out of the lot at 404 E Parsons St today? That was the FIFTH time he's been towed from that lot*.
*It's not even much of a lot. It was a paved lot, once upon a time, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, politicians could casually decry "The Threat of Communism" and still be taken seriously, and your TV tube still had a tube in it..... since those halcyon days, it's degrade to the point where it's become the urban equivalent of scar tissue, a lumpy pock-marked and mottled mess that only hints at what used to be there.... don't pick at it, you'll only make it worse.
It's a marked PRIVATE lot, open only for the 7 or 8 cars that belong to the company that owns the lot. It's overflow for their employees/work truck parking, their office is like three blocks away from there. Furthermore, there's nothing near there that could possibly interest you! There's no pizza place, post office, classroom or bottle shop nearby. No place where it's obvious you have mosey'd yerself off to for "just a minute" to grab a latte' and cinnamon bun and then perform the Two-fisted-100-meter latte-and-cinnamon-bun-dash when you exit and see that purchasing those items took longer than it did to hook your car up. (Incidentally, if that ever becomes an Olympic sport, the gold-medal winner will certainly hail from this town).
Seriously, on one side is a residential neighborhood with free street-level parking until 2am, on another, a church, with FREE parking on a much NICER lot with REAL asphalt, another side has an apartment complex, again, with it's OWN lot and the last side is storefront that's been vacant for years with no parking of it's own...
Why are you parking here?
Where do you wander off to after you do?
A mere block away is FREE parking
A mere two blocks away is a PUBLIC PARKING LOT
A mere three is a PUBLIC GARAGE
Yes those cost money, but NOT $115 a sitting!
Why haven't you got the message that you can't do this after FIVE separate tows?
I'd call Robert Stack, if he were alive still, cuz' I just want to know that bad....
File Under: "Repeat Offender, Explicable"
You on the other hand, I know EXACTLY why we towed you twice from that private lot over at 600 Dome St. , and why after the first tow, you went right back there again. Because when you finally got the hint and moved out into the street, the Borough promptly put the clamp-o-shame on your truck's right rear wheel. I'm no expert on finance. In fact, I'm no expert at anything outside of getting my left hand repeatedly traumatized in embarrassing accidents involving power tools. But, if you knew you had delinquent parking tickets to settle with them, wouldn't it have been smarter to have given them $230 instead instead of giving it to us? It would have at least been a start and would've made the de-booting fee a little easier to digest? Wouldn't it?
File Under: "Humanity, Despair for Future of"
And now, the dumbest question I get asked.
I get asked it ALL the time by ALL manner of people. Young, old, male, female, truck drivers, car drivers, the soon-to-annoy me and already-have-annoyed me.
It's happened so many times that the reason I've failed to make a canonical entry about it is due to it's own brain-melting inanity. I'd hoped that over the years, as I encountered it more and more, there'd be some pattern emerge that would explain it, some common denominator I could latch onto to justify it, yet, like the Bermuda Triangle, it remains an unsolvable enigma.
And it goes like this:
I'll pull into a lot for an illegal car, and as I'm loading, another car will pull in behind me. The driver will see what I'm doing, get a very confused and/or stressed out look on their face, exit their vehicle and ask me, with a tinge of panic in their voice, "So, I can't park here?"
And yes, half the time or better, they HAVE A PERMIT FOR THE FRIGGIN LOT!!!
They have a permit, they presumably know the rules of the lot, if not, they could read the signs, and yet, they're concerned that they'd just get summarily and arbitrarily towed.... for what reason? Who knows.... it a mystery.
No, wait, that other thing that starts with "M" and ends with "Y", a MISERY!
And like I said, it happens ALL THE TIME!
Sometimes, when I'm bored, I'll go to Google Earth, scan the multitude of satellite images on file, and try, in vain, sadly, to find out where that huge pile of discarded human intelligence is.... it's GOT to be out there somewhere! That's the only explanation for these questions!!! It's GOT TO BE HERE!!!!!
Montpelier? *click* Nope....
Des Moines? *click* Nope....
Anchorage? *click* Nope..... *Sigh* someday.... someday........
Yeah right.
Volkswagens and Mini Coopers have been lost in its rifts and valleys. It's never going to change, though.....the state owns it. 
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