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I have realized that I live under a curse. For once, a long time ago, Great Great Grandfather Pizza Reverend settled some land, land that he did not realize was the ancient burial ground of the Ancient and Wise Ha-Hee Indians. This tribe were renowned for their wisdom, and their pacifism, though they were great Practical Jokers. One day, Great Grandfather was visited by the spirit of tribal shaman Laughs Very Loud who declared him cursed. But no, he would not suffer death or deformation, the Ha-Hee's don't roll like that. No, he would suffer the Curse of Minor Annoyances, wherein he and all his descendants would get sick too often, be clumsy and accident prone, have last minute deliveries every night that make them close late bringing the bosses ire, and be plagued with customers who give $100 bills for $20 dollar orders first thing in the morning.
It is a terrible curse that can only be cured by eating a roast Dodo under a full moon. I'll keep you updated on that pursuit.
I Made the Customer Cry
On the one hand, I do feel bad. But on the other hand, she didn't do a thing to let me help her. And the Drivers say she's crazy.
So I get a call here at Castle Hawk, asking for (surprise!) Pizza. It starts out easy enough, she asks if we do Pesto, if we can do half and half, ect. But it slowly gets weirder and weirder. First, I have the worst time getting info out of her - like, how big a pizza do you want, and what pizza she wants, because she keeps going on and on about... something (I think it involved a friends car breaking down). Then she starts insisting that we 'always give her' a 16.99 pizza, and flips her lid when I tell her the only special we have going is a two pizza deal, and is very unhappy with the price. But she's 'in a rush' so she tells me to 'start' the pizza, and she'll call back, and then hangs up before I can even tell her how long it's going to be or ask her how's she going to pay.
We're off to a great start.
Now we're running a bit behind all night, so delivery time is looking to be about 50 minutes (which isn't unusual at Castle Hawk). She finally calls back 30 minutes later (!!), and she isn't any more helpful than before. She's obviously frustrated at the Delivery time, she can't decide between cash or credit, and she still doesn't like the price. But I finally get her to calm down enough to get most the information. Also something about the full moon. Finally, she asks me to make sure the driver brings plates and napkins.
Now here's where I made my mistake, and I fully own up to this. I forgot to tell the driver about the plates and napkins. We were behind and I was so focused on trying to get Deliveries out fresh and as quick as possible that it slipped my mind.
Which I realized the instant that she called back in the midst of a full sobbing breakdown. Now, as it was my mistake, I was fully ready to offer her 50% off either this order or her next order, but she gave me the chance to tell her that. She was so busy crying about how the moon was full and she had set up everything so nice and she had to pull out her glass plates and she was so stressed and I was so mean about not giving her a cheap pizza and she's a good customer and a nice customer a car breaking down and her day off and the full moon and...
Well, eventually she hung up after saying she'd cal back later. Now lady, I'm really, really sorry about the plates and napkins. And I put a note in your account for 50% off your next order anyway, but seriously, I need you to work with me here. Help me, help you.
Now my driver later told me the lady is nice, but crazy. She keeps trying to invite the drivers in, after setting up flowers and playing romantic music. Really. He fully believed that she kept going on about the full moon.
More Things I Hate
If you walk in or call 2 minutes before close, I hate you. And I have to take your order because the bosses insist.
Please Please PLEASE, if you're going to have a big party, call ahead and let us know. We're happy to host you but it turns into chaos if you come in unannounced.
And if you're going to a party, make sure you GO TO THE RIGHT PIZZA CASTLE. We had a person throw a fit after she went to the wrong Pizza Castle, including a snooty "Well, then why did you sell me a beer if you weren't having a party?" Maybe because you asked for one?
Please pay attention to the delivery time. When we say 45-hour, we mean 45 to an hour. I had one guy call at exactly 45 minutes and throw a huge fit at me, because apparently he heard '30 minutes'.
Speaking of which, if you set a timer the instant you order pizza and call right at 45 minutes, I hate you too.
Which remind me...
Either the Phone Is Lying To You or You're Drunk
We had a lady call and start screaming at me that she'd been waiting for 'an hour and a half'. We looked up the order, and it showed she'd only been waiting for 30 minutes. Like the idiot I am, I said, 'According to our computer, it's only been 30 minutes, but our driver is on his way and should be there shor-"
Immediately she starts yelling that her phone says it's been an hour and a half and how dare we call her a liar and this is horrible customer service and she's never calling us again and she hung up.
When the driver got there, she was apparently very nice, and tipped very well, but she was completely drunk. Not surprised, actually.
The Weirdness of the Magpie
So I currently work at two Pizza Castles - Castle Hawk, and what I shall dub Castle Magpie.
Castle Magpie has a strange aura of Weirdness hanging over it - it's not just the Haw-Hee curse, multiple other workers have confirmed, yeah, it's just weird. I only work there Monday nights. In the 6 Monday's I've worked there...
1) The First Night there, they forgot to give me the keys to the office, and I locked myself out of it, preventing me from cashing out.
2) I came in the day after being sick, and really shouldn't have. It was one of only two normal nights I worked there, except I could barely stand.
3) I'm there for an hour, before the night manager at Castle Crow gets super sick, and I have to go fill in for her.
4) How's working with half your staff for no good reason sound?
5) A normal night, but set up for a bizzare next day. (More in a sec)
6) A rare double sickness hits me, and again, I go to work when I shouldn't. One of the drivers shows up, randomly, in a kilt (an actual friggen kilt), and we have to send him home. And before the night even finishes, I start coughing so hard I throw up and have to go home.
Yep. Cursed. So about number 5....
About halfway through the night, the day manager goes 'hey, would you mind opening tomorrow?" I'm like, "Well, I'm working the night shift at Castle Hawk tomorrow, but I guess... It's only Tuesday morning, right? How bad could it be?"
So I show up Tuesday morning, and I'm perfect for this job. I've worked at that store 6 whole days, and I haven't opened a store in about 8 months. But it's an early day, what can go wrong?
15 Minutes before I actually open the store (the doors were unlocked), a couple kids poke their heads in. "Hey, you guys open?" "We open in 15 minutes." "Oh. Can we sit down till then?" "Uhh... sure?"
They come in, and as they do, they yell back "Oh by the way, there's 50 kids coming in."
And that your honor, is when I went for the gun....
Seriously, 50 kids and about 6 adults, all wanting the buffet, all paying seperately with cash (drained my register flat), and utter chaos. They were mostly a good group, but seriously, 50 kids, first thing in the morning, no warning.
And then they lost one of the kids. Apparently he was autistic or something, and he just wandered off and nobody noticed. Fortunately they found him outside but that was panic worthy.
But they left a big tip, and the day shift crew there is awesome and on top of things and we handled it like pros.
I seem to remember that night was strange too, but my memory is imperfect and I can't remember what happened.
Darn You Spirit of Laughs Very Loud. Darn You.
It is a terrible curse that can only be cured by eating a roast Dodo under a full moon. I'll keep you updated on that pursuit.
I Made the Customer Cry
On the one hand, I do feel bad. But on the other hand, she didn't do a thing to let me help her. And the Drivers say she's crazy.
So I get a call here at Castle Hawk, asking for (surprise!) Pizza. It starts out easy enough, she asks if we do Pesto, if we can do half and half, ect. But it slowly gets weirder and weirder. First, I have the worst time getting info out of her - like, how big a pizza do you want, and what pizza she wants, because she keeps going on and on about... something (I think it involved a friends car breaking down). Then she starts insisting that we 'always give her' a 16.99 pizza, and flips her lid when I tell her the only special we have going is a two pizza deal, and is very unhappy with the price. But she's 'in a rush' so she tells me to 'start' the pizza, and she'll call back, and then hangs up before I can even tell her how long it's going to be or ask her how's she going to pay.
We're off to a great start.
Now we're running a bit behind all night, so delivery time is looking to be about 50 minutes (which isn't unusual at Castle Hawk). She finally calls back 30 minutes later (!!), and she isn't any more helpful than before. She's obviously frustrated at the Delivery time, she can't decide between cash or credit, and she still doesn't like the price. But I finally get her to calm down enough to get most the information. Also something about the full moon. Finally, she asks me to make sure the driver brings plates and napkins.
Now here's where I made my mistake, and I fully own up to this. I forgot to tell the driver about the plates and napkins. We were behind and I was so focused on trying to get Deliveries out fresh and as quick as possible that it slipped my mind.
Which I realized the instant that she called back in the midst of a full sobbing breakdown. Now, as it was my mistake, I was fully ready to offer her 50% off either this order or her next order, but she gave me the chance to tell her that. She was so busy crying about how the moon was full and she had set up everything so nice and she had to pull out her glass plates and she was so stressed and I was so mean about not giving her a cheap pizza and she's a good customer and a nice customer a car breaking down and her day off and the full moon and...
Well, eventually she hung up after saying she'd cal back later. Now lady, I'm really, really sorry about the plates and napkins. And I put a note in your account for 50% off your next order anyway, but seriously, I need you to work with me here. Help me, help you.
Now my driver later told me the lady is nice, but crazy. She keeps trying to invite the drivers in, after setting up flowers and playing romantic music. Really. He fully believed that she kept going on about the full moon.
More Things I Hate
If you walk in or call 2 minutes before close, I hate you. And I have to take your order because the bosses insist.
Please Please PLEASE, if you're going to have a big party, call ahead and let us know. We're happy to host you but it turns into chaos if you come in unannounced.
And if you're going to a party, make sure you GO TO THE RIGHT PIZZA CASTLE. We had a person throw a fit after she went to the wrong Pizza Castle, including a snooty "Well, then why did you sell me a beer if you weren't having a party?" Maybe because you asked for one?
Please pay attention to the delivery time. When we say 45-hour, we mean 45 to an hour. I had one guy call at exactly 45 minutes and throw a huge fit at me, because apparently he heard '30 minutes'.
Speaking of which, if you set a timer the instant you order pizza and call right at 45 minutes, I hate you too.
Which remind me...
Either the Phone Is Lying To You or You're Drunk
We had a lady call and start screaming at me that she'd been waiting for 'an hour and a half'. We looked up the order, and it showed she'd only been waiting for 30 minutes. Like the idiot I am, I said, 'According to our computer, it's only been 30 minutes, but our driver is on his way and should be there shor-"
Immediately she starts yelling that her phone says it's been an hour and a half and how dare we call her a liar and this is horrible customer service and she's never calling us again and she hung up.
When the driver got there, she was apparently very nice, and tipped very well, but she was completely drunk. Not surprised, actually.
The Weirdness of the Magpie
So I currently work at two Pizza Castles - Castle Hawk, and what I shall dub Castle Magpie.
Castle Magpie has a strange aura of Weirdness hanging over it - it's not just the Haw-Hee curse, multiple other workers have confirmed, yeah, it's just weird. I only work there Monday nights. In the 6 Monday's I've worked there...
1) The First Night there, they forgot to give me the keys to the office, and I locked myself out of it, preventing me from cashing out.
2) I came in the day after being sick, and really shouldn't have. It was one of only two normal nights I worked there, except I could barely stand.
3) I'm there for an hour, before the night manager at Castle Crow gets super sick, and I have to go fill in for her.
4) How's working with half your staff for no good reason sound?
5) A normal night, but set up for a bizzare next day. (More in a sec)
6) A rare double sickness hits me, and again, I go to work when I shouldn't. One of the drivers shows up, randomly, in a kilt (an actual friggen kilt), and we have to send him home. And before the night even finishes, I start coughing so hard I throw up and have to go home.
Yep. Cursed. So about number 5....
About halfway through the night, the day manager goes 'hey, would you mind opening tomorrow?" I'm like, "Well, I'm working the night shift at Castle Hawk tomorrow, but I guess... It's only Tuesday morning, right? How bad could it be?"
So I show up Tuesday morning, and I'm perfect for this job. I've worked at that store 6 whole days, and I haven't opened a store in about 8 months. But it's an early day, what can go wrong?
15 Minutes before I actually open the store (the doors were unlocked), a couple kids poke their heads in. "Hey, you guys open?" "We open in 15 minutes." "Oh. Can we sit down till then?" "Uhh... sure?"
They come in, and as they do, they yell back "Oh by the way, there's 50 kids coming in."
And that your honor, is when I went for the gun....
Seriously, 50 kids and about 6 adults, all wanting the buffet, all paying seperately with cash (drained my register flat), and utter chaos. They were mostly a good group, but seriously, 50 kids, first thing in the morning, no warning.
And then they lost one of the kids. Apparently he was autistic or something, and he just wandered off and nobody noticed. Fortunately they found him outside but that was panic worthy.
But they left a big tip, and the day shift crew there is awesome and on top of things and we handled it like pros.
I seem to remember that night was strange too, but my memory is imperfect and I can't remember what happened.
Darn You Spirit of Laughs Very Loud. Darn You.
... but when they're open, not when they're moments away from closing up.
Or a new theme even. 
Bonus points if the kilted-delivery can pull off a believable accent too!
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