Ok, seriously, I may need a canonical thread

[Cooper]

Four weekly renters. Three chaotic weeks.

So the first ones were complainers.
The second partied, but within acceptable limits.
The third ones just had bad luck.

Now, our fourth renters, one day after moving in for the week, just packed up and left. They claimed they found ticks, spiders, and various other bugs in the house, and it forced them to leave, along with something cryptic about ash on the grill.

A thorough search of the house revealed a moth, and a spider.

So obviously, something else is going on.

[Gerrinson]

There was ASH on the GRILL? Where you grill FOOD over FIRE?

HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY HAPPEN?!?

/sarcasm

Clearly, they weren't expecting actual living creatures to get into the house and evidence proves that YOU ARE FAIL.

/sarcasm. For realsies.

Either they didn't get what they were expecting and decided that it wouldn't work out, or they had some other problem that has nothing to do with you but which they would have been embarrassed to mention so made crap up. Or they're just a bunch of loony SCs.

Even money all around on those options, really.

[MoonCat]

So they were in a cabin, and they found a couple of crawlie critters? What a huge surprise that would be.

Some people should just go stay in a high-rise fancy deluxe 5-star hotel and leave the cabins for people who don't freak out over bugs, and whoa, ash on a grill! How did that get there??

[cindybubbles]

They should try glamping. They get the five-star treatment while "roughing it" as well.

[Argabarga]

So they were in a cabin, and they found a couple of crawlie critters? What a huge surprise that would be.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Some folk just plain don't GET the concept of nature.

[Cooper]

They're requesting a full refund. They claim the house was unbearable to live in, and say they really upset their grandchildren when they were forced to leave.

We're still kinda: "Ok, be honest with us. We don't get it. What really happened?"

They're sticking to their story.

[Mikkel]

Here they wouldn't have any rights to get a refund. They should have complained before leaving and given you a chance to correct the faults, before they could demand a refund.
It sounds as if they had some other reason for leaving and are making this up.

[dakhur]

I hope you aplogised to the moth and spider for disturbing them -- with the insane lunatics who'd just left!

Really, these weirdo tenants should have to provide SOME evidence of their claims or be laughed and and told to bugger off.

[Cooper]

My father suggested an independent inspection if they wanted more than their cleaning deposit back.

They decided against it, and added another detail, which makes the slightest more sense, but still is insane: they found a package of unopened bedbug bombs in the cupboard. One of the previous renters must have left it.

Let me reiterate that: The house was uninhabitable because:

1: Lots of bugs
2: Ash on the grill
3: there were unopened bedbug bombs in the cupboard

[dakhur]

Wow, those people are idiots. Unless they have photographic proof of the 'lots of bugs' they can get bent, at least that is my opinion. What probably happened is that they came across the bed bug bombs and freaked out, automatically assuming that there was a bed bug issue.

Even then it's crazy. I don't like bug bombs because of their method, but surely finding a packet of them in a cupboard would have a normal person say "hey, they take their anti-bug stuff seriously. They even have leaning stuff ready to use when they have a break in customers."

Claiming having bombs equals a bug infestation is like claiming we must have typhoid because we use eucalyptus oil as an anti-bacterial.

[Bandit]

Considering one of the interview rooms where the detectives have a chat with our <ahem> guests at work was blocked off for the last two days because of lice, these clowns have nothing to complain about.

And yes, I avoided that floor for the days like the plague.

B

[Cooper]

And now, a week later, they sent us photos of bugbites that popped up last night and says they are bedbug bites from staying a few hours at our place.

...yeah. Riiight.

[Jester]

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Former Renter:

We regret that your stay with us was not what you expected, and that you felt that you had to cut your vacation with us short. Upon receiving your complaint, we conducted a thorough inspection of the premises you found objectionable, and concluded the following:

On your first complaint that there were multitudes of bugs: We found no such issue, and in fact found a total of two, far less than one might expect to find in a cabin. To some people this may well be two too many, but since this is a cabin in the woods and we have not yet figure out how to control all of nature's creatures, we do not feel this was unusual, nor that we were at fault for it.

On your complaint that there was ash on the grill: While we did in fact find the grill to have ash on it, since this is a normal result of cooking on the grill, as previous tenants had done, we are ignoring this complaint as invalid.

On your complaint that there were bug bombs: Yes, there were. We keep them there in case nature's creatures take an unusual interest in the cabin and we must combat them. And since they were still in the wrapping, that suggests that we have had no such combat-necessary infestation. We shall discount this complaint as uninformed.

On your complaint that you had bed bug bites that didn't manifest until a week after your brief stay at our cabin: We offer you some books and websites on biology, nature, and entomology, all of which contradict the likelihood or even possibility of this happening.

Finally, on your request for a refund: As we have found no substance to any of your complaints, we are disinclined to acquiesce to this request. In short, go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,

The Cabineers.

[Jay 2K Winger]

The Cabineers.

Dirt! Barbecue! Rain! Bugs! Heart!

By your powers combined, I am Captain Cabin!

[Argabarga]

Oh no! My only weakness! CABIN FEVER!!!!