I Feel Sick

[Phantasmagoria]

*I'm going to obscure quite a few details in this post to keep it anonymous, but the essential story is the same, sorry if it reads as a bit vague*

A few days ago I was in part of the shop which is hard to see from the main area. My coworkers were staffing the main part of the shop as usual. A group of guys came into my section to browse including a slightly older guy who appeared to be part of the group. But... group left without buying anything and guy is still there. I stayed at my post, and as the group disappeared into the main shop he came over to me. He reached out to shake my hand, but then kissed it instead.. ok, he's an older guy, little bit awkward, but I try to humor him, saying 'thanks, bye' etc and trying to steer him towards the exit. He wouldn't leave, and got more persistent, ending up by grabbing my face and trying to kiss me on the mouth. I ducked away and I think I pushed him, I'm not sure. Thankfully he left and I was able to get back to my coworkers. They were horrified and sent me on break straight away.

I just feel awful. I couldn't eat for the rest of the day. I feel like I should have done something more, or known he was going to do it, or something... I couldn't even give my manager a description of him when he sat me in his office to make a report. I feel so stupid and my stomach just keeps churning thinking about it.

[Seshat]

I feel like I should have done something more, or known he was going to do it, or something... <snip> I feel so stupid

When these thoughts come up, counter them.

1. You failed both telepathy and precognition class at Hogwarts, therefore you had no way of knowing what he was going to do/planning to do.

2. You are not stupid, you are simply not superhuman.

3. Perhaps you could have done something more, but you were operating in customer service mode, not righteous self-defence mode. So you were prepared in your mind to de-fuse situations, steer him towards the exit, treat him all nice and polite and customer-service-y.
In another situation, you may well have kneed him in the junk; and he'd have deserved it.


So step 1: treat yourself as a human, not a superhuman.

I'll let others go on with step 2. I'm sure there'll be plenty said in this thread.

[csquared]

I'll let others go on with step 2. I'm sure there'll be plenty said in this thread.

Why? You summed it up pretty good.

Take Sashat's advice and cut yourself some slack. Extricating yourself from the situation without hurting the person is a good achievement.

[bainsidhe]

What everyone else said. If nothing else, customer service has taught me that you can't anticipate every customer and their actions. Otherwise all of us would be prepared for a SC to suddenly fly off the handle or, in your case, for a seriously creepy customer to assault you and invade your space.

[Ellain]

I had something similar happen to me once, except the guy managed to get his tongue down my throat before I could react. I think I spent an hour straight brushing my teeth after that. The sick feeling does fade.

[wolfie]

I had something similar happen to me once, except the guy managed to get his tongue down my throat before I could react.

Just curious, but has anyone ever bitten off a lecher's tongue?

[HotelMinion]

What a kook. Next time you should knee him in his happy place if anyone tries to play kissy face without your permission. Seriously. And hard.

[XCashier]

I had something similar happen to me once, except the guy managed to get his tongue down my throat before I could react.

Would've served him right if he'd triggered a gag refex and you puked all over him.

I don't think I could deal with something getting fresh with me without getting violent and at the very least slapping the hell out of the creep. I hope the OP informed her manager about what happened and what to do if it happens again.

[Seshat]

If he approaches you again, lift your hands between you and him, and say or shout "NO!"

Go ahead and make a scene. You being in such an obviously defensive stance will make it very, very clear who the aggressor is.

You are entitled to physical safety, including in the workplace. Making a scene can help with that, so do it.

I offer you sympathetic hugs; and if you don't want to be touched right now, a teddy bear and a box of tissues.

[mathnerd]

What happened to you was sexual assault. It was a crime and you were the victim. You are in no way responsible for the actions of the criminal.

What you are experiencing now is rape victim guilt. While no, he did not go that far, the feelings of violation and guilt are still there. This is a normal reaction. Don't minimize your feelings. They are your feelings and you are entitled to them. I would suggest a couple of different things.

1) Talk to your management and hopefully they will ban the customer. If you were my employee I would do so without a second thought.

2) Call a rape crisis center. They are there to help you deal with these feelings. You may consider this "incident" minor, but they are there for victims of all sex crimes, not just violent rape. When I volunteered at one we helped many women who were victims of crimes similar to what you just experienced. They will help you deal with the emotions you are going through right now.

3) Consider filing a police report. While they might not do anything about your specific case, if this guy did it to you, he's probably done it before and will likely do it again. If the police have several similar reports they might be able to do something about it.

4) Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I'd be happy to be a listening ear for you.

[camjuniper]

What mathnerd said. That is solid advice.

Also, Seshat's right; you were in customer service mode & reacted in kind. Autopilot works that way. I once stopped myself from flinching away from a customer trying to touch my curly hair and then hated myself for letting her. I think I creeped myself out with that. Not your fault for responding the way you did.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Just curious, but has anyone ever bitten off a lecher's tongue?

Well... there was this one scene in Kill Bill 1.

[MoonCat]

You. Did. NOTHING. Wrong.

It's NOT your fault.

That guy was a creep and yes, what he did was an assault. I second everything mathnerd said.

If he steps one foot inside your shop again, call the police immediately and have him tossed out.

[wolfie]

If he steps one foot inside your shop again, call the police immediately and have him tossed out.

I'd like to cite the precedents of both Mike Callahan vs. Big Beef McAfree, and The Gord vs. Assorted Evildoers to remind you - opening the door before tossing out an idiot is optional.

[Seshat]

opening the door before tossing out an idiot is optional.

... but tends to save you money on replacement doors.