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Scooby Snacks
La la la, I can't hear you~
Why?
Me: "No one's in the office yet, its only 3am here."
SC: "Oh, ok. Why are you there answering the phone then?"
Why indeed. You see, I figure I'm sort of like a moron security guard. I stay here on patrol late at night to make sure twits like you don't get past. A kind of half wit goalie if you will. If I wasn't here to block you, there's no telling what kind of damage you’d cause to us or to yourself.
On a side note, that question earned you a 2 minute penalty. Get in the box, mouth breather.
On A Plane
Me: "I can put you at the <hotel name> for $49"
SC: "The airline said you had rooms for $39! At the <other hotel>."
Me: "There's no vacancies left at the <other hotel>."
SC: "But the airline said you had some when I called right before I got on my flight!"
The airline also told you the flight would be on time and you wouldn't miss your connection. Look where that landed you. ( Oh hey, "landed", ha ha, I made a funny. ). If I were you I wouldn't put that much faith in them. It's bad enough you're willing to put your life in their hands. Even if the plane manages to make it, the in flight food might pick you off too. If you survive both of those there's always the snakes.
Baked
Me: "Have you ever tried marijuana?"
SC: "Yes"
Me: "Within the past 30 days?"
SC: "Uh, yesterday."
Hahaha. Well, kudos for being honest. Have a scooby snack.
......
Me: "Can you rate how important quitting smoking is to you on a scale of one to ten?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "……"
SC: "……"
Cough it up butt walrus. The suspense is killing me.
867
Me: "What would you like to order?"
SC: "The ladies, uh, whatever."
The ladies whatever? I'm pretty sure we don't have that in stock. Or do you mean that any ladies item would be sufficient and you wish me to use my vast fashion experience to select an appropriate outfit for you? If I were to judge a dazzling outfit for you based on my first impression of you……well, I hope you look good in a tarp and a "kick me" sign.
If you like we can make the tarp pink camo.
Awesome Hobo
On my way here tonight I saw a hobo with a guitar….and an amp. Followed by a hobo with a colouring book ( Whom I shall from here on refer to as Awesome Colouring Hobo ) and finally a hobo with a yard sale. At least I think it was a yard sale. He had everything all arranged in front of him on a blanket. Maybe he was just admiring his collection of random sidewalk objects.
Still, he'll never be as cool as Awesome Colouring Hobo. Awesome Colouring Hobo is, well, awesome.
Education
Me: "There won't be any agents in till 8am"
SC: "Oh? Where are you located?"
Me: "We're on the west coast so its only 3am"
SC: "Me too!"
Ah, good, that saves me explaining the concept of timezones to you. With that subject covered I can move on and explain the concept of "business hours". A concept which seems utterly foreign to you at present. But don't worry, I'm a good teacher and you seem to be at least as bright as the average household pet. So tell you what: If you call during business hours, you get a biscuit. If you call me on graveyard again, I'll beat you about the head and neck area with my right computer speaker. It doesn't work anyway so its no big loss on my part.
Financial Know-how (Courtesy of 867)
Lets see…you live with your sister. You both have the same number, same address and same PO Box. Yet you want to place separate orders despite the fact it will cost you an additional $40 in shipping. My attempts to explain this concept to you were ultimately futile. The concept eluded you even when I bluntly told you it would be more expensive.
What were they ordering you ask? Friggan hats of course. $250 worth of hats.
Multitasking
Me: "How do you spell your last name?"
SC: "Uh………uh……"
Me: "……"
SC: "Hang on a sec."
Me: "….."
SC #2: "(different guy comes on the phone) Is there a difference between COD and paying for it with like my VISA?"
….what? How did we leap to that topic. Put the other guy back on. At least let me finish that conversation first before you start a new one with me. I mean, I am talented enough to conduct two conversations at once but I'd prefer to only suffer one fool at a time. So put Fool A back on the line. Meanwhile, you, who I have assigned the title of Fool B (Write it down if you want. Crayon's fine.), may return to licking Spaghetti-o's off the stove burner or huffing beer caps or whatever it was you were doing.
When Fool A has finished blundering through his attempt at a purchase I'll let him go back to failing at life. Then you, Fool B, will be granted the privilege of speaking with me.
Math
( I'm a jerk. )
Me: "I inserted like $69 into the machine and it didn't credit it all!"
SC: "Alright."
Me: "It only put $51 on my bill!"
SC: "Ok, how much did you lose exactly?"
Me: "Uh…uh..…I don't know!"
I know you don't. I was just testing to see if maybe, just maybe you could pull off basic math. I should know better then to get my hopes up by now. <sigh> some day I'll learn.
Halfway through the week....and now the long weekend is starting so more idiots are free and awake. ><
Why?
Me: "No one's in the office yet, its only 3am here."
SC: "Oh, ok. Why are you there answering the phone then?"
Why indeed. You see, I figure I'm sort of like a moron security guard. I stay here on patrol late at night to make sure twits like you don't get past. A kind of half wit goalie if you will. If I wasn't here to block you, there's no telling what kind of damage you’d cause to us or to yourself.
On a side note, that question earned you a 2 minute penalty. Get in the box, mouth breather.
On A Plane
Me: "I can put you at the <hotel name> for $49"
SC: "The airline said you had rooms for $39! At the <other hotel>."
Me: "There's no vacancies left at the <other hotel>."
SC: "But the airline said you had some when I called right before I got on my flight!"
The airline also told you the flight would be on time and you wouldn't miss your connection. Look where that landed you. ( Oh hey, "landed", ha ha, I made a funny. ). If I were you I wouldn't put that much faith in them. It's bad enough you're willing to put your life in their hands. Even if the plane manages to make it, the in flight food might pick you off too. If you survive both of those there's always the snakes.
Baked
Me: "Have you ever tried marijuana?"
SC: "Yes"
Me: "Within the past 30 days?"
SC: "Uh, yesterday."
Hahaha. Well, kudos for being honest. Have a scooby snack.
......
Me: "Can you rate how important quitting smoking is to you on a scale of one to ten?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "……"
SC: "……"
Cough it up butt walrus. The suspense is killing me.
867
Me: "What would you like to order?"
SC: "The ladies, uh, whatever."
The ladies whatever? I'm pretty sure we don't have that in stock. Or do you mean that any ladies item would be sufficient and you wish me to use my vast fashion experience to select an appropriate outfit for you? If I were to judge a dazzling outfit for you based on my first impression of you……well, I hope you look good in a tarp and a "kick me" sign.
If you like we can make the tarp pink camo.
Awesome Hobo
On my way here tonight I saw a hobo with a guitar….and an amp. Followed by a hobo with a colouring book ( Whom I shall from here on refer to as Awesome Colouring Hobo ) and finally a hobo with a yard sale. At least I think it was a yard sale. He had everything all arranged in front of him on a blanket. Maybe he was just admiring his collection of random sidewalk objects.
Still, he'll never be as cool as Awesome Colouring Hobo. Awesome Colouring Hobo is, well, awesome.
Education
Me: "There won't be any agents in till 8am"
SC: "Oh? Where are you located?"
Me: "We're on the west coast so its only 3am"
SC: "Me too!"
Ah, good, that saves me explaining the concept of timezones to you. With that subject covered I can move on and explain the concept of "business hours". A concept which seems utterly foreign to you at present. But don't worry, I'm a good teacher and you seem to be at least as bright as the average household pet. So tell you what: If you call during business hours, you get a biscuit. If you call me on graveyard again, I'll beat you about the head and neck area with my right computer speaker. It doesn't work anyway so its no big loss on my part.
Financial Know-how (Courtesy of 867)
Lets see…you live with your sister. You both have the same number, same address and same PO Box. Yet you want to place separate orders despite the fact it will cost you an additional $40 in shipping. My attempts to explain this concept to you were ultimately futile. The concept eluded you even when I bluntly told you it would be more expensive.
What were they ordering you ask? Friggan hats of course. $250 worth of hats.
Multitasking
Me: "How do you spell your last name?"
SC: "Uh………uh……"
Me: "……"
SC: "Hang on a sec."
Me: "….."
SC #2: "(different guy comes on the phone) Is there a difference between COD and paying for it with like my VISA?"
….what? How did we leap to that topic. Put the other guy back on. At least let me finish that conversation first before you start a new one with me. I mean, I am talented enough to conduct two conversations at once but I'd prefer to only suffer one fool at a time. So put Fool A back on the line. Meanwhile, you, who I have assigned the title of Fool B (Write it down if you want. Crayon's fine.), may return to licking Spaghetti-o's off the stove burner or huffing beer caps or whatever it was you were doing.
When Fool A has finished blundering through his attempt at a purchase I'll let him go back to failing at life. Then you, Fool B, will be granted the privilege of speaking with me.
Math
( I'm a jerk. )
Me: "I inserted like $69 into the machine and it didn't credit it all!"
SC: "Alright."
Me: "It only put $51 on my bill!"
SC: "Ok, how much did you lose exactly?"
Me: "Uh…uh..…I don't know!"
I know you don't. I was just testing to see if maybe, just maybe you could pull off basic math. I should know better then to get my hopes up by now. <sigh> some day I'll learn.
Halfway through the week....and now the long weekend is starting so more idiots are free and awake. ><
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