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  • Smile for the Camera!

    Listen, I don't like having my picture taken. Especially driver's license pictures. They are not going to be attractive. Or if they are good looking, you had better buy a lottery ticket because you are having a lucky day. I have had some winners, though.

    (1) Lady is placed in front of the camera, and says, "Ooh! I want Mr, Jingles in the picture!" She then begins to stick her hand down into her blouse and dig around. The clerk thinks she is trying to whip out a tattooed breast, and says, "Ma'am, what are you doing?"

    And out it comes: Mr. Jingles. A mouse. You know, like in The Green Mile. Not a white mouse. This is a live field mouse she keeps in her bra. The woman wanted to have Mr. Jingles on her head, with the tail draping down the side of her face.

    No. Just, no.

    (2) Lady does not like her photo. It makes her look old. Our camera system will allow us to take photo after photo, and that is what we end up doing. No! That makes her look old. Where did those jowls come from? After 6 photos, her solution is to try placing her hands under her chin in a coy girlish pose, trying to push the sagging skin out of the way. Rats! She still looks old. Finally, she looks at me and asks, "Do I really look like an old woman?" I don't know what to say because SHE IS 72 FREAKING YEARS OLD! My hesitation must have gotten through to her because she finally accepts the fact that she no longer looks 40 and leaves.

    (3) This one guy was mad at us before he even made it to the counter (which I can see, not many people look forward to coming in and paying what is essentially taxes). It was when I went to take the photo that all heck broke loose. First photo: eyes are shut. I apologize, and say I have to take another photo. He argues that they were not shut. Second photo: eyes shut, only this time he insists that he NEVER shut his eyes. I flip the computer monitor around so that he can see his picture. "I didn't draw thiem shut!" (I was getting fed up with his cussing). Final photo he manages to bug his eyes out in some weird manner that makes it look like his head is going to explode. Fine! Bug eyed it is!

    (4) This last one was my sister: her photo made her look washed out. She carefully and painstakingly applied little dibs and dabs of makeup to her license. I have to give her credit - she did a really good job. But come on, no one expects these photos to look good.
    To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care;
    To pursue it with forks and hope;
    To threaten its life with a railway share;
    To charm it with forks and hope!

  • #2
    The only thing that makes a drivers license picture look good...

    Is the picture on your new license.
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      I had to renew my license last winter. Went in just after Christmas, and it wasn't too busy actually all things considered; though a snow storm was building.

      First hiccup was my own fault. I misread the signs and didn't realize that DL renewals could go in the express line, so waited for my number to be called. No biggy; a few other people did the same thing.

      Guy in front of me got his license renewed, and they took his picture. I did my own renewal and got my pic taken, and then the hiccup... The license printer was basically out of thermal plastic or something. She replaced the roll (it was a special roll that has the holographic mapleleafs on it to prove it's legit), and then the printer and computer refused to sync up again. They rebooted both machines multiple times, and called tech support to no avail, while me and the other guy (about 3 of us in total I think) were waiting for our new licenses.

      About an hour later (my phone battery all but dead by that point), they were just about to give up and issue paper versions until the cards could be printed... the machine gods stopped laughing and the computer and printer synced up. We got our freshly printed license cards and were happy to leave, but I don't think anyone knows why they took so long to connect up.

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      • #4
        Quoth Mondestrucken View Post
        (1) Lady is placed in front of the camera, and says, "Ooh! I want Mr, Jingles in the picture!" She then begins to stick her hand down into her blouse and dig around. The clerk thinks she is trying to whip out a tattooed breast, and says, "Ma'am, what are you doing?"

        And out it comes: Mr. Jingles. A mouse. You know, like in The Green Mile. Not a white mouse. This is a live field mouse she keeps in her bra. The woman wanted to have Mr. Jingles on her head, with the tail draping down the side of her face.

        No. Just, no.
        The hell...?! What kind of woman carries around a live mouse on their person? Okay, some people have mice for pets, fine, but keeping your mouse in your pocket or BRA is almost guaranteed to harm the poor thing eventually.

        (2) Lady does not like her photo. It makes her look old. Our camera system will allow us to take photo after photo, and that is what we end up doing. No! That makes her look old. Where did those jowls come from? After 6 photos, her solution is to try placing her hands under her chin in a coy girlish pose, trying to push the sagging skin out of the way. Rats! She still looks old. Finally, she looks at me and asks, "Do I really look like an old woman?" I don't know what to say because SHE IS 72 FREAKING YEARS OLD! My hesitation must have gotten through to her because she finally accepts the fact that she no longer looks 40 and leaves.
        Does it really matter how good you look on your licence? The only people who are ever going to see that picture are cops who pull you over and stores that sell age-restricted items like cigarettes and alcohol...and if you're freaking SEVENTY-TWO, I don't think you have to worry about being carded that often.

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        • #5
          I also get this with taking passport photos, which for the record I hate doing. I had one lady come in and wanted her picture taken again because she didn't like it. She didn't want to hurt the feelings of the original picture taker though. I took 4 pictures and none of them looked any different.

          One guy made me laugh when he asked "Who's that old guy?" He was probably about 50ish. At least he had a good sense of humor about it though his picture wasn't that bad.

          And back when we were having that heat wave this couple came in and the woman's picture was just bad. After looking at it I almost wanted to ask if she wanted to freshen up a bit and take a new one.

          And I of course I hate my license picture. I made the mistake of wearing a hoodie (hood down naturally) but my picture is just a giant head with no neck. At least I don't have to look at it much.
          I would have a nice day, but I have other things to do.

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          • #6
            I made the mistake of wearing a scoop neck tank top for my DL picture. The way they cropped it made it look like I was topless for the photo.

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            • #7
              One of the few good things about the UK's restrictions on how you can look in pics - no mice, no pushing up jowls, you have to just look straight ahead & not even smile.

              The fact they're printed in black & white on out licences just helps really.
              This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
              I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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              • #8
                We're allowed to smile for ours thank god, but otherwise it's stand still stare at the camera.
                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                Now queen of USSR-Land...

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                • #9
                  I'll just leave this here...


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                  When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                  • #10
                    I had a couple of WTF experiences at the old DMV (it got destroyed in Katrina and re-done (significantly improved because they had no choice) -- In one, I made the mistake of wearing a nice white sweater. Everything below my neck was just a blinding white light. In another, I arranged myself in from of the camera and looked directly into it so that I would have some semblance of humanity in the image...The person there refused to take the shot until I specifically looked down and away from the lens, resulting in a DL photo that made it look like I was trying to tie my shoelaces via telekinesis, and had the net effect of making *identifying me based on that picture* much more difficult.

                    ----------

                    On (2) -- Next time that happens, just claim that you're not allowed to comment on peoples' pictures.
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
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                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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                    • #11
                      A live mouse?

                      I just...can't even...does not compute.

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                      • #12
                        In my current DL photo, my bangs are mussed like I walked through a windstorm. Truly looks like me, however.

                        I always feel like I squint when I smile, so I bugged out my eyes a bit in my previous photo. Four years of a deer-in-headlights photo.

                        The one before that, I was in the process of moving and had been cleaning until 4am the morning before. I was in a stained shirt, hair flying everywhere, on virtually no shut-eye. The photo turned out surprisingly well, considering.

                        And let us not forget when I had my passport photo taken, shortly after falling asleep on my glasses and bending the frame. The photo was just fine, except for the lovely crooked glasses.
                        A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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                        • #13
                          Here, passport photos must meet so many criteria (no shadows here, no glasses, mouth closed, no smiles, no this that or t'other) that getting them is excruciatingly painful. By the time you end up with one that ticks all the boxes, you end up looking like you just got off a long haul flight with no sleep, which I suspect is the reason!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Mondestrucken View Post
                            Finally, she looks at me and asks, "Do I really look like an old woman?" I don't know what to say because SHE IS 72 FREAKING YEARS OLD!
                            "Not compared to Methuselah, no."
                            I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                            My LiveJournal
                            A page we can all agree with!

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Monterey Jack View Post
                              The hell...?! What kind of woman carries around a live mouse on their person? Okay, some people have mice for pets, fine, but keeping your mouse in your pocket or BRA is almost guaranteed to harm the poor thing eventually..
                              I used to walk around with my pet rat that would burrow under my jacket on my shoulder. People would see this lump on my left shoulder, and ask what it was. So out he came, and I got the great enjoyment of watching said people jump a mile.
                              Mytical: A SC? Make a mistake? Oh goodness no. Must have been the little pink men from the planet parsley in the butternut galaxy. We all know that SC's could NEVER make mistakes.

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