Head? Meet Wall. Wall? Head.

[Dips]

This is a cobbled-together-from-recollection conversation I had with a customer:

SC: I have [9-year-old version] of your program. Is there any way I can get [new feature] that will work with [9-year-old version]?

Me: I'm afraid not. [New feature] only works with [current version.] <Note: Duh! If we gave new feature away free a la carte, we wouldn't stay in business very long!>

SC: But I'm doing contract work for [State] and it takes forever to do it with [9-year-old version]. <Note: The reason is that the state standards changed about 5 years ago. The 9-year-old version doesn't have those changes, given that our programmers weren't psychic. She can still use it but has to do a lot of work by hand to bring her output into compliance. The new feature she wants fixes that.>

Me: If you need [new feature] you are eligible for update pricing which is a lot less than...

SC: <Interrupting> I can't afford it!

Me: You haven't heard the quote yet.

SC: I can't afford it!

Me: OK, but the update price for your license will go up by at least $100 when our next version is released, but if I can lock today's quote for 60 days for you. <Note: Our next version is in beta, so it's coming soon. Locking in a lower price for 60 days is a GOOD thing.>

SC: It doesn't matter. I can't afford it.

Me: I'm giving you a quote of $175 and I'll put it in the system to lock that price for 60 days so you don't have to worry it will go up.

SC: No!

Me: Sorry?

SC: I can't afford that. I'm doing contract work for [state].

[This went on for while with her "refusing" the quote and me explaining the quote was actually to her benefit because, you know, guaranteed price for 60 days.]

Me: It doesn't cost you anything for me to give you a quote. At least you don't have to worry the price will increase. And frankly, if you can't afford the tools you need to do the job, perhaps you need to raise your prices. <Note: Yeah. I went there. I was exasperated and she was acting like a little kid. She's clearly not charging enough for her time and undercutting her competition (aka our OTHER CUSTOMERS). She was hoping we'll just underwrite her bad business decisions so they don't have consequences. So I went there.>

SC: I'm not raising my prices!

Me: That's completely your choice <true!>. I'm putting today's quote in our system in case you change your mind <so there!>...

SC: <Interrupting> I won't...

Me: <Just talking over her>...and you won't need to worry about the price going up for 60 days. Is there anything else I can help you with?

SC: Nope! But you're wasting your time here. <Note: She was certainly right about that. But not right the way she thought she was right!>

Me: It's was no trouble at all. Have a good afternoon and thank you for calling! <click>

If I weren't so nice I'd just erase the quote she "refused" and she can pay even more when the next version comes out.

But I won't. Why? Because she doesn't want a quote and it pleases me to put it there anyway. Guess I'm petty.

Also she's not very likely to buy it before the 60 days is up anyway. So it's pretty moot whether the quote is there or not. I can clearly see that she'd rather just struggle along with the 9-year-old version than spend money.

And you know what? That's 100% her right to not buy an update. We as a company have never once, in nearly 40 years of existence, ever held a gun to a customer's head and forced them to buy an update they didn't want to buy.

And if she surprises me and buys it in 60 days, I'd actually like to be able to give her the quoted price. Because it feels good to do that. And nobody's holding a gun to MY head telling me I can't.

Choices are a wonderful thing!

[MoonCat]

You know she's going to come back in, say, 90 DAYS, and want that price, though, right? She sounds like that type.

[starsinthesky]

I can see it now, in 90 days she is going to call and say that so and so promised her $125.

[sirwired]

If she can't afford $175 to upgrade her software to something that will make her business run way super-faster, then somebody must have missed the part of Econ 101 when they talked about "opportunity cost."

On another note... damn, that's a cheap software upgrade. Would she even need to raise her prices to absorb that; it's pocket change if your business runs around it.

[Dips]

You know she's going to come back in, say, 90 DAYS, and want that price, though, right? She sounds like that type.

I can see it now, in 90 days she is going to call and say that so and so promised her $125.

She can try. Others certainly have. It won't work for her any more than for anyone else, but she can try.

On another note... damn, that's a cheap software upgrade. Would she even need to raise her prices to absorb that; it's pocket change if your business runs around it.

I know! But there is a certain type of person who will drive 20 miles to save 2 cents on gas. Who will take an hour long trip to New Hampshire to avoid paying sales tax on a $5 item. Then buy lunch there and pay double the meals tax of Massachusetts. Who will spend 3 valuable hours standing in line for a doorbuster sale on a microwave. Who will buy something they don't even want because they have a coupon for it. We all know people like this.

This type of person does not equate time with money, or gas with money or even money with money when it comes down to it. If actual reality intrudes into their fantasy reality they just talk over it until it gives up.

[Catwoman2965]

Ah yes, those penny pinchers. I know them well. My favorite is my own cousin. She’s active duty military, and will drive 25 miles to the base to fill her car up, since its “tax free” Ok, your choice, and she does then hit the PX and get her groceries etc, but even so…. But several years back, we drove oh, about 10 hours to go on vacation for a week. In a condo rented from a friend, so dirt cheap. All we had to do was provide food, etc. which, since we figured on eating dinner out, but lunch and breakfast, unless we were elsewhere. She kept trying to convince me to drive 25 miles or so out of the way, to a local base, so we didn’t have to pay tax on our groceries. Really? Stop being cheap. I put the kibosh on that pretty fast, saying I wasn’t going to waste my vacation time to save a couple of buck, or the extra gas $$, esp since we took HER car which takes premium.

She’s also one who will buy something “just because” she has a coupon and can’t bring herself to waste it. The best one was over the summer, when her fave store had a promo. Bring in an old pair of jeans, get x dollars of a new one. didn’t even have to be their brand! MONTHS before, she had given her SIL a bunch of clothes, as she had lost weight. She actually asked her SIL for some of those BACK, so she could do the trade in. SIL was in a tizzy, but cousin’s bro, SIL’s DH was like don’t worry about it!

I will admit not going to certain gas stations, even if the price is only a few cents more, but I won’t drive out of my way to go elsewhere; I’ll just wait a day or so when I’m near the cheaper one. And I do comparison shop, and always hunt down coupons if I’m buying online, but…I don’t ever inconvenience myself to save money.

[starsinthesky]

I can only imagine that amount if gas it cost for this 50 mile round trip cancels out any savings on tax.

[wolfie]

Hey, I routinely fill up at a gas station that's a half-hour drive from home, but it's a couple cents cheaper than anywhere else and gives "points" toward my auto club renewal.

Of course, it's half a block from where I rent a space to park the Peterbilt of Natural Selection, and I make sure I don't head home without filling up unless I've got plenty of gas for a round trip.

[bbbr]

In the words of Mr Gumby- "MY BRAIN HURTS!!!"

Wow, so she can get the upgrade (which is slated to hit the floor shortly) for a reduced price, has time to wait and see how it works for others in the off chance issue pop up and it offers up a way to speed up her processing rates she can make more money for the same amount of time spent. But refuses because it's "too expensive" and can't be bothered to get her name on the upgrade list. How exactly is she still in business??? I'm 10 years out of my last economics course but even I can figure out it'll pay for itself pretty fast with the efficiency boost.

[VComps]

Hey, I routinely fill up at a gas station that's a half-hour drive from home, but it's a couple cents cheaper than anywhere else and gives "points" toward my auto club renewal. Of course, it's half a block from where I rent a space to park the Peterbilt of Natural Selection, and I make sure I don't head home without filling up unless I've got plenty of gas for a round trip.

The Peterbilt of Natural Selection? Now there must be a story behind that that I must have missed somewhere!

[wolfie]

The Peterbilt of Natural Selection? Now there must be a story behind that that I must have missed somewhere!

Ever heard of Darwin's theory of evolution, where natural selection (i.e. those better suited to the environment are more likely to leave offspring) removes "unfit" individuals from the gene pool? The name is from the same source as the Darwin Awards (notional awards for people who improve the gene pool by removing themselves).

The way 4-wheelers behave around big rigs is ridiculous (in fact, I nearly got "doored" last week - ask any cyclist what that means). Cut off a loaded 18 wheeler too close for it to stop in time? Congratulations - you've just been removed from the gene pool.

[Argus]

The Peterbilt of Natural Selection? Now there must be a story behind that that I must have missed somewhere!

A Google search on that phrase turns up two CS threads and one Fratching thread.

[Argabarga]

The way 4-wheelers behave around big rigs is ridiculous (in fact, I nearly got "doored" last week - ask any cyclist what that means). Cut off a loaded 18 wheeler too close for it to stop in time? Congratulations - you've just been removed from the gene pool.

People don't get all the much smarter or interested in preserving their genetic line around me either. Though to be fair, I'm less Peterbuilt of Natural Selection and more Ford F-450 of Escalating Insurance Rates if you tangle with me.

[wolfie]

A Google search on that phrase turns up two CS threads and one Fratching thread.

Just did the search. Memo to self - Sickbay and Sightings are visible to "outsiders", so I need to be extra-careful not to "out" myself in those forums.

[mathnerd]

Ever heard of Darwin's theory of evolution, where natural selection (i.e. those better suited to the environment are more likely to leave offspring) removes "unfit" individuals from the gene pool? The name is from the same source as the Darwin Awards (notional awards for people who improve the gene pool by removing themselves).

The way 4-wheelers behave around big rigs is ridiculous (in fact, I nearly got "doored" last week - ask any cyclist what that means). Cut off a loaded 18 wheeler too close for it to stop in time? Congratulations - you've just been removed from the gene pool.

I still snicker every time I hear the phrase. I shared it with a few trucker friends and they all howled with laughter. It's so true.