So yesterday an email went out to former guests offering Stupidly Low Price With Food! It is, suffice to say, an incredibly awesome deal. The email went out, everyone tried to book at once, the website crashed, so they called us. At one point we had 45 calls in under an hour, and only one reservationist was scheduled at any given time.
I'm complaining because I got Stupidly Low Price
Because this is a special promotion for former guests, and because it is stupid cheap, it is not something we are openly offering. Guests wanting to book Stupidly Low Price must request it and tell us they received the Stupidly Low Price Special Email.
SC: "Yeah, I'm interested in booking a room on *dates*. What sort of specials are you offering?"
Me: "Well, I have [rattles off the standard package deals we have]."
SC: "Now let me ask you something, are you at the hotel?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "So, you're actually at the hotel?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "You're not in a call center somewhere?"
Me: "No, I am here at the hotel."
SC: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes." I've answered you four fucking times, get to the point.
SC: *suddenly goes nuclear* "BECAUSE I JUST GOT THIS EMAIL FOR STUPIDLY LOW RATE AND IT'S WAY LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME! WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS IS THIS?!"
Me: "Sir..."
SC: "YOU'RE TELLING ME IF I CALL YOU I HAVE TO PAY MORE WHEN I CAN JUST GO TO YOUR WEBSITE AND BOOK STUPIDLY LOW RATE!"
Me: "Sir, if you have the email...."
SC: "THIS IS NO WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS! YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOSE SO MUCH MONEY! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR DEALS STRAIGHT!"
Me: "Sir, the email was a special promotion that is not open to everyone. It was only sent out to former guests to invite you back since we've reopened. It is not a standard package that we offer."
SC: *suddenly calm* "Oh, that makes sense then."
Give me special treatment!
Stupidly Low Rate can be used for any of our standard rooms. Balcony rooms are considered one tier up and referred to as "deluxe" rooms. All first-floor rooms have patios and are classified as balcony "deluxe" rooms.
SC: "Yes, my husband received your email for Stupidly Low Rate. He's an administrator at [University] and has planned $50,000 worth of events there in the past. I was wondering if I could book a first floor room for [dates]?"
Me: "Our first-floor rooms are all considered deluxe rooms and unfortunately the promotional rate only applies to standard rooms. I can book you a room at Stupidly Low Price on the third or fourth floor."
SC: "How much would a waterview on the first floor be then?"
Me: [gives rate 2x of Stupidly Low Price, which is still a good deal since it's an off-season rate]
SC: "That's too much. My husband is an administrator at [University] who books events, and we assume that's why he got the email. Now, if I call back during the day, will there be someone who can get us the downstairs waterview at the Stupidly Low Price?"
Me: "I can put in a request for you. I can take your information and pass it on and someone can call you back tomorrow."
SC: "Are you actually at the hotel or are you just an answering service?"
Me: "I'm here at the hotel." What is with everyone tonight thinking I'm a call center?
SC: "Okay. Because my husband is [repeats the same spiel]."
I was considering offering her Stupidly Low Price plus an "upgrade fee" that would be the typical difference between a standard and deluxe room, but I was so sick of hearing her talk about how her husband is Super Special Person that I just wanted to get her off the phone and not deal with her anymore.
This Lady Made My Night!
I booked a room for a nice little old lady who was treating her daughter to a weekend out. The transaction was smooth and sweet, and when I asked for her email address, she obliged without missing a beat.
Lady: "...and that's P as in Pamela, C as in Cunt, D as in Darling..."
I'm complaining because I got Stupidly Low Price
Because this is a special promotion for former guests, and because it is stupid cheap, it is not something we are openly offering. Guests wanting to book Stupidly Low Price must request it and tell us they received the Stupidly Low Price Special Email.
SC: "Yeah, I'm interested in booking a room on *dates*. What sort of specials are you offering?"
Me: "Well, I have [rattles off the standard package deals we have]."
SC: "Now let me ask you something, are you at the hotel?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "So, you're actually at the hotel?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "You're not in a call center somewhere?"
Me: "No, I am here at the hotel."
SC: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes." I've answered you four fucking times, get to the point.
SC: *suddenly goes nuclear* "BECAUSE I JUST GOT THIS EMAIL FOR STUPIDLY LOW RATE AND IT'S WAY LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME! WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS IS THIS?!"
Me: "Sir..."
SC: "YOU'RE TELLING ME IF I CALL YOU I HAVE TO PAY MORE WHEN I CAN JUST GO TO YOUR WEBSITE AND BOOK STUPIDLY LOW RATE!"
Me: "Sir, if you have the email...."
SC: "THIS IS NO WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS! YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOSE SO MUCH MONEY! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR DEALS STRAIGHT!"
Me: "Sir, the email was a special promotion that is not open to everyone. It was only sent out to former guests to invite you back since we've reopened. It is not a standard package that we offer."
SC: *suddenly calm* "Oh, that makes sense then."
Give me special treatment!
Stupidly Low Rate can be used for any of our standard rooms. Balcony rooms are considered one tier up and referred to as "deluxe" rooms. All first-floor rooms have patios and are classified as balcony "deluxe" rooms.
SC: "Yes, my husband received your email for Stupidly Low Rate. He's an administrator at [University] and has planned $50,000 worth of events there in the past. I was wondering if I could book a first floor room for [dates]?"
Me: "Our first-floor rooms are all considered deluxe rooms and unfortunately the promotional rate only applies to standard rooms. I can book you a room at Stupidly Low Price on the third or fourth floor."
SC: "How much would a waterview on the first floor be then?"
Me: [gives rate 2x of Stupidly Low Price, which is still a good deal since it's an off-season rate]
SC: "That's too much. My husband is an administrator at [University] who books events, and we assume that's why he got the email. Now, if I call back during the day, will there be someone who can get us the downstairs waterview at the Stupidly Low Price?"
Me: "I can put in a request for you. I can take your information and pass it on and someone can call you back tomorrow."
SC: "Are you actually at the hotel or are you just an answering service?"
Me: "I'm here at the hotel." What is with everyone tonight thinking I'm a call center?
SC: "Okay. Because my husband is [repeats the same spiel]."
I was considering offering her Stupidly Low Price plus an "upgrade fee" that would be the typical difference between a standard and deluxe room, but I was so sick of hearing her talk about how her husband is Super Special Person that I just wanted to get her off the phone and not deal with her anymore.
This Lady Made My Night!
I booked a room for a nice little old lady who was treating her daughter to a weekend out. The transaction was smooth and sweet, and when I asked for her email address, she obliged without missing a beat.
Lady: "...and that's P as in Pamela, C as in Cunt, D as in Darling..."
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