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The Last Dregs of 2013

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  • The Last Dregs of 2013

    Quick! I Need an Alab.... er.... I ... Mean Tow!

    -Guy calls for a tow on his WRX

    -Guy says he's just off 1-99 at the westbound exit 70 ramp

    -Guy sounds fairly normal on the phone

    -Guy wants a tow to the local Subaru Dealer

    -Driver gets on scene and finds that there's already a truck there from Other Guy's Towing, winching guy's roughed-up Subaru WRX out of the bushes on the other side of a drainage ditch that is, yes, just off the ramp of exit 70. As in, if you took exit 70 and then DIDN'T make the consequent gentle right hand turn, instead going straight ahead, that's right about where you'd end up.

    -Guy couldn't elaborate on the details, he was in the backseat of the police cruiser that was already on scene. Driver puts 2 and 2 together and leaves.

    -Guy is really, really, REALLY gonna regret this in the morning. And it was only 7 at that point, must've started the partyin' early.


    Said it before, but I'll say it again. WE WILL NOT BE COMPLACENT IN HIDING YOUR DUI, YA SCHMUCK! Even if we had gotten there first, it would've ended the same way for ya!


    The Auctioneer


    -You tow my car?

    -The White SUV? Yes Sir, we have it

    -Why?!

    -You didn't have a permit where you parked

    -I was there 5 minutes!

    -No, it was 15

    -5 minutes!

    -No, 15

    -5!

    -No, you got your 15 minute wait, I'm not going to argue, it will be $115 to pick up

    -$65!

    -No, $115

    -$65!

    -NO! $115 or no car!

    And from that point out it was gibberish, literally. I had no idea what was being said other than it sounded vaguely Arabic and if translated into English, it probably couldn't be said on live TV/Radio without having to then cut the FCC a fairly large check.


    The Perfect Comeback


    Slim pulls up to a lot and starts loading an illegally parked Porsche. This gets the owner's attention fairly quickly.

    Owner - Hey! Put that down before you mess it up!
    Slim - It's $65
    Owner - No, put it down now, you'll mess it up! It's a Porsche, you know how much it's worth!?
    Slim - Probably less than the Maserati I towed last week, and I didn't mess it up either.

    The owner didn't have a comeback for that.

    Are you kidding me? Folks, if we made a habit of breaking stuff we towed, Porsche or not, what makes you think we'd still be in business? What makes you think the procedure for towing an illegal is "HULK SMASH!" when we clearly tow normal people to garages and tire shops and the like all the time with the same equipment and no ill effect?

    We're seriously considering making some laminated copies of a picture one of our drivers took during a tow a few weeks back, just so we can whip it out when these kinds of people try to go off on us for touching their car. Since they seem to think we're incapable of even LOOKING at expensive stuff without denting it, they need to be gently reminded that their precious car is NOT the most expensive one we've ever touched!

    https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/...30314507_n.jpg

    The Great Question of my Generation

    "Haven't ya'll got anything better to do on New Years than ta' tow cars?!"

    Hmmmm, lemme think about that, and I'll get back to you on an answer.... wait for it............. NEXT YEAR! Hyuck yuck yuck!

    Duality

    There's an apartment complex we tow from that gives out warning tickets. They notice you illegally parked and they put a mass-produced "WARNING: NO PERMIT YOU WILL BE TOWED" slip on your windshield. If the car is still there 30 minutes later, well, spoiler alert: you get towed.

    Simple?

    Well, they call us in two cars tonight, but due to call volume, only one driver is free. He's told to head on out and just take his pick, if they're both there, it's his call who goes first since they had identical call-in times.

    He pulls in and logically goes for the one closest to the entrance. As soon as it's lifted, the owner comes running from the nearby party. She apologizes profusely and asks if there's anything she can do.

    "$65 and I'll put it down" our driver says

    "Really? You don't have to tow it?!" she asks. The driver confirms this. "GREAT!" she says and pays with cash.

    Now, a second person comes out.

    "What the hell are you doing?"

    "Putting this lady's car down as soon as she pays me"

    "For what?!"

    "For illegal parking"

    The guy suddenly runs 3 spaces down, to the OTHER car that was called in. Gets in, slams the door. Gets out. Rips the warning ticket off the windshield. Screeches his tires backing up, screeches his tires pulling forward, stops in front of our driver, rolls the window down and tosses the warning at him declaring "You can take that back because I'm not paying you a f*ckin' cent!" and takes off.

    Pity he didn't hang around long enough for us to explain he doesn't owe anyone anything. But whatever.

    Amazing how two people can react in such dissimilar manners in the exact same situation. Sometimes I feel we're just an uncompensated division of the University's sociology department.

    And in retrospect, we chose the wrong car. It would've been so much more fun making him pay than her. :P
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    There's a special extra-bonus one my replacement driver had happen to him after I left, but I'm going to save it for a bit (yes I'm a tease) because you TRULY have to see it to believe it and it deserves it's own post, and frankly, I'm too lazy to type it all up right now.
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Story tease!
      Pain and suffering are inevitable...misery is optional.

      Comment


      • #4
        Saint Arga of Barga, doing his part to spread some holiday cheer.

        ...to us, of course! Not so much to the slackwits that he ends up towing.
        PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

        There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

        Comment


        • #5
          I hate cliffhangers.
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
            I hate cliffhangers.
            Same here. We all remember the mayhem that Seraph caused in her War Story about the Slumlord...
            PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

            There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

            Comment


            • #7
              Be sure to make a note of the other guy's plate.

              I am sure when you get called back there to tow him again he will say, "I didn't know I couldn't park there.".
              "First time I ever seen a chainsaw go down anybody's britches,"

              Comment


              • #8
                The Perfect Comeback - don't know what it is, but it's kinda ugly.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Holy crap, who would seriously drive one of those around here? In winter none-the-less. I'd be storing that thing in a garage from October to June.
                  Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb. - exmocaptainmoroni

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Someone with too much money.

                    It's like having an F1 car as a daily driver, you could do it, but what would be the point other than to just show off you could? They're barely practical as is.

                    And as you pointed out, winter driving is an impossibility.

                    The aforementioned Maserati we had to tow. We got 2 inches of snowfall. He got caught out in it, and was quickly stranded.
                    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Teskeria View Post
                      The Perfect Comeback - don't know what it is, but it's kinda ugly.
                      That's a Lamborghini of some kind, don't know the model. And yes, you too can count me among the people who think it's eye-stingingly ugly. But to me most car styling since about 1999 has been rather uninspiring at best and WTF? at worst.
                      - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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                      • #12
                        it's an Aventador
                        ~$400k car.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Argabarga View Post
                          Someone with too much money.

                          It's like having an F1 car as a daily driver, you could do it, but what would be the point other than to just show off you could?
                          are F1 cars street legal? I'm pretty sure they aren't...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth Argabarga View Post
                            Someone with too much money.

                            It's like having an F1 car as a daily driver, you could do it, but what would be the point other than to just show off you could? They're barely practical as is.
                            Quoth roxtar View Post
                            it's an Aventador
                            ~$400k car.
                            Hey, I drive a 2-seater with a monster engine on a regular basis, and it's EXTREMELY practical for the use I put it through.

                            As for a $400k car, I could buy TWO fully-equipped replacements for my 2-seater for less than that. Lambos (and their competitors) are poorly designed - with all their horsepower, I doubt if you could put even a class 1 (trailer under 2000 pounds) hitch on any of them. My 2-seater can make full use of its power (even though some of these "supercars" that can't tow worth shit have double my horsepower) - a 60,000 pound trailer is no problem.
                            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth wolfie View Post
                              Hey, I drive a 2-seater with a monster engine on a regular basis, and it's EXTREMELY practical for the use I put it through.

                              As for a $400k car, I could buy TWO fully-equipped replacements for my 2-seater for less than that. Lambos (and their competitors) are poorly designed - with all their horsepower, I doubt if you could put even a class 1 (trailer under 2000 pounds) hitch on any of them. My 2-seater can make full use of its power (even though some of these "supercars" that can't tow worth shit have double my horsepower) - a 60,000 pound trailer is no problem.
                              your pickup and a supercar are designed for completely different things. apples and anvils.

                              if you judge a supercar on its towing and cargo capacity vs a pickup, it will lose
                              if you judge a pickup on its lap times vs a supercar, it will lose.

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