Tweet
With it being New Years, people have been boozing it up a bit.
Unfortunately, that includes a few who really shouldn't have.
Round One
Twitch came back in the Pedestrian-Maker (that's his pet name for his repo truck, since it's not built to the same spec as the rest of ours) with a freshly legally-stolen car and noted he didn't feel bad for taking it from the owner's driveway, considering the owner still had an open can of Budweiser sitting in the center cup holder. I felt just a tiny bit safer driving home that night.
Round Two
Eugene, another of our drivers, pulled up to a stop sign and was minding his own business when a car coming down the cross street tried to turn onto his street, misjudged the turn, and slammed right into a telephone pole on the corner.
It proceeded to then back up, tried to take the turn again, missed again, and slammed the pole, again.
Eugene, figuring there's only one reason why anyone would try, and fail, to miss something like a telephone pole in that fashion, twice no less, called the cops to report a DUI driver and gave his location.
By the time the cruiser got there, the car in question was on it's fourth try to navigate the corner, the 3rd try having missed the pole, but hit a parked car instead.
Surprisingly, the 4th try was the charm, and they got around both the car they hit AND the pole, but by then the cumulative damage done to their car had reduced it's top speed to that of a brisk walk. The responding officer jogged up alongside the driver's door, reached in the window, and pulled out the keys.
The driver opened the door, promptly fell out face first in the snow and told the cop.
"Yeah, I know why you're here, just put in the back (of the cop car) I'm gonna fail that test........"
All things considered, the was probably the smartest thing he could have done. Eugene towed the car back to the shop, sans both front and rear bumpers and with several dents.
With any luck, it'll be coming out of the bodyshop around the time the driver is coming out of jail/rehab/ARD.
Round Three, Last Call
Now, the doozy I promised you.
Guy gets nailed for DUI. Cops call us out to impound the car. The officer on scene gives us specific instructions that it is NOT to be released to the owner, only a friend/relative can pick it up, that's how plastered this guy is.
Usually, they'll tell you it's okay to release it in the morning once the owner has sobered up, but he was so sloshed the cop decided not to take any chances.
Well, about 3 or so hours after we bring it in, fairly deep into the night, the cellphone rings. It's someone wanting to pick it up. Randy, recalling the officer's instructions, asks if he's the owner.
Oh no, the guy assures us, I'm his brother!
Well, that'll work, so we give him directions on how to get to us.
A bit later, there's a pounding at the door.
Not the front door, but the side garage door that opens to the service department. Randy opens the man-door just to the side of that and sees someone lingering around outside.
"Hey, I'm here to pick up my car" he says, so Randy tells him to meet him at the front door.
He gets up front, unlocks the front door, and as soon as the guy steps inside, into a better-lit office area, Randy instantly recognizes him. He's the DUI guy, NOT his brother, the exact same guy we just dealt with earlier.
Randy explains that he can't release the vehicle to him
Aw c'mon man! The drunk protests.
Randy reminds him that the cops specifically told us, and him, that he wasn't getting the car back unless someone other than him picked it up
The drunk still wants his car
Randy points out that he can tell, from his bleary eyes and beer-breath that DUI guy is still very much U to the capital I as it were, and in no condition to drive.
"How drunk are you right now?" he asks
"Not much" the guy says
"How much?" Randy prods
"Oh, not much at all! Only like, 4 beers"
"That's one beer for every wheel on the car, no way, you're too intoxicated to drive even if the cops HADN'T told me not to let you"
"Awwwwww, c'mon! I walked all the way here from *next town over*"
"Sorry, you cannot pick this vehicle up"
Suddenly, outside the glass front door, two Borough cop cars pull up and the officers come inside
They see who's talking to Randy, and are clearly PISSED.
"Didn't we tell you NOT to come here because you couldn't get your car back?!" One of them asks
The drunk just mumbles
"Remember what we told you? To go home and STAY THERE?"
More mumbles
"Fine, just have a seat right there *points to waiting area* and don't move, we're going to call you a cab, and that is going to take you home"
One cop calls the taxi company, while the other talks to Randy while keeping an eye on the drunk guy.
"So who called you?" Randy asks
"You guys did"
"Uh, no we didn't, the regular phones here are off after-hours, only the company cellphone takes or makes calls and I didn't call anyone"
"Really? Dispatcher said someone here called 911"
"Wasn't me"
Now the drunk raises his hand
"Yeah, that was me"
"Huh? You called 911?"
"Uh..... yeah, told them I was trying to pick up my car"
Collective face palm everyone!
That's right, in the short span of time from talking to Randy at the side door and going to the front, the drunk got out his phone and called the cops..... for reasons that only he could possibly fathom...... the cops do their best not to bust out laughing while they wait for the taxi to shovel the drunk into and take him at least out of their jurisdiction for the night.
That tiny high-pitched scream you hear in the background is my last glimmer of hope for humanity's future dying a final, slow, protracted, yet merciful death.
Goodnight everybody!
Unfortunately, that includes a few who really shouldn't have.
Round One
Twitch came back in the Pedestrian-Maker (that's his pet name for his repo truck, since it's not built to the same spec as the rest of ours) with a freshly legally-stolen car and noted he didn't feel bad for taking it from the owner's driveway, considering the owner still had an open can of Budweiser sitting in the center cup holder. I felt just a tiny bit safer driving home that night.
Round Two
Eugene, another of our drivers, pulled up to a stop sign and was minding his own business when a car coming down the cross street tried to turn onto his street, misjudged the turn, and slammed right into a telephone pole on the corner.
It proceeded to then back up, tried to take the turn again, missed again, and slammed the pole, again.
Eugene, figuring there's only one reason why anyone would try, and fail, to miss something like a telephone pole in that fashion, twice no less, called the cops to report a DUI driver and gave his location.
By the time the cruiser got there, the car in question was on it's fourth try to navigate the corner, the 3rd try having missed the pole, but hit a parked car instead.
Surprisingly, the 4th try was the charm, and they got around both the car they hit AND the pole, but by then the cumulative damage done to their car had reduced it's top speed to that of a brisk walk. The responding officer jogged up alongside the driver's door, reached in the window, and pulled out the keys.
The driver opened the door, promptly fell out face first in the snow and told the cop.
"Yeah, I know why you're here, just put in the back (of the cop car) I'm gonna fail that test........"
All things considered, the was probably the smartest thing he could have done. Eugene towed the car back to the shop, sans both front and rear bumpers and with several dents.
With any luck, it'll be coming out of the bodyshop around the time the driver is coming out of jail/rehab/ARD.
Round Three, Last Call
Now, the doozy I promised you.
Guy gets nailed for DUI. Cops call us out to impound the car. The officer on scene gives us specific instructions that it is NOT to be released to the owner, only a friend/relative can pick it up, that's how plastered this guy is.
Usually, they'll tell you it's okay to release it in the morning once the owner has sobered up, but he was so sloshed the cop decided not to take any chances.
Well, about 3 or so hours after we bring it in, fairly deep into the night, the cellphone rings. It's someone wanting to pick it up. Randy, recalling the officer's instructions, asks if he's the owner.
Oh no, the guy assures us, I'm his brother!
Well, that'll work, so we give him directions on how to get to us.
A bit later, there's a pounding at the door.
Not the front door, but the side garage door that opens to the service department. Randy opens the man-door just to the side of that and sees someone lingering around outside.
"Hey, I'm here to pick up my car" he says, so Randy tells him to meet him at the front door.
He gets up front, unlocks the front door, and as soon as the guy steps inside, into a better-lit office area, Randy instantly recognizes him. He's the DUI guy, NOT his brother, the exact same guy we just dealt with earlier.
Randy explains that he can't release the vehicle to him
Aw c'mon man! The drunk protests.
Randy reminds him that the cops specifically told us, and him, that he wasn't getting the car back unless someone other than him picked it up
The drunk still wants his car
Randy points out that he can tell, from his bleary eyes and beer-breath that DUI guy is still very much U to the capital I as it were, and in no condition to drive.
"How drunk are you right now?" he asks
"Not much" the guy says
"How much?" Randy prods
"Oh, not much at all! Only like, 4 beers"
"That's one beer for every wheel on the car, no way, you're too intoxicated to drive even if the cops HADN'T told me not to let you"
"Awwwwww, c'mon! I walked all the way here from *next town over*"
"Sorry, you cannot pick this vehicle up"
Suddenly, outside the glass front door, two Borough cop cars pull up and the officers come inside
They see who's talking to Randy, and are clearly PISSED.
"Didn't we tell you NOT to come here because you couldn't get your car back?!" One of them asks
The drunk just mumbles
"Remember what we told you? To go home and STAY THERE?"
More mumbles
"Fine, just have a seat right there *points to waiting area* and don't move, we're going to call you a cab, and that is going to take you home"
One cop calls the taxi company, while the other talks to Randy while keeping an eye on the drunk guy.
"So who called you?" Randy asks
"You guys did"
"Uh, no we didn't, the regular phones here are off after-hours, only the company cellphone takes or makes calls and I didn't call anyone"
"Really? Dispatcher said someone here called 911"
"Wasn't me"
Now the drunk raises his hand
"Yeah, that was me"
"Huh? You called 911?"
"Uh..... yeah, told them I was trying to pick up my car"
Collective face palm everyone!
That's right, in the short span of time from talking to Randy at the side door and going to the front, the drunk got out his phone and called the cops..... for reasons that only he could possibly fathom...... the cops do their best not to bust out laughing while they wait for the taxi to shovel the drunk into and take him at least out of their jurisdiction for the night.
That tiny high-pitched scream you hear in the background is my last glimmer of hope for humanity's future dying a final, slow, protracted, yet merciful death.
Goodnight everybody!
Comment