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The Entitlement Is Strong Within You...
More tales from satellite tv tech support...language, as always.
This happened quite a while back but it seems the memory will never fade:
So I get a call from a man who starts out polite, but with that trace of impatience that never bodes well. You know the type. They're the ones that can't believe they actually have to call in about their issues, because our team of highly trained psychics should have already detected that Mr. Entitled had a problem and dispatched a tech team posthaste.
Mr. E: I need a service call!
Me: (fabulous, I just love it when a call starts out this way. I need a million dollars, but barking it to a stranger over the phone never seems to bring the Prize Patrol Van screeching to my door). I'd be happy to help you with your issues; what seems to be the problem?
Mr. E: (big huffy sigh) I don't have any high definition channels!
Me: Oh, I see. *check the account; he subscribes to hi def* When did this happen?
Mr. E: It just started! They were working fine yesterday! Don't you understand that I need a service call? How many times do I have to say it??? (literal growl of impatience; how dare the peon question him!)
Me: *activating super ignoring powers and pretending I didn't hear that last part* Ok, so when you go to a high def channel, do you get an error message?
Mr. E: No, they are just not there! They are GONE! Aren't you listening? They don't even show up in the guide!
Me: *big sigh of relief-this is easy to fix* OK, Mr. E, this is just a settings issue and we can have this fixed in one minute. Can I please have you press the menu button on your remote?
Mr. E: NO! Service! *growl* Call!
Me: *temporarily speechless* Um...Mr. E...you don't have a serious technical problem. Your settings are wrong and your HD channels are hidden. We can have this fixed and you'll be watching HD in the next minute if you can just do these steps with me.
Mr. E: Dammit, I told you NO! I'm not doing your job for you! I want a service call and I want it NOW! I pay extra for your goddamn service plan and I want a tech! NOW!
(I love how these customers think paying $8 a month makes them God. And it clearly spells out in their service agreement that they are required to troubleshoot first before they get a free service call, not that they ever read anything.)
So for over twenty minutes Mr. E and I went around and around. I tried everything. I explained to him that we don't send techs out to press buttons on a remote control. I told him that he'd be waiting days for a service call when he could be watching TV right now. I promised him that all he'd have to do is press buttons; if it didn't work I'd schedule him right away, he wouldn't even have to move his entitled ass off the couch.
All of this was responded to with "NO! SERVICE CALL! NO!" He was literally shouting this like an effing two year old who wants a cookie. And of course this tool won't ask for a supervisor, so I have to keep trying. And he doesn't want to hang up on me either - it's obvious he's getting some kind of kick out of trying to force me to do this for him.
So in my best stern kindergarten teacher voice I finally tell Mr. E that he'll be paying for his service call because there's no way I will cover it if he won't work with me. Stony silence and then he says..."I'm putting my wife on the line!"
I nearly danced in the aisle. Oh, thank God, glory hallelujah, there's a reasonable person in the house that I can talk to. She's probably been hiding somewhere, avoiding the tantrum. At least now I can get her to unhide the fucking channels and get off this damn call.
E's Wife: "Hello."
Me: Hi, Mrs. E! This is mysticgirl5, we just have a little problem here with your HD channels that we can resolve in one minute. Could I please have you press the menu button on your remote?"
E's Wife: "NO!"
So I ended up setting up a chargeable service call for this two assholes, which was three days out, just so they could high five each other and congratulate themselves on not pressing any buttons on their remote.
The cherry came a week later when my supervisor called me over and informed me that I'd gotten dinged for an unnecessary service call since they didn't really need a tech. Oh, ya think????
I'd told him all about this call when it happened and yet he still wanted an explanation.
And that's when I killed him, Your Honor.
(j/k!
)
This happened quite a while back but it seems the memory will never fade:
So I get a call from a man who starts out polite, but with that trace of impatience that never bodes well. You know the type. They're the ones that can't believe they actually have to call in about their issues, because our team of highly trained psychics should have already detected that Mr. Entitled had a problem and dispatched a tech team posthaste.
Mr. E: I need a service call!
Me: (fabulous, I just love it when a call starts out this way. I need a million dollars, but barking it to a stranger over the phone never seems to bring the Prize Patrol Van screeching to my door). I'd be happy to help you with your issues; what seems to be the problem?
Mr. E: (big huffy sigh) I don't have any high definition channels!
Me: Oh, I see. *check the account; he subscribes to hi def* When did this happen?
Mr. E: It just started! They were working fine yesterday! Don't you understand that I need a service call? How many times do I have to say it??? (literal growl of impatience; how dare the peon question him!)
Me: *activating super ignoring powers and pretending I didn't hear that last part* Ok, so when you go to a high def channel, do you get an error message?
Mr. E: No, they are just not there! They are GONE! Aren't you listening? They don't even show up in the guide!
Me: *big sigh of relief-this is easy to fix* OK, Mr. E, this is just a settings issue and we can have this fixed in one minute. Can I please have you press the menu button on your remote?
Mr. E: NO! Service! *growl* Call!
Me: *temporarily speechless* Um...Mr. E...you don't have a serious technical problem. Your settings are wrong and your HD channels are hidden. We can have this fixed and you'll be watching HD in the next minute if you can just do these steps with me.
Mr. E: Dammit, I told you NO! I'm not doing your job for you! I want a service call and I want it NOW! I pay extra for your goddamn service plan and I want a tech! NOW!
(I love how these customers think paying $8 a month makes them God. And it clearly spells out in their service agreement that they are required to troubleshoot first before they get a free service call, not that they ever read anything.)
So for over twenty minutes Mr. E and I went around and around. I tried everything. I explained to him that we don't send techs out to press buttons on a remote control. I told him that he'd be waiting days for a service call when he could be watching TV right now. I promised him that all he'd have to do is press buttons; if it didn't work I'd schedule him right away, he wouldn't even have to move his entitled ass off the couch.
All of this was responded to with "NO! SERVICE CALL! NO!" He was literally shouting this like an effing two year old who wants a cookie. And of course this tool won't ask for a supervisor, so I have to keep trying. And he doesn't want to hang up on me either - it's obvious he's getting some kind of kick out of trying to force me to do this for him.
So in my best stern kindergarten teacher voice I finally tell Mr. E that he'll be paying for his service call because there's no way I will cover it if he won't work with me. Stony silence and then he says..."I'm putting my wife on the line!"
I nearly danced in the aisle. Oh, thank God, glory hallelujah, there's a reasonable person in the house that I can talk to. She's probably been hiding somewhere, avoiding the tantrum. At least now I can get her to unhide the fucking channels and get off this damn call.
E's Wife: "Hello."
Me: Hi, Mrs. E! This is mysticgirl5, we just have a little problem here with your HD channels that we can resolve in one minute. Could I please have you press the menu button on your remote?"
E's Wife: "NO!"
So I ended up setting up a chargeable service call for this two assholes, which was three days out, just so they could high five each other and congratulate themselves on not pressing any buttons on their remote.
The cherry came a week later when my supervisor called me over and informed me that I'd gotten dinged for an unnecessary service call since they didn't really need a tech. Oh, ya think????
I'd told him all about this call when it happened and yet he still wanted an explanation. And that's when I killed him, Your Honor.
(j/k!
)
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