"Your story has touched my heart, now f#@k off"

[Ree]

I got called up to authorize a return of a defective humidifier today, and it was almost a year old. Our company has a really good warranty on things like that, so it was definitely covered, but it was a replacement warranty only at this point.
If it had been within the first few months, we could have refunded his money, but at almost a year, that's not our policy.
The old guy kept pushing for a refund.
I tried to explain our side, but, of course, he didn't get it.
I had already decided to go ahead and bend the rules a bit, as we do on occasion, because I am definitely going to grt my full credit back for our store on the defective item. (Like I say, we have a really great return system worked out with our vendors. Our company is very big on service. )
I had just finished telling the cashier to refund with my OK on it, but he wasn't listening.
The old guy called me over saying, "Come over here. I have a story to tell you, and I'm going to cry in a minute."
He then proceeded to tell me about the big beautiful home he had built for him and his wife, and how his wife only lived in it for 5 months before she died.
Then he went on and on about how lonely it was.
I honestly don't know why he thought his sad tale would make a difference.
I said, "Believe me, I know. Been there. Done that. Bought the shirt."
I walked away then.
After he left, I said to the cashier, (who just happens to be my SIL), "Was I supposed to be touched by his sad story? Telling me about his big beautiful house? I'm sorry. I live in a tiny little bungalow and my husband died suddenly at 45 while I struggle to keep a roof over my head. What the hell does any of it have to do with getting a refund on a year old defective humidifier?"

[Krysalis]

What popped into my head:

"And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house
And you may tell yourself
And this is not my beautiful wife!"

Which might be his problem.

[sms001]

Cynical me has this ghastly picture of Old Guy going all around town with a car full of stuff he doesn't want - that he can now get refunds for because he has this sob story.

So sorry that his callousness contrasts so with your own situation; there's no way he could know, but still a dirtbag move.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I said, "Believe me, I know. Been there. Done that. Bought the shirt."

Totally off topic but have you found a classy, socially acceptable way to tell people that aren't being douche nozzles this? I'll be chit chatting about something I have to do and someone will say 'but can't your husband....' I usually say 'Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago."
Cue horribly awkward silence followed by me being ignored for hours like I carry the Black Death. I've thought about taking off my rings so people won't assume I'm married, but I feel like they are mine and I have the right to wear them still.

[RealUnimportant]

Totally off topic but have you found a classy, socially acceptable way to tell people that aren't being douche nozzles this? I'll be chit chatting about something I have to do and someone will say 'but can't your husband....' I usually say 'Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago."
Cue horribly awkward silence followed by me being ignored for hours like I carry the Black Death. I've thought about taking off my rings so people won't assume I'm married, but I feel like they are mine and I have the right to wear them still.

I would venture to suggest that the minute they ask that question, they've earned the guilt trip that comes with your reply. One should never assume, they are assuming, and have made themselves into asses.

I'll check with my mum though; she's had 5 years to practice, she might have come up with an idea

[sms001]

they've earned the guilt trip that comes with your reply. One should never assume,

I think I'm gonna go ahead and take that hit - a woman (or man for that matter) wearing a wedding ring, and of an age in life to probably be married (ie., not 12, and not of a more common age when a spouse may have passed.), I'm going to assume is married. I will be appropriately saddened/contrite if I am given to understand otherwise, but the odds are pretty good...


NC - I think you've probably already got about the best answer; the problem is that you are classifying people who are treating you "like the Black Plague" because of their own embarrassment as non-douche nozzles when in fact, they kinda are. The proper response to you telling them that is to express condolences and say "Oh, what about..." as an alternative to whatever they were suggesting your husband could do. Obviously this is on a case by case basis, people who might be expected to know that part of your personal life should be embarrassed.

[Ree]

No, I never have figured out a way to answer the question without having tbe person feel like dick for asking or assuming, but then I figure, if it makes them uncomfortable, that's on them.
People die.
Not much we can do aboug it.
Even, almost 6 years later, I probably still haven't gotten over my loss, and I doubt I ever will, but I have come to realize shit happens and I csn't change it.
If I'm OK with it, then don't feel bad.
I also wouldn't think to use my loss to gain a special favor I wasn't entitled to.

[Sapphire Silk]

Totally off topic but have you found a classy, socially acceptable way to tell people that aren't being douche nozzles this? I'll be chit chatting about something I have to do and someone will say 'but can't your husband....' I usually say 'Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago."
Cue horribly awkward silence followed by me being ignored for hours like I carry the Black Death. I've thought about taking off my rings so people won't assume I'm married, but I feel like they are mine and I have the right to wear them still.

They are yours, and you absolutely have the right to wear them! Never take them off until YOU decide the time is right . . . if you ever do.

I think your general response is just right. People are responsible for their own emotions. If they're uncomfortable, that's their problem, not yours. Ignore it.

I would venture to suggest that the minute they ask that question, they've earned the guilt trip that comes with your reply. One should never assume, they are assuming, and have made themselves into asses

This. SO this.

Even, almost 6 years later, I probably still haven't gotten over my loss, and I doubt I ever will, but I have come to realize shit happens and I csn't change it.
If I'm OK with it, then don't feel bad.
I also wouldn't think to use my loss to gain a special favor I wasn't entitled to.

That's because you have character, which SC's by definition don't.

No one ever "gets over" a loss. You learn to live with it, that's all. My father and I were very close. When he died five years ago, I thought the world had come to a stop. I still get emotional over it. I've learned to live with it. I've never gotten over it, and that's OK. As long as grief does not keep us from living life, it is natural and normal.