"Oh Lawdy!"

[Jester]

Fuck that shit. I would have gone over that boss's head. Stealing is stealing, and beyond that, I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna let someone fuck with my food.

[KhirasHY]

The woman in the OP is probably the original "yo mama"

I'll just quote some George Wallace here then

Yo mama is so buck-toothed, she can eat corn on the cob through a fence.
Yo mama is so fat, she ain't got a waistline, she's got a coastline.
Yo mama is so poor, burglars break into her house and leave money.
Yo mama is so fat, she gets on an elevator, it's GOIN' down.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walk by the bathroom, toilet flush all by itself.
Yo mama is so fat, when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit.
Yo mama is so fat, when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.
Yo mama is so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.
Yo mama is so skinny, put her in the driver's seat of a car, she looks like the club.
Yo mama is so poor, she puts free samples on layaway.

Remember, it's just for fun. It's not YO mama. ;p

Edit: one more "Yo mama went to the doctor last week. Doctor says, 'take off all your clothes, get on your hands and knees over in that corner.' She does that, and he says 'Alright, now get down on your hands and knees in this corner.' Repeats it for all four corners of the room, tells her 'Alright, put your clothes back on.' She asks 'What's wrong, doctor?' He just says 'nothing, I'm just buying a sofa next week, wanted to see how it'd look in the room."

[Jester]

Oh, you had to go and start with the Yo Mama jokes. Damn you. Well, then, some of my personal favorites....

Yo Mama is so fat, she was born on March 10th, 11th, 12th, AND 13th.
Yo Mama is so fat, for Halloween she dressed in white and went as Alaska.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she wears red, neighborhood kids yell, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
Yo Mama is so fat, her fishnets are 20 pound test.
Yo Mama is so ugly, you have to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Yo Mama is so ugly, her Zodiac sign is "DAMN!"
Yo Mama is so fat, Greenpeace tried to free her from Sea World.
Yo Mama is so stupid, when she saw the road sign that said, "Disney World left," she turned the car around and drove home in tears.
Yo Mama is so stupid, hills get higher grades than her.
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thinks the "SLOW CHILDREN" signs are all about her.
Yo Mama is so fat, her driver's license photo was taken by IMAX.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she dances, the band skips.

I should point out that my friend Frank is such a Yo Mama joke collector, he once got called up on stage by a band to go head to head with Yo Mama jokes. The band eventually conceded.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Yo Mama... Harry Potter style!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo mama’s so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!
Yo mama’s so fat her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.
Yo mama’s so fat her wand is a Slim Jim.
Yo mama’s so fat if there was a painting of her it would take ten portraits to show all of her!
Yo mama’s so fat she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!
Yo mama’s so fat she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me".
Yo mama’s so fat she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.
Yo mama’s so fat that a Wingardium Leviosa spell couldn't lift her.
Yo mama’s so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting.
Yo mama’s so fat that if she confronted a Boggart it would morph into a treadmill.
Yo mama’s so fat that it takes two Boggarts to shape-shift into her!
Yo mama’s so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!
Yo mama’s so fat the core of her wand has a cream filling.
Yo mama’s so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.
Yo mama’s so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the portrait hole in the Gryffindor Tower.

Yo mama's so stupid she drowned in a Pensieve.
Yo mama's so stupid she thinks a Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.

Yo mama's so ugly even a Dementor wouldn't kiss her!
Yo mama's so ugly everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked."
Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away.
Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone.
Yo mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her.
Yo mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.
Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to a Mountain Troll.
Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.
Yo mama's so ugly that the Whomping Willow saw her and died.
Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball he decided to go with Goyle instead!
Yo mama's so ugly that when the basilisk snuck up on her and saw her face HE dropped dead.

[manybellsdown]

My favorite was when one of my drama students came at me in an improv with "Yo' mamma so dumb she stared at the orange juice for three hours because it said Concentrate!"

[Shyla]

Jester, the worst part was she had terrible food allergies and could only eat the things she brought. She couldn't get anything from the vending machine or nearby store. She told the boss this and it made no difference.

I agree with you about stealing. But as usual the problem is the same. Bad bosses are rewarded and peons are fired.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I got a Yo Mama joke for you...

Yo mama so fat, when she put on a pair of BVDs, it spelled out "Boulevard."

[KhirasHY]

Yo Mama is so fat, she was born on March 10th, 11th, 12th, AND 13th.

A similar one I've heard: "I wrote about yo mama here in this book. Look, here she is on page 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. She still ain't fitting on just those pages either."

Edit: more fun ones:

Yo mama is so ugly that she looked a mirror and her reflection ducked!
Yo mama is so fat, she sweats chocolate.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her walkin' down the street the other day kickin' an empty tin can. I asked "What're you doing?" and she just said "Movin'."
Yo momma so dumb it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Yo mama so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with an application.
Yo mama so dumb she wore a bikini to a carpool
Yo mama so cross-eyed, when she cries, tears roll down her back.
Yo mama is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she entered an ugly contest they disqualified her for being a professional.
Yo mama's so cross-eyed she can stand on the front porch and count the chickens in the backyard.
Yo mama is so ugly, she has to sneak up on a glass of water to drink it.
Yo mama so fat, she got a real horse on her polo shirt.

I too have collected some jokes in my time. After all, as George Carlin once said, "You wanna play the dozens? The dozens is a game, but the way I fuck your mother is a god damn shame..."

[siskaren]

Yo Mama... Harry Potter style!

These are awesome!

[XCashier]

Fuck that shit. I would have gone over that boss's head. Stealing is stealing, and beyond that, I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna let someone fuck with my food.

Jester, the worst part was she had terrible food allergies and could only eat the things she brought. She couldn't get anything from the vending machine or nearby store. She told the boss this and it made no difference.

That is precisely why she should've gone over the boss's head and reported his theft to the higher-ups. If she ended up in the hospital (or morgue ) due to his stealing her food, her family could've sued the company for everything, and quite right, too.

I agree with you about stealing. But as usual the problem is the same. Bad bosses are rewarded and peons are fired.

If that is how the company is truly run, they deserve every bad thing they get. You do NOT mess with your employees' health. Ever.

And that boss is a world-class asshole, and deserves

[Jester]

Yo mama is so fat, she sweats chocolate.

I've heard one very similar:

Yo mama is so fat, she sweats gravy.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a restaurant, she opened the menu and said, "Okay."

[Monterey Jack]

"I heard that your father went into a restaurant, and that he ate all of the food in the restaurant, and that they had to close the restaurant."

[prjkt]

"Yarr check out the bottomless pit"

[emax4]

Here are two of my favorites:

Yo mamma stinks so bad, she makes Right Guard turn left, she makes Speed Stick slow down, she makes Secret obvious, and she makes Sure uncertain.

Yo mammas so poor she tried to put a Big Mac on layaway.