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Randy's a nice guy, so it's not fair that as of late, every single asshole customer we've had to deal with has come after him with aggression usually only seen when you're unfortunate enough to end up on the same soccer pitch as Luis Suarez.
Already this weekend, he's had to deal with an idiot student arguing that since he recently had his car fixed by our service department to the tune of $500 worth of repairs, we owe him some kind of discount on his tow for illegal parking. And no sooner had that been resolved than Angry Mom (tm) called in to harangue Randy for towing her little angelkins for no reason at all (see: Illegal Parking) and, to make matters worse, the call got dropped by our craptastic Tower's cellphone so that he also got his OTHER ear chewed off about "how dare we hang up" on people...
Needless to say, Randy wasn't having a good day, so when a regular service tow call came in, he figured things were about to get better.
It was a call from the State Police. A Trooper up on the interstate has a driver in need of a tow for a breakdown.
Location, MM79 Eastbound
So, up the interstate Randy goes, about 25 miles up when you count the mileage required to just get out of our town and onto the highway.
He gets to MM 79 and.... .nothing. Not on his side or the west side.
Well, maybe that's the last one they passed, and he just has to round up?
MM 80 flies past.... nothing.
Now Randy's starting to get that sinking feeling in his gut, and a nervous twitch in one eye.
MM 81... nope MM 82.... nope MM 83......... nope
Just when he's about to give up, and starts looking for a cross-over to get out of here and go home, Randy stumbles upon them.
At MM 85
Five miles past where they said they were.... at least.
How the Trooper got this wrong, I have no idea, it's HIS beat, and there are MILE MARKERS every, well, you won't believe this, MILE. In some cases, they have them every HALF-MILE too! I've seen them in TENTHS-OF-MILES when you get close to an exit in places.... in this day an age of GPS equipped cars, GPS equipped phones and even GPS equipped shopping carts.... how you can screw this up is really a testament to the human spirit, and not in a good way.
Furthermore, think of all the extra computers your average cop car has these days, plus good ol' fashioned radio. Why there's more telemetric data available within arm's reach of your average cop as they sit in the driver's seat than was on hand for all of the multi-man Mission Control that got us to the moon, and yet, terrestrial navigation is still tried and failed with alarming regularity by supposed proffessionals.
I digress, he found them so we cool now, right?
PSAW!
The fun is just starting.
As Randy walks up to the breakdown itself the Trooper looks past him, at our tow truck, and head-scratchingly asks. "How you gonna get six people in there?"
Yep, he neglected to tell us this car, is actually a VAN. A van that had a FAMILY OF SIX in it.
At this point, Randy is rapidly clicking his heels together, hoping this is all a dream, a very bad dream, and he'd like to be done with it and go back to Kansas now. No such luck, this is all very very real.
"Well, I don't suppose you can tow it with them in it? Your employer probably wouldn't like that" says the Trooper.
Yeah, too true buddy, too true.
Know who else wouldn't like that? YOUR employer! As in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania! Specifically, those that wrote title 75 of Purdon's Consolodated Statues, aka: The Vehicles code.
Towing a vehicle, with people in it, is ILLEGAL!
And even if the Keystone State hadn't felt the need to outlaw it, the Feds say that's a no-no too, 'specially not on THEIR highways. And see that unique serial number after the letters "DOT" on our truck's bed? That means Uncle Sam, as most crusty old geezer's are wont to do, is watching us with an Eagle-eye (C whut I did thar?) HOPING we'll screw up so he can kvetch at us no-good youngsters some more and punish us with a little grounding and taking about four or five figures worth of our allowance away.
So, that plan of yours to stuff an entire family clan into the cab of a truck that only seats two comfortably, but three if you don't mind the middlemost passenger experiencing profound discomfort? That' ain't a gonna happen Super Trooper. It's a Ford F-450, not a clown car (*Insert predictable you-mean-Argabarga-isn't-a-clown?-LOL! joke here*)
You probably should have SAID something during your call to us and then we could have either directed you to a towing service that has a bigger truck, called a cab, or in an absolute last-ditch effort, towed a loaner car from the service department out with us, had the excess family members follow us in that, and then just add the "rental" cost of said car to the bill.
But, you just seemed to assume we'd psychically know that was the situation, and since you did that, you're out of luck. We're not going to exceed the safe or legal passenger limit on our truck by a modest 230% We won't be doing that now, not ever, and not even at gunpoint, assuming you have any ammunition on you. If your discretion shown this morning so far is any indication, I get the feeling your fellow Troopers probably only allow you one bullet, and it's in your breast pocket right now
(Just try and load it, and I'll bet you'll also find it's a .45 round. No, it's not a mistake they issued that to you along with a 9mm sidearm :P)
Now the Trooper sounds positively dejected, he was hoping to fob off this problem on Randy, seems like. And now he, the civil servant, cannot abandon said society for the warm and inviting comfort of a nearby donut shop, as it would be very very negligent of him indeed to leave these folks on the side of the road where the Peterbuilt of natural selection (Sorry Wolfie, stole your line, but only because it's a GOOD one) prowl for anything that dares step over the lines.
The family had originally wanted to go to "National Chain Garage" which is about 20 miles down the road, and out of Trooper's patrol area. Thinking quickly trying to salvage the situation, Randy tells him that just one exit up is "Local Garage B" which, though not a national chain, is open weekends and they can at least make arrangements there for more tows/cabs if they can't get it fixed. Since that's IN the Trooper's area, he should be able to take 4 in his cruiser, letting Randy take the extra 2 in his truck and EVERYONE gets to get off the highway an live! WIN WIN!
Family says that's a great idea
Trooper says that's a great idea
Hours later... and Randy's STILL so peeved about the whole thing that he seems to be going through his cigarettes with even more gusto than usual....
Already this weekend, he's had to deal with an idiot student arguing that since he recently had his car fixed by our service department to the tune of $500 worth of repairs, we owe him some kind of discount on his tow for illegal parking. And no sooner had that been resolved than Angry Mom (tm) called in to harangue Randy for towing her little angelkins for no reason at all (see: Illegal Parking) and, to make matters worse, the call got dropped by our craptastic Tower's cellphone so that he also got his OTHER ear chewed off about "how dare we hang up" on people...
Needless to say, Randy wasn't having a good day, so when a regular service tow call came in, he figured things were about to get better.
It was a call from the State Police. A Trooper up on the interstate has a driver in need of a tow for a breakdown.
Location, MM79 Eastbound
So, up the interstate Randy goes, about 25 miles up when you count the mileage required to just get out of our town and onto the highway.
He gets to MM 79 and.... .nothing. Not on his side or the west side.
Well, maybe that's the last one they passed, and he just has to round up?
MM 80 flies past.... nothing.
Now Randy's starting to get that sinking feeling in his gut, and a nervous twitch in one eye.
MM 81... nope MM 82.... nope MM 83......... nope
Just when he's about to give up, and starts looking for a cross-over to get out of here and go home, Randy stumbles upon them.
At MM 85
Five miles past where they said they were.... at least.
How the Trooper got this wrong, I have no idea, it's HIS beat, and there are MILE MARKERS every, well, you won't believe this, MILE. In some cases, they have them every HALF-MILE too! I've seen them in TENTHS-OF-MILES when you get close to an exit in places.... in this day an age of GPS equipped cars, GPS equipped phones and even GPS equipped shopping carts.... how you can screw this up is really a testament to the human spirit, and not in a good way.
Furthermore, think of all the extra computers your average cop car has these days, plus good ol' fashioned radio. Why there's more telemetric data available within arm's reach of your average cop as they sit in the driver's seat than was on hand for all of the multi-man Mission Control that got us to the moon, and yet, terrestrial navigation is still tried and failed with alarming regularity by supposed proffessionals.
I digress, he found them so we cool now, right?
PSAW!
The fun is just starting.
As Randy walks up to the breakdown itself the Trooper looks past him, at our tow truck, and head-scratchingly asks. "How you gonna get six people in there?"
Yep, he neglected to tell us this car, is actually a VAN. A van that had a FAMILY OF SIX in it.
At this point, Randy is rapidly clicking his heels together, hoping this is all a dream, a very bad dream, and he'd like to be done with it and go back to Kansas now. No such luck, this is all very very real.
"Well, I don't suppose you can tow it with them in it? Your employer probably wouldn't like that" says the Trooper.
Yeah, too true buddy, too true.
Know who else wouldn't like that? YOUR employer! As in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania! Specifically, those that wrote title 75 of Purdon's Consolodated Statues, aka: The Vehicles code.
Towing a vehicle, with people in it, is ILLEGAL!
And even if the Keystone State hadn't felt the need to outlaw it, the Feds say that's a no-no too, 'specially not on THEIR highways. And see that unique serial number after the letters "DOT" on our truck's bed? That means Uncle Sam, as most crusty old geezer's are wont to do, is watching us with an Eagle-eye (C whut I did thar?) HOPING we'll screw up so he can kvetch at us no-good youngsters some more and punish us with a little grounding and taking about four or five figures worth of our allowance away.
So, that plan of yours to stuff an entire family clan into the cab of a truck that only seats two comfortably, but three if you don't mind the middlemost passenger experiencing profound discomfort? That' ain't a gonna happen Super Trooper. It's a Ford F-450, not a clown car (*Insert predictable you-mean-Argabarga-isn't-a-clown?-LOL! joke here*)
You probably should have SAID something during your call to us and then we could have either directed you to a towing service that has a bigger truck, called a cab, or in an absolute last-ditch effort, towed a loaner car from the service department out with us, had the excess family members follow us in that, and then just add the "rental" cost of said car to the bill.
But, you just seemed to assume we'd psychically know that was the situation, and since you did that, you're out of luck. We're not going to exceed the safe or legal passenger limit on our truck by a modest 230% We won't be doing that now, not ever, and not even at gunpoint, assuming you have any ammunition on you. If your discretion shown this morning so far is any indication, I get the feeling your fellow Troopers probably only allow you one bullet, and it's in your breast pocket right now
(Just try and load it, and I'll bet you'll also find it's a .45 round. No, it's not a mistake they issued that to you along with a 9mm sidearm :P)Now the Trooper sounds positively dejected, he was hoping to fob off this problem on Randy, seems like. And now he, the civil servant, cannot abandon said society for the warm and inviting comfort of a nearby donut shop, as it would be very very negligent of him indeed to leave these folks on the side of the road where the Peterbuilt of natural selection (Sorry Wolfie, stole your line, but only because it's a GOOD one) prowl for anything that dares step over the lines.
The family had originally wanted to go to "National Chain Garage" which is about 20 miles down the road, and out of Trooper's patrol area. Thinking quickly trying to salvage the situation, Randy tells him that just one exit up is "Local Garage B" which, though not a national chain, is open weekends and they can at least make arrangements there for more tows/cabs if they can't get it fixed. Since that's IN the Trooper's area, he should be able to take 4 in his cruiser, letting Randy take the extra 2 in his truck and EVERYONE gets to get off the highway an live! WIN WIN!
Family says that's a great idea
Trooper says that's a great idea
Hours later... and Randy's STILL so peeved about the whole thing that he seems to be going through his cigarettes with even more gusto than usual....
This guy suggested dangerous and illegal activity.
I AM the evil bastard!
--- Sheldonrs
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