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As you might know, earlier this week Apple made it official that the new iphone will arrive next Friday. This is the first iphone launch I've worked since I've been in the industry and I can already tell I'm going to love it. 
The darned thing hasn't even come out yet and already the SCs are out in force at the red checkmark, here's a sample of what I've run into the past few days:
Call #1
- Yes, you're upgrade eligible in December.
- December
- Yes, THREE months from now
- Oh you want an iphone 6, how nice.
- No, I can't move your upgrade up.
- No, I can't move your upgrade up.
- NO, I CAN'T move your upgrade up.
- NO, my manager can't move your upgrade up either.
- Please hold to speak to my manager.
(I have the feeling I'm going to be taking this call a LOT over the next couple of weeks. I really hope retention doesn't start throwing out the early upgrades like candy and making us look like jerks.)
Also, as a general rule:
- Cussing me out won't get you an early upgrade
- Insulting me will not get you an early upgrade
- Insulting my family and/or mother will not get you an early upgrade
- Threatening to go the BBB will not get you an early upgrade
- Threatening to take us to court will not get you an early upgrade.
Call #2
- So let me get this straight, you want a FREE iphone 6 simply because you've been a great customer and haven't upgraded since the iphone 4? Sure, let me get right on that for you...NOT!
- Yes, I get you've spent "thousands" of dollars with us since you got the iphone 4 and you never miss a payment. That's great, we appreciate that, unfortunately that doesn't mean you get a free iphone.
- No, it doesn't matter that you're a veteran that's done 3 tours in Iraq (
)
- No, it doesn't matter that you "know some very important people"
- No, the Constitution has nothing to do with this. (I don't even know how we got on to this, something about me not respecting his rights I think.)
- So now you want to cancel and go to Death Star wireless because you think they'll give you a free iphone 6?
- Good luck with that, let me get retention for you. (I followed up on this account after and retention did NOT cave for this guy. Needless to say, I'm impressed)
Call #3
- We have a brand new piece of electronics coming out and you have the gall to ask for a discount? Buddy, do you even know how commerce works?
- No, you can't get a discount.
- No, you can't get a discount.
- No, I won't give you my employee discount? (WTF? Why do so many people try this? And for the record, we don't GET an employee discount on phones)
- So you make $100 000+ a year, and?
- You graduated from some big college I don't care about, and?
- You have political connections, and?
- You know some of our "executive committee" and you'll make my life miserable and have my job if I don't find a way to get you a discount. (Yeah, that's really going to make me want to help you there)
- Sorry, no discount.
- I said NO discount.
- Please hold for a manager.
Boy, the next three weeks (with bonus mandatory overtime!) are going to be such a joy...
The darned thing hasn't even come out yet and already the SCs are out in force at the red checkmark, here's a sample of what I've run into the past few days:
Call #1
- Yes, you're upgrade eligible in December.
- December
- Yes, THREE months from now
- Oh you want an iphone 6, how nice.
- No, I can't move your upgrade up.
- No, I can't move your upgrade up.
- NO, I CAN'T move your upgrade up.
- NO, my manager can't move your upgrade up either.
- Please hold to speak to my manager.
(I have the feeling I'm going to be taking this call a LOT over the next couple of weeks. I really hope retention doesn't start throwing out the early upgrades like candy and making us look like jerks.)
Also, as a general rule:
- Cussing me out won't get you an early upgrade
- Insulting me will not get you an early upgrade
- Insulting my family and/or mother will not get you an early upgrade
- Threatening to go the BBB will not get you an early upgrade
- Threatening to take us to court will not get you an early upgrade.
Call #2
- So let me get this straight, you want a FREE iphone 6 simply because you've been a great customer and haven't upgraded since the iphone 4? Sure, let me get right on that for you...NOT!
- Yes, I get you've spent "thousands" of dollars with us since you got the iphone 4 and you never miss a payment. That's great, we appreciate that, unfortunately that doesn't mean you get a free iphone.
- No, it doesn't matter that you're a veteran that's done 3 tours in Iraq (
)- No, it doesn't matter that you "know some very important people"
- No, the Constitution has nothing to do with this. (I don't even know how we got on to this, something about me not respecting his rights I think.
)- So now you want to cancel and go to Death Star wireless because you think they'll give you a free iphone 6?
- Good luck with that, let me get retention for you. (I followed up on this account after and retention did NOT cave for this guy. Needless to say, I'm impressed)
Call #3
- We have a brand new piece of electronics coming out and you have the gall to ask for a discount? Buddy, do you even know how commerce works?
- No, you can't get a discount.
- No, you can't get a discount.
- No, I won't give you my employee discount? (WTF? Why do so many people try this? And for the record, we don't GET an employee discount on phones)
- So you make $100 000+ a year, and?
- You graduated from some big college I don't care about, and?
- You have political connections, and?
- You know some of our "executive committee" and you'll make my life miserable and have my job if I don't find a way to get you a discount. (Yeah, that's really going to make me want to help you there
)- Sorry, no discount.
- I said NO discount.
- Please hold for a manager.
Boy, the next three weeks (with bonus mandatory overtime!) are going to be such a joy...
Are you allowed to laugh in their faces when they say this? If not, don't tell me, please just let me to hang on to my dream >_>
k should he?
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