I need to speak to a higher level...

[TNT]

Midway through the first day of my new job title...

Me: Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you?
Caller: (sniffs) I'm sure you're good at your job, but I need to speak directly to the next level of support.

We don't do transfers to the next level... but...

Me: Sure! I'll be happy to transfer you!

(insert dramatic pause)

Me: Hello, thank you for calling the next tier of tech support. How may I help you?
Caller: Huh?
Me: I'm a two tier guy.
Caller: Uh, um, uh... I'm sorry.
Me: Yes, you are my bitch. Now how may I help you? [Okay, I didn't exactly say that...]
Caller: I blah, blah, blah.
Me: The three year old down the street could have helped you with that. [Okay, I didn't exactly say that, either.]

[Strikesfirmly]

In the words of Dogbert, first among furry kind;

"Can I speak with your superior?"
"There is some religious debate about that issue."

[BusyBee]

If only I could make that work in person
"I'm sorry you won't accept this coming from Bee the Store-Worker, let me just get Bee the Senior Staff Member for you!" *turns around on the spot* "Hi, what seems to be the problem?"

[myswtghst]

I cracked up reading that, esp the dramatic pause part. Way to go you!

I also find this funny, as our leads are considered Supervisors when it comes to angry customers on the phone, but I sometimes act as a lead when they're on break or not around. That throws the customers for a loop.

[powerboy]

No offense to anyone working as a tech Support for MicroSoft

But when the owner of my company had to call them up one day, because our x-box 360, just started to smoke a little bit, and stopped completely. Each of the Techs, kept talking to me like I was an idiot, and making me feel stupid, since my buddy was out of town with his in-laws. Since they wanted to talk to him also. They finally asked for the address and name, and that they would send a box out to us, so that we can send it back.

[iradney]

My favourite is when the customer completely disregards my polite greeting of "Thank you for calling *Manufacturer* data support, you are speaking with iradney, how may I assist you?", and assumes that I'm the receptionist.
Look, I know I answer the phone brilliantly, but so do ALL my colleagues. Please do not insult yourself by not listening to me (and showing your semi-sexist attitude) and assuming I'm someone I'm not.

[draggar]

That's great. We used to at least put them on hold for a minute or two and let the person next to us be 'the next level'.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

I had someone call my store (store mind you, not a large chain computer seller like Dell Compaq or HP) wanting technical support on their computer and wanted not to talk to me, but the service manager.

SC - I don't want to talk to you, I want the Service Manager.

Me - I *am* the Service Manager.

SC - Then Iwant to talk to the owner of the store. I don't trust just anyone to service my computer

Me - The Owner of the store has her degree in Business Management. She barely knows what the parts of the computer *are* much less how to fix them. That's why she hired *me* to do all the technical stuff while she does all the financial and marketing stuff to keep the business running. Odds are if you bought that computer from us in the last 3 years then I'm the one who built it and therefore know it intimately. What is wrong with the computer

SC - Unacceptable! I'm going to talk to your boss and let her deal with this. You might as well pack up your stuff because when I get done, you're gonna be calling unemployment<click>

Sure enough the SC came into the store and pitched a big old fit. What did my boss do? Told the SC that she didn't know squat about computers and gave it to her service manager.

The SC just shut up and went home while I added a network card to her computer.

[Best Made Tacos]

The rudest one I ever got went like this:

Me: Good morning, my name is BMT, how may I help?

SC: *pause* Put me through to a male.

Me: Excuse me?

SC: I need to speak to a male supervisor.

Me: *letting a little bit of attitude show* I don't believe we have any male sups on the floor right now.
..
.
Perhaps I can help?

SC: *dismissively* You can talk to my mother about it then.

Rude bugger then shoves his mother onto the phone, who is flustered, apologetic and sweet. Turns out he's chasing up a child welfare payment made by cheque that his ex-wife claims is missing. "He only got divorced a few months ago" Mum explains, as she desperately tries to sort out his mess for him. This guy must have been atleast 30 years old, if he was a day.

Guess he's gone sour on women. All except his dear ol' mum of course, who gets to do the drudgery for him. Hope she feels honoured!

(oh, and he didn't need a supervisor for that issue, either. I almost wish I had gotten him one, who could have then reamed the idiot out for wasting his time by refusing to speak to the female reps)

[MystyGlyttyr]

SC: *pause* Put me through to a male.

"I'm still pre-op, sir, so I am technically a male. How may I help you?"

*snickers*

[Best Made Tacos]

"I'm still pre-op, sir, so I am technically a male. How may I help you?"

*snickers*

Hee hee. He sounded like the kinda guy who would have hung up in horror at the idea of being even tenuously connected through a phone line to one of them 'transesch-you-alll' folk!

[Rapscallion]

SC: *pause* Put me through to a male.

Yeah, well, sometimes a guy absolutely has to speak to a guy, you know?

Rapscallion

[Imogene]

I started my new job two weeks ago yesterday, just for the background.

I was supposed to be on the computer/phone queue by Friday that week (shows how much training they give you). Last week, Monday, I finally actually had a computer. A day later, they show up and fix *dum, dum, DUM!* my printer! I have only printed out one thing since I started there, and it was for my benefit only, it was not related to my daily work. My supervisor had four tickets in the system, most of which were needed for me to be able to take calls. You know? Having my phone working, being able to IM underwriters when they have a call, stuff like that. Should've been done immediately, right? Nope, Tuesday last week I finally got all that working, and not until halfway through my shift either.

[TNT]

That's great. We used to at least put them on hold for a minute or two and let the person next to us be 'the next level'.

I really am the next level... I have complete access to the next tier's tools and the permission to use them. I just don't have the official title and pay.

Someone mentioned Microsoft in an earlier post... once upon a long time ago, actual IBM computers were the standard PC, and computers from other manufacturers were called IBM-compatible, meaning they were functionally the same as an IBM. So, one day I got an error message on the screen...

Me: The error message says my computer may not be 100% IBM compatible.
Microsoft: It does happen. There are still some minor differences that can appear now and again.
Me: The problem is, I have an IBM computer.
Microsoft: Even if it's advertised as 100% IBM-compatible, there still could be some small errors.
Me: I have a true blue IBM. Not a compatible. An IBM.
Microsoft: That doesn't necessarily mean it's 100% compatible.
Me: Are you suggesting it's not compatible with... itself?
Microsoft: I'm just saying that not all computers are really 100% IBM compatible.
Me: How can an IBM computer not be compatible with an IBM computer?

I never did get a good answer to the question.

[IlovemyGeek]

I LMAO at those types..I am the ONLY level of support. You don't want to talk to me, you don't want stuff to work