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Another Damn Senior Day
God, I hate this day. Senior Day in December, it's wrinkly asses to saggy boobs all throughout the store, and some dumbshit of higher power decided the swamp should get its truck delivered last night so it has to be filled today.
Things actually weren't too bad until I got to the last of my 7 pallets of housewares to fill. Then the hordes descended on me.
First, some old guy, perusing cookware: "Wot is 50% of a hundred dollars?"
Next, getting sucked across the aisle into electronics to help some guy who just bought a Tracfone card. "Can you activate this for me?"
I didn't know if we were still allowed to do this for customers, so I asked the guy working over there. He said we couldn't any more. Guy with the Tracfone card mutters "FUCK!" under his breath and stomps away.
Meanwhile I hear a page for an outside call for electronics repeated about the fifth time. Electronics guy is busy with customers and I figure nobody else will answer, so I pick up the phone.
"Yeah, do you have Tracfone cards for 500 minutes?"
I put the caller on hold and head over to the Tracfone cards, where I notice we have a 450-minute card for $79.99. I return to the phone and tell the caller this.
"Hmmm, let's see. If I got two of them, it would be.....hmmmm.....ummmmm....ahhhh....about $160, correct?)
Can you tell I'm more well-stocked in the math skillz department than I am in the patience department?
Heading back out to electronics, I get stopped by a woman in tight white pants and Uggs asking me about AT&T Go Phones. "Do you know how these work?"
No, but I know every time you bend over, your pants fall down and you show me about an inch of crack. You've been mooning me for about the last half hour. But I look at the phone package, and discover it's quite similar to my Virgin Mobile phone, whose plan I charge to my credit card every month. So I explain that to the woman.
"Oh, what are these cards for?" I explain they are for purchasing airtime and data if she doesn't want to use her credit card to pay for a monthly plan.
"Oh, So if I don't want to use my credit card, I have to buy these cards?" Yup.
"Or I could just purchase the monthly plan with my credit card." Uh-huh.
"I don't know, I don't think I want to use my credit card. So that means I need to purchase these cards?" Lady, I'd love stand here and chat with you about pre-paid cell phones, but I have work to get done and this conversation is going in more circles than a stripper's tassled tits. Do I know if this phone is a good one? No, I've never heard of that brand name. By this time electronics guy has finished with his customers so I pass this woman on to him.
Finally I finish housewares and it's off to toys! But of course the customer follow me like puppies.
Woman escorting a significantly-older woman around the store: Do you know where the bathrooms are? (Squeaker, probably coming from the older woman but I'm not certain.)
At the front of the store, by the shopping carts. But please hurry. I don't feel like hauling out the mop today.
NSFW MUSICAL INTERLUDE:
Next, some local yokel sees my name tag and remarks "With a name like (Irv's real name, which is the name of a significant Christmas figure), you should have lots of Christmas spirit!" But I work here, enduring the stale wit of people like yourself, so:
And then finally, when we finish toys and move on to the small cart of hardware we're rushing to stock so we can go on lunch an hour before we're scheduled to leave for the day: "Hey, do you have a Princess doll?" Oh, you mean like Anna and Elsa from Frozen. Actually, probably Elsa, nobody gives a wet fart about Anna, don't know why this is, Elsa's a bitch.
"Oh, I dunno what it's called. It, ummm, has a dress and it was in your flier. We didn't bring the flier along though. Do you have it?"
This is the part I hate I most about having to stock the back of the store. The back of the store is where the customers' intelligence, such as it is, goes to die. People shopping in HBA, grocery and household supplies know that what they are looking for is called "toothpaste," "mascara," "Mr. Clean" or "Snickers." In Domestics and Home Decor they might not know what a duvet is, but they can tell you it goes on a bed so you can direct them to the bedding aisles. In Housewares, Electronics and Toys I get a disturbing amount of "Do you have that thingy, that does that thing, and it comes in a box? It's in your flier which I did not bring with me, and it's probably some other store's flier, but you should know where it is!" I swear I go from the top of the bell curve to the bottom walking from the front of the store to the back.
Things actually weren't too bad until I got to the last of my 7 pallets of housewares to fill. Then the hordes descended on me.
First, some old guy, perusing cookware: "Wot is 50% of a hundred dollars?"
Next, getting sucked across the aisle into electronics to help some guy who just bought a Tracfone card. "Can you activate this for me?"
I didn't know if we were still allowed to do this for customers, so I asked the guy working over there. He said we couldn't any more. Guy with the Tracfone card mutters "FUCK!" under his breath and stomps away.
Meanwhile I hear a page for an outside call for electronics repeated about the fifth time. Electronics guy is busy with customers and I figure nobody else will answer, so I pick up the phone.
"Yeah, do you have Tracfone cards for 500 minutes?"
I put the caller on hold and head over to the Tracfone cards, where I notice we have a 450-minute card for $79.99. I return to the phone and tell the caller this.
"Hmmm, let's see. If I got two of them, it would be.....hmmmm.....ummmmm....ahhhh....about $160, correct?)
Can you tell I'm more well-stocked in the math skillz department than I am in the patience department?
Heading back out to electronics, I get stopped by a woman in tight white pants and Uggs asking me about AT&T Go Phones. "Do you know how these work?"
No, but I know every time you bend over, your pants fall down and you show me about an inch of crack. You've been mooning me for about the last half hour. But I look at the phone package, and discover it's quite similar to my Virgin Mobile phone, whose plan I charge to my credit card every month. So I explain that to the woman.
"Oh, what are these cards for?" I explain they are for purchasing airtime and data if she doesn't want to use her credit card to pay for a monthly plan.
"Oh, So if I don't want to use my credit card, I have to buy these cards?" Yup.
"Or I could just purchase the monthly plan with my credit card." Uh-huh.
"I don't know, I don't think I want to use my credit card. So that means I need to purchase these cards?" Lady, I'd love stand here and chat with you about pre-paid cell phones, but I have work to get done and this conversation is going in more circles than a stripper's tassled tits. Do I know if this phone is a good one? No, I've never heard of that brand name. By this time electronics guy has finished with his customers so I pass this woman on to him.
Finally I finish housewares and it's off to toys! But of course the customer follow me like puppies.
Woman escorting a significantly-older woman around the store: Do you know where the bathrooms are? (Squeaker, probably coming from the older woman but I'm not certain.)
At the front of the store, by the shopping carts. But please hurry. I don't feel like hauling out the mop today.
NSFW MUSICAL INTERLUDE:
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Next, some local yokel sees my name tag and remarks "With a name like (Irv's real name, which is the name of a significant Christmas figure), you should have lots of Christmas spirit!" But I work here, enduring the stale wit of people like yourself, so:
And then finally, when we finish toys and move on to the small cart of hardware we're rushing to stock so we can go on lunch an hour before we're scheduled to leave for the day: "Hey, do you have a Princess doll?" Oh, you mean like Anna and Elsa from Frozen. Actually, probably Elsa, nobody gives a wet fart about Anna, don't know why this is, Elsa's a bitch.
"Oh, I dunno what it's called. It, ummm, has a dress and it was in your flier. We didn't bring the flier along though. Do you have it?"
This is the part I hate I most about having to stock the back of the store. The back of the store is where the customers' intelligence, such as it is, goes to die. People shopping in HBA, grocery and household supplies know that what they are looking for is called "toothpaste," "mascara," "Mr. Clean" or "Snickers." In Domestics and Home Decor they might not know what a duvet is, but they can tell you it goes on a bed so you can direct them to the bedding aisles. In Housewares, Electronics and Toys I get a disturbing amount of "Do you have that thingy, that does that thing, and it comes in a box? It's in your flier which I did not bring with me, and it's probably some other store's flier, but you should know where it is!" I swear I go from the top of the bell curve to the bottom walking from the front of the store to the back.
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
)
)
' such an obvious one too.
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