How the HELL is that my fault!?

[Gravekeeper]

Seriously, what the hell?! ><




This is My Fault How?
( This is a tech support line for the ATM inside the gas station. 4am her time. )

SC: "Hi, I'm outside a <gas station> at blah blah and its closed. But I need gas!"
Me: "Pardon? This is <atm company>, not <gas station>."
SC: "This number is on the sign inside. <atm company>."
( Yeah, its on the ATM you can see from the window. )
Me: "Yes, that's us. But we're not <gas station>."
SC: "Well its closed and there's no one here!"
Me: "We're not <gas station>, there's unfortunately nothing we can do to help. I'm tech support for the atm inside <gas station>."
SC: "Well don't you have a number or something to call for <gas station>?!"
Me: "No, sorry. As I said we're <atm company>, not <gas station>. Aside from the atm itself we have nothing to do with <gas station>."
SC: "Well you should have a number for <gas station>! You work with them! There needs to be a worker down here so I can get gas!"
Me: "I'm sorry, but I have no number for you. This is <atm company>, NOT <gas station>."
SC: "You should! Don't you think that might be important to have since you work with them?!"
Me: "Aside from tech support for the ATM inside there's nothing I can do. This is not <gas station>."
SC: "What am I suppose to do? Look in the phone book?! Thanks for wasting my minutes! <click>"

Wait…..what? What the effin chocolate frosted fudge cakes? How is your lack of planning and selfish head up your ass attitude MY fault? Lets back the entitlement whore train up a bit here and see if we can't explore the concept of "personal responsibility". I know its an utterly alien concept to you but cork your pie hole and listen for a moment. Trust me, you, or at least everyone you know, love, work with and encounter every day will benefit from what I'm about to teach you. You see, personal responsibility is where the direct results of your actions are, wait for it, your fault. Not mine, not the people around you nor the first random stranger you pull of the street. I know, it’s a shock isn't it? Sit down if you have to. Take a deep breath. It’s a lot to take in.

You're out of gas? Your fault. Wasting minutes? Also your fault. This entire situation is your fault. I applaud your attempt at Fault Displacement(tm) but I assure you it’s a technique that, much like your life, is doomed to failure. Hell, you even KNEW exactly what you should have done in the first place: Look in a phone book. You already knew the solution to your problem. Yet you called to blame me anyway? What the hell is wrong with you?

Usually I just poke fun at nitwits and cranks that call me at night. But you, I don't like you. So I hope even as we speak your car is rapidly filling with bees.

Go, go drive away in your bee mobile. Oh wait, you can't because you're out of gas. Sucks to be you.



Some People...

Me: "Ok, your confirmation number is M-D-V."
SC: "Ok, MDV"
Me: "xxx-"
SC: "xxx. Ok, let me read that all back then."
Me: "-xxxx"
SC: "It keeps going on!?"

-and on and on my friend. Some people starting singing it not knowing what it was and they'll keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end-

-er, wait. No, that’s not right.



867 - Defeat

SC: "I was uh, jus fillin out one of these here application forms."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Oh wait, uh, what are these things called again? Um…."
Me: "……"
SC: "Order forms, yeah."

Ok, I give, I give. Enough. You win alright? Night after night, week after week, month after month and year after year you and your northern brethren have bombarded me with silly questions, barely intelligible speech, dumbfounded silence and confused dribbling noises. I don't know if this sort of frothing monkey chaos is common place up there or if this is some sort of elaborate campaign to try and break the will of the "Smarties", but I give. I surrender. What are your terms? What is it you want from me? Crayons? Beer? Grade 2 English lessons? Speak man! I am at your mercy! Just cease your cruel half wit offensive.



867

SC: "Can I order from….uh, from the catalogue?"

As opposed to what? Our a la carte menu?



Thwarted Again
( You may remember this guy from one of my audio clips... )

"Good morning <client name>"
"Death to the american narco-terrorist cock-"
"Oh its you again! HI!"
".......<click>"

He must hate me. He didn't even finish ranting that time.






I'm still twitching from the gas station thing. Seriously, wtf? ><

[air914]

Wow what's w/ the death threat guy?

And wow - gas station lady was crazy - why would the ATM SUPPORT TECH know which ATM she was even talking about unless she had some kind of identification number..... and she probably needs to call a different number for that kind of thing anyway - I'm sure there is someone that tracks where each ATM is located - but they probably don't have the phone numbers for every employee at each location - so even if you gave her the number for the gas station - it's CLOSED - who's going to pick up the phone?? And who is she going to get to get out of bed at 4 AM to come give her gas anyway??? Like her $10.00 worth of gas (b/c she probably also doesn't have any money! - is on a fixed income!, etc. etc.) is really going to make or break the gas station.....

[Polenicus]

First in on a Graveskeeper post! Woot!

... No, wait, thwarted!

Seriously, what the hell?! ><

867 - Defeat

SC: "I was uh, jus fillin out one of these here application forms."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Oh wait, uh, what are these things called again? Um…."
Me: "……"
SC: "Order forms, yeah."

Ok, I give, I give. Enough. You win alright? Night after night, week after week, month after month and year after year you and your northern brethren have bombarded me with silly questions, barely intelligible speech, dumbfounded silence and confused dribbling noises. I don't know if this sort of frothing monkey chaos is common place up there or if this is some sort of elaborate campaign to try and break the will of the "Smarties", but I give. I surrender. What are your terms? What is it you want from me? Crayons? Beer? Grade 2 English lessons? Speak man! I am at your mercy! Just cease your cruel half wit offensive.

They want bees and gas.

That and the phone number to the gas station. You know, the one you have your ATM in?

You know, the gas station with the atm.

[Boozy]

I don't like you. So I hope even as we speak your car is rapidly filling with bees.

Yes! Bees that shoot smaller bees out of their mouths with laser beams on their heads!

[Bliss]

Yes! Bees that shoot smaller bees out of their mouths with laser beams on their heads!

Don't you mean slaver wasps for a hive machine?

[Gurndigarn]

"Good morning <client name>"
"Death to the american narco-terrorist cock-"
"Oh its you again! HI!"><

Next time, try something like this:

"Death to the american narco-terrorist cock-"
"Death to the nigerian con-spammers!"
"???"
"Hey, you have your rants, I have mine!"

[Mr. Rude]

Dammit Graves....We have to keep your brain going after you die

I'll supply a jar.

[Buglady]

"Death to the american narco-terrorist cock-"
"Oh its you again! HI!"
".......<click>"

I'm hearing this as a Monty Python skit... hee.

(Don't mind me, I was exposed to "Life of Brian" at a far too impressionable age.)

[Kara]

Go, go drive away in your bee mobile. Oh wait, you can't because you're out of gas. Sucks to be you.

That is awesome.

This is why I wish I had a button on my end that would deliver an electric shock through the customer's phone and into their brain. Not lethal, but enough to make them wet their pants and smell frying balogna. Just kind of like the equivalent of a shock collar. "Bad customer!"

Speak man! I am at your mercy! Just cease your cruel half wit offensive.

Snap out of it, man! Don't give up. Your company needs you. Your country needs you! Heck, I need you! You're probably the only one in the world who truly understands my pain and suffering. I can't do this on my own, you know.

SC: "Can I order from….uh, from the catalogue?"

As opposed to what? Our a la carte menu?

I get this a lot. "Can I order a phone?" "Can I pay my bill?" "Can I find out how many minutes I have?" Sure, these are things that you can do yourself, but for the insecure customer, that's what I'm here for. But have you ever wondered what would happen if you said "No?" If I ever achieve literary success and leave this job, it's on my list of things to do on my last day.

[Broomjockey]

But have you ever wondered what would happen if you said "No?" If I ever achieve literary success and leave this job, it's on my list of things to do on my last day.

No! nonononononononononoNO!

I DID that once. I was working the concession, we had just finished a huge rush, and I was feeling that slightly gidding feeling after adreneline wears off. This lady comes up, asks "Can I get some popcorn?"

I, being in a joking mood, and she seems nice enough, so I jokingly said "Nope"

She says "Fine!" and storms off, leaving me gaping and floundering.

After a few seconds, I shrugged, and told my co-worker, "She must not have wanted it that badly, I guess."

[XCashier]

SC: "What am I suppose to do? Look in the phone book?!"

"Well, yes!!! How else do you find a phone number, dingbat?!"

Holy leaping linoleum. I don't know how you do it. I can only picture you as your avatar, as the taller person smacking the crap out of the SC with a rolled-up magazine, over and over and over...

[BusBus]

If that chicky is out of gas and at a closed gas station, calling a tow truck probably would have made more sense. Somehow though, I suspect that some of the fuel was used up by her standing outside of the running car, inhaling the delicious fumes.

[Byronthebanker]

Just tell her you'll be more than happy to call someone for her as soon as she reads you the serial number to the ATM she is looking it. It is located in the lower right hand corner in the back . .


Oops . .can't see it? Can't help you . . .

[felixxkatt]

i do wonder what made your caller think that the gas station would open up for him anyway. ... who opens a gas station up just for some stupid wanker stuck there? (clue: NOONE)

[Amethyst Hunter]

I hope even as we speak your car is rapidly filling with bees.

Two words: Asian hornets. THOSE are some NASTY evil motherfuckers!!