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*begin shift*
Hello, thank you, how may I assist you? One moment, let me see if the room is ready. Actually our check-in isn't until 4 but let me check with....okay calm down as I said let me check with housekeeping....please calm down....okay....okay yes, they do have a room ready.
Engineering, please fix this door lock. I have guests waiting to get into the room.
Hello yes, I can check you in.
I can check you in.
*lobby fills up*
*presses buzzer for management back-up*
*buzzer is broken due to rewiring project in the back office*
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the next guest...
*phone rings* Hello? Oh hello Restaurant. You need the heat turned up? I will page Maintenance.
I can assist the next guest...
*neverending line continues to grow*
*ding! email from Bossman wanting me to check that three incoming groups have their resort fees waived and to add notes regarding such - over 200 reservations will need notes added to them individually*
I can assist the next guest....
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the....okay, a boombox? Really? You're bringing a boombox into my over-crowded lobby and are blasting music? Please turn it down.
Okay I can assist the next guest....
I can assist the next guest....
I can assist....no, turn the music down! For the love of...
I can assist the next guest.
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant. They haven't turned the heat up? Okay I will call them again.
*phone rings* Hello, you can't get your TV remote to work? Okay I will send someone up. Yes, I understand your show is starting in 10 minutes; they will be there before then. No, I cannot talk you how to use the remote over the phone. I'm at the desk. I don't use the remotes; I don't see the remotes. Just wait for the person who knows and understands the remotes to assist you. Sure, it's ridiculous, whatever. Yes, he'll be there before your show starts. I promise. Yes. Okay goodbye.
I can assist the next guest....
*phone rings* Hello, okay good, you figured out the remote after you actually spent a minute looking at it. I will let the person know he doesn't need to stop by.
I can assist the next guest....
*ding! Email from Bossman wanting a couple reservations made for contractors*
What is it, Coworker? Guests said they reserved a balcony and we don't have a balcony room for them? Put them in room 2XX. I know it doesn't say it has a balcony. It does. Because I just know. I don't know why it's in the system. I promise it does. I know it does because I'm awesome like that.
It's not letting you put them in 2XX? Hang on....let me move stuff around....okay do it now. Yes it works now. Yes it does because I am awesome.
Yes sir, you reserved a "double occupancy" room through Cheapskate's Third Party Site. That means the room holds two people. That does not mean two beds. Technically, one king bed can sleep two people. Yes, the hotel would have verified "double occupancy" because we have down two people staying; no that does not mean "double beds". Oh, you actually have a third person so you need two beds? You really don't get what "double occupancy" is. Fine, let me see what I can do. Oh, and you booked a second night under Cheapskate's Third Party Site, under a different name, and a different room type, but you still want to stay in the same room? Fine, let me see what I can do...
*makes reservation for Bossman's contractors*
Hello Mr. VIP! Here are your keys to your favorite room!
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant! Seriously? Okay I'll let Engineering know the heat still isn't working.
*goes through group reservations, verifies that the rate is built so resort fee is automatically waived as it is meant to be, email from Bossman requesting redundant notes on 200+ individual reservations is "accidentally" deleted*
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the next guest...
Okay, Coworker has someone on the phone with a billing issue. I'm checking in guests. I'll call them back. I can't help them now; I'm checking in guests and it will take me time anyway to see what's wrong with their booking. I'll call them back. Tell them I'll call them back.
I can assist the next guest....
Seriously they can't give me five minutes? I'm still busy with the line in front of me. Tell them I'll call them back.
*finally looks at booking, sees where we're trying to double-bill them because someone tried to "correct" the rate and fucked it up even worse. fixes rate* Did they leave me a phone number to call them back at? No? Wonderful.
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant. The heat started working? And then stopped again? I will let Engineering know.
I can assist the next guest.
Hello. Ah, you're the bride! I have three rooms for you with double-queens here, here, and here, and your bridal prep suite is here.
...um, well, they didn't book you into the rooms on either side of the bridal prep suite. It says you declined them because you needed rooms with two queen beds and those only have single kings, is that right? Oh, that's not what you wanted? Well, I have one of the rooms available, but the other one is already occupied, but let me see....
Oh, wow, okay then. You...yes, you go outside and scream it out. Let me see if...okay, Wedding Coordinator is calling me. She declined the king rooms and then changed her mind? Well no, I don't have both available.
Can we move her upstairs? That suite has a king and a double queen attached so that could work, and I have more rooms right by it...yes no one is using it....oh here's the Maid of Honor. No, I can't kick someone out of the room but we have these things, will they work? Good? Okay. Let's do this alternative thing and make it work. Where's the bride? She's at the bar? Comp her a drink. Did we avert disaster? Okay.
Housekeeping, please set up an extra bed in the bridal suite. And leave them extra coffee. Just find all the coffee and leave it there for them. Thank you.
Oh God I still need to go through arrivals for tomorrow and look at special requests.
Okay let's see here...twins! Twin birthday for tomorrow! Oh let's make them a card!
*phone rings* Hello? Yes, your rate is $xxx. Yes, we fixed it. Yes, everything is okay. No, your rate is $xxx. Did you get a confirmation with a different rate? Okay, I'll talk to you again when you call back.
There's a request from a guest tomorrow for a lake-view room. We don't have a lake. Maybe they meant ocean view? They should have reserved a ocean view room then. But they didn't, they reserved a non-ocean view and typed in a request for "lake view". We have no ocean views left tomorrow. Too bad, so sad.
*phone rings* Hello. Yes, I will send someone up to fix your lamp.
Yes, you can use the umbrellas.
Yes, you may borrow an umbrella.
No, I'm sorry, we're out of umbrellas. Yes, I know it's pouring rain. All the umbrellas are checked out. Yes, I know, this is the worst service ever.
Yes Engineering, it was room 1XX that needs a lamp fixed. Also I need you to build a lake because I have a request for a "lake view" room tomorrow. Why are you walking away from me?
Birthday cards....twins....I made a card! Now to print it out on our brand-new color printer!
Why is it not printing in color?
I jammed the brand-new color printer.
*phone rings* Hello? Yes, your rate is $xxx. Is that what you had? Good? You'll be in later tonight? Okay then, we'll see you then.
Look at these cards I made! They're for twins! They're similar, but different, because twins! Sign the cards.
Restaurant staff, sign the cards.
Housekeeping, sign the cards.
SIGN MAH CARDZ!!!
*phone rings* Hello? Someone being loud and playing music in the hallway? Okay I will send up Security.
Security, please go to [hallway] and tell people to shut up.
*elevator dings* Omg I can hear the music coming from the elevator.
Sir, you need to turn off the boombox already. Sir! SIR!
Hello, Security? They're in the back lobby. Oh, they've been giving you shit all night already? They've been blowing you off and calling you disrespectful names? Oh joy of joys.
Night Auditor! Hello! I like you! You hear those guys over in the library? You...you have fun with them. Security is aware of them. And I'm sorry.
Peace, I'm out!
*shift ends*
Hello, thank you, how may I assist you? One moment, let me see if the room is ready. Actually our check-in isn't until 4 but let me check with....okay calm down as I said let me check with housekeeping....please calm down....okay....okay yes, they do have a room ready.
Engineering, please fix this door lock. I have guests waiting to get into the room.
Hello yes, I can check you in.
I can check you in.
*lobby fills up*
*presses buzzer for management back-up*
*buzzer is broken due to rewiring project in the back office*
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the next guest...
*phone rings* Hello? Oh hello Restaurant. You need the heat turned up? I will page Maintenance.
I can assist the next guest...
*neverending line continues to grow*
*ding! email from Bossman wanting me to check that three incoming groups have their resort fees waived and to add notes regarding such - over 200 reservations will need notes added to them individually*
I can assist the next guest....
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the....okay, a boombox? Really? You're bringing a boombox into my over-crowded lobby and are blasting music? Please turn it down.
Okay I can assist the next guest....
I can assist the next guest....
I can assist....no, turn the music down! For the love of...
I can assist the next guest.
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant. They haven't turned the heat up? Okay I will call them again.
*phone rings* Hello, you can't get your TV remote to work? Okay I will send someone up. Yes, I understand your show is starting in 10 minutes; they will be there before then. No, I cannot talk you how to use the remote over the phone. I'm at the desk. I don't use the remotes; I don't see the remotes. Just wait for the person who knows and understands the remotes to assist you. Sure, it's ridiculous, whatever. Yes, he'll be there before your show starts. I promise. Yes. Okay goodbye.
I can assist the next guest....
*phone rings* Hello, okay good, you figured out the remote after you actually spent a minute looking at it. I will let the person know he doesn't need to stop by.
I can assist the next guest....
*ding! Email from Bossman wanting a couple reservations made for contractors*
What is it, Coworker? Guests said they reserved a balcony and we don't have a balcony room for them? Put them in room 2XX. I know it doesn't say it has a balcony. It does. Because I just know. I don't know why it's in the system. I promise it does. I know it does because I'm awesome like that.
It's not letting you put them in 2XX? Hang on....let me move stuff around....okay do it now. Yes it works now. Yes it does because I am awesome.
Yes sir, you reserved a "double occupancy" room through Cheapskate's Third Party Site. That means the room holds two people. That does not mean two beds. Technically, one king bed can sleep two people. Yes, the hotel would have verified "double occupancy" because we have down two people staying; no that does not mean "double beds". Oh, you actually have a third person so you need two beds? You really don't get what "double occupancy" is. Fine, let me see what I can do. Oh, and you booked a second night under Cheapskate's Third Party Site, under a different name, and a different room type, but you still want to stay in the same room? Fine, let me see what I can do...
*makes reservation for Bossman's contractors*
Hello Mr. VIP! Here are your keys to your favorite room!
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant! Seriously? Okay I'll let Engineering know the heat still isn't working.
*goes through group reservations, verifies that the rate is built so resort fee is automatically waived as it is meant to be, email from Bossman requesting redundant notes on 200+ individual reservations is "accidentally" deleted*
I can assist the next guest...
I can assist the next guest...
Okay, Coworker has someone on the phone with a billing issue. I'm checking in guests. I'll call them back. I can't help them now; I'm checking in guests and it will take me time anyway to see what's wrong with their booking. I'll call them back. Tell them I'll call them back.
I can assist the next guest....
Seriously they can't give me five minutes? I'm still busy with the line in front of me. Tell them I'll call them back.
*finally looks at booking, sees where we're trying to double-bill them because someone tried to "correct" the rate and fucked it up even worse. fixes rate* Did they leave me a phone number to call them back at? No? Wonderful.
*phone rings* Hello Restaurant. The heat started working? And then stopped again? I will let Engineering know.
I can assist the next guest.
Hello. Ah, you're the bride! I have three rooms for you with double-queens here, here, and here, and your bridal prep suite is here.
...um, well, they didn't book you into the rooms on either side of the bridal prep suite. It says you declined them because you needed rooms with two queen beds and those only have single kings, is that right? Oh, that's not what you wanted? Well, I have one of the rooms available, but the other one is already occupied, but let me see....
Oh, wow, okay then. You...yes, you go outside and scream it out. Let me see if...okay, Wedding Coordinator is calling me. She declined the king rooms and then changed her mind? Well no, I don't have both available.
Can we move her upstairs? That suite has a king and a double queen attached so that could work, and I have more rooms right by it...yes no one is using it....oh here's the Maid of Honor. No, I can't kick someone out of the room but we have these things, will they work? Good? Okay. Let's do this alternative thing and make it work. Where's the bride? She's at the bar? Comp her a drink. Did we avert disaster? Okay.
Housekeeping, please set up an extra bed in the bridal suite. And leave them extra coffee. Just find all the coffee and leave it there for them. Thank you.
Oh God I still need to go through arrivals for tomorrow and look at special requests.
Okay let's see here...twins! Twin birthday for tomorrow! Oh let's make them a card!
*phone rings* Hello? Yes, your rate is $xxx. Yes, we fixed it. Yes, everything is okay. No, your rate is $xxx. Did you get a confirmation with a different rate? Okay, I'll talk to you again when you call back.
There's a request from a guest tomorrow for a lake-view room. We don't have a lake. Maybe they meant ocean view? They should have reserved a ocean view room then. But they didn't, they reserved a non-ocean view and typed in a request for "lake view". We have no ocean views left tomorrow. Too bad, so sad.
*phone rings* Hello. Yes, I will send someone up to fix your lamp.
Yes, you can use the umbrellas.
Yes, you may borrow an umbrella.
No, I'm sorry, we're out of umbrellas. Yes, I know it's pouring rain. All the umbrellas are checked out. Yes, I know, this is the worst service ever.
Yes Engineering, it was room 1XX that needs a lamp fixed. Also I need you to build a lake because I have a request for a "lake view" room tomorrow. Why are you walking away from me?
Birthday cards....twins....I made a card! Now to print it out on our brand-new color printer!
Why is it not printing in color?
I jammed the brand-new color printer.
*phone rings* Hello? Yes, your rate is $xxx. Is that what you had? Good? You'll be in later tonight? Okay then, we'll see you then.
Look at these cards I made! They're for twins! They're similar, but different, because twins! Sign the cards.
Restaurant staff, sign the cards.
Housekeeping, sign the cards.
SIGN MAH CARDZ!!!
*phone rings* Hello? Someone being loud and playing music in the hallway? Okay I will send up Security.
Security, please go to [hallway] and tell people to shut up.
*elevator dings* Omg I can hear the music coming from the elevator.
Sir, you need to turn off the boombox already. Sir! SIR!
Hello, Security? They're in the back lobby. Oh, they've been giving you shit all night already? They've been blowing you off and calling you disrespectful names? Oh joy of joys.
Night Auditor! Hello! I like you! You hear those guys over in the library? You...you have fun with them. Security is aware of them. And I'm sorry.
Peace, I'm out!
*shift ends*
(Most likely in the employee parking lot, which is gravel and has not been leveled for over a year.)
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