Y'all need to hook me up!

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Haven't posted in awhile but I've got plenty of stories...

The tale of Captain "Hook"

Me: Thank you for calling <red checkmark>, what can I help you with today?
SC: My Galaxy S5 stopped working, It won't even turn on.
Me: Ok let's go through a few things quickly and see if it's really dead.
(it was)
Me: Well I'm sorry we weren't able to get your phone back on but let me look into your replacement options. Your warranty has expired but you do have insurance on the line so you can make a claim and get another phone that way.
SC: And that's free right?
Me: No, you would have to pay a $199 deductible, but it's charged to your <red checkmark> account so you can get your phone right away.
SC: $199?!?!? Are y'all out of your damned minds? I paid less than that when I got this phone! Don't I pay monthly for insurance?
Me: Yes, it's 9.99 a month for coverage.
SC: Ok, so if I'm paying monthly, why do I have to pay a deductible?
Me: It's like car insurance. You pay premiums, then if somethings happen to your car and you have to make a claim you pay a deductible.
SC: I've been one of your best customers for years. Is there any way y'all can like, waive that deductible for me?
Me: I'm afraid not. The deductible is charged by the insurance provider, which is a separate company from us. They would have to be the ones to waive it but I can just about guarantee you they won't.
SC: Why not?
Me: It's against their policy. I've dealt with them many times working here and I know they have pretty much a zero exception rule on the deductibles.
SC: Well then explain this to me. How is it that I can go down the street to a <red checkmark> store right now and see all kinds of phones for way less than $200 and y'all are going to charge me $200 for a phone? (The SCs really LOVE to make this argument )
Me: The prices you see in the store are discounted. You have to agree to a two year contract to get those prices. Standard retail prices for most of those phones are between $500 and $900.
SC: Well I'll just go ahead and renew my contract then.
Me: Unfortunately it doesn't work like that, you still have 11 months to go before you can renew.
SC: Why can't I renew today?
Me: Back when you first got the phone you agreed to a two year contract, you've fulfilled 13 months of that so far. You have to finish out the two years...or at least be very close before you can get another cheap phone.
SC: Sounds to me like y'all are a bunch of liars. You dangle free phones at people, then when they try to get one...BAM!...sorry, you gotta pay. That ain't fair at all.
Me: I assure you there's no lying involved. Now, back to that insurance claim, did you want to go ahead with that?
SC: Hell no, I ain't paying $200 for a phone!
Me: Well even the cheapest replacement option will cost $25.
SC: No. No. Nuh uh. Get this through your head dude: I ain't paying for no phone!
Me: I understand where you're coming from but you're not eligible for a free phone right now.
SC: Did you hear me earlier? I'm one of your best customers! We need to work something out here!
Me: Ok, what exactly would like us to do for you?
SC: I want a replacement phone and I don't want to pay for it and I'll tell you something else: I've had problems with two of these S5s so I think I should get an S6 instead...especially since y'all been giving me so much grief over this today.
Me:
Me: Well that's not possible sir so we'll have to find a solution that will work better for...
SC: No, no! I'm tired of hearing "not possible", "unfortunately" or "we can't do that", I'm the customer, y'all need to hook me up!!
Me: Ok, let me ask you this sir. Are you willing to accept anything besides a free S6?
SC: NO.
Me: Well as I said before, there's no way I can authorize that.
SC: Then get me someone who can!
Me: I'm happy to bring a manager on the line for you but I can't guarantee you'll get anything from him.
SC: Oh I'll get something from him, you just watch! I ain't playing games with you people. This is going down and it's going down now!!

Who wants to guess if he got anything?

It's time to play....Stupid Answers!

low intelligence thy name is...these people

Me: What kind of phone do you have?
SC: It's a cell phone!

Me: What kind of phone do you have?
SC: It's an android phone.

Me: And where are you located right now?
SC: In the woods.

Me: Can I get your phone number please?
SC: 3

Me: Are you driving right now?
SC: No, I'm stopped at a red light.

Me: Are you at home right now?
SC: No, I'm at Dave's house.

Me: How long have you had the phone for?
SC: For however long it says on your computer.

Me: When did the problem start?
SC: Uhhh...last year...sometime...I think...

A wing and a prayer

Me: Thank you calling <red checkmark>, what can I help you with today?
SC: I've got a problem, a MAJOR problem. I dropped my phone at the store earlier and now I can't answer calls. I can see who's calling me but the screen won't work.
Me: Oh dear. I'm sorry to hear that. Let's see what we can do. Since it's damaged a warranty claim is out of the question and I'm not showing you have insurance on it. You're still six months from being upgrade eligible but we do have several low cost options at our stores, I believe the cheapest model is only $15 or $20. It will be a flip phone of course but you'll be able to make calls.
SC: I can't go to the store, I'm disabled. Oh Lord, I need this phone, people are trying to call me...I need my phone.
Me: I understand. Well, if you want I can order one of the low cost models and have it sent to you. Standard shipping is free so the cost would be no more than $25.
SC: I can't afford that! I'm on a fixed income! This phone is costing me enough as it is....oh god. What am I going to do? I need my phone, I need my phone!
Me: I know it's frustrating sir but there's no way to replace your phone at no cost.
SC: But if I go to the store, there's free phones in there right now!
Me: Free WITH a 2 year agreement. You are already under a contract for several more months. You're not eligible for a free phone right now.
SC: Please, I need my phone, you've got do something! Lord I need my phone!
Me: I know this is difficult. Do you know anyone who would be able to lend you a phone for a little while?
SC: No...oh god, people are calling me, messaging me, I can't answer. Jesus, I need this phone!!
Me: As I said earlier, I can send you one, but there will be a cost.
SC: I can't like, take it to the <red checkmark> store and have you fix it?
Me: No sir, we don't offer repair services but even if we did there would be a cost for that too.
SC: Then what am I going to do??? I need this phone!
Me: I realize that but I've given you all the options I can.
SC: Fine. I guess I'm stuck without a phone then thanks to you. *click*

Smartphones 101

It never ceases to amaze me how many people own a smart phone and do not know how to:

- Find their settings
- Find their app store/play store etc.
- Download an app
- Turn the volume up on their phone
- Locate their home button
- Locate their back button (Windows and Android phones)
- End a phone call (yes, I took a call once where all the person wanted to know was how to hang up. )

I mean on the one hand I guess I should be thankful because people like this keep me gainfully employed but if you own an electronic device, shouldn't you at least be familiar with the basics? (I know. I know, I'm asking too much...but I can dream! )

FAIL...

SC: I need to get this SIM card activated.
Me: Ok, I can I have the number off it?
SC: You would need that, wouldn't you? I didn't think to write it down anywhere. Uhhh...I'll call back. *click*

MOAR FAIL....

SC: My phone's not working!
Me: Ok, I can help you with that. How many bars do you have on it right now.
SC: I don't know!
Me: If you look at the top of the screen you should see them.
SC: I don't have my phone.
Me: ...
Me: You're calling to get your phone fixed...but you don't have it with you?
SC: Yeah.
Me: I'm afraid you'll have to call us back when you have it with you.
SC: Aw man! Alright. *click*

[TheSHAD0W]

Me: No, you would have to pay a $199 deductible, but it's charged to your <red checkmark> account so you can get your phone right away.
SC: $199?!?!? Are y'all out of your damned minds? I paid less than that when I got this phone! Don't I pay monthly for insurance?
Me: Yes, it's 9.99 a month for coverage.

I'd opine that $10/mo insurance with a $200 deductible is pretty crappy insurance, even on a $600+ phone. Is this typical for phone insurance?

[EricKei]

On Wing and a Prayer -- On the off chance that you hear back from him, maybe ask if he's eligible for the free basic phone service from the government. He would need to talk to them directly to see if he has a compatible handset (it varies by region), though they will send him a (really, REALLY) basic one if he needs it. He would still also need to pay off the remainder of his current service...but hey, it's free

Last I checked, their plans are something like 225 mins/mo w/no rollover but texts cost 30 "seconds" each, or 125 mins/mo with free texting and with rollover, and another that allows international calls. Users can also use phone time cards to add minutes.

If he does call back (or if you know someone who might want this info), a site can be found here that describes how it works and links to the state pages for the program: http://www.freegovernmentcellphones.net/

[BlaqueKatt]

I'd opine that $10/mo insurance with a $200 deductible is pretty crappy insurance, even on a $600+ phone. Is this typical for phone insurance?

yup, almost all carriers use the same 3rd party insurance carrier. And if you figure it out your *still* getting a $600-$800 replacement phone for($10x24=$240+$200) $440, and you can usually file up to 3 claims before they cancel you(so that's $1800-$2400 worth of equipment for $840).

[DGoddessChardonnay]

On Wing and a Prayer --
If he does call back (or if you know someone who might want this info), a site can be found here that describes how it works and links to the state pages for the program: http://www.freegovernmentcellphones.net/

There's also a program that my Mom uses for her cell phone service - http://www.safelinkwireless.com that offers service for low income and elderly persons. If this customer is getting social security/EBT/Medicaid/any type of state and/or federal assistance, he should be able to qualify.

I'd opine that $10/mo insurance with a $200 deductible is pretty crappy insurance, even on a $600+ phone. Is this typical for phone insurance?

From what I have heard from my baby sis, that's pretty standard. Also pretty much what I read up on when I got my first smartphone through Death Star Wireless.

Depends on the tier, according to my sis. Most of the higher end smartphones (ie, iFruit, Samsung) are going to have a $199 deductible.

My sister had two replacement Samsung phones before she got her first iFruit phone (she had the Samsung Solstice, which IHO was a crappy phone to begin with) and since she's had the iFruit, she's had no troubles w/her phones (IIRC she had fried a SIM card on one of her phones back in HS - may have been the Nokia. Dad thinks to this day she did that so she could upgrade to the Samsung - but I digress)

But even if he wasn't eligible for upgrade, does Red Checkmark offer their version of Death Star's Next plan where one can make small monthly payments on their bill for 24 or 30 months?

yup, almost all carriers use the same 3rd party insurance carrier. And if you figure it out your *still* getting a $600-$800 replacement phone for($10x24=$240+$200) $440, and you can usually file up to 3 claims before they cancel you(so that's $1800-$2400 worth of equipment for $840).

I wonder if there are any stories out here about someone so unlucky w/their cell phones that their insurance was actually cancelled b/c of that?

[MadMike]

I wonder if there are any stories out here about someone so unlucky w/their cell phones that their insurance was actually cancelled b/c of that?

That happened to my son awhile back. He's very hard on phones. He got one wet when he went sledding, dropped one off his bike, dropped one while skating and ran over it, dropped one in the lake, lost one in the woods, and had one just die for no apparent reason.

After the first incident, I put insurance on his phone. Then after we went through three replacement phones (the deductible was only $50 back then), they cancelled the insurance. When we renewed service, we re-applied for the insurance.

[Arcus]

I wonder if there are any stories out here about someone so unlucky w/their cell phones that their insurance was actually cancelled b/c of that?

My cousin is someone that can't get cell phone insurance anymore. Any phone she owns is lucky to last 6 months (most don't make it past 3 months.) She's just one of those people that can't seem to be able to keep from dropping her phone. We finally convinced her to stop buying new phones and buy used ones.

[Seshat]

If I was that unlucky with phones, I'd be sporting a new fashion accessory: a lanyard around my neck. With a shiny (protective!) phone case hanging from it. (and yes, a phone in the phone case).

[DGoddessChardonnay]

If I was that unlucky with phones, I'd be sporting a new fashion accessory: a lanyard around my neck. With a shiny (protective!) phone case hanging from it. (and yes, a phone in the phone case).

Another option:

OtterBox

Those cases are tough . . . .however I discovered that the belt clips are not so tough. Broke 2 of them on my old phone.

Right now I've got a hard shell case on my 4s that has rhinestones and pink camelias on it and a Duracell plastic screen protector.

So far I've not damaged the phone and I've had it a year and a half now. *knocks on wood*

[dalesys]

... *knocks on wood*

Stop thet thompin' on mah haid!

[Mr Hero]

Me: Are you at home right now?
SC: No, I'm at Dave's house.

Dave's not here!

[Aragarthiel]

My in-laws can't get insurance on any of their phones anymore because my 15-year-old sister-in-law admittedly intentionally breaks her phones to get new ones. Right now she has some sort of iFruit thing with a cracked screen, but it works otherwise, and they're refusing to get her a new one.

[EricKei]

DGC - Yup! Safelink is one of the companies that the program uses. I think the providers (e.g., Safelink) vary by region.

[HotelMinion]

I'm glad that I don't have those fancy android T6000000 or whatever everyone else has. Mine is a small flip phone and has a hard shell so it doesn't break into a million pieces. People laugh at how uncool it is but I laugh when they show me their barely together held phone with tape.
I lol'd most at when you ask, "Where are you located?" "In the woods." Oh boy...

[Ironclad Alibi]

Dave's not here!

I think he's visiting Hal.