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I'm a little unprepared. I forgot my cheat sheet at work. That is to say I take so many bizarre and/or stupid calls that I've been taking notes daily. But here are the ones I remember:
The usuals:
SW = Sucky Womany
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Again
Also joining us for this episode,
CW: Coworker
SUP: Supervisor
Sounds a little harsh
SM: I want cancel service with 2 lines!
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. Was there any particular reason you wanted to cancel?
SM: I put wife and son on plane to Russia right now! I not need the lines!
ME: We could suspend their lines for a few months, so that when they come back-
SM: I don't know if they come back!
ME: For your remaining line, we could change to X rate plan with XXXX minutes.
SM: Hold. Let me check.
With who? You just deported your family.
Perhaps you're calling the wrong person
SW: I want to know why I can't call my husband!
ME: Is his number on a different account?
SW: Yes!
ME: Can you verify his password?
SW: No! But when I call him it says "The subscriber you have dialed is not accepting calls at this time!"
ME: Well, that usually means someone has voluntarily suspended their service.
SW: Do I need to make a payment? Would that turn his service on?
ME: I doubt it. I don't know for sure why the line is suspended since we can't get into the account. I'd be happy to wait if you could get ahold of him through an alternate line and get the password.
SW: HE'S AT WORK! IF I COULD CALL HIM I WOULDN'T HAVE TO CALL YOU!
ME: Understandably. But we can't know the exact nature of-
SW: Do I need to make a payment?
ME: Making a payment wouldn't guarantee his service would be restored. If he has voluntarily suspended the service-
SW: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
I can think of a reason. Perhaps there's only so much Banshee's shrieking he can handle in a day.
Don't tell me what I have to do
SM: Oh come on, you have to give me something free!
I do. Loathing, contempt, undying hatred, and biting sarcasm.
Math is hard
SW: I'm going to cancel my service, because you guys say I owe $150, and I don't think that's right.
ME: That's definitely a higher bill than normal. Looks like you had XXX minutes of overage last month.
SW: Well, that's impossible. I never go over.
ME: Actually, you've gone over more and more each month in the past 3 months.
SW: Well this is ridiculous, to expect me to pay this much for a phone. I'm going to cancel and go to a company with a better plan.
ME: We do have a better plan. In fact, it's only $10 more a month and looks like you'd still have plenty of minutes left each month.
SW: No, I just think I'll get a better deal.
Fine. Pay me the $150, then pay me $200 for canceling under contract, then pay the other company an activation fee and maybe a deposit. You, too, can save money with the Bizarro World Financial System.
Sigh
SW: What colors do you have in that phone?
ME: Black, grey, pink, silver, and red.
SW: You don't have blue?
Did I say blue? No? Then what would possess you to ask? That would be like me asking if you have a high school diploma.
Wow
This wasn't my call, it was from my Coworker who sits next to me (we have cubicles containing one long desk with 2 people on each side). So I'm not on a call and she mutes her line and says "How are you going to transfer me a call saying the customer is abusive and you've already warned him twice? And she's crying!"
ME: Really? The rep?
CW: Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to take this one.
ME (to SUP): can I dial her extension and listen in?
SUP: No, but I will.
CW (to rep): Okay, okay, honey. Just calm down and go ahead and put him through.
I got a call and didn't get to listen to at least her end of it, but she was off the call in a minute or so anyway.
ME: That was quick!
CW: He hung up on me. He came in screaming and cussing. I asked him to calm down and he hung up.
At this point, SUP decided to call the guy back, just for entertainment purposes. He listened to the onslaught of profanity, then got the guy to start speaking in less colorful terms. The guy wanted a plan that would automatically shut off if he used all his minutes, because he was getting hundreds of dollars a month in overage. It was another matter like the call I had before where the customer could just pay $10 or $20 more and not have all the overage anymore. To be a smartass, my SUP recommended Prepaid service, which does stop when you run out of minutes. Of course, it would cost this guy thousands a month. The customer hung up on him. Both me and my CW begged him to call back again, saying: "I'm sorry, we must have had a bad connection. As I was saying..." But he decided he was through dealing with the jerk.
The usuals:
SW = Sucky Womany
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Again
Also joining us for this episode,
CW: Coworker
SUP: Supervisor
Sounds a little harsh
SM: I want cancel service with 2 lines!
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. Was there any particular reason you wanted to cancel?
SM: I put wife and son on plane to Russia right now! I not need the lines!
ME: We could suspend their lines for a few months, so that when they come back-
SM: I don't know if they come back!
ME: For your remaining line, we could change to X rate plan with XXXX minutes.
SM: Hold. Let me check.
With who? You just deported your family.
Perhaps you're calling the wrong person
SW: I want to know why I can't call my husband!
ME: Is his number on a different account?
SW: Yes!
ME: Can you verify his password?
SW: No! But when I call him it says "The subscriber you have dialed is not accepting calls at this time!"
ME: Well, that usually means someone has voluntarily suspended their service.
SW: Do I need to make a payment? Would that turn his service on?
ME: I doubt it. I don't know for sure why the line is suspended since we can't get into the account. I'd be happy to wait if you could get ahold of him through an alternate line and get the password.
SW: HE'S AT WORK! IF I COULD CALL HIM I WOULDN'T HAVE TO CALL YOU!
ME: Understandably. But we can't know the exact nature of-
SW: Do I need to make a payment?
ME: Making a payment wouldn't guarantee his service would be restored. If he has voluntarily suspended the service-
SW: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
I can think of a reason. Perhaps there's only so much Banshee's shrieking he can handle in a day.
Don't tell me what I have to do
SM: Oh come on, you have to give me something free!
I do. Loathing, contempt, undying hatred, and biting sarcasm.
Math is hard
SW: I'm going to cancel my service, because you guys say I owe $150, and I don't think that's right.
ME: That's definitely a higher bill than normal. Looks like you had XXX minutes of overage last month.
SW: Well, that's impossible. I never go over.
ME: Actually, you've gone over more and more each month in the past 3 months.
SW: Well this is ridiculous, to expect me to pay this much for a phone. I'm going to cancel and go to a company with a better plan.
ME: We do have a better plan. In fact, it's only $10 more a month and looks like you'd still have plenty of minutes left each month.
SW: No, I just think I'll get a better deal.
Fine. Pay me the $150, then pay me $200 for canceling under contract, then pay the other company an activation fee and maybe a deposit. You, too, can save money with the Bizarro World Financial System.
Sigh
SW: What colors do you have in that phone?
ME: Black, grey, pink, silver, and red.
SW: You don't have blue?
Did I say blue? No? Then what would possess you to ask? That would be like me asking if you have a high school diploma.
Wow
This wasn't my call, it was from my Coworker who sits next to me (we have cubicles containing one long desk with 2 people on each side). So I'm not on a call and she mutes her line and says "How are you going to transfer me a call saying the customer is abusive and you've already warned him twice? And she's crying!"
ME: Really? The rep?
CW: Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to take this one.
ME (to SUP): can I dial her extension and listen in?
SUP: No, but I will.
CW (to rep): Okay, okay, honey. Just calm down and go ahead and put him through.
I got a call and didn't get to listen to at least her end of it, but she was off the call in a minute or so anyway.
ME: That was quick!
CW: He hung up on me. He came in screaming and cussing. I asked him to calm down and he hung up.
At this point, SUP decided to call the guy back, just for entertainment purposes. He listened to the onslaught of profanity, then got the guy to start speaking in less colorful terms. The guy wanted a plan that would automatically shut off if he used all his minutes, because he was getting hundreds of dollars a month in overage. It was another matter like the call I had before where the customer could just pay $10 or $20 more and not have all the overage anymore. To be a smartass, my SUP recommended Prepaid service, which does stop when you run out of minutes. Of course, it would cost this guy thousands a month. The customer hung up on him. Both me and my CW begged him to call back again, saying: "I'm sorry, we must have had a bad connection. As I was saying..." But he decided he was through dealing with the jerk.
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