The Ketchup Conspiracy

[customersruinmylife]

Customer is sat eating his meal. He pours ketchup all over his plate. A few minutes later he waves me over.

SC: This ketchup doesn't taste right to me...
Me: Oh. Would you like me to get you a fresh bottle?
SC: I think it's a funny colour too...
Me: Does it taste bad?
SC: No...but it doesn't taste right. And I think this is a brighter shade of red than normal.
Me:
SC: Are you sure this is Heinz ketchup?
Me: Yes I am.
SC: I don't think so. Don't lie to me.
Me: Well that's what is says on the bottle doesn't it?
SC: Yes but it doesn't taste right! It doesn't look right!
Me: Well I'm not sure how to help you.
SC: I know what you've been doing. You have been filling your bottles with a cheaper product to save money! And don't even bother trying to lie to me!
Me: I can assure you that is not true.
SC: I told you not to lie! I know what you did.

I walked away. Here's what I wanted to say:

"Really? REALLY? This is the busiest pub in town. We are constantly serving, and when we are not serving we are cleaning. And when we are not cleaning that is when we are finally finished and can go home. Do you really think anyone here is going to willingly sit and pour cheaper brand ketchup into bottles for this place? No. We're not going to do that."

[Jay 2K Winger]

I walked away. Here's what I wanted to say:

"Really? REALLY? This is the busiest pub in town. We are constantly serving, and when we are not serving we are cleaning. And when we are not cleaning that is when we are finally finished and can go home. Do you really think anyone here is going to willing sit and pour cheaper brand ketchup into bottles for this place? No. We're not going to do that."

That's just what a member of HV-57, the secret condiment cabal, WOULD say!

(I'm onto you, CMRL.)

[drunkenwildmage]

I've seen a local diner that would get their ketchup and mustard from the local Aldi and they wouldn't even hide that fact. They just put them on the tables in the original store bottles. I think that is also where they got their 'mayonnaise" from also, as it tasted like a cheap Miracle Whip knock off.

[eltf177]

I'd say either he was setting you up for a freebie or really needs a life...

[MoonCat]

I'd say he's just nutz.

And I prefer Hunts, by the way

[BlaqueKatt]

Maybe he was used to the american version? different ingredients and spices between the two.

[earl colby pottinger]

And different versions

Maybe he was used to the american version? different ingredients and spices between the two.

Not only could you be right, but even in one location there can be more than one version of a ketchup from the same manufacturer. I would not be surprised his wife for example had been buying one version and the pub a different one.

BUT THEY ARE STILL ALL HEINZ KETCHUP!

See: http://www.heinzketchup.com/Products

I could easily see a wife buying the 'No Salt' or 'Organic' version for health reasons but not telling him for a quick example.

[raudf]

Not to mention that there are going to be differences between batches of the same food, even if you follow the same recipe.

I think the guy was fishing for a freebie.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Who cares, anyway? Ketchup is great, no matter where it's from... tho, Heinz is still the best.

[Sliceanddice]

Who cares, anyway? Ketchup is great, no matter where it's from... tho, Heinz is still the best.

actually ive long since lost my taste for plain ketchup. but my inner arizona has finally reared its head. I now mix green tabasco into it and enjoy spicey ketchup.

[Fire_on_High]

What's wrong with Aldi's ketchup? Seems fine to me...

Even better with a bit of ghost pepper added to it, mind :-)

[Ironclad Alibi]

Even better with a bit of ghost pepper added to it, mind :-)

Ghost pepper? Wimp! Try it with some Carolina Reaper pepper.

Hottest peppers:

2007: Ghost pepper, 1,000,000 Scoville heat units (SHUs)
2011: Inifinity chili, 1,067,286 SHUs
2011: Naga Viper, 1,382,118 SHUs
2012: Trinidad moruga scorpion, 1,200,000 to 2,000,000 SHUs
2013: Carolina Reaper: 1,569,300 to 2,200,000 SHUs

[sirwired]

I'm pissed at Heinz since they released their "Sriracha Ketchup". Sriracha has a very simple, yet distinctive flavor of ripe jalapenos and garlic. And loads of people have combined Sriracha with ketchup to make some pure deliciousness.

Now look at the ingredients list for Heinz "Ketchup Blended With Sriracha Flavor". No chilis, no Garlic. (And Garlic is one of the FDA's "must list" ingredients, so there's zero chance it's simply slotted under "natural flavor", and there can't be much chili in there, or it would have to be listed separately too.)

[Ironclad Alibi]

Now look at the ingredients list for Heinz "Ketchup Blended With Sriracha Flavor". No chilis, no Garlic. (And Garlic is one of the FDA's "must list" ingredients, so there's zero chance it's simply slotted under "natural flavor", and there can't be much chili in there, or it would have to be listed separately too.)

They do list paprika extractives as an ingredient. They should call it "Ketchup Blended With Paprika Flavor".

[sirwired]

They do list paprika extractives as an ingredient. They should call it "Ketchup Blended With Paprika Flavor".

Heh; I didn't even think of paprika as a chili, but of course it is. (It doesn't help that "American" Paprika has pretty much no flavor; it's just an orange powdery garnish.) But still no excuse for the lack of Garlic. (Or actual chilis, instead of "extractives")