Ok, back with tales from the call center

[XRogue]

...cuz I left the Wart of Mall and joined the ranks of call center monkies. Hold the applause, please.

The usual call center stuff applies. Been yelled at, cussed out, and gone from there to being told I am wonderful. Whiplash ahoy.

First month, gent calls in, at 10 pm Sunday night before Veteran's Day. Tells me he wants a new debit card sent out to his house tomorrow, because he will be getting a 1 million dollar cashiers check by courier, and MUST deposit it at the bank tomorrow morning bright and shiny for security. Oh, and when I ask why he has no debit card, he says he shredded it to keep his son from using it.

1, I service credit cards and cannot reissue a debit card.

2. Sunday night, before Veteran's Day. No card printing will be happening for 36 hours or so, and no mail either so it can't get to him.

3. even if by some miracle, this check actually does exist, it won't be getting there tomorrow either. So no deposit anyway.

4. even if someone got a courier with the check to the cx, there is such a thing as a night drop. He can use that and it will be safe.

I explain all of this and he informs me that I can print him a new debit card just fine. After all, it is the same machinery to print one or the other, I can just tell the workers to use a debit card template. Which they don't have. And will not be getting. And I can't get them one because I am not Harry Potter.

Customer also informs me that the mail thing is not a problem because the check will be coming out by special courier, and surely we can do the same with his debit card. No, we can't. The nonexistent check people aren't Harry Potter either, and even a nonexistent courier cannot carry a nonexistent check. Trust me.

Also, don't I know that night drops are insecure, and this is VERY IMPORTANT because it is a million dollar check. Don't I care our bank will now lose all that business? Basically no, there is no check anyway and it's not coming across my desk if there was.

Got a customer called in wanting to activate his card. Asked him to verify his name for quality. Was informed he's Jesus Christ. (nope, he's not crazy, just sarcastic.)

Had a younger fella with his first credit card, want to know why he got a foreign transaction fee. It's because you went shopping in Canada, and were charged that fee for currency conversion. Customer asked me to waive it. Nope, legit fee. No can do. Custy wails, but how was I supposed to know that would apply. It's in your terms and conditions when you apply for the card sir. He goes dead quiet and asks if I seriously expect him to read all that paperwork.

Well no, *I* personally don't. But if you are going to be applying for and using what amounts to an interest bearing loan, you might expect it of yourself. Just in order to save your own ignorant neck from having the empty skull sitting on top of it cave into the singularity within.

More to come, I am sure.

[Sandiercy]

His "check" is undoubtedly coming from Nigeria.

[Tama]

And guess who's going to get it when the check doesn't arrive?

Who even sends that much through cashier's checks?

[sirwired]

Yep, poor sap is getting hit with a 419. He inevitably learned that the check was detained in customs or that the courier needs an additional fee, etc.

Nobody would ever use a $1M cashier's check going to an individual; any amount that large is going to be wire-transferred. (Businesses might use checks that large with each other, but they aren't going to be cashier's checks; just normal stock.)

[Seshat]

I honestly wouldn't know the safest way to send that much money. Which is why I would ASK!

[XRogue]

And then you would do what was recommended by the professional who gave you the advice. Not tell them they were a moron who didn't know what they were talking about, lol.

But yeah, definitely Nigerian scamming involved, and also, if it was legit, it would have been an ACH deposit and NOT any kind of check. That guy was smoking the good stuff.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

But yeah, definitely Nigerian scamming involved, and also, if it was legit, it would have been an ACH deposit and NOT any kind of check. That guy was smoking the good stuff.

And he didn't bring enough to share.

So w/it being an ACH deposit, a debit card is not needed. Only the routing and account numbers - provided the money even existed to begin with.

[XRogue]

Exactly, pointed that out too. Only to be met with "What's a routing number? You're making that up!"

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Exactly, pointed that out too. Only to be met with "What's a routing number? You're making that up!"

I take it this guy didn't have a checkbook . . . that information is easily found in the bottom right hand corner of the check.

It would be the first set of numbers . . . usually 9 digits. Then you have another set of numbers. That would be the account number (10 digits IIRC, or that may depend on the bank.)

Either way, he's an idiot for not knowing such simple information.

[siskaren]

Either way, he's an idiot for not knowing such simple information.

I don't know - I could see how someone who doesn't work in banking or has never set up direct deposit or auto debit would be familiar with the term. But accusing XRogue of making up the term? Yeah, that makes him an idiot.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Either way, he's an idiot for not knowing such simple information.

More likely, he is an SC for not acknowledging such simple information.

[Sheldonrs]

Yep, poor sap is getting hit with a 419. He inevitably learned that the check was detained in customs or that the courier needs an additional fee, etc.

Nobody would ever use a $1M cashier's check going to an individual; any amount that large is going to be wire-transferred. (Businesses might use checks that large with each other, but they aren't going to be cashier's checks; just normal stock.)

Not quite true. My oldest friend used to work in the residuals dept. at NBC/Universal Studios and the routinely sent out checks in the mail in the tens of millions of dollars.
I'd be pissing my pants until I got it in the bank.

[XRogue]

And fair enough too, especially since those were real checks. And I told the guy that about acct and routing numbers being in his checkbook too. le sigh

[earl colby pottinger]

Loved that point

And he didn't bring enough to share.

So w/it being an ACH deposit, a debit card is not needed. Only the routing and account numbers - provided the money even existed to begin with.

If I show up at any bank. ANY BANK PERIOD! With a valid check for one million dollars (apply pinkie to side of mouth while saying that), I doubt there is a bank in the world that will turn away a deposit because I don't have a bank card. Taking money out could be a problem, deposits are no problem.

The paperwork to deposit the money will go fast, fast, fast.

Plus, I just had to stop at my US bank last week to consolidate my accounts, and they created a temp card for me at the bank in minutes and will send me the new replacement card by mail. I even deposited a check for $6,300 dollars but was allowed to only withdraw $4,100 dollars as that is how much I had in the bank before the deposit.

At my Canadian bank, they have created replacement debit cards for me at the bank in minutes. If he really needs the card he can get one, plus if his son keeps abusing his card why not just deposit the money but never get a card his son can use?

That is what I have done to my Canadian accounts, the accounts that have large amounts of money need me to go to the bank to access the money - there is not way to use my bank card to access those accounts outside a bank who have lots of cameras just to track abuse like that.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

That second guy...even if he hadn't read all the paperwork, you think he might have clued in that a foreign transaction fee would apply for a transaction in, you know, another COUNTRY.