Tales from the pizza shop

[the lawsmeister]

Once in a while, my wife and I help out at a friends pizza shop. Its not a fancy place but the food is really good. Unfortunately the same can't always be said of the customers.
Here's a few of the standout stories.


Tale 1 - "Late Man"
This guy would call an order a pizza 2 or 3 times a week. Every time he would ask how long it was for delivery. No matter what you told him, he would always call to complain it was late.
Delivery is 20 - 30 min. He'd only hear 20 and call precisely 21 minutes after placing the order to complain. In the end my wife tried telling him 45 minutes so he couldn't complain. Didn't work though, he just started complaining that 45 minutes was too long to wait. In the end the manager ended up telling him to get stuffed and not to call and harrass the staff any more.


Tale 2 - "We cater to Couples"
When the pizza shop first opened, the local brothel offered the owner/manager certain "services" in lieu of payment when they came to collect their pizza

O/M - Owner/Manager
BD - Brothel Dude

BD: I run [Brothel] perhaps we can come to some arrangement in regards to ongoing payment for pizza
O/M: You do realise that my wife is standing just over there.
BD: That's ok, we cater for couples as well
O/M: No, I think cash payment will be fine thankyou.


Tale 3 - Crazy Vegetarian Lady
This couple come into the shop for dinner but can't decide between 2 small pizzas or 1 big one.
In the end they go for a family size pizza, half vegetarian, half supreme.

CVL = Crazy Vegetarian Lady
H = CVL's husband
MW = My wife (who has the misfortune of serving this night)
RNL = Random nice lady.

CVL: (comes storming up to the counter) There's meat on this!!!!!
MW: Yes, that's right. You ordered a half supreme, half vegetarian.
CVL: I can't have meat, I'm vegetarian
MW: But they're on the same pizza.
CVL: Well I can't eat this
MW: I'm sorry but you didn't tell me that when you ordered it, otherwise I would have told you it wasn't a suitable option for you. We have a lot of people who eat meat who order the vegetarian pizza because they just like it.
CVL: I thought they were going to be separated somehow!!
MW: (thinking WTF???) They're on the same pizza I can't guarantee that some of the meat juice won't make it across the half way line to your side of the pizza
CVL: Well I'm never coming here again (storms off in a huff)

The husband comes up a little while later with almost all of the vegetarian half of the pizza

H: Um, can I have a takeaway box for this please?
MW: No worries, look if you'd told me when you ordered this that it had to be kept separate I would have told you that it was better to order 2 smaller pizzas. We have different untensils and kitchenware for the vegetarian food.
H: *sighs* don't worry about it.

MW then took an order out to a couple of ladies who were sitting near by.
RNL: (really loud voice) Oh this looks great. We really like meat on our pizza.

Kind of makes it worthwhile when you have a nice customer on your side.

[infavorofnaturalselection]

Lots of restaurants stories revolve around vegeterian customers. Some of them are real crazy. Of course someone who decides to be vegeterian has to accept that eating out in this country or pretty much everywhere in the western world you aren't going to find a lot of nutrious or delicious veg meals. Restaurants are still going to be largely meat centric. Yes fish, eggs, chicken are meat. Milk is not meat nor cheese.

The reason for this discrimination that some veggies percieve is that vegeterianism for the most part in western culture is only a few decades old. Not enough time to get the tasty recipies down pat. Also a lot of veggies aren't exactly healthy eaters. Switching to all veggies won't cure any dietery deffieceances for instance. They aren't a magic cure all. Also certain veggies are poisonous if you eat too many or can cause health problems. Add in the problems of uncooked veggies carrying certain parasites.

About the only cultures I know of that have what could be considered the best tasting and healthy vegetarian food are those from the Southeast Asia where Buddhism took shape. Thai Buddhist and Japanese Buddhist cooking for example. The monks of those orders have had many centuries to perfect their food since the monks cannot eat.

Guess what they do to their veggie food they make it look like meat say eels for instance. It's tubers and certain edible natural food glues with certain seasonings added to make it taste just like real eels. They actually replicate the look and taste of certain nonveggie dishes because those Monks before they were monks ate the nonveggie foods and this camo food helps ease them into the order.

People outside the order also love eating the stuff too.

I know off topic but it is something that needs to be addressed in this country. It does suck for the veggies in the western world and I am a meat eater.

[Becks]

Tale 1 - "Late Man"
This guy would call an order a pizza 2 or 3 times a week. Every time he would ask how long it was for delivery. No matter what you told him, he would always call to complain it was late.
Delivery is 20 - 30 min. He'd only hear 20 and call precisely 21 minutes after placing the order to complain. In the end my wife tried telling him 45 minutes so he couldn't complain. Didn't work though, he just started complaining that 45 minutes was too long to wait. In the end the manager ended up telling him to get stuffed and not to call and harrass the staff any more.

Why not tell him 30 minutes, or do like the place down the street from me does. They don't give times at all for delivery. I don't mind, much, but if it takes more than 35 minutes on a Wednesday, I'm calling to see if the delivery guy left yet.

[Andara Bledin]

It may be hard for them, but the majority of them chose that lifestyle, so that's no excuse for them to turn into sucky customers.

I just want to know why people who are vegetarians because "meat is murder" want their tofu to taste like meat?

^-.-^

[Emrld]

I like the ones who stand their staying meat is murder while wearing leather shoes, watch band, belt, wallet/ purse and don't forget the suede coat. . . .
at some point you have to laugh.

I do like the T-shirt that has a picture of a salad on it and it says - "How many different vegtables died for you salad?"

I sometimes have to help with fundraiser banquets and I personally know that a few of the muckity mucks and or their significant others or vegitarian / vegan. I make sure that they are able to request a vegertarian option - and that the chef prepares on fitting to the event. (As in not just extra salad and vegtables) Then I just make sure that the waiters know who gets the vegetarian plate and no muss no fuss everyone is happy.

[Noelegy]

Lots of restaurants stories revolve around vegeterian customers. Some of them are real crazy. Of course someone who decides to be vegeterian has to accept that eating out in this country or pretty much everywhere in the western world you aren't going to find a lot of nutrious or delicious veg meals. Restaurants are still going to be largely meat centric. Yes fish, eggs, chicken are meat. Milk is not meat nor cheese.

The reason for this discrimination that some veggies percieve is that vegeterianism for the most part in western culture is only a few decades old. Not enough time to get the tasty recipies down pat.

I would respectfully disagree with you on some points. First of all, vegetarianism has a very old history, going back to Greek culture. It hasn't always been called vegetarianism; that is a fairly new tradition, but the idea itself is centuries old. I live in Texas, and I have found plenty of restaurants that cater to vegetarians. Even the ones that don't are usually willing to come up with something that a veggie can eat. Why would a veggie go to, say, Red Lobster? Maybe she is dining out with friends and the majority rules. At RL you can get a plate of just the side orders and they charge like $5.95 for it and you get just as full.

Even at "country" restaurants you can usually get a vegetable plate (Black-eyed Pea). Sometimes you may have to ask which veggies are cooked with pork or other meat, but I have never found a restaurant where I was unable to make a meal from something, unless it was McDonald's, which I don't patronize anyway.

You did hit on a good point about ethnic food. Although I'm no longer vegetarian, one of the best things that came from my experience was the enormous variety of food that opened up for me, things I might not have tried otherwise. Ethiopian food. Indian food. Spanish tapas. Thai curries. Sure, a Twinkie and a Coke is technically vegetarian fare, but all you need is some imagination and willingness to try the new and different.

Asian supermarkets are absolutely extraordinary when it comes to vegetarian meat alternatives. You mentioned the Buddhist fish substitutes. My first time in a big Asian market (Orlando, FL), I was purely blown away by all the veggie "fish" frozen foods. I was just sorry I was visiting a friend and therefore unable to stock up!

As for why a vegetarian would want his or her tofu to look like meat (someone else brought this up), some do, some don't. I myself enjoyed the soy substitutes because it gave me some variety and protein in my diet. I never had any soyfoods that tasted EXACTLY like what they were mimicking. Maybe some veggies miss the taste and texture but have their own personal reasons for not wanting to participate in causing an animal to be killed for that reason.

[Noelegy]

It may be hard for them, but the majority of them chose that lifestyle, so that's no excuse for them to turn into sucky customers.

Exactamundo! But vegetarians are just like any other subcategory: they're still human and are going to have the same tendency to be nice or sucky. No reason to use the vegetarianism as an excuse. I would never have berated a service person over my personal choices, although my friends sometimes rolled their eyes a bit when I asked if the soup had meat stock in it.

[Tanasi]

Vegetarian is the Cherokee word for poor hunter. Besides veggies aren't food that's what food eats.

[GayleShy]

Sure, a Twinkie and a Coke is technically vegetarian fare, but all you need is some imagination and willingness to try the new and different.

And even then a Twinkie may or may not be vegetarian, depending on what sort of shortening they put in it. The package says it may contain animal fat. We were talking about crap they put in food in class one day. I'm going to school to be a chef, so we talk about preservitives a lot.

I am also a vegetarian *don't throw things, please* and I've had to do a lot of juggling with certain family members in order to eat with them and not feel completely out of place. I have to say that I have never even thought that ordering a half meat, half cheese pizza was a good plan. I guess she must have thought that you put a metal thing between the two halves, some how? Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sence to me either. She could have avoided the two outer pieces and cut off the tips of her slices, if she was that worried about it, though.

[Rapscallion]

Depends on the vegetarian for that last bit. I did the butchery at the shop where I was chained for a decade, and we had a woman come in once who was holding up her hand so she couldn't see the section as she got her vegetables, but she loudly crowed about it at the time. She just wouldn't shut up about how she couldn't bear to look etc etc etc.

I know vegetarians who will cheerfully dip their bread in bacon fat.

Yesterday at lunch, our canteen served a vegan dessert. One guy was observed to say that he couldn't eat it as he was an omnivore. The cook looked at him for a bit and then, in a kindly voice, started to explain.

Rapscallion

[tollbaby]

I've gotten some fantastic vegetarian cookbooks, but I'm not going entirely meat-free because I'm not yet knowledgeable enough to be able to feed my kids a balanced diet that doesn't include meat. I need to be sure they're getting enough protein and good fats That's why I'll rarely serve red meat, and instead, eggs, legumes and fish are a big protein source in our home.

I live in a fairly major metropolitan area (it is the nation's capital, even if it's not Planet Toronto), and even here, we only have a handful of vegetarian restaurants. However, those that we do have are TRULY excellent. I bought refried beans, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, tortillas and chili sauce to make the kids "veggie" tacos one night this week. My ex-husband (who does his groceries with us, because I drive him home afterwards) looks at the assortment and says, "You forgot the meat.... you don't have any ground beef in your freezer"... LOL So I said we were making vegetarian tacos.... you should have seen the look on his face My ex is a meat & potatoes kind of guy, potatoes optional.

So I'm a "lazy" veggie. Not willing to go whole hog just yet, but I prefer (and feel better when I eat) vegetarian fare.

[the lawsmeister]

Why not tell him 30 minutes, or do like the place down the street from me does. They don't give times at all for delivery. I don't mind, much, but if it takes more than 35 minutes on a Wednesday, I'm calling to see if the delivery guy left yet.

We normally didn't give a time unless someone specifically asked. With this guy it didn't matter what you told him, he'd always back and complain that it was taking too long

[Gurndigarn]

CVL: (comes storming up to the counter) There's meat on this!!!!!
MW: Yes, that's right. You ordered a half supreme, half vegetarian.
CVL: I can't have meat, I'm vegetarian

"That's OK, ma'am, we sliced the meat real thin."

[Rapscallion]

Argh! Flashbacks to Thin Bacon Woman!

Rapscallion