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Not much going on, lull in the action here between football hells, so take it or leave it.
We Are Not a Complaint Department
A lot of our unlucky towees seem to have spent too much time in the commercial world and have trained themselves to find the smallest things to be nitpicky about during their interactions with staff in the hopes that this will get them a discount.
Alas, it all to often works in the retailsphere as they'll be apologized to profusely by a manager if they bitch about dirty floors, or an employee that didn't smile, or a lack of their favorite flavor of bath soap being available and get a discount or something.
Thus, a lot of them, on pure Pavlovian Response, (including the slobbering I might add) will try to complain about things they see "wrong" in the parking lot when they find we've hooked up to their car in their absence from in, likewise in the hopes that this will get them some kind of discount or out of the tow completely.
Like you did, good Madam.
Yes, there is an awful lot of broken glass around this lot, it seems the residents four floors up on that balcony just cannot believe that beer bottles won't bounce from that height and spent an entire football weekend trying in vain to make it happen anyway.
Yes, those shards are dangerous to fingers and car tires and such, I wouldn't let my hypothetical infant son play with them, that's for sure.
And I do agree that the rest of the flotsam they've tossed down here, like cardboard boxes, mini cheerleading pom-poms, half-eaten food and, what appears to be a puddle of vomit, are certainly not very appealing, doesn't give what a realtor would call "Curb appeal" to this place, does it?
Oh yes, I do agree someone should clean that up, but that's not my job.
No, it's not my job
No, you don't get anything off because the lot is filthy, and no, I'm not ashamed of it.
Why?
Because I'm not the janitor
Maybe you should CALL the janitor for this complex if you want that cleaned up?
But you can't, because you don't know his number, because you don't LIVE here. See, if you did, you'd have a permit, and I wouldn't be trying to remove this 3,800 pound chunk of metal someone just carelessly left lying around where it don't belong.
And she wasn't alone, oh no, there was also the fellow who wanted me to know that last winter, he almost slipped and broke every bone in his body into a fine mealy powder they could have kneaded into bread dough, and if we didn't do a better job of plowing the lot this winter, he'd have our hides on a platter for Xmas dinner. So, surely that's good for some kind of discount, right?
Yeah, bout that.
I'm not the plowing service.
Oh, I heard your threat of legal action quite clearly, Sir, but I'm not the plowing service.
No, you have the wrong person, I'm only contracted to tow out of here, I don't know who's got the contract for winter maintenence, but, if you call Global Domination Reality and tell them, they can take if from there.
No, I'm not calling them, YOU have to call them.
No, you have to call them.
No, I don't know their number, but it's likely in the phone book
No, I don't care you intend to sue
Why?
Because you can't sue me for doing a shitey-arse snowplowing job, I'm not the guy in charge of that.
No, you don't have to repeat your threat, I get it, you're going to sue Mr Plow, but that's not me? See? So I don't care
No, I already told you I don't know who it is, and I already told you who to call to find out, so please, just pay up for the job I AM entitled to do (which you, ironically, don't have a problem with it would appear, inasmuch as you haven't disputed the legality of towing/ticketing)
Thank you.
And no, I STILL am not the plowing guy.....
No, I won't "tell him" for you, because I don't know who he is
No, I can't "tell him he's going to get sued" because, well, see above.
Sheesh
I'll bet you'll go home and post all over facebook about how you told the plowing guy you're going to sue him too, because you weren't listening to me at all? Were you? Uh huh....
How hard, really, would it be to do 25 years? Because strangling someone until they turn white and their eyes pop out of their sockets like delightful little party favors looks more and more appealing every day......
But if he'd really like to sue me, I could always offer him this new great product I've developed, it's a biodegradable environmentally friendly wooden toaster! Go on, plug it in, try it out!
Poor Slim
I don't know why this guy gets attacked by the public, verbally and otherwise, on an almost daily basis. He's about the most agreeable and mellowed-out guy you'll meet this side of a methadone clinic. If he relaxed anymore, I think his beard would unravel and fall out at the roots like on of Grandma's ancient old couch doilies .....
Yet, even he, when behind the wheel of a tow truck, becomes in some people's eyes, and ogre-like being that spits fire and leaves behind sooty, brimstone-scented footprints, because they keep calling the cops on him sure that no true champion of law and order would let Slim get away with his nefarious deeds!
Yeah....
0/2 this month on that account, for those keeping score.
The first one came running out when Slim had him hooked and protested that we simply couldn't tow him.
Slim pointed out the big "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign and his car's lack of permit.
Our lucky contestant countered that he "didn't think anyone watched it at night"
Slim pointed out the lack of "Except for nights" on said "PERMIT PARKING SIGN"
Our lucky contestant asks to be "cut a break"
Slim explains $75 for a drop is the break, unless he wants to owe $130
Our lucky contestant pleads poverty, Slim says it doesn't' matter, either he gets paid or the car gets shipped off to Automotive Alcatraz.
This made our lucky contestant mad, very mad! So mad he hoped in his car started it up and told Slim it was his intention to just sit there until the projected heat death of the universe, or until Slim got bored and put him down. And given it was a Volvo 240 wagon, he MIGHT just have been able to make good on that threat, those things can outlast some species of cockroach..... believe me.
Alas, he never suspected Slim would chose option "C" and tell him he would be arrested within the next 15 minutes by the cops if he tried that.
That made our contestant even madder, so mad, he called the cops.....
Yeah, after being threatened with the cops, he called the cops.... where's the logic in that? "Embarrass ME will ya? Well I'll CRAP MY DRAWERS and THEN we'll see who's sorrY!!!!"
So, Ossafer Friendly arrives and explains to our customer that Slim was not lying, he will indeed be arrested if he doesn't get out of the car and pay.
Defeated, our buddy, who only moments ago was claiming poverty, comes up with the cash and stops wasting our time.
Why do they always want to do it the hard way? Is life just that unfulfilling WITHOUT risking incarceration? I don't get it.
Well, on to the next adventure!
Another car, in another lot, disobeying the "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign. This one at the bottom of a 3 level garage, and yet, no sooner did he hook up than the owner popped up from the Nth dimension, blabbering on that we couldn't tow that car.
SLim pointed out the "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign
Guy says he has a permit
Slim asks him where
Guy says it's in his apartment, in a desk drawer.
Slim tells him it's not doing him any good there, and it's a $75 drop.
Guy goes ballistic, we CAN'T tow him (except we can) because he has a permit (that's not in the car). SO he's not paying.
Round and round they go...... I think the terms "ILLEGAL" "EXTORTION" and "IMMALAWYER" got used a lot, anyway, it ended when the cops were called.
Actually, it ended when the cops got there and told junior that he had to pay they drop.
Turns out this guy was a... wait for it....... PARALEGAL!!!! OH NOES!!!! And since this has upset the great lawyer hive-mind, he's going to have his minions come after us and sue us into oblivion for what we've done!!!!
And just to prove it, he wrote "SIGNED UNDER DURESS" all over his receipt. Which, I guess means something in that fancy moon-language they teach all those paralegals these days.
I'm para-scared about what might happen next!
Probably nothing, but, you never know. Rudimentary quantum physics says you can't say for 100% certainty that the world won't suddenly turn into a giant watermelon, either..... but I'm not holding my breath.
Multiple Choice Mayhem
I don't know what was the worse choice, because you fella's made a LOT of em. But we'll try to sort it out.
Was it
A: Parked under a CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY sign well after the business was closed
B: Demanded it all be forgiven since you're just a tourist
C: Demanded it all be forgiven since you're from another country
D: Demanded it all be forgiven or else you'll complain to a "tourism board" somewhere and make sure nobody ever comes to this town ever again.
E: Made all these complaints to the only driver at the front counter at the time, Twitch, who has a standing "No Mercy For Canadians" rule.
F: All the above.
Eh, pay up and get lost, you hoser.
Miss Sunshine's First Coo-Coo Bird.
Our new driver, Miss Sunshine, got her first bona-fide rubber-room escapee this month, so, hats off for unlocking that achievement! +10G! Unfortunately, it only works once.
How crazy?
Well, crazy enough that when the woman in question came out to the parking lot she had no permit to be in, and found Miss Sunshine had her minivan up in the air, she went, to not put too fine a point on it... stark raving bonkers.
She climbed UP on the bed of the tow truck and started yelling to put her car down...practically jumping up and down like a chimp.
Miss Sunshine, still a bit new to the fact that sometimes people go off the deep end, radioed in to base for advice on a customer using her truck as a jungle gym.
Base told her to tell crazy lady to get off the truck, for her safety, or else the police would come over and remove her from said truck.
Crazy lady overhears this, since the cab radio is not too far from where she's currently pacing, and tells us, in no uncertain terms that she's NOT getting towed, she's NOT paying us any money and there's NOTHING we can do about it.
Miss Sunshine asks about the fact there's no permit in the car.
Duh! She has one! In the apartment!!! It's not like she NEEDS to put it in the car!!! We should KNOW that she parks there!!!!
Well, sorry crazy lady, but, it turns out that human psychic abilities are finite. You can only use them a few times, and then they're gone forever. Silly us, if we'd only known that sooner in life, we wouldn't have wasted them predicting the endings of afternoon cartoon shows before we wised up and learned the heroes ALWAYS escape, no matter how many wraps of rope you have around those no-good G.I. Joes, they'll find a way to escape by the next commercial, otherwise, the bad guys win and Kmart stops stocking their action figures.....
Thus by the time we're all 18, we've used em all up! So there's no way we can tell that you have a permit unless it's, oh, I dunno, IN THE CAR?!
Nope, this answer is NOT good enough, and pacing lady decides to make some phonecalls, while pacing back and forth.
Might I point out she's still doing this on TOP of a running TRUCK?
First, she says she has the apartment manager on the line, and HE says we have to put the car down!
Miss Sunshine informs base
Base, (which is actually towing manager) says that's a lie, Global Domination Reality doesn't have "apartment managers" they have maintenance men, contractors, and the white-collar worker drones in the big building downtown, but no on-site managers.
Miss Sunshine informs crazy lady, who starts pacing FASTER
Now, crazy lady says shes got Global Domination on the line, and THEY SAY put it down.
Relay as above, Towing Manager says that's highly unlikely, but, have them call him and he'll see what's up.
Crazy Lady claims they've tried to call him, but his line is busy.
Towing manager says that's a damned dirty lie, he's got 5 lines on his phone and NONE of them have lit up for half an hour.
Crazy Lady gets even ANGRIER and starts pacing FASTER, now, it looks like she's one of those adorable back-and-forth tin targets in a shooting gallery. Given she's got a cellphone in one hand, boy, that's a very TEMPTING target, innit?
Anyway, now SHE says she's calling the cops.
Relay as above, base tells Miss Sunshine to just wait for them. Soon enough, they show up, and, oh, what a shock, they tell Miss Sunshine to get off our vehicle for' they hav' ta' pull her off... and if they do that, they'll be puttin' her in THEIR vehicle.
She did.
She paid
She wasn't happy.
We didn't care
And Miss Sunshine got her first taste of raw crazy, I think she handled it well.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're done here.
We Are Not a Complaint Department
A lot of our unlucky towees seem to have spent too much time in the commercial world and have trained themselves to find the smallest things to be nitpicky about during their interactions with staff in the hopes that this will get them a discount.
Alas, it all to often works in the retailsphere as they'll be apologized to profusely by a manager if they bitch about dirty floors, or an employee that didn't smile, or a lack of their favorite flavor of bath soap being available and get a discount or something.
Thus, a lot of them, on pure Pavlovian Response, (including the slobbering I might add) will try to complain about things they see "wrong" in the parking lot when they find we've hooked up to their car in their absence from in, likewise in the hopes that this will get them some kind of discount or out of the tow completely.
Like you did, good Madam.
Yes, there is an awful lot of broken glass around this lot, it seems the residents four floors up on that balcony just cannot believe that beer bottles won't bounce from that height and spent an entire football weekend trying in vain to make it happen anyway.
Yes, those shards are dangerous to fingers and car tires and such, I wouldn't let my hypothetical infant son play with them, that's for sure.
And I do agree that the rest of the flotsam they've tossed down here, like cardboard boxes, mini cheerleading pom-poms, half-eaten food and, what appears to be a puddle of vomit, are certainly not very appealing, doesn't give what a realtor would call "Curb appeal" to this place, does it?
Oh yes, I do agree someone should clean that up, but that's not my job.
No, it's not my job
No, you don't get anything off because the lot is filthy, and no, I'm not ashamed of it.
Why?
Because I'm not the janitor
Maybe you should CALL the janitor for this complex if you want that cleaned up?
But you can't, because you don't know his number, because you don't LIVE here. See, if you did, you'd have a permit, and I wouldn't be trying to remove this 3,800 pound chunk of metal someone just carelessly left lying around where it don't belong.
And she wasn't alone, oh no, there was also the fellow who wanted me to know that last winter, he almost slipped and broke every bone in his body into a fine mealy powder they could have kneaded into bread dough, and if we didn't do a better job of plowing the lot this winter, he'd have our hides on a platter for Xmas dinner. So, surely that's good for some kind of discount, right?
Yeah, bout that.
I'm not the plowing service.
Oh, I heard your threat of legal action quite clearly, Sir, but I'm not the plowing service.
No, you have the wrong person, I'm only contracted to tow out of here, I don't know who's got the contract for winter maintenence, but, if you call Global Domination Reality and tell them, they can take if from there.
No, I'm not calling them, YOU have to call them.
No, you have to call them.
No, I don't know their number, but it's likely in the phone book
No, I don't care you intend to sue
Why?
Because you can't sue me for doing a shitey-arse snowplowing job, I'm not the guy in charge of that.
No, you don't have to repeat your threat, I get it, you're going to sue Mr Plow, but that's not me? See? So I don't care
No, I already told you I don't know who it is, and I already told you who to call to find out, so please, just pay up for the job I AM entitled to do (which you, ironically, don't have a problem with it would appear, inasmuch as you haven't disputed the legality of towing/ticketing)
Thank you.
And no, I STILL am not the plowing guy.....
No, I won't "tell him" for you, because I don't know who he is
No, I can't "tell him he's going to get sued" because, well, see above.
Sheesh
I'll bet you'll go home and post all over facebook about how you told the plowing guy you're going to sue him too, because you weren't listening to me at all? Were you? Uh huh....
How hard, really, would it be to do 25 years? Because strangling someone until they turn white and their eyes pop out of their sockets like delightful little party favors looks more and more appealing every day......
But if he'd really like to sue me, I could always offer him this new great product I've developed, it's a biodegradable environmentally friendly wooden toaster! Go on, plug it in, try it out!
Poor Slim
I don't know why this guy gets attacked by the public, verbally and otherwise, on an almost daily basis. He's about the most agreeable and mellowed-out guy you'll meet this side of a methadone clinic. If he relaxed anymore, I think his beard would unravel and fall out at the roots like on of Grandma's ancient old couch doilies .....
Yet, even he, when behind the wheel of a tow truck, becomes in some people's eyes, and ogre-like being that spits fire and leaves behind sooty, brimstone-scented footprints, because they keep calling the cops on him sure that no true champion of law and order would let Slim get away with his nefarious deeds!
Yeah....
0/2 this month on that account, for those keeping score.
The first one came running out when Slim had him hooked and protested that we simply couldn't tow him.
Slim pointed out the big "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign and his car's lack of permit.
Our lucky contestant countered that he "didn't think anyone watched it at night"
Slim pointed out the lack of "Except for nights" on said "PERMIT PARKING SIGN"
Our lucky contestant asks to be "cut a break"
Slim explains $75 for a drop is the break, unless he wants to owe $130
Our lucky contestant pleads poverty, Slim says it doesn't' matter, either he gets paid or the car gets shipped off to Automotive Alcatraz.
This made our lucky contestant mad, very mad! So mad he hoped in his car started it up and told Slim it was his intention to just sit there until the projected heat death of the universe, or until Slim got bored and put him down. And given it was a Volvo 240 wagon, he MIGHT just have been able to make good on that threat, those things can outlast some species of cockroach..... believe me.
Alas, he never suspected Slim would chose option "C" and tell him he would be arrested within the next 15 minutes by the cops if he tried that.
That made our contestant even madder, so mad, he called the cops.....
Yeah, after being threatened with the cops, he called the cops.... where's the logic in that? "Embarrass ME will ya? Well I'll CRAP MY DRAWERS and THEN we'll see who's sorrY!!!!"
So, Ossafer Friendly arrives and explains to our customer that Slim was not lying, he will indeed be arrested if he doesn't get out of the car and pay.
Defeated, our buddy, who only moments ago was claiming poverty, comes up with the cash and stops wasting our time.
Why do they always want to do it the hard way? Is life just that unfulfilling WITHOUT risking incarceration? I don't get it.
Well, on to the next adventure!
Another car, in another lot, disobeying the "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign. This one at the bottom of a 3 level garage, and yet, no sooner did he hook up than the owner popped up from the Nth dimension, blabbering on that we couldn't tow that car.
SLim pointed out the "PERMIT PARKING ONLY" sign
Guy says he has a permit
Slim asks him where
Guy says it's in his apartment, in a desk drawer.
Slim tells him it's not doing him any good there, and it's a $75 drop.
Guy goes ballistic, we CAN'T tow him (except we can) because he has a permit (that's not in the car). SO he's not paying.
Round and round they go...... I think the terms "ILLEGAL" "EXTORTION" and "IMMALAWYER" got used a lot, anyway, it ended when the cops were called.
Actually, it ended when the cops got there and told junior that he had to pay they drop.
Turns out this guy was a... wait for it....... PARALEGAL!!!! OH NOES!!!! And since this has upset the great lawyer hive-mind, he's going to have his minions come after us and sue us into oblivion for what we've done!!!!
And just to prove it, he wrote "SIGNED UNDER DURESS" all over his receipt. Which, I guess means something in that fancy moon-language they teach all those paralegals these days.I'm para-scared about what might happen next!
Probably nothing, but, you never know. Rudimentary quantum physics says you can't say for 100% certainty that the world won't suddenly turn into a giant watermelon, either..... but I'm not holding my breath.
Multiple Choice Mayhem
I don't know what was the worse choice, because you fella's made a LOT of em. But we'll try to sort it out.
Was it
A: Parked under a CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY sign well after the business was closed
B: Demanded it all be forgiven since you're just a tourist
C: Demanded it all be forgiven since you're from another country
D: Demanded it all be forgiven or else you'll complain to a "tourism board" somewhere and make sure nobody ever comes to this town ever again.
E: Made all these complaints to the only driver at the front counter at the time, Twitch, who has a standing "No Mercy For Canadians" rule.
F: All the above.
Eh, pay up and get lost, you hoser.
Miss Sunshine's First Coo-Coo Bird.
Our new driver, Miss Sunshine, got her first bona-fide rubber-room escapee this month, so, hats off for unlocking that achievement! +10G! Unfortunately, it only works once.
How crazy?
Well, crazy enough that when the woman in question came out to the parking lot she had no permit to be in, and found Miss Sunshine had her minivan up in the air, she went, to not put too fine a point on it... stark raving bonkers.
She climbed UP on the bed of the tow truck and started yelling to put her car down...practically jumping up and down like a chimp.
Miss Sunshine, still a bit new to the fact that sometimes people go off the deep end, radioed in to base for advice on a customer using her truck as a jungle gym.
Base told her to tell crazy lady to get off the truck, for her safety, or else the police would come over and remove her from said truck.
Crazy lady overhears this, since the cab radio is not too far from where she's currently pacing, and tells us, in no uncertain terms that she's NOT getting towed, she's NOT paying us any money and there's NOTHING we can do about it.
Miss Sunshine asks about the fact there's no permit in the car.
Duh! She has one! In the apartment!!! It's not like she NEEDS to put it in the car!!! We should KNOW that she parks there!!!!
Well, sorry crazy lady, but, it turns out that human psychic abilities are finite. You can only use them a few times, and then they're gone forever. Silly us, if we'd only known that sooner in life, we wouldn't have wasted them predicting the endings of afternoon cartoon shows before we wised up and learned the heroes ALWAYS escape, no matter how many wraps of rope you have around those no-good G.I. Joes, they'll find a way to escape by the next commercial, otherwise, the bad guys win and Kmart stops stocking their action figures.....
Thus by the time we're all 18, we've used em all up! So there's no way we can tell that you have a permit unless it's, oh, I dunno, IN THE CAR?!Nope, this answer is NOT good enough, and pacing lady decides to make some phonecalls, while pacing back and forth.
Might I point out she's still doing this on TOP of a running TRUCK?
First, she says she has the apartment manager on the line, and HE says we have to put the car down!
Miss Sunshine informs base
Base, (which is actually towing manager) says that's a lie, Global Domination Reality doesn't have "apartment managers" they have maintenance men, contractors, and the white-collar worker drones in the big building downtown, but no on-site managers.
Miss Sunshine informs crazy lady, who starts pacing FASTER
Now, crazy lady says shes got Global Domination on the line, and THEY SAY put it down.
Relay as above, Towing Manager says that's highly unlikely, but, have them call him and he'll see what's up.
Crazy Lady claims they've tried to call him, but his line is busy.
Towing manager says that's a damned dirty lie, he's got 5 lines on his phone and NONE of them have lit up for half an hour.
Crazy Lady gets even ANGRIER and starts pacing FASTER, now, it looks like she's one of those adorable back-and-forth tin targets in a shooting gallery. Given she's got a cellphone in one hand, boy, that's a very TEMPTING target, innit?
Anyway, now SHE says she's calling the cops.
Relay as above, base tells Miss Sunshine to just wait for them. Soon enough, they show up, and, oh, what a shock, they tell Miss Sunshine to get off our vehicle for' they hav' ta' pull her off... and if they do that, they'll be puttin' her in THEIR vehicle.
She did.
She paid
She wasn't happy.
We didn't care
And Miss Sunshine got her first taste of raw crazy, I think she handled it well.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're done here.
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