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Okay, this' a mixed bag of stupid I've received over the past week or so. Just because I want to get them out there afore I forget em...
RJ: The one and only, until I fission
P: Phone call of the moment
You have NO idea how badly you just screwed over your borrower, do you?
*ring ring*
RJ: "SLD, employee ID?"
P: *numbers*
RJ: "Reference #?"
P: *more numbers*
RJ: "And how can I help you on this file?"
P: "So, yeah, I was told I needed an exception on this file, and *this company* told me to submit the file to you guys, but seeing as there were no Mustang violations, I needed to change the parameters of the file until I got violations."
RJ:
*PLEASE! Please tell me you made that up to attempt to cover your own ass. PLEASE!* "You didn't have to go to that trouble. There's an option in our system to just add non-Mustang violations, and describe the reason you need the exception." May the gods have mercy on your soul when the borrower finds out you delayed his file ever getting accepted.
Where the hell do you think you're calling?
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "I'm sorry, who is this?"
RJ: *I should've known, right THEN, that he was NOT at the right phone queue. I should've* "This' Ruby."
P: "Oh okay."
RJ: "Employee ID?"
P: *numbers*
RJ: "Reference #?"
P: "What?"
RJ: Your EPS reference number?"
P: "10.106.165.xxx..."
RJ: *KER-BLINK!* "Sir, did you just give me your IP address?"
P: "Isn't that what you asked for?"
RJ: "No, not even remotely. How can I help you anyway?" *So I can get you the hell off my phone?*
Hey, maybe if I call fifty three times in the next twenty minutes, I'll unlock the 'Harassing the phone team' badge?
Early day, just after Florida underwriters (UWs) have gone home.
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I have this file, and it needs... you know? A RUSH!?"
RJ: "I'm showing that file as being underwritten by "Santa Claus's tropical brother", "Ohana-kah Claus". I can rush it, but it'll have to go to a different UW, K?"
P: "K"
RJ: *reassigns rush file to Ohana-kah Claus' even lesser known brother in California, Kwanzaa Claus, hang up on Phone*
Twenty minutes later, precisely
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I called in a rush a little bit ago."
RJ: *peer, peer, peer, check, type, typety, typetypetype* "Why, yes indeed, you did request a rush, in fact, it is still on a rush, as the UW I reassigned it to has NOT had a chance to so much as prod the mouse on this particular file (Our office is entirely non-paper)."
P: "Oh, okay. *click*"
RJ: *Head shake*
Five minutes later, Kwanzaa Claus has left for the evening.
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I just got an email from Kwanzaa Claus, saying it was countered."
RJ: *sigh, type, typety, typetypetypetype* "Indeed, the system is showing it as countered."
P: "Can I speak to Kwanzaa Claus?"
RJ: *dunno, can you? I'd rather not get you on my phone again tonight.* "Good luck with that, he's gone home for the night, You know? HOME?"
P: "Well, give me his voicemail, then."
RJ: "No can do dere, chief."
P: "Why not?"
RJ: "You're already speaking to it? UW's don't has voice mail."
P: "Well, what's Kwanzaa Claus' name? I'll just get his phone number from the system."
RJ: *sigh, eye roll, grabs "So, you think you're being sneaky? for dummies"* "Kwanzaa Claus' name is Kwanzaa Claus. However, seeing as he's GONE HOME FOR THE NIGHT all you'll succeed in doing is getting right back into our phone queue!" *desperately IMing Kwanzaa Claus' backup UW, Hollywood Glam, keeping her abreast of the situation, and confirming Kwanzaa Claus has gone home for the night. Indeed, he is likely more than half-way home by this point.*
P: *click*
Five seconds later *SWEAR!*
Beauty (coworker across the row from me): *standard greeting* "No, he's gone home for the night. He doesn't have voice mail. The best I could do this late at night, would be to re-reassign the file, and hope that the new UW knows what Kwanzaa Claus was waiting for. OR! You could wait for him to come in tomorrow, and call back, and have us rush it again?"
What part of NO VOICE MAIL DON'T YOU GET?
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Can I speak to VP?"
RJ: "Can I get your reference number first?"
P: "Oh, sure." *numbers*
RJ: *clicka-typety typetypetype* "She's gone home for the night." *anyone else see where this is going?*
P: "May I have her voice mail?"
RJ: "No can do, Sparky. If ya wants ta court tha little lady, ya gots to wait for 'er to be IN THE F*CKING BUILDING, or give me your phone number, so's I can email her and have her call you in the morning."
P: "No, just put me through to her voice mail."
RJ: *sigh, dial phone to transfer to VP's phone number, clicks out of the call*
Beauty: *five seconds later* "No, she doesn't have voice mail."
More when I remember them.
RJ: The one and only, until I fission
P: Phone call of the moment
You have NO idea how badly you just screwed over your borrower, do you?
*ring ring*
RJ: "SLD, employee ID?"
P: *numbers*
RJ: "Reference #?"
P: *more numbers*
RJ: "And how can I help you on this file?"
P: "So, yeah, I was told I needed an exception on this file, and *this company* told me to submit the file to you guys, but seeing as there were no Mustang violations, I needed to change the parameters of the file until I got violations."
RJ:
*PLEASE! Please tell me you made that up to attempt to cover your own ass. PLEASE!* "You didn't have to go to that trouble. There's an option in our system to just add non-Mustang violations, and describe the reason you need the exception." May the gods have mercy on your soul when the borrower finds out you delayed his file ever getting accepted.Where the hell do you think you're calling?
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "I'm sorry, who is this?"
RJ: *I should've known, right THEN, that he was NOT at the right phone queue. I should've* "This' Ruby."
P: "Oh okay."
RJ: "Employee ID?"
P: *numbers*
RJ: "Reference #?"
P: "What?"
RJ: Your EPS reference number?"
P: "10.106.165.xxx..."
RJ: *KER-BLINK!* "Sir, did you just give me your IP address?"
P: "Isn't that what you asked for?"
RJ: "No, not even remotely. How can I help you anyway?" *So I can get you the hell off my phone?*
Hey, maybe if I call fifty three times in the next twenty minutes, I'll unlock the 'Harassing the phone team' badge?
Early day, just after Florida underwriters (UWs) have gone home.
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I have this file, and it needs... you know? A RUSH!?"
RJ: "I'm showing that file as being underwritten by "Santa Claus's tropical brother", "Ohana-kah Claus". I can rush it, but it'll have to go to a different UW, K?"
P: "K"
RJ: *reassigns rush file to Ohana-kah Claus' even lesser known brother in California, Kwanzaa Claus, hang up on Phone*
Twenty minutes later, precisely
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I called in a rush a little bit ago."
RJ: *peer, peer, peer, check, type, typety, typetypetype* "Why, yes indeed, you did request a rush, in fact, it is still on a rush, as the UW I reassigned it to has NOT had a chance to so much as prod the mouse on this particular file (Our office is entirely non-paper)."
P: "Oh, okay. *click*"
RJ: *Head shake*
Five minutes later, Kwanzaa Claus has left for the evening.
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Yeah, I just got an email from Kwanzaa Claus, saying it was countered."
RJ: *sigh, type, typety, typetypetypetype* "Indeed, the system is showing it as countered."
P: "Can I speak to Kwanzaa Claus?"
RJ: *dunno, can you? I'd rather not get you on my phone again tonight.* "Good luck with that, he's gone home for the night, You know? HOME?"
P: "Well, give me his voicemail, then."
RJ: "No can do dere, chief."
P: "Why not?"
RJ: "You're already speaking to it? UW's don't has voice mail."
P: "Well, what's Kwanzaa Claus' name? I'll just get his phone number from the system."
RJ: *sigh, eye roll, grabs "So, you think you're being sneaky? for dummies"* "Kwanzaa Claus' name is Kwanzaa Claus. However, seeing as he's GONE HOME FOR THE NIGHT all you'll succeed in doing is getting right back into our phone queue!" *desperately IMing Kwanzaa Claus' backup UW, Hollywood Glam, keeping her abreast of the situation, and confirming Kwanzaa Claus has gone home for the night. Indeed, he is likely more than half-way home by this point.*
P: *click*
Five seconds later *SWEAR!*
Beauty (coworker across the row from me): *standard greeting* "No, he's gone home for the night. He doesn't have voice mail. The best I could do this late at night, would be to re-reassign the file, and hope that the new UW knows what Kwanzaa Claus was waiting for. OR! You could wait for him to come in tomorrow, and call back, and have us rush it again?"
What part of NO VOICE MAIL DON'T YOU GET?
RJ: *standard greeting*
P: "Can I speak to VP?"
RJ: "Can I get your reference number first?"
P: "Oh, sure." *numbers*
RJ: *clicka-typety typetypetype* "She's gone home for the night." *anyone else see where this is going?*
P: "May I have her voice mail?"
RJ: "No can do, Sparky. If ya wants ta court tha little lady, ya gots to wait for 'er to be IN THE F*CKING BUILDING, or give me your phone number, so's I can email her and have her call you in the morning."
P: "No, just put me through to her voice mail."
RJ: *sigh, dial phone to transfer to VP's phone number, clicks out of the call*
Beauty: *five seconds later* "No, she doesn't have voice mail."
More when I remember them.
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