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Hitting the brick wall
Me: Hi, my name is CC, I'm a manager here at <Red Checkmark>, what can I do for you tonight?
SC: I bought this Samsung S6 phone two months ago but it's a piece of shit. I want my money back or I want an iphone.
Me: It's certainly inconvenient when your phone isn't working. What seems to be the problem? Maybe we can get it working for you.
SC: No, no, no. I don't want to troubleshoot. I've been through all that. I've reset it. Nothing works.
Me: That being the case, your phone is still under warranty, I'd be happy to send you out a replacement.
SC: Great. I want an iphone 6S.
Me: Well, that's not really how it works sir. A warranty replacement is almost always same make and model. Therefore you'd get another Samsung S6.
SC: No, no, no. Am I speaking Spanish or something? I told you before I do NOT WANT this phone. Can't I just take it back to the store and exchange it?
Me: We only accept returns for 14 days. Seeing as how it's been over two months, that won't be possible.
SC: Well what if I pay the difference between this phone and the iphone and you just send me an iphone?
Me: I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. I can't just swap out your phone. even with a payment.
SC: So how can I get an iphone 6S right now?
Me: You can go to the nearest store and pay $650.
SC: WHAT?!?! $650 for a PHONE??? Are out of your mind??
Me: Full retail price for most high end phones these days runs between $600 and $1000, if not more.
SC: LIAR!!
Me: Excuse me?
SC: You're LYING. Walk into any <Red checkmark> store and look at the prices, I guarantee you won't find a one over $1000.
Me: That's true but the prices we advertise are NOT the full retail cost of the phone, they are either the price after discount with a 2 year contract or the monthly installment rate on our SHARP plans.
SC: Can't I just renew my contract and get an iphone then?
Me: Again, I'm afraid not.
SC: Well why the hell not? I signed a contract before, I'll sign one again. It's cool. I don't mind.
Me: You're willingness to sign doesn't matter. We give you a discount on the price of the phone in exchange for you agreeing to keep service with us for two years. The idea being we make the money back from the discount over two years of you paying bills. If we were to just go ahead and renew your contract now and give you another discount without recouping the first one, we'd be out even more money.
SC: And??
Me: And?
SC: Yeah "and?". I don't get it. Sure you'd be out a bit of money but you're a multibillion dollar company. You can afford it.
Me:
Me: We didn't get to be a multibillion dollar company by throwing away money sir.
SC: This is bullshit! Are you going to help me or not?
Me: I can look to see if you qualify for a new line, you may be able to get a cheaper phone that way.
SC: But there will be activation fees and such right?
Me: Yes.
SC: GAH! More money, more charges, more fees. You guys are like fucking leeches. I'm going to make this simple: You either give me a free iphone or I take my business to <Death Star> Wireless.
Me: I can't give you a free iphone.
SC: Then I'm gone. You can all go straight to hell. *click*
Good riddance jackass, don't let the door hit you!
In which I make her an offer she CAN refuse!
BG: Woman called because her teenage daughter had racked up a huge amount of data use, causing $300 in overages.
Me: So I can't waive the full charge for you, but I can offer you a $100 credit against it.
SC: That's it? $100?!? That's IT?!?!
Me: Well do bear in mind these are valid charges. This data was actually used. We are not obligated to offer you anything.
SC: The hell you're not!! You better give me back every penny or I'm going to start SCREAMING TO EVERY TV STATION, NEWSPAPER AND GOVERNMENT AGENCY I CAN FIND!!"
Me: Ma'am, if you could calm down for a moment I can--
SC: NO! GIVE ME MY CREDIT!!
Me: The $100?
SC: $300!!! 300! Three-Zero-Zero! All of it!!
Me: I've already told you we can't do that. I can give you the $100, take it or leave it.
SC: Don't you know the customer is always right? GIVE ME MY $300.
Me: Actually we don't follow that policy at <Red Checkmark>.
SC: WHAT??
Me: We have no official policy that says the customer is always right. Sorry.
SC: What are you trying to say?
Me: I'm saying I can't give you $300.
SC: Fine, I'll take $275 then.
Me: $100
SC: $250
Me: $100
SC: $225
Me: $50
SC: What, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Me: I said $50.
SC: Right, but before you that you said you could give me $100.
Me: Correct but you refused that offer multiple times, so the offer is now $50.
SC: You have no right to do that to me. NO RIGHT!
Me: I have every right. Like I said earlier. These are valid charges. I don't have to offer you anything.
SC: $200
Me: $50
SC: $200
Me: No and I'm afraid now all credit offers are off the table. This will all be thoroughly noted in your account. Is there anything else I can do for you today?
SC: Yeah, you can FUCK RIGHT OFF AND DIE!! *click*
Ahh, sweet victory. How glorious it is.
Malfunction junction
(Note: a few minutes before this call came in, most of our systems went down)
Customer is trying to convince me to give her a free phone. I can't even access the account because all our systems are, you know, DOWN. I explain this to her and...
SC: Well, you're going the extra mile to be unhelpful aren't you?
Me: Excuse me??
SC: You could have just said there's nothing you can do.
Me: I did say that but only because I can't access my systems.
SC: Look if you don't want to give me a phone just say it.
Me: I can't even access you account to see if one is warranted in this situation. It's not a matter of me wanting to, it's a matter of me NOT being able to.
SC: You people, you're all the same. Cheating, stealing, lying. I think I'll take my business elsewhere...
Me: That is of course your choice but I swear to you our systems are indeed down right now. I'm not lying.
SC: Just...stop. Stop trying to cover your ass, I know what you're doing. Just cancel all my lines and I'll go to D-mobile in the morning.
Me: I'm sorry I can't do that.
SC: WHY NOT??
Me: (say it with me everyone) Our systems are down right now.
SC: Ohhh. Ha ha ha. Ok, I get it. You just watch. Ten minutes from now I will call back the systems will be working again. Imagine that...You people disgust me. *click*
I followed up on the account the day after and she had called five times in the next 45 minutes after talking to me and the systems stayed down the entire time. She has not, as of yet, carried out her threat to go to D-mobile.
Ending on a low note
I have low tolerance for people who personally insult me on the phone. I have an even LOWER tolerance when this happens on my very LAST call of the night before going home for the weekend. So to you Mr. Glorious SC, the one who called me a three eyed donkey fucker, I long for the day when you finally reap all the nastiness you've sown. Oh and that $75 credit I gave you before you got vulgar with me? RESCINDED!
As to how this all happened: Basically he started off decently enough and the credit was for some confusion over charges relating to a plan change. Like the data credit above, this was a discretionary credit, I didn't have to give him anything. So I do the credit and then he starts wanting to complain about every <Red Checkmark> employee he's dealt with and how he hates f***ing foreigners and middle easterners. This eventually culminated in him calling me the insulting name above, apparently because he deemed me solely responsible for hiring those foreigners he dislikes so much. Way to dig yourself IN to a hole there, dude.
America, 2015
One of my reps had a customer hung up on him because the felt the rep had most likely voted for Obama and the customer didn't think he could trust him.
Me: Hi, my name is CC, I'm a manager here at <Red Checkmark>, what can I do for you tonight?
SC: I bought this Samsung S6 phone two months ago but it's a piece of shit. I want my money back or I want an iphone.
Me: It's certainly inconvenient when your phone isn't working. What seems to be the problem? Maybe we can get it working for you.
SC: No, no, no. I don't want to troubleshoot. I've been through all that. I've reset it. Nothing works.
Me: That being the case, your phone is still under warranty, I'd be happy to send you out a replacement.
SC: Great. I want an iphone 6S.
Me: Well, that's not really how it works sir. A warranty replacement is almost always same make and model. Therefore you'd get another Samsung S6.
SC: No, no, no. Am I speaking Spanish or something? I told you before I do NOT WANT this phone. Can't I just take it back to the store and exchange it?
Me: We only accept returns for 14 days. Seeing as how it's been over two months, that won't be possible.
SC: Well what if I pay the difference between this phone and the iphone and you just send me an iphone?
Me: I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. I can't just swap out your phone. even with a payment.
SC: So how can I get an iphone 6S right now?
Me: You can go to the nearest store and pay $650.
SC: WHAT?!?! $650 for a PHONE??? Are out of your mind??
Me: Full retail price for most high end phones these days runs between $600 and $1000, if not more.
SC: LIAR!!
Me: Excuse me?
SC: You're LYING. Walk into any <Red checkmark> store and look at the prices, I guarantee you won't find a one over $1000.
Me: That's true but the prices we advertise are NOT the full retail cost of the phone, they are either the price after discount with a 2 year contract or the monthly installment rate on our SHARP plans.
SC: Can't I just renew my contract and get an iphone then?
Me: Again, I'm afraid not.
SC: Well why the hell not? I signed a contract before, I'll sign one again. It's cool. I don't mind.
Me: You're willingness to sign doesn't matter. We give you a discount on the price of the phone in exchange for you agreeing to keep service with us for two years. The idea being we make the money back from the discount over two years of you paying bills. If we were to just go ahead and renew your contract now and give you another discount without recouping the first one, we'd be out even more money.
SC: And??
Me: And?
SC: Yeah "and?". I don't get it. Sure you'd be out a bit of money but you're a multibillion dollar company. You can afford it.
Me:
Me: We didn't get to be a multibillion dollar company by throwing away money sir.
SC: This is bullshit! Are you going to help me or not?
Me: I can look to see if you qualify for a new line, you may be able to get a cheaper phone that way.
SC: But there will be activation fees and such right?
Me: Yes.
SC: GAH! More money, more charges, more fees. You guys are like fucking leeches. I'm going to make this simple: You either give me a free iphone or I take my business to <Death Star> Wireless.
Me: I can't give you a free iphone.
SC: Then I'm gone. You can all go straight to hell. *click*
Good riddance jackass, don't let the door hit you!
In which I make her an offer she CAN refuse!
BG: Woman called because her teenage daughter had racked up a huge amount of data use, causing $300 in overages.
Me: So I can't waive the full charge for you, but I can offer you a $100 credit against it.
SC: That's it? $100?!? That's IT?!?!
Me: Well do bear in mind these are valid charges. This data was actually used. We are not obligated to offer you anything.
SC: The hell you're not!! You better give me back every penny or I'm going to start SCREAMING TO EVERY TV STATION, NEWSPAPER AND GOVERNMENT AGENCY I CAN FIND!!"
Me: Ma'am, if you could calm down for a moment I can--
SC: NO! GIVE ME MY CREDIT!!
Me: The $100?
SC: $300!!! 300! Three-Zero-Zero! All of it!!
Me: I've already told you we can't do that. I can give you the $100, take it or leave it.
SC: Don't you know the customer is always right? GIVE ME MY $300.
Me: Actually we don't follow that policy at <Red Checkmark>.
SC: WHAT??
Me: We have no official policy that says the customer is always right. Sorry.
SC: What are you trying to say?
Me: I'm saying I can't give you $300.
SC: Fine, I'll take $275 then.
Me: $100
SC: $250
Me: $100
SC: $225
Me: $50
SC: What, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Me: I said $50.
SC: Right, but before you that you said you could give me $100.
Me: Correct but you refused that offer multiple times, so the offer is now $50.
SC: You have no right to do that to me. NO RIGHT!
Me: I have every right. Like I said earlier. These are valid charges. I don't have to offer you anything.
SC: $200
Me: $50
SC: $200
Me: No and I'm afraid now all credit offers are off the table. This will all be thoroughly noted in your account. Is there anything else I can do for you today?
SC: Yeah, you can FUCK RIGHT OFF AND DIE!! *click*
Ahh, sweet victory. How glorious it is.
Malfunction junction
(Note: a few minutes before this call came in, most of our systems went down)
Customer is trying to convince me to give her a free phone. I can't even access the account because all our systems are, you know, DOWN. I explain this to her and...
SC: Well, you're going the extra mile to be unhelpful aren't you?
Me: Excuse me??
SC: You could have just said there's nothing you can do.
Me: I did say that but only because I can't access my systems.
SC: Look if you don't want to give me a phone just say it.
Me: I can't even access you account to see if one is warranted in this situation. It's not a matter of me wanting to, it's a matter of me NOT being able to.
SC: You people, you're all the same. Cheating, stealing, lying. I think I'll take my business elsewhere...
Me: That is of course your choice but I swear to you our systems are indeed down right now. I'm not lying.
SC: Just...stop. Stop trying to cover your ass, I know what you're doing. Just cancel all my lines and I'll go to D-mobile in the morning.
Me: I'm sorry I can't do that.
SC: WHY NOT??
Me: (say it with me everyone) Our systems are down right now.
SC: Ohhh. Ha ha ha. Ok, I get it. You just watch. Ten minutes from now I will call back the systems will be working again. Imagine that...You people disgust me. *click*
I followed up on the account the day after and she had called five times in the next 45 minutes after talking to me and the systems stayed down the entire time. She has not, as of yet, carried out her threat to go to D-mobile.
Ending on a low note
I have low tolerance for people who personally insult me on the phone. I have an even LOWER tolerance when this happens on my very LAST call of the night before going home for the weekend. So to you Mr. Glorious SC, the one who called me a three eyed donkey fucker, I long for the day when you finally reap all the nastiness you've sown. Oh and that $75 credit I gave you before you got vulgar with me? RESCINDED!
As to how this all happened: Basically he started off decently enough and the credit was for some confusion over charges relating to a plan change. Like the data credit above, this was a discretionary credit, I didn't have to give him anything. So I do the credit and then he starts wanting to complain about every <Red Checkmark> employee he's dealt with and how he hates f***ing foreigners and middle easterners. This eventually culminated in him calling me the insulting name above, apparently because he deemed me solely responsible for hiring those foreigners he dislikes so much. Way to dig yourself IN to a hole there, dude.
America, 2015
One of my reps had a customer hung up on him because the felt the rep had most likely voted for Obama and the customer didn't think he could trust him.
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