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Talk about sneaking it in under the wire, at 11:43 PM, EST last night, we got our winning entry for "WORST FAKE PERMIT OF 2015"
How bad was it?
Bad
Really bad
Bad enough that it dethroned the one that was done in crayon a couple months back.
I think the best way to describe the "effort" on this one is, well, "Butchered", as in, it was put together with possibly less fit and finish than Dr Frankenstein's Monster, and keep in mind, it has BOLTS sticking out it's NECK. A brain surgeon attempting a procedure after polishing off that fifth of Jack AND suffering a NFL-Offensive-Lineman-Grade concussion wouldn't have hacked it this bad....
But, let's do the rundown anyway.
1. Attempted to use actual cardstock instead of just paper, but, didn't realize until they'd already bought it that it was the wrong shade of day-glo green, and apparently was too stiff to fit though the rollers of their computer printer.
2. To fix this, they decided to overlay regular construction paper on top of the cardstock
3. The construction paper was the absolute wrong shade, it was dark green, not day glo and not semigloss
4. To make the construction paper "stick" they laid it on top of the card, and then proceeded to place tape OVER the corners of both.
5. This tape job was so lousy and missed the mark by so much, that it was obvious at 20 paces, and it was SCOTCH tape, the kind that's allegedly harder to see than duct tape or masking tape......
6. Obvious scissor marks around the corners and the part that wraps around the rear view mirror.
7. The extreme exertion placed on the underdeveloped motor-control centers of your brain during that cutting was apparently very tiring on their one, lone, oxygen-starved brain cell working there, what with those alcohol-induced layoffs, you've only got one to work that department AND your "don't forget to breathe" department. So, fed up with the sweatshop like conditions, it staged a walkout after you did three sides of the "permit" and the fourth one you had to do on your own, without neural assistance. You MASSACRED that 4th side, from corner to corner, it looked to be on about a 30 degree slant, (and keep in mind, this should be a rectangular permit). You literally just hacked at it with a machete-like slice and that's what you got, and you decided "hey! Good enough!"
8. That wild slice (the wildest slice into the rough since Payne Stewart's Learjet took off from Florida, bound for Texas, and crashed in South Dakota) ended up lopping off some important things that are printed on the bottom edge, like it's serial number, but also made it obviously too short and stumpy at a casual glance. This did have the unintended benefit of making it impossible for me to tell who you were in cahoots with at the apartment to loan you the "real" one that you got the scan from.
9. Said cohort is probably the one who provided the scan for the OTHER fake permit found in the very same lot within 50 feet of yours, since finding one means you'll probably find others.... and his was much much better, good enough I may have missed it, had your shoddy workmanship not set off alarm bells. I imagine it's like being in one wing of a museum and sneaking off with your stolen Ming Vase after you spent 2 hours fishing it out of it's security laser grid when all of a sudden, some halfwit trips the alarm in the OTHER wing when he makes an unprotected lunge at the Hope Diamond and you both get arrested.....
Take it up with him, and don't forget, you both are invited back for our "returning champions" game in 2016! Feel free to try again!
How bad was it?
Bad
Really bad
Bad enough that it dethroned the one that was done in crayon a couple months back.
I think the best way to describe the "effort" on this one is, well, "Butchered", as in, it was put together with possibly less fit and finish than Dr Frankenstein's Monster, and keep in mind, it has BOLTS sticking out it's NECK. A brain surgeon attempting a procedure after polishing off that fifth of Jack AND suffering a NFL-Offensive-Lineman-Grade concussion wouldn't have hacked it this bad....
But, let's do the rundown anyway.
1. Attempted to use actual cardstock instead of just paper, but, didn't realize until they'd already bought it that it was the wrong shade of day-glo green, and apparently was too stiff to fit though the rollers of their computer printer.
2. To fix this, they decided to overlay regular construction paper on top of the cardstock
3. The construction paper was the absolute wrong shade, it was dark green, not day glo and not semigloss
4. To make the construction paper "stick" they laid it on top of the card, and then proceeded to place tape OVER the corners of both.
5. This tape job was so lousy and missed the mark by so much, that it was obvious at 20 paces, and it was SCOTCH tape, the kind that's allegedly harder to see than duct tape or masking tape......
6. Obvious scissor marks around the corners and the part that wraps around the rear view mirror.
7. The extreme exertion placed on the underdeveloped motor-control centers of your brain during that cutting was apparently very tiring on their one, lone, oxygen-starved brain cell working there, what with those alcohol-induced layoffs, you've only got one to work that department AND your "don't forget to breathe" department. So, fed up with the sweatshop like conditions, it staged a walkout after you did three sides of the "permit" and the fourth one you had to do on your own, without neural assistance. You MASSACRED that 4th side, from corner to corner, it looked to be on about a 30 degree slant, (and keep in mind, this should be a rectangular permit). You literally just hacked at it with a machete-like slice and that's what you got, and you decided "hey! Good enough!"
8. That wild slice (the wildest slice into the rough since Payne Stewart's Learjet took off from Florida, bound for Texas, and crashed in South Dakota) ended up lopping off some important things that are printed on the bottom edge, like it's serial number, but also made it obviously too short and stumpy at a casual glance. This did have the unintended benefit of making it impossible for me to tell who you were in cahoots with at the apartment to loan you the "real" one that you got the scan from.
9. Said cohort is probably the one who provided the scan for the OTHER fake permit found in the very same lot within 50 feet of yours, since finding one means you'll probably find others.... and his was much much better, good enough I may have missed it, had your shoddy workmanship not set off alarm bells. I imagine it's like being in one wing of a museum and sneaking off with your stolen Ming Vase after you spent 2 hours fishing it out of it's security laser grid when all of a sudden, some halfwit trips the alarm in the OTHER wing when he makes an unprotected lunge at the Hope Diamond and you both get arrested.....
Take it up with him, and don't forget, you both are invited back for our "returning champions" game in 2016! Feel free to try again!
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