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Man, lots of people have been partaking of our services lately. Bad for me. Good for you all. Let's see what's on tap...
You Are in No Position to Make Demands
I'm going to just skip the boilerplate runup to most of these, and proceed right to the punchline where people demand their car back and are sure they have a good enough excuse to get it their way....
"You just towed me, and I'm ANGRY about that!"
Well, I'm sitting over heer cheekily amused by comparison. Not about your predicament, mind, but more over this YouTube video showing what happens when the lead engine of a Norfolk Southern freight train gets a bad case of runaway turbocharger..... you ought to try googling it when you get home, it's quite an impressive display of internal combustion turned EXTERNAL.
Moving on, now that we're all properly accounted for emotionally, well, hate to break it to you, but I'm NOT responsible for your feelings, just moving your car when it ends up where it doesn't belong, so I don't care if you're happy, sad, introspective, burlesque, callahan or suicidal, you still owe me $130.
And hey, look on the bright side, if you're already ANGRY, you can't GET angry? Right?
"That's not my problem!"
Uh, making sure the parking pass in your car doesn't EXPIRE certainly is your problem, it's YOUR car, YOUR permit and YOUR money that bought both. In fact, the only thing in this whole story that wasn't YOURS was OUR tow truck... so I don't know WHO else could be responsible, whomever it is, let us know, just for academics sake, because we know it ain't our problem either....
Is this not America anymore? Don't I have free speech?
Oh great, a True Patriot (tm). Look, run along kid, isn't there a Federal fruitbat depository in Idaho you should be occupying or something right about now? And no, you don't have free speech, not in this private building where other people are trying to work when your "free speech" is a stream of invective and slurs directed at us for towing you because you didn't have your permit in your car, and waving it in our faces like that just PROVES you didn't. Continue this profanity-laced tirade at your own risk. That's called disorderly conduct in this state, and you can get arrested for it and sent to trial for it, believe me. Because I almost got Jury Duty this March for someone like you who struck a blow for the little guy and stood up to Guvment Oppreshun (tm) by heroically punching out a Township cop car window..... and now is facing 3 counts of DC against the 2 township cops and state trooper who tried to impress upon him what a bad idea that was.... Now pay and GTFO, I got stuff to do, these jackboots aren't going to polish themselves, ya know.
FWIW: I DID get put on the jury that's going to hear the case where there seems to be a bit of a disagreement between the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and John McDoe over just HOW negligent that discharge of a firearm was.... there's some real WINNERS living in this county.
"I'm not some dumb college kid!"
I know, you look about 45, perhaps older, but, don't worry, you PARK just as well as one, considering you took the stall that had the ONLY "No Parking" sign for that whole lot SCREWED INTO THE MASONRY right above your front bumper.
So chin up, old timer! You're just as hip and down with it as these yunguns, and that's something to be proud of. Not everyone can stay topical and relevant to society with age, I mean, just look what happened to The Banana Splits!
"I expect this refunded because I was in a LEGAL space! So what's your reply?"
(Preface: Words do not do justice to just how much condescension was dripping off this fellow, if ego had a flavor, this was a double shot of it in your espresso. )
My response: sometimes when I dream, I'd like a pony.... ahem, well, you WON'T be getting a refund for your illegal parking fees because you were, well, illegally parked. A "legal" space means nothing if you drove past two signs that say "permit parking only" to get there and had, well, no permit. Cut, meet Dried, and we're done here.
"I was in a legal space! Well, okay, it wasn't, but I had nowhere else to park! YOU DON'T PROVIDE VISITOR PARKING! WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO???"
Gee, I wonder.... can't use a private property to park on, where to go where to go, it's along a PUBLIC street, and across the road from a PUBLIC parking garage, hmm, where to go.... that's a puzzler, the world may never know..... I'll get back to you on that. As soon as it's solved. An issue like that may need a scientific research grant, say about $130? Good, that means you'll be the FIRST to get the answer. Moron.
"But if I'd parked just ONE SPACE over, nothing would have happened!"
Correct, but because you DIDN'T park one space over, and parked in the one that was marked as CLOSED-IMMEDIATE TOW for lot repairs, well, here you are. We deal in absolutes here, not hypotheticals. No, I'm not being unreasonable. Getting 99% of the answer right, is still a wrong answer. Yes, it was just "one space" too short, but, that doesn't earn you bonus points. Remember, descending from 30,000 feet is easy, but making sure the last 500 feet don't kill you is what separates the pilot from everyone else on the plane.... and my sympathy is further muted by the fact that according to our computer, you have $400 in unpaid parking violations for not paying meters, so while you're here.....
"But it said Reserved 24/7, that doesn't mean reserved for me?"
No, it doesn't, Sweet Celestia, it does NOT! No, it's not that confusing. Was your name on the sign? No? Then why did you think it was yours? Reserved parking is like celebrity, if you gotta ask if it applies to you, it doesn't. And no offense, but, you aren't IMPORTANT enough for reserved parking. If nobody has HIRED you a bodyguard, or fitted you into an established line of succession, chances are the world, sadly, won't miss you when you're gone. But the worms will probably be happy, so there's that.
"But it said Reserved 24/7, that doesn't mean I can park there for up to 24 hours per week?"
Uh, no, no it doesn't.......... dear God, why me? Was I Hitler in a past life or something? Well, the only saving grace was she admitted she had parked there while going around the block to sell her textbooks back to the bookstore, so, one can only hope that she's given up on the prospect of higher learning and found a more suitable station in life, like testing potentially dangerous food additives for side-effects or something... the world needs control groups after all.
"But my kid said nobody ever gets towed from here!"
We average three cars a week out of that lot, sometimes three a day during event weekends, if that's your kid's idea of "nobody" then, frankly speaking, your kid is a [redacted] moron. You might want to check with him, see how he defines "passing grade" because he may be similarly confused about the standards being used when he told you that, just a hunch.
A Horrifying Glimpse of my Future
Oh-kay, you want your car back, but, you don't know what kind of car it is.... only that it's black......
What? Oh, that silly sound? That was just the sound my teeth make when I grind them together with enough force to turn coal into those industrial-strength diamond tips on sawblades, don't mind that at all, please, continue....
Do you know where it was towed from?
The YMCA? That's not our lot, Other Guys Towing tows from there
Maybe not the Y? Maybe the Votech School next to the Y? Nope, Other Guys Towing tows from there too, not our lot.
Now you think it came from Seven Nightmares Apartments? Uh, that is our lot, but it's a good 5 miles from the YMCA/Votech area of town.... look, why don't we just take a quick walk back to the impound, and you tell us if you see your car? Deal? We only have 3 in there, and only one is black, so, it won't take that long to run this equation in reverse and get an answer.
Oh, it WILL take that long, you can't FIND the back of the building where the lot is.... "go around to the back of the building" apparently is too difficult for you to understand. Sorry, my fault, I should've gotten out the bread crumbs and left a trail, okay, let's try this again.
Well, miracles of miracles, you FOUND IT, you know, the BACK OF THE BUILDING. Oh, that sound? Heh, never mind that, that's the sound of a large part of my scalp delaminating itself from my skull because I've pulled on my hair one time too many, don't worry about that though, my physician says I should stop doing that, and if I do, maybe the swelling will go down in time..... anyway, is that your car?
It is? Good, we've made some progress....
That'll be $320
Yes, we've had that car for six days, so, tow plus storage.
Yes, it was towed that long ago, you didn't notice your car missing for, well, a week?
You weren't the one driving it? Well who was, just outta curiosity?
Your Son.
What's that you say? You say this is the fifth time he's borrowed your car, gotten it towed, and doesn't know where it ends up when it happens? So he just lets you deal with it?
You say you can't figure out why he doesn't listen to you about not illegally parking it? And you say you've tried everything, but he just keeps on illegally parking? And you don't know what's going to make him see the light...... and maybe he won't do it next time he borrows it? As you had us your credit card to pay that bill...
Really.... you don't say....
Oh that? Never mind that, that's just the sound of me clicking the safety buckle on this ATV helmet so I don't give myself a concussion from repeatedly slamming my head against the wall in the conference room, it's kinda what I do to unwind after meeting people like you who are doing an absolute BANG UP job of raising the generation that's going to be responsible for bringing me my daily dose of "Don't-die-JUST-yet" pills while I'm laid up in the home..... can't wait!
Idiot Tax
The telephone, she is a ringin' and there's a guy on the other end, a tale of woe he is a singin' :
"You towed my car! Well, that car is COMING BACK and I'm NOT PAYING for it!"
Another person who has greatly misjudged the power dynamic around here, you're in no position to set the price of anything, and especially not the price of something WE currently hold in an barb-wire enclosure, but I digress.
It would appear we have another person who thinks themselves too good for the rules, and didn't put their parking permit in their car, figuring they're such a vital cog to human society that if their building's maintenance man noticed their car without a permit in it, against complex rules, well, he'd just bow down, bask in your glory, and walk on with his life content to have let you continue to grace the globe with your presence unimpeded. He certainly should not call us and have you towed for that...
Well, because we live in reality, and not your personal power fantasy, guess what happened? Yeah, he called you in.
Yes, he's allowed to do that.
Yes, he's allowed to have tenants towed if they break the rules.
No, that's not illegal
No, it isn't
(this went round and round several times, right round, like a record baby, right round round round)
Finally, he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with us and decided he was going to track down the maintenence man himself and make HIM pay the fees.
Yeah, we wished him luck on that. The disingenuous kind, like how you wish the Jacksonville Jaguars "luck" every Sunday, even though you're pretty sure you know what's going to happen to them, luck or not...
Yeah, he got nowhere with that, and returned that evening, defeated, having found the maintenence man and having had no success in persuading him to bend those rules.
Oh, and in all that time you spent trying to find him, you hit your first 24 hours of storage on that car, it'll now cost you $38 more than if you'd just come in after that first phone call.
Nope, just like last time, I'm not kidding.
And the Idiot Tax lightens another wallet....
Fetch the Horsie
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say when you've had that new, shiny, 2016 Ford Mustang for only 10 days, and WE'VE had it for 8 of those, you really SUCK at TEH PARKING GAME.
Especially because you keep getting towed from the apartment complex you live at, and you are being towed each time for not having a parking permit (the one you DID have apparently went to the junkyard with the old car). They've explained to you time and time again when you COMPLAIN to them about being towed that the are TOWING YOU FOR NOT HAVING A PERMIT. And if you just went down to the OFFICE, two doors down from where you LIVE, literally, and got a NEW one, the TOWS WOULD STOP.
But you won't, for whatever reason. You'd rather play this game of vehicular ping pong with us. Management has you towed in, it takes you two days to notice, you come pick up car, leave, and within as little as 30 minutes, they're calling us again for another tow.... we've done this FOUR times with you. Causality, it would appear, doesn't register with you.
In fact, the only thing you do differently each time is park in different spots in the lot trying to find one where you won't be noticed..... pro tip: They WILL NOTICE if you park on the LAWN of the actual RENTAL OFFICE, because that's what you did the last time you left, you went back to the apartment complex and parked ON THE GRASS of the office.... which required you to hop a 4'' concrete curb, not something I'd even DREAM of trying in a BRAND NEW MUSTANG, but hey, remember what we said about causality earlier?
Needless to say, they were very ANGRY at this latest failure by you to follow their rules, and I'd just like to hope and pray that your apartment heat doesn't conk out this winter, nor does it get infested with metal-eating termites or something, because the very people you'd have to call to get either of those issues fixed now firmly HATE YOU. I'd explain why that's a bad thing, but, well, you know, causality and all ...
Trigger Warning: Extreme Frailty
A little background here. The property this story takes place at is one owned by Badger Reality. Their rules are, if we see a car there without a permit, we're to put a warning on it basically saying: "Either move this car or get a permit in it, otherwise you'll be towed for illegal parking"
If the car is still there an hour or more after we warned it, we can tow it. It's CYA by Badger Reality who don't want anyone to claim that they got towed while dropping off the groceries for Mom or somesuch. Considering the Borough minimums are 15 minutes, it's downright generous. Too generous if you ask me, because for every 3 we warn, maybe we get one, and all that wasted paper and time wreaks hell on our efficiency quotient.
Well, this is why we can't have nice things, someone who go warned (but not towed on account of leaving) lit us up in an email this morning....
The highlights
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we enforcing parking rules on people who only are going to be there "for 5 minutes"
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we "stalk" people
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we sneak around and "hide" (apparently, pulling into that parking lot while wearing a marked jacket, marked ball cap, hawaiian shirt, and in a work vehicle with reflective striping that's in dire need of a new muffler is "sneaking")
- Now she doesn't feel safe going to that apartment because there are "perverts" watching her
- How dare we touch her car
- She's been emotionally scarred pretty hard by this and may need hours and hours and HOURS of comfort food and therapy to get over it. (okay, she didn't say THAT one, but it could reasonably be inferred from the general frailty and whininess)
And the capper... the letter ended with "I REFUSE to sign my name, I don't feel comfortable with you knowing any more about me- Anonymous"
Yeah, and the return address for the email?
"CathyJohnson94832@biguniversity.edu"
Way to go there and do the rest of the Tumblr generation proud you limp-wristed, paranoid, histrionic fit incarnate.... and if that hurt your fee-fees, GOOD.
Next time, no more warnings, we'll just steal your car, it'll save us the dressing down.
Won't Someone Rid Me of These Turbulent Towers?!
The varied list of agencies I've threatened to have sicced or actually sicced on me is quite varied: The BBB, The Police, The Borough, The Papers, Congress, Lawyers, Civil Court, Criminal Court, The Ministry of Truth, hell, everything at this point up to and possibly including the Star Chamber has been promised to visit hellfire upon me for my wicked ways.... well you can add a new one to the list. The State Attorney Generals Office. And this wasn't an idle threat, the jackhole actually wrote them a letter accusing us of being a predatory towing operation.
How do we know?
The AG's office mailed us a copy of the gentleman's letter and a note informing us that they put his complaint on file, but, that was it, as they are not an investigative body and as far as they know, no state laws in this matter have been broken. Of course, in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, we're welcome to submit our rebuttal, and that will go in the file with his where both will gather dust until the state eventually withers away and communism arrives or the universe collapses into a singularity during the hypothetical dark-matter fueled Big Crunch, whichever happens first.
We got a pretty good laugh out of it, especially the parts about how he admitted he SAW the signs coming in, but chose to ignore them anyway (there weren't enough and they were the wrong color or something, so they didn't count and besides, no private company has the right to go around ENFORCING LAW for profit... as opposed to a private company waging war and lawlessness for profit... I guess, such worked wonders for the Vikings, but no so much for Northern Europe)
But the piece d' resistance, what really made it "predatory" to him was that he claimed to have counted 8 trucks in that lot that night, far too much towing to be reasonable by anyone's yardstick!
Yeah
Buddy, we don't HAVE 8 trucks.
And we don't have more than 3 on PER SHIFT
Perhaps you have over embellished your tale of woe? Just a bit?
What, someone lie? A poor CUSTOMER, dissatisfied with service LYING with the hope of getting someone demoted/fired/jailed? Why, such a thing is IMPOSSIBLREW!!!!
Sorry, we're still in business, and you're still a jackhole... jackhole.
I'm SOOOOOO outta here....
You Are in No Position to Make Demands
I'm going to just skip the boilerplate runup to most of these, and proceed right to the punchline where people demand their car back and are sure they have a good enough excuse to get it their way....
"You just towed me, and I'm ANGRY about that!"
Well, I'm sitting over heer cheekily amused by comparison. Not about your predicament, mind, but more over this YouTube video showing what happens when the lead engine of a Norfolk Southern freight train gets a bad case of runaway turbocharger..... you ought to try googling it when you get home, it's quite an impressive display of internal combustion turned EXTERNAL.
Moving on, now that we're all properly accounted for emotionally, well, hate to break it to you, but I'm NOT responsible for your feelings, just moving your car when it ends up where it doesn't belong, so I don't care if you're happy, sad, introspective, burlesque, callahan or suicidal, you still owe me $130.
And hey, look on the bright side, if you're already ANGRY, you can't GET angry? Right?
"That's not my problem!"
Uh, making sure the parking pass in your car doesn't EXPIRE certainly is your problem, it's YOUR car, YOUR permit and YOUR money that bought both. In fact, the only thing in this whole story that wasn't YOURS was OUR tow truck... so I don't know WHO else could be responsible, whomever it is, let us know, just for academics sake, because we know it ain't our problem either....
Is this not America anymore? Don't I have free speech?
Oh great, a True Patriot (tm). Look, run along kid, isn't there a Federal fruitbat depository in Idaho you should be occupying or something right about now? And no, you don't have free speech, not in this private building where other people are trying to work when your "free speech" is a stream of invective and slurs directed at us for towing you because you didn't have your permit in your car, and waving it in our faces like that just PROVES you didn't. Continue this profanity-laced tirade at your own risk. That's called disorderly conduct in this state, and you can get arrested for it and sent to trial for it, believe me. Because I almost got Jury Duty this March for someone like you who struck a blow for the little guy and stood up to Guvment Oppreshun (tm) by heroically punching out a Township cop car window..... and now is facing 3 counts of DC against the 2 township cops and state trooper who tried to impress upon him what a bad idea that was.... Now pay and GTFO, I got stuff to do, these jackboots aren't going to polish themselves, ya know.
FWIW: I DID get put on the jury that's going to hear the case where there seems to be a bit of a disagreement between the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and John McDoe over just HOW negligent that discharge of a firearm was.... there's some real WINNERS living in this county.
"I'm not some dumb college kid!"
I know, you look about 45, perhaps older, but, don't worry, you PARK just as well as one, considering you took the stall that had the ONLY "No Parking" sign for that whole lot SCREWED INTO THE MASONRY right above your front bumper.
So chin up, old timer! You're just as hip and down with it as these yunguns, and that's something to be proud of. Not everyone can stay topical and relevant to society with age, I mean, just look what happened to The Banana Splits!
"I expect this refunded because I was in a LEGAL space! So what's your reply?"
(Preface: Words do not do justice to just how much condescension was dripping off this fellow, if ego had a flavor, this was a double shot of it in your espresso. )
My response: sometimes when I dream, I'd like a pony.... ahem, well, you WON'T be getting a refund for your illegal parking fees because you were, well, illegally parked. A "legal" space means nothing if you drove past two signs that say "permit parking only" to get there and had, well, no permit. Cut, meet Dried, and we're done here.
"I was in a legal space! Well, okay, it wasn't, but I had nowhere else to park! YOU DON'T PROVIDE VISITOR PARKING! WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO???"
Gee, I wonder.... can't use a private property to park on, where to go where to go, it's along a PUBLIC street, and across the road from a PUBLIC parking garage, hmm, where to go.... that's a puzzler, the world may never know..... I'll get back to you on that. As soon as it's solved. An issue like that may need a scientific research grant, say about $130? Good, that means you'll be the FIRST to get the answer. Moron.
"But if I'd parked just ONE SPACE over, nothing would have happened!"
Correct, but because you DIDN'T park one space over, and parked in the one that was marked as CLOSED-IMMEDIATE TOW for lot repairs, well, here you are. We deal in absolutes here, not hypotheticals. No, I'm not being unreasonable. Getting 99% of the answer right, is still a wrong answer. Yes, it was just "one space" too short, but, that doesn't earn you bonus points. Remember, descending from 30,000 feet is easy, but making sure the last 500 feet don't kill you is what separates the pilot from everyone else on the plane.... and my sympathy is further muted by the fact that according to our computer, you have $400 in unpaid parking violations for not paying meters, so while you're here.....
"But it said Reserved 24/7, that doesn't mean reserved for me?"
No, it doesn't, Sweet Celestia, it does NOT! No, it's not that confusing. Was your name on the sign? No? Then why did you think it was yours? Reserved parking is like celebrity, if you gotta ask if it applies to you, it doesn't. And no offense, but, you aren't IMPORTANT enough for reserved parking. If nobody has HIRED you a bodyguard, or fitted you into an established line of succession, chances are the world, sadly, won't miss you when you're gone. But the worms will probably be happy, so there's that.
"But it said Reserved 24/7, that doesn't mean I can park there for up to 24 hours per week?"
Uh, no, no it doesn't.......... dear God, why me? Was I Hitler in a past life or something? Well, the only saving grace was she admitted she had parked there while going around the block to sell her textbooks back to the bookstore, so, one can only hope that she's given up on the prospect of higher learning and found a more suitable station in life, like testing potentially dangerous food additives for side-effects or something... the world needs control groups after all.
"But my kid said nobody ever gets towed from here!"
We average three cars a week out of that lot, sometimes three a day during event weekends, if that's your kid's idea of "nobody" then, frankly speaking, your kid is a [redacted] moron. You might want to check with him, see how he defines "passing grade" because he may be similarly confused about the standards being used when he told you that, just a hunch.
A Horrifying Glimpse of my Future
Oh-kay, you want your car back, but, you don't know what kind of car it is.... only that it's black......
What? Oh, that silly sound? That was just the sound my teeth make when I grind them together with enough force to turn coal into those industrial-strength diamond tips on sawblades, don't mind that at all, please, continue....
Do you know where it was towed from?
The YMCA? That's not our lot, Other Guys Towing tows from there
Maybe not the Y? Maybe the Votech School next to the Y? Nope, Other Guys Towing tows from there too, not our lot.
Now you think it came from Seven Nightmares Apartments? Uh, that is our lot, but it's a good 5 miles from the YMCA/Votech area of town.... look, why don't we just take a quick walk back to the impound, and you tell us if you see your car? Deal? We only have 3 in there, and only one is black, so, it won't take that long to run this equation in reverse and get an answer.
Oh, it WILL take that long, you can't FIND the back of the building where the lot is.... "go around to the back of the building" apparently is too difficult for you to understand. Sorry, my fault, I should've gotten out the bread crumbs and left a trail, okay, let's try this again.
Well, miracles of miracles, you FOUND IT, you know, the BACK OF THE BUILDING. Oh, that sound? Heh, never mind that, that's the sound of a large part of my scalp delaminating itself from my skull because I've pulled on my hair one time too many, don't worry about that though, my physician says I should stop doing that, and if I do, maybe the swelling will go down in time..... anyway, is that your car?
It is? Good, we've made some progress....
That'll be $320
Yes, we've had that car for six days, so, tow plus storage.
Yes, it was towed that long ago, you didn't notice your car missing for, well, a week?
You weren't the one driving it? Well who was, just outta curiosity?
Your Son.
What's that you say? You say this is the fifth time he's borrowed your car, gotten it towed, and doesn't know where it ends up when it happens? So he just lets you deal with it?
You say you can't figure out why he doesn't listen to you about not illegally parking it? And you say you've tried everything, but he just keeps on illegally parking? And you don't know what's going to make him see the light...... and maybe he won't do it next time he borrows it? As you had us your credit card to pay that bill...
Really.... you don't say....
Oh that? Never mind that, that's just the sound of me clicking the safety buckle on this ATV helmet so I don't give myself a concussion from repeatedly slamming my head against the wall in the conference room, it's kinda what I do to unwind after meeting people like you who are doing an absolute BANG UP job of raising the generation that's going to be responsible for bringing me my daily dose of "Don't-die-JUST-yet" pills while I'm laid up in the home..... can't wait!
Idiot Tax
The telephone, she is a ringin' and there's a guy on the other end, a tale of woe he is a singin' :
"You towed my car! Well, that car is COMING BACK and I'm NOT PAYING for it!"
Another person who has greatly misjudged the power dynamic around here, you're in no position to set the price of anything, and especially not the price of something WE currently hold in an barb-wire enclosure, but I digress.
It would appear we have another person who thinks themselves too good for the rules, and didn't put their parking permit in their car, figuring they're such a vital cog to human society that if their building's maintenance man noticed their car without a permit in it, against complex rules, well, he'd just bow down, bask in your glory, and walk on with his life content to have let you continue to grace the globe with your presence unimpeded. He certainly should not call us and have you towed for that...
Well, because we live in reality, and not your personal power fantasy, guess what happened? Yeah, he called you in.
Yes, he's allowed to do that.
Yes, he's allowed to have tenants towed if they break the rules.
No, that's not illegal
No, it isn't
(this went round and round several times, right round, like a record baby, right round round round)
Finally, he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with us and decided he was going to track down the maintenence man himself and make HIM pay the fees.
Yeah, we wished him luck on that. The disingenuous kind, like how you wish the Jacksonville Jaguars "luck" every Sunday, even though you're pretty sure you know what's going to happen to them, luck or not...
Yeah, he got nowhere with that, and returned that evening, defeated, having found the maintenence man and having had no success in persuading him to bend those rules.
Oh, and in all that time you spent trying to find him, you hit your first 24 hours of storage on that car, it'll now cost you $38 more than if you'd just come in after that first phone call.
Nope, just like last time, I'm not kidding.
And the Idiot Tax lightens another wallet....
Fetch the Horsie
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say when you've had that new, shiny, 2016 Ford Mustang for only 10 days, and WE'VE had it for 8 of those, you really SUCK at TEH PARKING GAME.
Especially because you keep getting towed from the apartment complex you live at, and you are being towed each time for not having a parking permit (the one you DID have apparently went to the junkyard with the old car). They've explained to you time and time again when you COMPLAIN to them about being towed that the are TOWING YOU FOR NOT HAVING A PERMIT. And if you just went down to the OFFICE, two doors down from where you LIVE, literally, and got a NEW one, the TOWS WOULD STOP.
But you won't, for whatever reason. You'd rather play this game of vehicular ping pong with us. Management has you towed in, it takes you two days to notice, you come pick up car, leave, and within as little as 30 minutes, they're calling us again for another tow.... we've done this FOUR times with you. Causality, it would appear, doesn't register with you.
In fact, the only thing you do differently each time is park in different spots in the lot trying to find one where you won't be noticed..... pro tip: They WILL NOTICE if you park on the LAWN of the actual RENTAL OFFICE, because that's what you did the last time you left, you went back to the apartment complex and parked ON THE GRASS of the office.... which required you to hop a 4'' concrete curb, not something I'd even DREAM of trying in a BRAND NEW MUSTANG, but hey, remember what we said about causality earlier?
Needless to say, they were very ANGRY at this latest failure by you to follow their rules, and I'd just like to hope and pray that your apartment heat doesn't conk out this winter, nor does it get infested with metal-eating termites or something, because the very people you'd have to call to get either of those issues fixed now firmly HATE YOU. I'd explain why that's a bad thing, but, well, you know, causality and all ...
Trigger Warning: Extreme Frailty
A little background here. The property this story takes place at is one owned by Badger Reality. Their rules are, if we see a car there without a permit, we're to put a warning on it basically saying: "Either move this car or get a permit in it, otherwise you'll be towed for illegal parking"
If the car is still there an hour or more after we warned it, we can tow it. It's CYA by Badger Reality who don't want anyone to claim that they got towed while dropping off the groceries for Mom or somesuch. Considering the Borough minimums are 15 minutes, it's downright generous. Too generous if you ask me, because for every 3 we warn, maybe we get one, and all that wasted paper and time wreaks hell on our efficiency quotient.
Well, this is why we can't have nice things, someone who go warned (but not towed on account of leaving) lit us up in an email this morning....
The highlights
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we enforcing parking rules on people who only are going to be there "for 5 minutes"
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we "stalk" people
- How dare we touch her car
- How dare we sneak around and "hide" (apparently, pulling into that parking lot while wearing a marked jacket, marked ball cap, hawaiian shirt, and in a work vehicle with reflective striping that's in dire need of a new muffler is "sneaking")
- Now she doesn't feel safe going to that apartment because there are "perverts" watching her
- How dare we touch her car
- She's been emotionally scarred pretty hard by this and may need hours and hours and HOURS of comfort food and therapy to get over it. (okay, she didn't say THAT one, but it could reasonably be inferred from the general frailty and whininess)
And the capper... the letter ended with "I REFUSE to sign my name, I don't feel comfortable with you knowing any more about me- Anonymous"
Yeah, and the return address for the email?
"CathyJohnson94832@biguniversity.edu"
Way to go there and do the rest of the Tumblr generation proud you limp-wristed, paranoid, histrionic fit incarnate.... and if that hurt your fee-fees, GOOD.
Next time, no more warnings, we'll just steal your car, it'll save us the dressing down.
Won't Someone Rid Me of These Turbulent Towers?!
The varied list of agencies I've threatened to have sicced or actually sicced on me is quite varied: The BBB, The Police, The Borough, The Papers, Congress, Lawyers, Civil Court, Criminal Court, The Ministry of Truth, hell, everything at this point up to and possibly including the Star Chamber has been promised to visit hellfire upon me for my wicked ways.... well you can add a new one to the list. The State Attorney Generals Office. And this wasn't an idle threat, the jackhole actually wrote them a letter accusing us of being a predatory towing operation.
How do we know?
The AG's office mailed us a copy of the gentleman's letter and a note informing us that they put his complaint on file, but, that was it, as they are not an investigative body and as far as they know, no state laws in this matter have been broken. Of course, in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, we're welcome to submit our rebuttal, and that will go in the file with his where both will gather dust until the state eventually withers away and communism arrives or the universe collapses into a singularity during the hypothetical dark-matter fueled Big Crunch, whichever happens first.
We got a pretty good laugh out of it, especially the parts about how he admitted he SAW the signs coming in, but chose to ignore them anyway (there weren't enough and they were the wrong color or something, so they didn't count and besides, no private company has the right to go around ENFORCING LAW for profit... as opposed to a private company waging war and lawlessness for profit... I guess, such worked wonders for the Vikings, but no so much for Northern Europe)
But the piece d' resistance, what really made it "predatory" to him was that he claimed to have counted 8 trucks in that lot that night, far too much towing to be reasonable by anyone's yardstick!
Yeah
Buddy, we don't HAVE 8 trucks.
And we don't have more than 3 on PER SHIFT
Perhaps you have over embellished your tale of woe? Just a bit?
What, someone lie? A poor CUSTOMER, dissatisfied with service LYING with the hope of getting someone demoted/fired/jailed? Why, such a thing is IMPOSSIBLREW!!!!
Sorry, we're still in business, and you're still a jackhole... jackhole.
I'm SOOOOOO outta here....
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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